


A Dangerous Friend

by SevReed



Category: Victorious
Genre: F/F, Jori (Victorious)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:51:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 86,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevReed/pseuds/SevReed
Summary: Everyone needs at least one crazy friend, and it looks like Tori's found hers.





	1. This Wheel's on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Longer story, again brought over from FF. Any comments welcome.

Jade West sat in the library, making notes for her History test. She became aware of a hovering behind her. It was an insistent hover, a hover that craved her attention, so she did her best to ignore it as long as she could.

"Vega," she said eventually, when she couldn't stand it any longer. The other girl slumped gratefully into the chair opposite.

"Hey," she said, brightly. "Whatcha doing?"

Jade looked pointedly at her pen, then at her notepad, then at the open book in front of her, then back at Tori.

"I'm pony-trekking in the Andes. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Oh, right. Sorry. Well, the thing is," Tori said. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." Jade put down her pen and waited patiently. Tori opened and closed her mouth a few times, as though practicing what she was going to say.

"I was just wondering," she said, finally, "what you wanted to do after school."

"I'm busy," Jade said, flatly.

"It's just that... What?"

"I've got revision to do for this last exam, and then Beck needs me to go over to help him rehearse for some stupid audition."

"No, I mean after _school_ , school. We graduate in a few weeks, Jade."

"Really? Man, I have got to get me a diary, and make a note of this kind of thing."

Tori sighed. "Look, I just wanted to know if you were, you know, planning on staying in touch. With... everyone."

"I guess," Jade shrugged. "I'm pretty sure Beck's going to, so I suppose I'll have to put up with them all once in a while."

"Oh." Tori picked at a fingernail. "Right."

There seemed to be something more. "Am I missing something, Vega?"

"No, it's just... I was really wondering if you were planning to... I mean you don't _have_ to, obviously, but-"

"What?"

"I wondered if you wanted to stay in touch with me."

Jade was a little taken aback. She widened her eyes into an expression of bemusement. "With _you_?" she said, in mock horror.

She wasn't sure what she'd expecting from Tori, but she wasn't prepared for the look of absolute devastation on the other girl's face. She looked as though she'd been slapped. The chair scraped back and hit the floor, and she was gone.

Jade groaned. Despite what everyone believed, she didn't like to see Tori upset. She liked it when she was angry, or confused, or embarrassed. She even had a soft spot for 'sad' Tori, with her puppy-dog eyes and long face. But she didn't like to see her genuinely hurt - particularly when, it could be argued, it was entirely Jade's fault. "Hey, Vega!" she shouted, grabbing her notepad. "Vega? Damn it, Vega, wait up! Tori!"

She finally caught up with her in the hall. Tori was furiously shoving books into her locker, from where they slid untidily back out onto the floor. Undeterred, Tori picked each one up as it fell and rammed it back in. She ignored Jade's approach.

"Look, Vega," Jade said, after watching Tori's ongoing battle with the locker for a moment. "I-"

"You could have just lied, you know," Tori said, blinking back angry tears and picking up another escaped book. "That would have been the decent thing to do. The humane thing. You could have just said, 'yeah, sure,' and forgot all about it. But you couldn't do that, could you? You had to be a total... bitch about it."

Jade was shocked. She'd been prepared for 'gank', but 'bitch' was ratcheting it up to a whole new level. "I'm sorry," she said. "It was just a joke."

"A _joke_?" Tori slammed the final book into the locker. "No, Jade," she said. "A joke's where you say something funny. Not when you tell someone who's tried to be your friend for the past two years that you never want to see them again."

"I didn't _mean_ it." Jade became aware that they were drawing a crowd, and her voice dropped to an urgent hiss. "If you want to stay in touch, we'll stay in touch."

"Well, that's big of you." Tori snapped, oblivious to the onlookers. "Don't do me any freaking favors, will you?"

"Come on, Tori, don't be like that," Jade said. Tori didn't respond, she just stood, arms folded, glaring at her locker. "You just took me by surprise, that's all. I didn't think that..."

"Didn't think that what?" Tori said.

"I didn't think," Jade said, "that _you'd_ want to stay in touch with _me_."

Tori started to waver, her eyes flickering back and forth between Jade and the locker. "And why would you think that?" she said.

"Well, you know... _why don't you just fuck right off!_ "

"Jade!" Tori's whirled in horror, only to find that Jade's fury was directed at their growing audience. She could see the other girl's eyes scanning the hallway, searching for sanctuary, and almost automatically held out her arm. Jade grabbed it and whisked her off into the janitor's closet.

.

.

.

Tori stood there impatiently, as Jade barricaded the door. "Well?"

"Okay," said Jade. "I'm going to be totally honest with you. Lay it on the line. Cards on the table. Sometimes I feel that, all in all, at the end of the day, taking everything into consideration..."

"Is this National Cliché Day?"

"Shut up. What I'm trying to say is that, when all's said and done-"

"You're doing it again."

"Fine. Okay. Right." Jade took a deep breath. "I thought that maybe, given everything that's happened over the last couple of years, you know, with you, and me, and the blood, and the fights, and the bush-daisies, and the setting fire to Ryder's car..."

"...And the pushing me off the balcony, and the framing me for... Wait, what was that about Ryder's car?"

"Doesn't matter. The point is..."

"Whoa, whoa. It does matter. What about the car?"

"Um," Jade shuffled, uncomfortably. "I set fire to it."

"You did what?" Tori stared at her. "When?"

"After he tried to trick you that time. You remember? You did your little song and dance, and he was all, _boo-hoo, I'm so embarrassed_ , and then I kind of... set fire to his car."

"Oh, my God."

"Not all of it," Jade said, virtuously. "Just the flammable parts."

"But, but..." Tori spluttered. "Why?"

"Because he screwed you over," Jade said, simply. "And nobody screws over my friends. Except me, obviously."

Tori was still staring.

"Anyway," said Jade, when Tori didn't seem capable of doing anything else, "what I'm trying to say is, I know that, maybe, given everything that's gone on between us, I haven't been much of a friend..."

"You set _fire_ to a car."

"...and I know it's kind of late in the day to fix that..."

"You set fire to a _car_."

"...but if you really wanted to, you know, be friends after we..."

"You set-"

"Will you stop that," Jade said, irritably. "I'm not proud of it. I mean it was fun, and everything, but..."

"You caused thousands of dollars worth of criminal damage just for little ol' me."

"And _you're _not supposed to be proud of that either," Jade shook her head, disapprovingly. "Honestly, Tori, sometimes I wonder what's wrong with you."__

____

"Me?" Tori laughed. "I'm not the one who burnt someone's pride and joy to the ground just because they were mean to their best friend."

____

"Hey, nobody mentioned _best_ friend."

____

"So how many other friends have you committed arson for?"

____

"Well, none," Jade said. "Yet."

____

Tori looked at her for a moment. "There's no middle ground with you, is there?" she said. "One minute you're trying to put me in hospital so you can steal my part in some stupid play, the next..."

____

"Look," Jade said. "I admit I haven't been that great at the whole friend thing, and sometimes I've been a bit of a gank..."

____

"Sometimes?"

____

"Okay, a lot of the time," she said, grudgingly. "But if you still want to be friends, I can change, you know? Try and be more like Andre, and Cat, and... well, not Robbie. But we can hang out, do girlie stuff, paint bits of each other, that kind of thing."

____

Tori considered this. "No," she said.

____

Jade looked crestfallen. "What?" she said. "You don't want to be friends now?"

____

"Yes, I do," Tori said. "I just don't want you to change."

____

"Okay," Jade said, slightly confused. "I suppose I can do that, too." She frowned. "In fact," she said, "that's a whole lot easier, now I come to think about it. But I thought you'd want-"

____

"I've got all that, Jade," Tori said. "I can paint my nails with Cat, I can listen to Trina going on about boys. I can hang out at gigs with Andre. I've got all those kinds of friends. But what I haven't got is a friend like you. A friend who'd do... crazy stuff, who'd look out for me, a friend who'd torch someone's car for hurting me." She paused. "A dangerous friend," she said. "Maybe I need one of those."

____

"Really?"

____

"Really. So..." she bit her lip, coyly. "Do you think you could be that?"

____

Jade let a slow smile spread across her face. "I think I could be that," she said. "I could totally be that."

____

"Then it's a deal?"

____

"It's a deal."

____

"Yay!" Tori grinned like an idiot and flung her arms wide. "Um," she prompted, when Jade didn't move. "This is the bit where we hug."

____

"Dangerous friends don't hug," Jade said, sternly. "That's something you need to know."

____

"Yes, they do."

____

"No. Absolutely not."

____

"Come on."

____

"No."

____

"Please?"

____

.

____

.

____

.

____

"Ugh. Fine."

____


	2. Surprise, Surprise

_A year later_

.

Tori finished wiping down the counter. It was a slow day, and she'd be due for a lunch break in half an hour, so she restacked the coffee cups for the fifteenth time and was just about to sit down when a customer came in.

Or at least a _hat_ came in, with a customer underneath it. She couldn't see much of the hat's owner save a large pair of sunglasses and a hint of ruby lips.

"Hi," she said. "What can I get you?"

The customer looked at her from under the hat. "How about," she said, "a nice big cup of 'Let's Stay In Touch _,_ My Ass'."

Tori's brain ground to a halt, not least because of the disturbing juxtaposition of the words ' _touch'_ and _'my ass'_. "What?"

The hat and glasses were removed to reveal a grinning Jade West. "Hey," she said. "How's it going?"

"Jade? Oh my God. What are you _doing_ here?"

"I just dropped by to make you feel like a terrible friend. And for coffee."

"But-"

"Although I've gotta say, the service is pretty crappy. Maybe I'll go someplace else." She made to leave.

"What? No!" Tori grabbed her arm. "Don't you dare. You just sit right there and put up with my crappy service."

Jade sighed, theatrically. "Okay, fine." She sat back down. "So?"

Tori was still staring at her. "So...?"

"So, am I going to get either coffee, or a 'Hello', or both?"

Tori laughed and leaned across the counter to pull her into an awkward hug. "It's good to see you," she said.

"Yeah, you too. Black, no sugar."

"What?"

"Coffee?"

Tori rolled her eyes and busied herself with coffee. "So, what _are_ you doing here?" she said, as she worked.

"I told you, I came to see you."

"You came all the way here just to see _me?"_ Tori said in surprise. "That's an eight hour drive."

"Yeah, well. I'm your dangerous friend, remember? I do crazy stuff. No, no more hugging," she said, as Tori looked ready to move in again. "Anyway, you didn't answer any of my emails and stuff, so I..." Jade looked slightly embarrassed. "I was worried about you."

"Oh, _Jade_."

"I mean, not _really_ worried, you know, just..."

"I'm _so_ sorry," Tori said. "It's just it's been kind of hectic, what with college, and working here, and everything. I really meant to."

"No problem. Thanks," Jade said, as Tori handed over the coffee. "But I'll probably never let you forget it anyway, to make you feel guilty after the holy fuss you made about staying in touch."

"Gee, thanks. How did you know where I worked?"

"Trina told me you were working part-time in a coffee shop, so after I went to your apartment-"

Tori's face went suddenly pale. "You went to the apartment?"

"Yeah, Trina gave me the address. But when you didn't answer, I just took a drive up and down the main drag to see if I could find you. And here I am."

The relief on Tori's face was obvious. Jade's eyes narrowed. "Why, what's so special about your apartment?"

"Nothing! I mean, nothing, it's just... No one answered?"

"Should they have?" Jade said. Do you have a roomie or something? Or..." She gasped in glee. "You have a boyfriend!"

Tori looked panic-stricken. "Um..."

"Yes you do!" Jade said, triumphantly. "And you didn't want me to meet him!"

"It's not-"

"Why?" Her eyes widened in mock disapproval. "Is he a deadbeat?"

"No!" Tori protested. "It's just... complicated."

"Isn't it always, with you?" The look of discomfort on Tori's face made her back off a little. "I'm sorry," she said. "You know I'm bad at this girlie stuff. Does he at least have a name?"

Tori mumbled something that Jade didn't quite catch. "Carl?" she said. But there was no clarification, as she realized Tori was staring over her shoulder at something outside. "What?" she said. "What is it?"

Tori picked up the hat and rammed it onto the other girl's head. "Quick!" she said. "Pretend you're a customer!"

"I _am_ a customer."

"Pretend you're a customer over _there!_ " She shoved Jade in the direction of a table in the corner. Jade barely had time to grab her coffee and head towards it when a woman came in.

"Hey, babe," the woman announced in the direction of Tori.

"Hey," Tori said, her eyes staying firmly away from Jade's table. "Um, what's up?"

"Nothing, just thought I'd drop by, see how my girl is."

Tori's face flushed. "Oh, right."

"That's okay, isn't it?" It didn't really sound like a question.

"Yeah, sure," Tori said quickly. "Thanks. I mean, I'm great. All good." There was a pause. "Do you want some coffee or anything?"

"Nah, I've got to get back to work. Besides, your coffee sucks. Oh, there's something I need you to do for me."

Jade couldn't make out what it was, only Tori's reaction to it. "Tonight? But I've got an assignment due in tomorrow!"

"And that's more important than me is it?" There was a cold edge to the voice.

Jade could see Tori hesitate, then crumble. "No," she said, miserably.

"Good girl. I'll be back late. Don't wait up." The woman leaned across the counter and grabbed the back of Tori's head, pulling her into a kiss that was both deep and ungentle. "Catch you later."

Jade waited until she was sure the woman had left for good, then removed her hat, picked up her coffee, and made her way slowly back to the counter. Tori's eyes remained resolutely fixed on the door, her face crimson with terror, and Jade knew why. The old Jade would have been on this like a cat on a mouse, loving it, wringing every ounce of humiliation out of the situation. But somehow that didn't seem fair, now that they'd pledged a friendship of sorts. And besides, something about the conversation disquieted her. So she placed her coffee down on the counter. "So," she said, carefully. "I take it..."

Tori nodded, without looking at her.

"'Carl'?"

"Carla."

"Ah."

Jade waited a moment to see if there was more. "She seems... nice?" she ventured, when there wasn't.

Tori didn't move, but her gaze slid cautiously to meet Jade's. Jade adopted what she hoped was an expression of neutral encouragement, until Tori's shoulders finally relaxed. "You're not mad?"

" _Mad?_ " Jade said. "Why would I be mad? I think it's great that you've met someone. I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. I never expected... Well, you know."

Tori still looked guilty. "I'm sorry, it just-"

"Don't apologize, Tori."

"What?"

"Apologize," Jade said, laughing. "Is this why you haven't stayed in touch? Because you thought I'd judge you?"

"No, but-"

"Well I do. I judge you all the time. But in this case, I approve." The fact that her approval didn't stretch quite as far as Tori's _choice_ of girlfriend, she kept to herself.

"Oh. Er, good."

"So, what say you and me go out tonight and get really drunk, and you tell me all about it?"

Tori's face crumpled. "I can't, really," she said. I've got an assignment due, and now I've got some stuff I need to do for Carla."

"Okay, tomorrow night. What's your assignment?"

"A five-thousand word essay on my favorite movie."

"Wow. How many words have you got left to do?"

"Five thousand."

"Tori!"

"I've been busy!"

"Jeez. Why didn't you tell Carla to go whistle? That's going to take you all night."

The expression on Tori's face said that that wasn't an option, a fact that furthered Jade's unease. She made a decision. "Look, I've got to go, okay?"

"Already?" Tori looked crest-fallen. "You've only just got here."

"I'll be in town for a few days. We'll catch up tomorrow."

"Oh, okay. Well, I do an early shift here until eight-thirty, then I'm at college at nine, then I'm back here most of the afternoon."

"Cool. See you later."

And with that, she was gone.

.

.

.

Tori slunk reluctantly up to the college gates. In her bag were four hundred words of bleary-eyed nonsense that she'd managed to cobble together at one o'clock in the morning, before Carla had come in, rolling drunk, and spilt Budweiser all over her laptop. She sighed, shouldered her bag, and walked straight into Jade.

"Hey there."

"Jade! I was just… wait, how did you even know-"

"Here." Jade thrust a plastic folder into her hand. Tori stared at it blankly.

"What's this?"

"Five thousand words on your favorite movie."

"But I… what?"

"It's a bit rough round the edges, but it'll do."

"You wrote this?"

"No, Tori. I found it in a mysterious cave, guarded by a ferocious, two-headed llama. Of course I wrote it."

"Why?"

"Because you obviously weren't going to."

"But…" Tori was lost for words, so picked some stupid ones at random. "You don't even know what my favorite movie _is_."

"No," Jade said, patiently, "and neither does whoever's marking this. I just picked one of mine."

Tori held the folder up in wonder, as though it were the Dead Sea Scrolls.

"Of course, if Tori doesn't _want_ it, if Tori thinks it's dishonest…"

"No!" Tori said. "No, no, no. Tori want. Tori want it very much. I just can't believe you did this."

"What are friends for?"

"I don't know, I guess… wait, It's not 'The Scissoring', is it? Please tell me it's not 'The Scissoring'."

"What's wrong with 'The Scissoring'?"

"Nothing, it's just-"

"No, it's not 'The Scissoring'."

"Then what?"

"You'll find out if you read the essay."

"I won't have time! I have to hand it in this morning."

"Which is why I made you a copy." She produced another plastic folder. Tori took it, in a daze.

Jade, I… I don't know what to say."

Jade grinned. "You say, 'Pick me up around eight, all the drinks are on me.'"

"What?"

"Tonight. We were going to go out, remember?" The grin faded slightly. "That _is_ okay, isn't it?" she said. "I mean, if you're busy or something…"

"I…" Tori looked from the folders in her hand to Jade's hopeful expression and back. "No," she said, firmly. "It's fine. It's absolutely fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely."

"Well, okay!" Jade beamed. "I'll pick you up around eight."


	3. Take Me Out

Jade sat on the edge of the sofa, feeling like a substandard prom date, left alone to wallow in silent disapproval while their shortcomings were discussed elsewhere. The apartment was tidy, but the tang of air-freshener failed to mask the smell of stale beer and pot-smoke. She couldn't imagine Tori living in a dump like this after her parents place in L.A. But then Tori wasn't the only one who lived here. She fidgeted with her phone. She hadn't seen the other occupant, but her presence was apparent - from the bedroom a conversation was being had, although she could only make out the occasional word of Tori's side.

_...my only friend, Carla...it's not like that..._

Carla, it seemed, was not keen.

_...when? When do I ever... not fair, and you know it..._

She wondered if she should say something. Actually, she wondered if she should just march in there and stab Carla in the face, but it was hard to say how that would go down with Tori. Maybe she should give it up and go back to the hotel. It was costing her quite a lot, especially now that her plan to crash at Tori's was probably - scratch that, _definitely_ \- not on the cards. But she could picture the look on Tori's face if she came out and found her gone, and even worse she could imagine the smugness on Carla's when she found out. So it looked like she was just going to have to sit it out.

_... one time... last night, and I had to..._

She wondered if she was being unfair to Carla. For all she knew, Carla was a lovely girl, and Tori was a selfish layabout who was forever deserting her to go off with strange women out of the blue.

_...please, Carla..._

Or possibly not. She'd just resolved to give it another thirty seconds before she went in there, when she heard the bedroom door opening. She quickly pushed her earphones in, rearranging her features into an expression of innocent ignorance. "Everything okay?" she said, pulling them out again.

She could see Tori turn, the smile on her face applied a fraction too slowly. "Yes!" she said, brightly. "I'm ready."

"Great," Jade said, relieved. "You look..." She struggled for the kind of compliment you might give a friend. "Nice."

"Thank you," Tori said, slightly more coquettishly than Jade felt comfortable with. "So do you."

Jade felt an unaccustomed blush rising. "Thanks."

"Shall we go?"

"Let's."

.

.

.

"I thought we'd drop the car at the hotel and take a cab," Jade said. "Then we can have a couple of drinks."

"Um, sure," Tori said. She fiddled with her handbag.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just..."

"What?"

Tori sighed. "I know I said I'd pay for everything, but..."

Jade glanced at her, and the look on her face was so tragic that she had to laugh. "That was a _joke_ , Vega," she said. "I don't expect you to do that."

Tori's relief was palpable. "Thanks," she said. "So, where are we going?"

"I don't know, this is your town. I've never been here before. Where do all the cool kids hang out?"

"I... don't know."

"There's a surprise."

"Hey! You're not allowed to be mean to me now we're friends."

"You said you didn't want me to change."

"What? When?"

"When we did all the 'let's be friends' stuff," Jade said. "You were pretty specific about it. _Don't change_ , you said. So here I am. Not changing."

"You can change a _bit_."

"I dunno, Vega. It feels like the thin end of the wedge. If I start being nice to you, I'll end up being nice to everyone."

Tori rolled her eyes. "And we can't have _that_ , can we?"

"Damn right."

They drove on for a minute, until Jade felt she was being watched.

"What?"

"You _have_ changed," Tori said, softly.

"What do you mean?"

"The Jade _I_ knew would have driven eight hours just to avoid me. And she certainly wouldn't have helped me with my homework."

"I didn't _help_ you with your homework, Tori. I _did_ your homework. Anyway, I used to help you out all the time."

"Like when?"

"Like... lots of times. There was the Ryder thing."

"Setting fire to stuff doesn't count."

"I painted your book."

"It didn't need painting!"

"I let you hang out with me. Sometimes."

"Pffft."

"I let you hang out with Beck."

"That wasn't really up to you!"

"Um… I pushed you off a balcony?"

"How was _that_ supposed to help?"

"Well it... helped you conquer your irrational fear of being pushed off balconies."

"That's not an irrational fear! That's a perfectly justified fear. Especially with you around."

"I skipped an audition to help you violate ice-cream cartons, that's gotta count."

""You..? I didn't realize that."

"Well, when I say _skipped_ , I mean postponed. I didn't get it, anyway. Apparently they were looking for someone more... jolly."

"Can you _do_ 'jolly'?"

"I'm an actress, not a miracle-worker. What about that time I saved you from that huge, scary woman in prison?"

"That was me!"

"Really?" Jade said. "Wow. Orange is _not_ your color."

"I mean, _I_ saved _you_ ," Tori said. "As you well know."

"Well, whatever," Jade said, with a trace of a smirk. "Oh, here we go." She pulled the car into a hotel parking lot.

Tori looked out of the window. "You're staying here?"

"It was the only room I could get at short notice."

"Your dad must be giving you a heck of an allowance."

"This is on my credit card." Jade said. "To be honest I kind of thought I'd be able to stay with you. I didn't realize you'd have... company."

"Company?"

"Well I'm pretty certain Carla's not going to be stoked at the thought of you having your hot schoolmate running round the apartment, no matter how much you claim we're 'just friends'."

"We _are_ just friends!"

"She's not going to think so."

"Why?"

"Well, look at me," Jade said. "I'm irresistible."

Tori scoffed. "I'm pretty sure _I_ can resist."

"I'm deeply wounded."

"I didn't know you _wanted_ me to find you irresistible."

"I don't. It's the principle of the thing."

"Really." Tori looked skeptical. "Anyway, it's not really my apartment. It's Carla's."

"No kidding."

"What?"

"It reeks of weed, Tori. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't put up with that if it was _your_ place."

There was a guilty silence in the place where Tori's agreement should have been. Jade looked at her, eyes widening in amazement, as Tori practically bit her lip off in embarrassment. "Tori Vega!" she said. "You little degenerate!"

"I-"

"And you a police officer's daughter, as well. Shame on you. What would your mother think?"

"It's not mine, it's Carla's, okay?" Tori said, defensively. "I only had a few puffs. There's no law against it."

"I'm pretty sure there is."

"Well, yeah, there is, but-"

"I'm shocked, Tori," Jade said. "Deeply shocked."

"No you're not."

"Saddened, even."

"Stop it."

"But more than that, I'm disappointed." She shook her head, sadly. " _Very_ disappointed."

"What? Why?"

"Because I wasn't there to _see_ it!" Jade said, turning to her, wide-eyed. "Damn it, Tori, how could you let that _happen_?"

"How could I... what?"

"There's a gaping hole in my life, now, that has to be filled by the sight of Tori Vega ripped off her tits."

"I was not _'ripped off my tits'_ , thank you very much!" Tori said. "If you must know, I was... pleasantly mellow."

"Yeah, right. Pleasantly, hilariously, mellow."

"I was!"

"And then?"

Tori sniffed. "And then I ate six bags of potato chips and fell asleep."

"Stoner."

"Shut up!"

"Maybe I should score before I come over next time, see it for myself."

"I..." Tori's reply was hijacked by the middle of Jade's sentence. "Next time?"

"Yeah." There was a pause. "You don't want me to come over again?" Jade said, with a trace of uncertainty.

"No!" said Tori. "I mean, Yes! Yes I do. I just... haven't quite gotten used to you being here _this_ time, yet. A couple of days ago I thought I'd never see you again, now we're sat in your car, arguing…"

"We're not arguing!"

"... just like old times."

"Just like…?" Jade was speechless for a moment. "Man, you have a deeply masochistic sense of nostalgia, Tori."

"Me? You're the one who drove a whole day to get here because you couldn't live without me."

"Who says I couldn't live without you?"

"Admit it, you missed me."

.

.

.

"I admit nothing."

"Yeah, _right_."

"Okay, that's it. Get out of the car."

"What?"

"Go on. Scoot."

"Jade! I didn't…"

"Out!"

"But _why_?"

"Because, Tori," Jade turned to her, "the night is young, and I'm hungry. We need dinner and dancing. And drinking. And none of those things," she said, "are going to happen in the front seat of my car." She poked Tori in the thigh. "So get your ass off it, and go hail us a cab."

Tori pouted. "That was mean."

"It serves you right for belittling my irresistibility."

"You know, I'm beginning to rethink this whole 'friendship' thing."

"Cab, Tori. Cab."


	4. Dinner and Nearly Dancing

"This is _so_ weird," said Tori, as they sat down.

"What?"

"You and me. Sitting in a restaurant."

"No it isn't," Jade said. "We've sat in restaurants hundreds of times. We were at Nozu's practically every week."

"I know, but... you know, voluntarily."

"I've never eaten in a restaurant against my will."

"Look, let me have my moment, okay?" Tori said. "I've waited a long time for this. The least you can do is let me revel in it."

"I'm sorry," Jade said. "Revel away."

"Thank you. Let's start again. This is _so_ weird."

"Wow, no kidding. I never thought I'd see the day. No sirree."

"That's better."

"What do you want to drink?"

"Something big."

Jade raised her eyebrows and waved the waiter over.

"So," said Tori, when they'd ordered their drinks. "Tell me all the news."

"What news?"

"The news. You know. The gossip. The things you tell someone you haven't seen in a year."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, _that_. Tell it to me."

"Okay, well... everything's fine."

"Is that it?"

"I don't know what else to say. College isn't too bad, I'm working on a script, and we haven't had any earthquakes."

"Have you seen any of the guys?"

Jade shrugged. "I've been kind of busy."

"So, what about you and Beck? Going okay?"

Jade paused. "No," she said. "We split up."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, we..."

"What?"

"The thing is, Tori, when you're at school it's a pretty insular society, you know? Close-knit. You're choosing from a small pool of people, because they're everything you know. But once you get out into the world, you look around and you see that… maybe there are other choices, other options. You know," she shrugged, uncomfortably, and played with her glass. "Better options."

After a moment she looked up to find herself bathed in the light of Tori's sympathy. "What? It was a mutual thing, okay? We just decided that we'd be better off apart."

"Jade..."

She sighed. "Okay, fine," she said. "He dumped me. Happy now?"

"No! That's awful! Why would he do that?"

"You've met me, why do you think?"

"Jade!"

"He met someone else. Someone... nicer."

" _You're_ nice."

"I'm a lot of things, Tori, but nice isn't one of them."

"You did my homework for me."

Jade found it quite cute that Tori still referred to it as 'homework', but refrained from saying so. "That was because I had an ulterior motive."

"What?"

"So we could come out tonight. I didn't want you to be stuck inside doing 'homework' while I sat all on my own, festering away in a luxury hotel."

"You can't fester in a luxury hotel."

"Fine. Languishing in a luxury hotel."

"Poor you."

"Poor me."

"I still say you're nice."

"And I still say you're an idiot."

"That's not nice!"

"See?"

Tori stuck her tongue out, and Jade laughed despite herself. The food arrived, and for a few minutes they sat and ate in companionable silence, Tori with her head down, occasionally glancing up and smiling, Jade watching her.

It was easy. It was too easy. And it shouldn't be. They'd only come to some kind of peace in the last few weeks of school, and they hadn't seen each other since. By rights, they should still be carrying the baggage of their shared animosity, but it seemed Tori was willing to throw it all overboard and act as if they'd been friends for years.

Maybe they had. Maybe Tori had always been right, and Jade had just been too pig-headed to see it. There was an odd irony in the fact she'd spent so much time being lonely in the company of the one person who might have helped.

"What?" She came back to the present to see Tori watching her, and realized she'd been staring.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "It's just you have... sauce on your face."

She offered a napkin, but Tori just leaned across the table, face tilted, and Jade realized she was expecting her to take care of it. She dabbed at the imaginary food reluctantly.

"Gone?"

"Um... yeah."

"Thanks." Tori smiled and returned to her food, hooking her hair back over one ear, and Jade was struck by the strange intimacy of the moment. She shook her head slightly to dispel it, to remind herself that this intimacy was only the shadow of a deeper one, one that Tori shared with someone else.

Carla. Tori hadn't mentioned her at all. In her admittedly limited experience of people who wanted to discuss their private lives with her, she'd found that people tended to bring this kind of thing up, no matter how hard she let it be known that she couldn't care less. Now she actually _wanted_ to know, Tori was keeping quiet. Well that wouldn't stand.

"So. Carla," she said.

"Mmm?"

"Come on Tori, this is Friendship 101, showing off your new girlfriend. So spill. Where did you meet?"

"Oh. Er… in a nightclub."

"What, so you just went over to her and said, 'Hi, I'm Tori, fly me'?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

Tori sighed. "It's going to sound stupid."

"Probably. Why?"

"Well, you've seen her, right?"

"Not really, considering you rammed my hat on my head so hard I thought I was wearing a cranial band."

"A cranial band?"

"You know, like a gastric band. It stops you thinking too much."

"I didn't... wait, is that a real thing?"

"No, of course not. Now come on."

"Oh, right. Well, I..." Tori grimaced as though she were about to rip off a sticking plaster. "I kind of thought she was you."

"You what?"

"I was pretty drunk, and she looked a bit like you from behind, so I went up and put my hands..."

"Whoa, tiger! I'm not sure I like where this is going."

"Shut up. I went up behind her and put my hands over her eyes, and said _'Guess who?_ ' And she turned round and said, _'I dunno, who?_ ' and..." Tori shook her head, mortified. "I was so embarrassed."

"I'll bet you were. I don't know which I'm more impressed by, that you had the nerve to do that to a strange woman in a nightclub, or the fact you had the nerve to do it when you thought it was _me_."

"Well I was hoping, what with our new-found spirit of friendship and everything, that you might not kill me. You might even be pleased to see me."

"Why would you think I was there at _all_?"

"I was drunk!" Tori said. "A lot of things seem possible when you're drunk. Anyway, we got talking, and she was pretty cool about it, and... it just went on from there. We didn't date right off, we just hung out as friends for a while. But then one night we'd had a couple of drinks, and we were sat real close on the sofa, and-"

"Oh God, please. Spare me the gory details."

"I thought you wanted to know everything."

"Not _that_ much everything. Pass the wine."

.

.

"Was she your first?"

Tori blushed. "Jade!"

"I mean your first _girlfriend_."

"Oh. Er, yeah. I guess."

"You guess? Is there some doubt?" Jade said. "Have you been dated against your will? Or have there just been some guys who were just a bit too _pretty_ , if you know what I mean?"

"No! Okay, fine, she was my first."

"Right." Jade poked at her food. "And does she... treat you well?"

"I'm not a _dog_ , Jade."

"Hey, give me a break here! This is the first time I've ever been interested in someone else's life, I don't know what questions to ask."

Tori grinned at Jade's discomfort. "Okay, I'm sorry," she said. "I know this is a difficult time for you."

"Yes it is."

"You're doing great, though."

"Really?"

"Yeah. A little more sincerity and you'll pass for a human being in no time."

Jade snorted. "Thanks."

"And I'm quite touched."

"Yeah, you are."

"Not like that. I mean I'm touched that you're interested. It's quite sweet."

"It doesn't take much to impress you, Vega."

"It does!" Tori said, affronted. "I'll have you know that I'm _very_ difficult to please."

Jade felt a strange sensation in her stomach, and she knew she'd make it worse by asking the next question, but she couldn't help herself. "And does she?"

"What?"

"Please you?"

"Jade!"

"Jesus, Tori, not everything is about sex. I mean, is she a good girlfriend? Are you happy?"

Tori hesitated for what seemed to Jade a little too long. "Yeah. Sure."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, good. Well... I'm glad."

"And thank you."

"For what?"

"For not... treating me like I'm weird."

"You are weird. This is merely one facet of your general, all-round weirdness."

"I'm _not_ weird!"

"One word, Tori. Bananas."

"There's nothing wrong with the way I eat bananas! Anyway, you know what I mean. Thank you for not making a big deal out it."

Jade shrugged. "I looked this friendship nonsense up on the internet, and it turns out that - _apparently_ \- I have to put up with you no matter how crazy you are."

"Really?" Tori said. "Can I have that in writing?"

"You've already had five thousand words of it, what more do you want?"

Tori laughed and reached out, squeezing Jade's hand without a second thought.

.

.

.

The evening wore on, and the conversation inevitably turned to school, as they sat hunched close together, laughing conspiratorially as they slowly rewound their history. Jade felt for a moment as though time had stopped, as though there was nothing else in the universe but her, and Tori, and this restaurant.

"... coolest thing _ever_ , although when I told Carla, she just said, 'of course clowns don't fricking bounce', so I don't think she really got it, but..."

The sudden and unwelcome intrusion of Carla and her _opinion_ revived Jade's nagging sense of exclusion. She didn't want Tori, not like _that_ , but there was still a twinge of jealousy that the girl in front of her was going home to someone else afterwards, that for all the blossoming and excitement of a new friendship, she was still on the outside, looking in.

She should be grateful for even _that_ , she realized. If it hadn't been for the row at the end of school she might have missed the boat altogether. As it was, she could at least be the crazy friend. The friend your partner disapproves of. The _dangerous_ one. Carla wouldn't have it all her own way.

Decision made, she reached for her glass and re-joined the conversation.

.

.

.

"What happened to all the wine?"

"You drank it."

"Me?"

"Yup."

"Oh, man. I should really go. It's getting late."

.

.

.

"Where did this bottle come from?"

"I just ordered it."

"I said I had to go!"

"Yeah. But you didn't sound really… committed."

.

.

.

"I should _really_ go. It's getting late."

.

.

.

"Have you missed me?"

"Have _you_ missed _me_?"

"I asked first."

"But _I_ asked second."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I guess you could say... Yes."

.

.

.

"You could say you've missed _me_."

"I _have_ missed you."

.

.

.

"We have _really_ got to go."

"I guess."

"One more then. If you insist."

.

.

.

"We have really, really, really..." Tori's eyes glazed over for a moment. "What was I saying?"

"You were saying 'Really'." Jade hiccupped. "A lot."

"Tha's right." Tori nodded, solemnly. "Really."

"Really… what?"

"Got to go!" Tori remembered suddenly. "We have _really_ got to go." She got to her feet, more by luck than intent, and looked around at the empty restaurant. "Where is everyone?"

"Gone home."

"That's not fair. Why didn't they take us with them?"

"Because we don't live there."

"Oh, yeah." She poked Jade, playfully. "'Cos _you_ live in a fancy-pants hotel, Miss La-di-da West," she said with a giggle, "and _I_ live in a crack den."

"Yes. Yes you do," Jade said, sternly. "Shame on you. So we'd better get you back there before-"

"Oh, no!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"We were going to go dancing!" she said, mournfully.

"Oh, yeah," Jade said, swaying slightly. "It's a little late for that."

"No!" Tori said. "It's not too late!"

"Tori…"

Tori advanced on her with a look of wanton intent. "Dance with me, Jade," she said, huskily.

"I really don't think-"

"Come on. _Dance_ with me!" She flung her arms around the other girl's neck enthusiastically, nearly sending them both flying across the table. Jade struggled to disentangle herself, aware of both the hot breath on her neck and the looming attention of the waiters. "It's okay," she managed, waving them away. "She's just a little tired. I'm taking her home. Well, not _home,_ home. Not _my_ home, anyway, I mean, we're not..." She gave up. "Ah, fuck it, we're outta here."

.

.

.

They sat in the back of the cab, Tori nudging up against Jade insistently until Jade relented, and rather awkwardly put her arm around her.

Tori leaned in, making herself comfortable. "I can't believe you're here," she murmured.

"I wasn't dead, Tori," Jade said. "You could have come to see me any... Tori?"

There was no answer but a gentle snore. Jade sighed, and tried to rearrange her arm, at which point Tori keeled over into her lap, and lay there asleep.

"Oh, boy."

Jade was unsure of what to do with her spare arm now, so she laid it tentatively on her drunken friend, stroking her hair, and gazed out of the window into the night as the cab pulled away.

.

.

.

"We're here."

"Mmm... what?"

"We're here." Jade shook the sleeping girl gently, then less gently, then jabbed her in the ribs. "You're home."

"Oh, right." Tori heaved herself upright, leaving a small patch of drool on Jade's leg. "Ewww."

"Don't worry about it."

"I fell asleep," she offered, by way of explanation.

"Really? I didn't notice."

"'Strue."

"Uh-huh.. Well now you need to get out."

"Yeah." Tori slumped back down into Jade's lap. "In a minute."

"No, _now_. Come on." She used her leg to shove Tori vertical again, until the other girl reluctantly accepted the reality of the situation. She smiled, sleepily.

"It's really good to see you again," she said.

"It's good to see you, too."

They sat facing each other for a moment, until Jade raised her eyebrows and nodded towards the apartment.

"Mmm?" The spell broke. "Oh, God, yeah. I'd better go." She grabbed her purse and coat, and hesitated. "Thanks for tonight."

"No problem. I'm here for a couple of days, we can do it again."

Tori smiled. "I'd like that." She opened the door, and started to climb out of the cab.

"Tori?"

"Yup?"

"Are you... going to be all right? I mean, do you want me to come in, or anything?"

"I'll be fine. It's only over there. I'm a big girl now," she said, wiggling her eyebrows. "Tie my own shoelaces and everything."

"No, I mean... I didn't want to say anything before, but Carla... she seemed pretty pissed, that's all. I don't want you to get into trouble."

Tori leaned back into cab. "Don't you worry about _Carla_ ," she said, and poked Jade gently on the nose. "You leave Carla to me."

"But-"

"See you later, Jade." She blew a kiss and with that she was gone. Jade watched her go up the stairs to the building and disappear from view. She waited for a few minutes, but finally gave the driver the address of her hotel and leaned back feeling a little more at ease. Tori's reassurance had felt genuine. Maybe Carla was okay.

But there was something else. Tori had talked a lot about Carla as the night had gone on, the trivialities and practicalities of their relationship, the everyday and - once she'd had a few drinks, and despite Jade's best efforts to stop her - the twice-a-week, and she'd seemed happy enough. And maybe it _was_ as simple as that. You meet someone, you hang out, you fall in love.

But Tori had never mentioned love. Not once.

She sank deeper into the seat, and felt her eyelids drooping. The last thing she remembered, before sleep took her, was that in those last few moments outside the apartment, in those last few words, she'd felt a sense of inclusion, of complicity. For a moment it had been her and Tori against Carla.

And she didn't want to give that up.

She snuggled down in the back of the cab, and drifted away.

.

.

.

"Forty-five bucks, Miss."

" _How_ much?"


	5. The Morning After

Jade entered the diner, to find that its erstwhile waitress had been replaced by an untidy auburn heap snoring gently on the counter.

"Hey."

Tori remained resolutely face down. "Umf," she managed, indistinctly.

"You know, I'm surprised you don't get more customers in here, what with your sunny disposition and sparkling repartee."

"'ut up." Tori's arms wrapped themselves tighter around her head.

"So is it self-service now, or should I come back later?"

"Do you remember," said a muffled voice, "when you drove me through the desert on the way to school? And you were going to kill me with a shovel and bury me there?"

"Well, I wasn't really going to-"

"Could we do that _now_ , please?"

"Ah. Got a little hangover, there, Miss Vega?"

"No, I haven't got a _little_ hangover," Tori said, grimly, prising her cheek away from the plastic surface and laying it down again on a cooler spot. "I have got the _worst_ hangover ever experienced by any living thing, ever, since time began."

"You know what's good for a hangover?"

"What? And if you say _'drinking heavily the night before'_ , I am going to stab you in the face with my order spike." An arm unfurled itself from around her head and felt around on the counter. "If I can find it."

Jade saw it, and carefully moved it out of reach. "Come on," she said. "It can't be that bad. I feel fine."

There was a low gurgle from the pile of hair and arms on the counter that constituted the mortal remains of Tori Vega.

"I hate you, Jade West," it said. "With a passion you can only dream of."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Jade said, cheerfully. "Come on, I'll buy you lunch."

"It's lunchtime?" Tori finally peeled her face off the counter and stood upright, the look of horror on her face visible beneath a mass of tangled hair and mayonnaise. "Oh, no! I'm supposed to be at college!"

"When?"

"Tori glanced at her watch. "About five minutes ago!" She disappeared into the kitchen for a short argument with her employer, before returning clutching her bag and coat and trying to fit all of them through the doorway at once.

"I'll drive you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Come on."

They sat in Jade's car as Tori tried to wipe the mayonnaise from her face with a spare napkin. "I must look a mess," she groaned.

"Yep."

"Thanks."

Tori gave up on wiping the mayonnaise off her face, and instead concentrated on trying to brush it out of her hair. After two minutes of pointlessly janking it around, she turned to Jade. "How do I look?"

"Like you've been dragged backwards through a condiment bush. Why on earth didn't you wipe the counter before you decided to sleep on it?"

"Dang it!"

"You don't look fit for college."

"I'll be fine," Tori took a deep breath. "All I need to do is... is... _Oh God_..."

"What? What's the... _Oh_ no! Don't you dare!" Jade swerved up to the curb and leaned over to open Tori's door, just in time for the other girl to decorate the sidewalk. "Nice."

"This is your fault!" Tori moaned.

"Don't be so wet. We didn't drink that much."

"I don't usually drink at all!"

"Well then it's your fault for... not practicing."

"Did I mention I hate you?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Good."

"You can't go to college like this. What have you got this afternoon?"

"A couple of lectures."

"What about?"

"I don't know," Tori said, dolefully. "Stuff."

"Well you can learn about 'stuff' another time. I hear it's all the rage on the internet. Come on. Let's go someplace else."

"Where?"

"Back to the hotel for a start, so you can get cleaned up."

.

.

.

"This is _nice_."

"So it should be, for what it's costing."

"Sorry," Tori said. "I bet you're wondering whether it was worth it."

"Mmm?" Jade jabbed at the TV remote, trying to get anything other than the weather.

"I said, I bet you're wondering whether it was worth it. You know," Tori said, "just to see little ol' me."

"Mmm."

There was a pause.

"Ahem..."

"What? Oh, yeah. It was _totally_ worth it."

"Awww. Thank you."

"So are you going to take a shower, or just stand there stinking the place up?"

"Shower. Can I use your bathroom?"

"No, Tori, you can stand out on the balcony and wait for the gardener to hose you down," Jade said, patiently. "Of course you can use the bathroom, that's what you're here for, isn't it?"

"I don't know. For all I know, you lured me back to your hotel room to have your wicked way with me."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Erotic though I find the smell of stale vomit, Vega," she said, "that's not the case. Now go on. Scoot."

"All right, I'm going." Tori turned and headed for the bathroom. "Bossy," she added, as she closed the door.

"I am not bossy!" Jade called after her, but there was no response, and a minute later she heard the gush of running water. She shrugged and returned to her battle with the TV remote, throwing herself onto the bed.

Ten minutes later the sound of the shower subsided, and shortly after that, Tori emerged in a very small towel. Jade fixed her eyes on the TV weather, a blush rising in her cheeks.

"There are bigger towels in there, Tori," she said, concentrating hard on the humidity forecast, which to her mind wasn't nearly high enough considering Tori's minuscule covering.

"This was just the first one I found."

"The whole bathroom's practically _made_ of towels. How come you've come out wearing a washcloth?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It's just you're not... getting your money's worth out of them," Jade said, eyes still firmly on a cold front in Northern California.

Tori stood for a moment, until the tinge of red in Jade's cheeks told the story.

"You're _embarrassed_."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are! It's quite cute."

"No it isn't!"

"I don't know why, you've seen me a bikini before."

"Yes, but that was before I knew you were..."

The humidity dropped, and the cold front blew in. "I'll go dress," Tori said quietly, and headed back into the bathroom.

.

.

.

They walked in the park, silently. Tori with her arms wrapped around her, Jade with her hands deep in her pockets, the cool breeze not enough to blow away the clouds.

"I'm sorry," Jade said eventually. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's okay."

"No it's _not_. After everything you said about-"

"No." Tori stopped, and turned to her. "I mean it. It's okay." She hugged herself against the wind. "Some things take a little getting used to. And it's just been so _easy_ the last couple of days, and I've felt so comfortable around you in a way that I never thought I would, that I forget that you might not feel... comfortable around _me."_

"I do!" Jade's protestation had an urgency that surprised them both. "I'm totally comfortable. It's just..."

"What?"

Jade reddened. "I didn't want you to think I was looking at you," she muttered. "You know. Like _that_."

Tori stared at her. "Why would I think that?"

"I don't know!" Jade said, squirming. "I don't know how these things work! For all I know, to _you_ , I'm like a... guy, now."

Tori was silent for a moment. "You're right," she said, quietly. "I _do_ think of you as a guy."

"You... what?"

"It's true, Jade. You're so strong, and handsome, and virile..."

"Er..."

"I _wanted_ you to notice me, Jade," Tori breathed, closing the gap between them. "I _wanted_ you to see me and be consumed by passion. I wanted you to take me, roughly, right there..."

"Tori..."

"... caress me with your big, manly hands-"

"Tori, please!" Tori stopped. "Look," Jade said, "I'm pretty flattered, and everything, but... wait, what do you mean, 'big manly hands'?" She noticed the gleam in Tori's eye, and the barely suppressed smirk. Her eyes narrowed. "You little-"

"Gotcha!"

"I am gonna kill you!"

"Have to catch me first!" And Tori was gone, laughing and running down the path. Jade gave chase, but it was never going to be an equal race, and eventually Tori had to stop to let her catch up.

"You...you..." Jade gasped.

"Serves you right," Tori giggled. "Honestly, Jade, why would you think I'd be bothered by _you_ seeing _me_? It'd only make sense if _you_ were the one in the towel, and _I_ was looking at you."

Jade had a suddenly and disturbing vision of herself, dancing naked before a clapping Tori Vega. "I guess."

"There you go, then," Tori said, happily. "What _I_ do doesn't change who _you_ are. So," she said with a grin. "You said something about lunch?"

.

.

.

They walked on in a more amiable mood towards the edge of the park, Tori slipping her arm through Jade's, chatting away about nothing, and Jade again felt the strange prickle she got whenever they made contact, whenever Tori touched her like it was the most natural thing in the world. She didn't protest, and they walked arm-in-arm, until Tori's attention was distracted.

"Hotdogs!" she announced to the world in general, and Jade looked to where she was pointing. It wasn't quite what she'd intended, but she allowed Tori to steer her over to the hotdog stand at the end of the path, and they ordered what seemed to Jade to be at least fifty percent more food than was strictly necessary. If Tori had already lost her breakfast, she noted, she was more than willing to make up for it in lunch.

They sat down facing each other for the first time, and Jade noticed a small cut above Tori's left eye. She stared at the mustard drippling over her fingers, and felt her appetite disappear.

"Did you get in okay last night?" she said.

Tori looked up, face already bulging with food. "Mmm?"

"Did you get in okay?" Jade repeated.

"Oh. Um, yeah."

"Did you see Carla?"

"No, she... She was asleep when I got in, and I didn't want to wake her," Tori said. "And I left before she got up this morning. Well, this afternoon, probably," she added.

"Why does she-"

"When are you leaving?" Tori said, suddenly.

Jade was derailed for a moment. "I don't know," she said. "Friday, probably, I have to get back and-"

"Oh," Tori said, disappointed.

"Why?"

"It's just I have to work tonight, at the diner."

"I meant Saturday," Jade said, quickly. "I just remembered."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Great! Because I was thinking, Carla's not working Friday night..."

Jade had a sinking feeling she knew where this was going. Tori was going to want her to-

"...meet her!"

"Uh, yeah, the thing is-"

"I bet you two would _really_ get on," Tori said, apparently inhabiting a distant planet where that was likely.

"Right. I'm just not sure that-"

"You could come over for dinner!"

Jade pictured the apartment, and the phrase _'come over for dinner'_ seemed a little incongruous, not to mention unhealthy. She desperately tried to think of a way of escaping the ordeal, but it was too late. "I'll arrange it with Carla tonight," Tori said, firmly. "You can come over, and we'll all have dinner together. It'll be fun. I'll _cook_ ," she added, as though this were a further inducement, and not a dire warning.

The look of expectant excitement on her face was too much for Jade to bear, so she plastered on her brightest fake smile. "Okay," she said. "That would be... lovely."

"Great!"

Tori grinned, and returned to her food. Jade slowly let the fake smile fade from her face. She had the feeling she'd be needing it soon, and it didn't do to wear it out.

.

.

.

"Hi!"

"Hey, babe." Carla opened a beer with a pop. "Where have you been?"

"Um, just college."

"Right." There was a pause. "Only I dropped by to see if you wanted a lift, but you weren't there."

"Oh. Yeah. I wasn't feeling too well, so I left early."

"Right."

There was another pause.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So where have you been until now?"

"I-"

"Don't tell me. Catching up with your little _friend_."

Tori felt her heart sink. This didn't bode well for her plan.

"Oh, come on Carla. I haven't seen her in a year, and I don't have a lot of time before she goes home."

"Sooner the better, if you ask me."

"Carla!"

"What? You were a _mess_ last night, Tori."

"That's not _her_ fault! And she brought me home in a taxi, I didn't walk or anything."

Carla said nothing. Tori gritted her teeth. She was just going to have to go for it. "In fact, I was thinking..."

"Oh, God. What?"

"Well, you know how you said you weren't working Friday night..."

"Yes?"

"I thought maybe we could invite her over," Tori said. "Then you could meet her."

Carla turned to her for the first time. "Why would I want to _meet_ her?"

"She's _nice_!" Tori said, sensing an opportunity in Carla's lack of total refusal. "Come on, Carla, you'd like her if you got to know her. I bet you two would really get on."

Carla considered this. "No."

"Please?"

"No!" Carla put her foot down. "I'm not spending my Friday night with your sad-sack school friend, listening to you two bang on about the good old days. I'd rather stick my head in the garbage disposal."

"But-"

"No." Carla returned her attention to the TV. Tori slumped dejectedly into the chair opposite her and pulled out her phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"Jade," Tori said, sulkily. "Tell her she can't come."

"Whoa, whoa!" said Carla, suddenly alert. "That's _Jade_?"

"Well... yeah," said Tori in confusion. "Didn't I say?"

"No, you didn't," Carla said. "No you did _not_. Scratch that, babe. You can have your little party."

"What, really?"

"Yeah, really. You bring her on over."

"Well... great! Um, why?"

"Because I want to meet her."

"You do?"

"Oh, yeah," Carla said, with a grin that should have sent Tori running for the hills. "I want to meet the great Jade West."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that sounds like a nice little dinner party, doesn't it? I'm sure everything will go swimmingly…


	6. Donut Forsake Me

Jade walked into the diner dreaming of another world, a _better_ world, a world where she and Tori skipped arm in arm through fields of gold, laughing and reminiscing about that time when Tori had totally and utterly _not_ invited her to dinner with her awful girlfriend.

"' _Last Year at Marienbad'_?" Tori said, without preamble.

"What about it?"

"What do you mean, 'what about it'? You gave me five thousand words on it!"

"I know," Jade said. "I was there. You were all, _boohoo, I forgot to write my essay because I'm a doofus_ , and I was all, _cometh the hour, cometh the girl_ , and saved your ass. I remember it well."

"Yes, but you could have told me what it was _about_!" Tori said. "I had to stand up in class this morning and tell them why I chose it."

"And?"

"I've never even _heard_ of it!"

"Which is why I gave you a copy of the essay."

"Yes, but I..."

"You _did_ read it, didn't you?"

There was a hot silence.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I..."

"Honestly, Tori," Jade pouted. "For shame."

"I haven't got time to read five thousand words about things I've never heard of!" Tori said, exasperated. "Why didn't you pick something I'd _seen_?"

"I don't _know_ what you've seen!"

"You could guess!"

"Yeah, I could. And if you really want to stand up in front of a class full of film geeks and tell them your favorite movie is _The Lion King_ , then go for it."

"My favorite movie is not _The Lion King_!"

" _Cinderella_?"

"No!"

" _Reefer Madness_."

"Very funny," Tori snapped. "You know, I think you did it on purpose."

There was a brief pause, just long enough for Tori to realize how stupid that sounded, but too short for her to fit an apology into. "Jade..."

"That's right, Vega," Jade said, calmly. "You got me. I drove eight hours and stayed up all night writing the best essay I've ever written, just to make you look like an asshole in front of a bunch of people I don't know. Man, I'm just the worst friend _ever_."

Tori groaned. This was going to take a while.

"What kind of monster would do something like that? I should be locked up."

"That wasn't-"

"Please, no, cover your eyes. Don't look at me, I'm an abomination. Unclean! Unclean!"

"Stop that!" Tori said. "I said I'm sorry, okay? You know I didn't mean it."

Jade shrugged. "Yeah, right."

"I didn't!"

She studied her fingernails. "I mean, it's not as if I have _feelings_ , or anything."

"Oh, for Heaven's sake..."

"It's lucky my heart's just a great big ball of ice, floating in a sea of bile."

"Stop it."

"If you cut me, do I not bleed?"

"We're going to find out in a minute," Tori said, waving her order spike menacingly.

"Charming."

"Look, I'm sorry, all right?" Tori said. "I'm very, very sorry. I am awash with… sorritude. Now can we just leave it?"

Jade sniffed. "No," she said.

"What?"

"' _Sorry'_ doesn't do it, Vega. ' _Sorry'_ is not enough."

"Oh, come on..."

"The only way _'sorry'_ gets you out of this mess," Jade said, pointedly, "is if it comes with coffee. And maybe a donut."

"I... what?"

"Coffee and a donut, Vega. Now. Or you and I are through forever."

"You're emotionally blackmailing me for coffee?"

"And a donut. Don't forget the donut."

"Fine. Here."

"Not that one. _That_ one."

"What's wrong with this one?"

"It looks like someone already ate it."

Tori sighed. "Right. There you go."

"Thank you." Jade regarded her hard-won donut with approval. "I graciously accept your apology."

"I'm thrilled." Tori tapped the register. "That'll be five bucks."

"I'll bet."

"…Which I'm guessing I'm paying, then."

"That's the price of calumny."

"Lend me five bucks?"

"Here."

Tori took it and put it in the till. "You know, I'm beginning to think you _did_ come all the way here just to torment me."

"Yeah. But you love it, really."

"Hmm."

Jade took a bite of her donut. "So what did you do?" she said, through a mouthful of crumbs.

"What? When?"

"About class."

"Oh. Well," Tori said, "I thought maybe I should just confess, you know? Tell them you wrote it for me, apologize, and take the hit. I mean it's not really fair to cheat, and maybe it was a kind of… poetic justice."

Jade nodded. "Very noble. Very honest."

"Thank you."

"So did you?"

"No. I faked a nosebleed and told them I had to go home."

"That's my girl."

"So, are we still on for tomorrow?"

Jade's last, fond hope that Tori had forgotten about dinner faded once and for all. "Mmm," she said, noncommittally.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Jade..."

"It's just, are you sure it's such a good idea, that's all? I mean, it's not that I don't _want_ to come, but maybe we should take it a little slower, ease ourselves into it."

"You're only coming for dinner, Jade, not moving in," Tori said. "It'll be fine."

"If you say so."

"And Carla's really looking forward to it."

This stirred a feeling of unease in Jade. _'Looking forward to it'_ was not generally how people reacted to the prospect of meeting her. "Is she?" she said, warily.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Well," Tori said, "because..." She faltered. "I've no idea, really," she confessed. "I was pretty surprised she went for it."

"Oh, boy."

"Don't you _want_ to meet her?" Tori sounded so forlorn that Jade balked at the truth. To reject Carla was to say that she didn't want to be involved in Tori's life, that she was happy to stay on the periphery, and that wasn't true. She was just going to have to suck it up.

"Of course I do."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure."

"I mean, if you're _nervous_ about it, I can talk to her and ask her to-"

All prevarication about hurting Tori's feelings went straight out of the window at the thought of 'asking' Carla to do anything. "Don't you dare," Jade said. "I just… don't want to frighten her, that's all."

Tori laughed. "Don't worry about that," she said. "She's pretty tough."

Jade's eyebrow raised a fraction. Tori rolled her eyes. "But not as tough as you are, obviously."

"That's better. So, what are you cooking?"

"Fugu and elderberry risotto."

"I'm a dead woman."

"I'm kidding," Tori said. "It's lasagne."

"... I'm a dead woman."

"Hey!" Tori swiped at her with a cloth. "There's nothing wrong with my cooking! And what would you know about it, anyway?"

"Well, there was the whole pizza thing..."

"You gave me the wrong recipe!"

"And your sister once tried to microwave an entire frozen turkey."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Obviously runs in the family."

"It does not! And even if it did, my mom's a great cook."

"I wouldn't know. I never got invited round."

"No. Because you're a mean, vicious person with deep psychological problems."

"Doesn't mean I don't like pot pie," Jade said, unfazed. "Although I guess at your new place, 'pot pie' has a whole new meaning."

"Hey! Anyway, _no_ one got invited round for pot pie. Andre just stole it. You got invited round plenty of other times. Well, not _invited_ , as such, but you used to turn up a lot."

"True."

There was a short pause. "Why, exactly?"

The bluntness of it caught Jade off guard. "What?"

"Why did you come over so often, if you didn't like me?"

"I craved your scintillating conversation."

"Really?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"Well, mainly because everyone _else_ was going and I didn't want to be left out."

Tori looked surprised. "What?" Jade said. "I _am_ human, you know, no matter what you think. I wasn't going to sit at home knowing all my friends preferred to hang out with _you_."

"No they didn't!"

"Well, maybe not. But I didn't really want to put it to the test."

"Oh, come on. They all wanted to come and see you perform at the music awards," Tori said, encouragingly. "They couldn't get out of my house fast enough."

"Not because _I_ was there," Jade said, refusing to let go of a good grievance. "Just because they wanted to go to the show. If you'd stolen _my_ place, you can bet no one would have even thought about staying home with me. Not even Beck." She frowned. " _Especially_ not Beck."

"I would have."

"What?"

"Stayed with you."

"Would you?"

"Yeah. I mean, not if I'd stolen your place, obviously, but if some _other_ terrible, cruel, heartless, backstabbing-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Jade muttered. "I still don't see why, though."

"Because we were _friends_ , you dolt. Even if you didn't think so. And don't try to deny it," Tori said, over Jade's protests, "because it's true."

"Where's your proof?"

"Sitting here stuffing her face with donuts."

"They _are_ good donuts."

"Lend me a twenty and I'll buy you another."

"Nice try."

.

.

.

Jade stood in front of the mirror in the hotel room, brushed down the front of her little black dress, and sighed. She _was_ nervous, and that in itself was ridiculous. She'd never felt nervous about meeting people before. But then she'd always been secure in her own superiority. She pulled a face at herself. _And just look where that got you._ But this was different.

 _Who are you trying to impress?_ a little voice said. _Carla? Or Tori?_

_It can't be Carla. If you think about it, the more 'impressive' you are, the less she's going to like you. So it must be Tori. You know, if you really wanted to do everyone a favor, you'd turn up looking like shit. Tori wouldn't think any less of you because she's just happy you're there, and Carla wouldn't see you as a threat. But you can't do that, can you? Because you want to impress. You want to impress Tori. Despite everything, you want her to compare you to Carla and think you're better._

_Why, for God's sake? What good is that going to do? She doesn't see you like that, you don't see her like that, and even if you did, Carla's her girlfriend. Of course she's going to prefer her to you. You'll just make everyone uncomfortable. If you had any sense, you'd turn up in jeans and a sweater, slump on the sofa and have a couple of beers, and get through it in a haze like every other night of your life. Except this time you'll have company for once. But here you are, in a goddamn cocktail dress - why did you even bring a cocktail dress? - about to walk onto Carla's home turf and try to make things awkward. You know what you're acting like?_

"Shut up, brain."

_Yeah, you do._

"Ugh." She reminded herself that this had been Tori's idea. Tori wanted her to go. Tori wanted them all to be friends. And it wouldn't be showing much respect if she didn't make an effort. For all she knew, Tori and Carla were helping each other into ball gowns right now, zipping each other up, and giving silver-service instructions to the hired butler.

She wondered what it was about Carla that bothered her so much. Tori had had her share of useless boyfriends in the past, and Jade had always found her disastrous love life a refreshing distraction from the dullness of her own relationship. But Carla was a girl. No, a grown woman. And that was different. It seemed a rather cruel twist of fate for Tori to have taken this epic step, to have come proudly out into a brave new world with her head held high, only to find herself treated in exactly the same way she'd been treated by every immature dickhead she'd ever dated at school.

She wasn't, she noted glumly, in much of a position to judge. She was hardly a paragon of universal sisterhood. Or universal _anything_ , given that the set of people that _she_ could bear to spend time with, and the set of people willing to spend time with _her_ , now intersected in precisely one spot.

She glanced at the clock. It would dwindle to none if she didn't get a move on. She sighed again, and picked up the bottle of wine on the table. A bottle of Thunderbird would have done just as well - Tori probably wouldn't know the difference, and Carla's going to think you're stuck up. _Nice one, West_. She was going to have to tap her dad for an extension to her allowance. And what a joy that would be.

She took one last look at her reflection, and ran a finger delicately across one eyebrow.

"Okay. Let's do this thing."

She grabbed her jacket and purse, and headed downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Year at Marienbad is a classic piece of cinema. Reefer Madness... less so.


	7. No Fire Without Smoke

Jade hesitated as she stood before the apartment door _. Last chance, West. Last chance to back out now, go back to the hotel and drink this little beauty straight from the bottle. Quick text to tell her you've come down with... I don't know, rabies._

But her brain was determined to see it through and she found her hand knocking on the door. A few seconds later, Tori opened it and pulled her into a hug before she had time to protest. "You came!"

"No, I'm just out of breath from the stairs," she said. "Now get off of me, you're creasing the dress."

Tori stood back and admired her in a way that made her feel like a six-year-old. "You look lovely."

"Er, thanks. So do you."

"Come on in."

Tori practically dragged her into the apartment, giving her less time to prepare than she'd have liked, and she found herself stood in the middle of the room, clutching her bottle like a teddy-bear in front of her, as Tori made the introductions.

"Carla, this is Jade..." she said, waving her hands to indicate Jade's precise location, in case she was difficult to spot against the carpet, "...and Jade, this is Carla." She beamed, as though having pulled off a particularly deft magic trick, and for a moment Jade thought she was going to bow.

Jade took her first proper look at Carla. Carla, it seemed, was not one to dress for dinner. Black combat boots, black tights, cut-off jeans and a band T-shirt probably older than she was. So far, so familiar. But it was the face. She began to see where Tori's drunken confusion had come from. The nose was narrower, the mouth more severe, and she clearly had a couple of years head start on Jade, but there was no doubt what she was looking at. Or rather who.

She was going to have words with Tori. Serious words.

"Carla," she said.

Jade's repertoire had never included much in the way of social skills, a fact that had come to haunt her over the past year. _Guys_ had it easy. Guys just shook hands whatever the situation. But even that wasn't going to work, not from this distance, and she felt disinclined to move closer. So she just stood, and waited for Carla to close the gap.

Carla wasn't one to do _that_ , either. She sat, enthroned in what was clearly 'her' armchair, legs crossed, eyebrow raised, gazing at Jade as though at any moment she might click her fingers and summon a henchman to drag her away to the salt mines. Finally she tipped the neck of her beer bottle almost imperceptibly in Jade's direction. "Hey," she drawled.

It looked like that was all the response there was going to be, so Jade cast around for something else to say.

"It's nice to meet you."

"Yeah."

She wasn't sure whether Carla was returning the compliment, or simply agreeing with her, and the silence dragged on until Tori broke the impasse with a kind of desperate enthusiasm. "So," she said, "Who wants a drink?"

Jade snapped out of it and remembered the bottle in her hand. "Here," she held it out, glad to be focussing on Tori for a change.

"Ooh." Tori took the bottle. "Thanks." She disappeared towards the kitchen looking for glasses.

"You be careful, babe." Jade jumped at the sound of Carla's voice. It seemed a little overprotective, considering the amount of damage even Tori could do to herself opening a wine bottle, until it became clear where Carla's concern lay. "You know what that stuff does to you."

Jade felt the sting of the rebuke, but knew there was nothing she could do about it. Tori was clattering away in the kitchen, and she couldn't just stand here like an idiot. Wait, what had Tori said? _With a little more sincerity, you could pass for a human being_. So this was an acting challenge. You're not Jade West, you're... your _mom_. That was it. Jade's mom radiated a cool politeness that left grown men shaken, the kind of politeness that she imagined royalty might possess, effortlessly superior - they don't _need_ to be polite, they merely _deign_ to be polite, to show the peasants how it's done.

She turned. "So, Carla," she said, pleasantly, "what do you do?"

Carla looked slightly taken aback at being addressed so bluntly, and for a moment floundered. "Do?"

"I mean," Jade followed up, as though helping a slow child with a difficult question, "are you on the same course as Tori? Are you a student?"

"I-"

Carla was saved by Tori's reappearance. "Oh, no," she said, handing Jade a glass and waving her towards the sofa. "Carla's not at college. Carla _works_." She handed a beer to the object of her affections. "In fact she's just started a new job, haven't you?" Carla nodded and patted the arm of her chair, prompting Tori to sit there. "Carla," Tori said, proudly, "works for a record company."

Jade felt a little twinge in the pit of her stomach, and not just because of the arm that Carla now curled protectively around Tori. _She's showing off. She's showing off her girlfriend. To me._ The comfort of their brief complicity faded at this tiny, imagined betrayal. But Jade wasn't going to let it show.

"Really?" she said. "A record company. Wow."

Carla said nothing, but nodded again in regal acceptance of her exalted status. Jade glanced around the shabby apartment. "So... what exactly do you do?"

"Hmm?"

"At the company," Jade said. "Production? Musician? What?"

"A&R."

That explained it. It wasn't the most lucrative position in the company, and probably freelance. "Right," Jade said. "A talent scout."

" _Assistant_ to a talent scout," Tori corrected cheerfully, much to Carla's obvious annoyance. "But you're learning though, aren't you, babe?" Jade was surprised that the back of Tori's head didn't catch fire in the heat of Carla's glare. "And she does work _very_ hard," Tori went on, oblivious to the danger. "She's out all hours, watching bands, and doing stuff. I hardly ever see her, some days."

"Sounds cool," Jade said, suppressing a smirk at Carla's discomfort. "So why don't you go with her? Maybe you could-"

"No."

The sharpness of Carla's interjection brought Jade up short, and she could see some of the light fade in Tori's eyes. "She doesn't like me to," she said quietly, and stared at her fingernails.

Jade made a mental note that if she ever found herself in a relationship with Tori, she'd make her come to work with her every day whether she liked it or not. Carla sensed some kind of explanation was needed.

"You know why it is, babe," she said soothingly, tightening the arm around Tori. "Some of those clubs are pretty rough places. I can't look after you when I've got work to do."

Tori glanced back at her and nodded, with a tight little smile. "I guess."

"Anyway, Tori's not really into all that," Carla redirected her attention to Jade. "She doesn't like music."

Jade almost choked on her drink. "What?" she said.

"Not real music," Carla said, dismissively. "Just that pop shit I hear her screeching in the shower every night. I can't stand that crap." She grinned. "That's why I have to go in there and interrupt her, if you know what I mean."

The look of leering conspiracy on her face made Jade's stomach turn, as though she were being invited to fist-bump over Carla's freedom to violate her girlfriend any time she chose. She glanced at Tori, whose face had passed from pale despondency to scarlet embarrassment in a matter of seconds. "Er..."

"I think dinner's ready," Tori said, quickly, standing up and making for the kitchen. The thought of being left alone with Carla without blood being spilt was too much for Jade.

"You want a hand with that?"

Tori nodded without turning around, and Jade rose to follow her.

.

.

.

"Are you okay?"

Tori was rattling plates with a fury that made Jade wonder if she'd be picking shards of pottery out of her food. "I'm fine."

Jade didn't really know what to say. She reached out a hand, and awkwardly patted Tori on the back, surprised at how thin she felt under the shirt. "Look..."

"I knew she'd do this," Tori muttered, slamming a plate down and leaning heavily on the counter. "I just knew it."

"Tori..."

"Why _can't_ I have friends?" Tori went on, angrily. "What's wrong with me? Why can't I have nice stuff, and dinner parties, and..." She clenched her fists in frustration. "Urrgh."

"Do you... want me to say something?"

"What?" Tori's anger dissipated abruptly at the horrible thought that she might be moving a body before the end of the night. "No! God, no," she said. "Please. It'll be fine."

"Will it?"

"Yeah, look, she's not so bad, really," Tori said. "She's just a bit..."

"...of an asshole?"

"Jade!"

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"She's just a bit shy, that's all. Sometimes she says stuff without thinking."

"A bit _shy_?" Jade said, incredulously. "Jesus. I'd hate to see her when she comes out of her shell."

"We don't get a lot of visitors. I think she's trying to impress."

" _I'm_ trying to impress," Jade said. "Except that _I_ decided to wear a dress, instead of acting like a-"

"I know," Tori cut her off. "And I _am_ impressed. Honestly. I mean, look at you. You're all pretty, you brought wine, and you haven't killed anyone yet," she said. "That's great."

"Yeah, well," Jade blushed, as she found herself doing whenever Tori complimented her. "I wouldn't bank on the last one."

"Look," Tori said, taking her hands. "Seriously. Please don't think this is how it is all the time, okay? It isn't. She's not so bad once you get to know her. Give her a chance. For me?"

Jade rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. I'll give it a go."

"Thank you. Everyone's just a bit tense," Tori said. "So let's just have a few drinks, relax, and concentrate on this..." - she grabbed an oven mitt - "…magnificent lasagne." She pulled the oven door open with a flourish and leaned back, expertly dodging the small mushroom cloud that billowed out. "I think it's ready."

.

.

.

Dinner started out a little better. As Tori sat down, Jade saw Carla reach across and squeeze her hand, which she assumed was an apology of sorts, and Tori seemed to brighten up. Carla talked about music for a while, then launched off into a series of anecdotes which tended, in Jade's opinion, to make Tori sound like an idiot, but Tori didn't seem to mind this, laughing along with genuine delight. Carla had a dry, acerbic sense of humor that Jade might have appreciated, had it not been so focussed on Tori's shortcomings.

 _This is your fault_ , her brain said, treacherously. _You trained her to be like this, to equate mockery with affection. And now someone else is doing it, you don't like it._

She gritted her teeth. "This is nice," she said loudly, through a mouthful of lasagne, causing Carla to grind to a halt.

"What?"

"The food." Jade pointed at her plate with her fork while she desperately tried to swallow what might have been a whole onion. "It's very good."

"Is it?" Tori sounded pleased.

"Yeah. Very... you know, lasagne-y. Very Italian."

"I made the sauce myself," Tori said, proudly. "With ingredients. And cookery."

"Well done you." Jade bit into something inexplicably hard, but disturbingly chewy. "You must give me the recipe," she said, wincing.

"Okay. It's two pounds of-"

"I don't think she wants it right now, babe," Carla said, interrupting. "So, Jade," she said. "What do you do?"

Jade looked up in surprise. "What?"

"What do you do?"

"Oh, er, I'm a student."

"Right," Carla said, as though that explained a lot.

"Jade's a writer," Tori chipped in, and Jade felt a little tingle of pleasure that Tori was willing to show _her_ off, too.

"Really?" Carla said.

Jade shrugged. "I try."

"So what do you write? Books?"

"Plays, mainly."

"Plays, huh?" Carla snorted. "Yeah, I guess those are easier."

"Easier?"

"Not so many words."

Jade paused, her fork hovering over her plate. "Yeah," she said, with a brittle smile. "It's always the words that are the problem." She jabbed the fork downwards into something squashy.

"Jade's working on something right now," Tori said, recognizing the tell-tale signs of danger. "Aren't you?"

"Um."

"Is it about clowns?" Carla said. "Tori told me about the clown thing. When you tried to ruin her prom."

"Prome," Tori supplied.

"Whatever."

Jade stared at Tori for a moment. "No," she said. It's more a real-life story. Observational."

"Observational?"

"I watch people. Try to take inspiration from their lives."

"I hope you're not going to put _me_ in there."

"Don't worry," Jade said. "You're pretty safe." She took a drink. "Not _all_ my plays are about clowns," she murmured into the glass, and smiled as she heard Tori choke.

"What's that?"

"I said the play's pretty much down. Finished." Jade put her glass on the table. "I've just got to find somewhere that'll put it on."

"Oh, right."

"And the whole 'prome' thing was just a misunderstanding, really. You see, I was-"

"Save it," Carla said, with a faint, predatory smile. "Tori's already told me all _about_ you."

"Carla!"

"Well, you have."

Jade put down her fork and looked at Tori, who's eyes were now fixed on her plate, her cheeks reddening for a second time. "Is it," Jade said, calmly, "even worth me saying, _'Nothing bad, I hope_ '?"

There was a little squeak from Tori that might have been steam escaping from her ears. Jade looked back at Carla, who was grinning from ear to ear. " _All_ about you," she repeated. "And I've got to say, you're not what I expected."

"Really?" Jade said, warily.

"Really. "

"In what way?"

"Well, the way Tori told it," Carla said, "I thought you'd be some huge, fire-breathing monster, stomping around with a handful of dead rats and a pair of giant scissors, ready to rip off our heads and piss down our necks."

Somewhere off to the right, Tori was very slowly melting with awkwardness. Jade blinked twice. "Oh."

"But it turns out you're not so scary after all, huh, babe?" This was for Tori's benefit, but Carla's eyes never left Jade. "Just your average Joe. I mean, I'm not saying I'm disappointed, or anything, but it would have been nice to see what all the fuss was about. But then," she said, "I guess some things just don't live up to the hype."

Jade looked at her plate, diffidently. "I guess," she said quietly.

Carla leaned back, confident in her triumph. "So what about me?" she said.

"You?"

"Am I what _you_ expected?"

"Honestly?" Jade said.

"Yeah."

Jade waited for a few seconds, head bowed. Then she slowly lifted her gaze to meet Carla's and held it, a slow smile spreading across her face. "I don't know," she said, savoring the moment. "Tori hardly mentioned _you_ at all."

Carla's grin froze, and Jade's smile widened. That was _check_. Now it was time for _mate_. "Except," she said, "to say that you looked like m-"

Tori's foot collided with her shin, and it looked like she was frantically trying to semaphore the words _'shut up'_ with her eyebrows.

"That I looked like what?" Carla said, dangerously.

Jade was saved from having to reply by the rumble of the other woman's phone. Carla gave her one last glance and picked it up. "Yeah?" she barked. "Oh, hey." Her tone changed as she listened. "Right. Okay. I'll be there." She stuffed the phone back in her pocket. "Gotta go," she said, taking a last swig of her beer. "Work."

Tori was horrified. "Carla!"

"What?"

"You promised!"

"Something's come up."

"But what about dinner?"

"I'll pick something up on the way." She grabbed her jacket from its place on her armchair. "Don't wait up." She headed for the door. "And for fuck's sake, tidy up when you're done. Later."

And with that she was gone. Tori stared after her in mute disbelief, and Jade decided to slip her apology in while Tori seemed distracted. "Look," she said, "I'm sorry if I-"

Tori's head snapped round to look at her, her eyes narrowing. Jade shrugged, helplessly. "I didn't mean to."

Tori said nothing, but stood up and stomped off towards the bedroom, leaving Jade to slump in her chair, trying to muster the enthusiasm to collect her things and go. She was still doing this when Tori returned, flinging herself angrily into the chair opposite, and dumping a small bag on the table. For a moment neither spoke.

"Are you mad at me?" Jade asked, eventually.

"No. I'm mad at _her_."

"Right."

"And you."

"What? I thought you-"

"But mainly at _me_ , for even _thinking_ you two could get along."

Jade shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"Hmm." Tori reached for the bag and unzipped it. Jade peered inside.

"Er, Tori..."

"What?"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes." Tori pulled out the contents and set to work with the grim determination of the terminally unskilled.

"And you're going to smoke it?"

Tori stopped what she was doing for a moment. "No, Jade," she said, with what Jade felt was an unreasonable degree of sarcasm. "I'm going to weave it into an ornamental rug. Of course I'm going to smoke it." She returned to her work, face scrunched in concentration, rolling papers scattering like confetti. Jade watched her for a while.

"Is that such a good idea?"

"I think so."

"But isn't that Carla's? I mean, if TV and movies have taught me anything, it's that you don't mess with another dude's stash, man."

"Well, _man_ ," Tori said, "Carla can just fuck the fuck right off. I live here, too, and I probably paid for this." She paused. "Actually, my _dad_ probably paid for this. So it's my stash as much as anybody's. Now," she said, holding up the disastrous tangle of soggy papers, one of which was stuck to her nose. "Are you going to sit there making smart remarks, or are you going to help me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is bound to go well...


	8. It Could Have Been Me

_... feel your bodies writhing together, your pale flesh pressed hard against the smooth tan of her skin, the taste of her lips and the…_

_._

_._

_._

Jade awoke in a cold sweat. _Holy shit_. That was _way_ too real. She wasn't sure which was more disturbing, the fact that she was having erotic dreams about a _girl_ , or the fact that the girl in question was _…_

She looked up at the sound of a door opening. "Hey, lover." Tori stepped out of the shower, naked except for a smile. "Were you dreaming about me?" She swayed seductively towards the bed and leaned down, planting a lingering kiss. "You were _so_ hot last night," she purred. "Are you ready for more?"

.

.

.

Jade awoke in an even colder sweat. Damn it. _Double whammy_. She licked her lips and looked around her, warily. Was _this_ real? The pain in her head and the foul taste in her mouth told her it was. _No one gets a hangover in their dreams._ She flipped the pillow over and rested her head back down gently on the cool side.

She was back in her hotel room. She had no idea how she'd managed that. What did she remember?

 _Laughter_. Lots and lots of laughter. She couldn't recall the last time she laughed like that. She couldn't really recall the last time she'd laughed at all. But Tori had laughed at anything and everything, and the sight of her clutching her sides and rolling around had set Jade off too, and before she knew it they were crying, _weeping_ with laughter together, the joke forgotten. Tori's laugh was, she mused, the most beautiful sound in the world. It was a pity it came at such a cost. As if on cue, the cork of nausea popped in her throat, and she barely had time to make it to the bathroom before last night's indulgence became this morning's cleaning bill.

Ten minutes later, she knelt, hands gripping the bowl, hair hanging down around her face, a very penitent and very empty young lady. Red wine and pot were not, she decided, a good combination. They ought to warn you about that, put something on the bottle. _A warm, rich red, the perfect companion to a grilled steak. On no account to be drunk while you're stoned_. And it wasn't just _her_ wine, either. Tori had rummaged in the cupboard for a box of something that tasted like it could strip varnish, and they'd drunk that too.

What else? _Dancing_. Tori had put some music on and they'd danced - first apart, bouncing around the room like idiots, then together, bodies pressed close, grateful for the support, heads resting on each other's shoulders, murmuring and giggling. The soft brush of skin as their cheeks touched. And then Tori had pulled back for a moment, her face a hair's breadth away, noses touching, and...

And what? She hadn't... _had_ she?

Her phone rang. She scrambled to get to it, still an ungodly mess, and saw it was Tori. She answered it. "Hey," she said, pushing her damp hair out of her eyes. "I was just-"

Tori, it seemed, was in no mood for chit-chat. "What did you _do_?" she demanded, furiously.

Jade was puzzled. If they'd done.. _that_ , surely Tori would already know. "What do you mean?" she said.

"Carla!" Tori fumed. "What did you say to her?"

Carla? And then she remembered. _Carla had come home._ They'd heard the door, and Carla had come into the room to find them stood side by side, sniggering guiltily like naughty schoolgirls, wafting helplessly at the smoke around them. _"Hi, Carly,"_ Jade had said, leading Tori to collapse in a fit of giggles. Carla had been less than amused.

"Um..."

"She is _so_ mad with me!" Tori went on, accusingly. "She wouldn't even _speak_ to me today, and now she's gone off God knows where."

"I'm sorry, I don't-"

"What did you _say_?"

And then it came back to her. Tori had said goodbye, oblivious to Carla's displeasure, and drifted unsteadily away into the bedroom. Jade had headed for the door, and...

 _Carla had said something to her_. Something about Tori. Whatever it was, Jade had turned, full of righteous anger. _"Listen to me, Carla..."_

Oh, God. She could picture herself now, leaning - well, swaying - arrogantly against the door frame, voice dripping with distain.

_"… think you're something special, but you're not. You don't deserve a girl like her…"_

And it had gone on, Carla's face growing a deeper shade of purple with every word, until it finally culminated in an ultimatum…

_"...and if you ever lay a finger on her, I'll kill you."_

Jade groaned, and lay back on the bed. But Tori was still waiting for answers.

"Well?"

"I..." Jade struggled for how to put it. "I just said that she should look after you, that all. You know, treat you nicely." She paused. "Not hurt you."

She could practically feel Tori flinging her hands up in disbelief. "You _threatened_ her?"

"No! Of course I didn't!"

"Jade…"

"Well, not _threatened_ her, as such," Jade said. "It was more of a… warning. Okay, maybe a little bit of a threat, but-"

" _Jade_! Why?" Tori said, exasperated. "Why in God's name would you do that?"

"I don't _know_!" Jade moaned. "It's just she seems pretty rough on you, and you had that big cut on your head after we went out the other night-"

"And you thought she was beating me up?"

"Well what was I supposed to think?"

"I was _drunk_ , Jade!" Tori snapped. "I slept on the sofa, and rolled off onto my laptop! Jesus, do you really think I'd put up with something like that?"

"You put up with everything else!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, why do you take that crap from her? Always running you down, making out you're some kind of idiot-"

" _You_ do it all the time!"

"But _I'm_ not your girlfriend!"

"No, you're not!"

And there it was. Her status as a second-class citizen in Toriland laid bare. Her own anger began to bubble to the surface, along with another memory. "And anyway, what about what _she_ said to _me_?"

"What?"

"She practically _accused_ me of coming here to try to split you two up!" she said. " _That's_ why I was mad at her! And what was all that about 'thinking I could pick up where I'd left off'? I mean, what the hell was _that_ about?"

There was a hot, guilty silence on the other end of the line.

"Tori?"

"It's nothing."

"What do you mean, nothing?"

But Tori suddenly seemed strangely reluctant to carry on the conversation. "Look, I'll talk to her, okay?" she said, quickly. "See if I can fix things. I'll call you later."

And the line went dead. Jade groaned again, and lay back down. _Way to go, West._

.

.

.

The journey seemed to last for hours, and yet she remembered none of it, because all she could think about was Tori.

_But I'm not your girlfriend!_

_No, you're not. So you lose, sucker._

Of course Tori hadn't actually put it like that, but that was the way it felt. She seethed with the sheer injustice of it all. It wasn't all her fault. Tori had been the one who'd invited her for dinner. Tori had been the one with the obnoxious girlfriend. Tori had been the one with the weed, and the wine, and the music, and the laughter, and the eyes, and the lips, and the warmth of her skin and the curve of her neck and the soft little sigh as she...

She almost swerved off the road. _Damn it, West_. You were only there a few days. You never carried on like this at school.

She arrived back at the tiny apartment that she unsentimentally referred to as 'The Closet', partly because it was cramped, and partly because it smelled faintly of mothballs. She'd rejected the idea of looking for someone to share with, thinking she'd be happier on her own, thinking she'd need somewhere to retreat to from the endless social whirl of college. The irony of that wasn't lost on her, not these days. And what she wouldn't give right now for a friendly face, someone to ask her how it went, someone to pull insincere but sympathetic faces and make coffee while she unburdened herself of the whole fiasco. But there wasn't. She threw her bag on the bed, and started to unpack.

As if to demonstrate the fickle nature of fate, Trina called.

"Well?" she said.

Jade sighed. Twice now today she'd answered a call to find herself faced with a question. "Trina," she said, flatly. "How nice to hear from you."

"Yeah, never mind that," Trina went on, "what's going on?"

"Going on?"

"With my sister."

"Nothing's going on."

"Did you see her?"

Jade unzipped her bag and tipped the contents onto the bed. "Yeah, I saw her."

"So? What's she doing? Come on, I didn't send you all the way over there so you could go sight-seeing. What's going on with her?"

"You didn't _send_ me over there at all," Jade said sharply, picking up a sock and sniffing it for cleanliness. "And anyway, if you're so bothered, why don't you just call her?"

"Because she won't tell me anything!" Trina said, and Jade allowed herself a smile at the thought of the other girl hopping up and down with the frustration of thwarted curiosity. She relented.

"Okay," she said. "Well, she's... fine."

"Fine?" Trina echoed. "Is that it?"

"What do you want me to say?" Jade said. "College is going okay, she's happy at the diner, so it's all good."

"And what about guys? Is she dating? Is she seeing anyone?"

It dawned on Jade that Tori's family didn't know about Carla. That explained a lot. She was torn between being pleased that Tori didn't have enough confidence in her girlfriend to bring her home yet, and being depressed that it might still happen, that Carla would one day be sitting there with her big fat boots under the table, eating the sacred family pot pie.

"No," she said. "She's not seeing any guys."

"Are you sure?"

"Look, Trina," she said, "I've really got to go, okay? I just got in, I'm tired, and I've got stuff to do. Tori's fine, she just handed in the best essay of her life, and she's not interested in guys right now. So if you'll excuse me, I've got to go unpack."

"Hmmm." Trina sounded unconvinced. "Okay. But next time you go, I want a full status report, none of this 'it's fine' crap, I want-"

"Yeah, yeah," Jade said. "Bye, Trina." She dropped the phone on the bed and lay down next to it, staring at the ceiling. _Next time you go_. Was there going to _be_ a next time? She'd harbored a fond hope that this might be a regular thing, her and Tori, a permanent friend in a sea of uncertainty. But now Tori had sounded so mad she'd be lucky if she ever saw her again. She found herself wishing that she'd gone to see her earlier, that she hadn't left it so long. That she'd actually _been_ the girl in the nightclub.

Damn Carla.

_Why couldn't it have been me?_

She rolled over and pressed her head into the pillow. Tori had said she'd call. Tori _would_ call, and they'd sort it all out, laugh about it, and it would end up as their little story to reminisce about when Carla wasn't around. Their bond. And at the very least Jade would have lived up to her reputation. Satisfied that the day might yet be saved, she shoved her bag and clothes off the bed and closed her eyes. _Tori would call._ And tomorrow she'd go and see her dad, to start the long, awkward build-up to asking him to bail her out again.

.

.

.

And then Tori did call.

"Jade." Her voice was tremulous and distant, as though drawn thin across the miles that separated them.

Jade took a deep breath. "Tori, look, I'm really sorry if I-"

"I can't see you anymore."

Jade ground to a halt. "What?"

"I can't see you anymore." It was barely a whisper.

"Oh, come _on_ , Tori."

"Carla doesn't want me to."

"But…"

"I'm sorry. Maybe she's right. Maybe it's for the best."

"The hell it is! And what about you? What do _you_ want?"

"Goodbye, Jade."

"Please, Tori, just-"

"Goodbye."

And she was gone. Jade stayed motionless, staring stupidly at the blank screen, willing it to come to life and tell her it was all a joke, that Tori hadn't just cut her out of her life. But it said nothing. _What the…_

She was still sitting there in confusion, helpless and alone, as darkness fell.

.

.

.

Tori put the phone down carefully on the table, trying not to feel the tears welling up, trying not to give her the satisfaction. Finally she forced herself to look up to where Carla stood watching her, arms folded, face impassive. Their eyes locked, Tori's dark with resentment, and Carla's expression softened for a moment. "Tori…"

"Don't."

Carla pursed her lips, and sighed. She gave a curt nod of acknowledgement, and turned away towards the bedroom, leaving Tori to cry in private.


	9. Oh Dad, She's Driving Me Mad

It wasn't that Jade didn't _like_ her dad. They'd been awkward and distant when she'd been at school, but after her mom had left him in her endless quest for upward mobility some of the stuffing had been knocked out of him, and with it some of the stuffiness. As she'd mellowed and he'd relaxed, they'd become closer, almost friends.

Which was why it was always difficult coming to him for money.

They sat at opposite ends of a long dining table, a legacy from her mom, who'd taken her dad's last minor pay raise as an excuse to turn their modest house into a kind of miniature Downton Abbey, complete with a chandelier, which hung perilously low over the table and required conversation to be conducted either around, below, or through it.

"So," her dad said, from somewhere on the other side of the glass curtain. "Why are you here?"

Jade sighed. Her father's mellowing hadn't robbed him of his directness. "Can't a girl come to have dinner with her dad from time to time?"

"Yes, she can," her dad replied, unfazed, "but she doesn't. So come on. Out with it."

"Well..."

"A girl only comes to her dad when she needs money, she's pregnant, or she wants him to punch someone. So which is it?"

Jade laughed, despite herself. The thought of her dad punching anyone was ridiculous, and they both knew it. "The first one."

"Thank God for that. So what's it for?"

It looked like they were going to play the long game. "I'm a little up on my credit card."

"Uh huh. And why is that?"

"I... had to go away last week."

"For college?"

"No."

There was a long pause that said she was going to have to do better than that. "Okay, if you must know, I went to see Tori."

"Tori?"

"Maybe you don't remember her. She was the girl that helped me put on the play you came to see, the one where-"

"Oh, I _remember_ her, all right," her dad said. "It's just I've never heard you call her 'Tori' before."

"Yes, well-"

"It was always _'Vega'_ this and _'Vega'_ that, and on one occasion, _'who the goddamn fuck does fucking Vega think she fucking is_ ', if I recall."

"Dad!"

"Well, it was. You seemed a little fixated at the time, even for you."

"Well, things are different now," Jade said, face burning at the memory. "We're kind of friends." She stabbed at her food. "Or at least we were," she muttered, chasing a pea.

"You fell out with her?"

"Sort of."

"I'm sorry to hear that," her dad said, with what sounded like genuine regret. "What did you do?"

"What makes you think it was _my_ fault?"

"Wasn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but it wasn't _just_ me."

"So what happened?"

"Do we have to go into it?"

"If you want money."

"Ugh. Right. Well, it turns out her partner doesn't like me."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know."

"Right. So her girlfriend doesn't like you, for no reason at all."

"Well she… I didn't say ' _girlfriend'_."

"You're careful with your words, Jade," her dad said. "I taught you that. If you'd meant 'boyfriend' you'd have said it."

"Right. Fine. Her _girlfriend_ doesn't like me."

"And why not?"

"Well, I was over at the apartment with Tori, just messing around one night, and she came home and caught us, and-

"Whoa, hold on there, young lady. Came home and _caught_ you?"

"Well we..." It dawned on her what her dad meant. "No! Not like that! We weren't... I mean I'm not..." She peered under the chandelier to see her dad raising an eyebrow, and sighed. "I am _not_ gay, Dad."

Her dad held up his hands. "I didn't say anything."

"Good."

"Although it reminds me of a quote I once heard."

"Really." She knew exactly where this was going.

"Now what was it? Hmm... It's on the tip of my tongue..."

She quietly ground her teeth while her dad went through the whole charade. "Oh, yes, that was it," he said, finally. " _Methinks_ -"

"Yes, dad, I _get_ it, okay?" she said. "I get it. Look, there's nothing between me and Tori. Even if I was... you know, she doesn't see me like that." She sniffed. "Doesn't see me as _anything_ , now," she said, disconsolately.

"So what did you do that was so bad?"

"Well, we were just… actually, Dad, can we skip that part? I don't need a lecture."

"Okay. So she came home to find you doing something that I clearly wouldn't approve of, and then what?"

"We had a bit of an argument."

"You and…"

"Me and Carla. The girlfriend."

"And?"

"And I… threatened to kill her. Apparently."

"Words fail me."

"It's not how it sounds, okay? It's just I thought she was bullying Tori, and I wanted to… warn her off. Anyway, now she doesn't want Tori to see me."

"I see. And what does Tori say?"

"She said it was for the best." Jade tried to keep the slight crack out of her voice.

Her dad went quiet. She looked up, warily.

"Are you… mad with me?"

"Because you didn't want your friend to get hurt? No I'm not mad."

"But you think I was wrong."

"I think you could have handled it better."

"I _know_ , Dad. You don't need to rub it in. I screwed up, and I've lost her."

They ate in silence for a minute. "So when are you going back?"

Jade put her fork down with a clatter. "I've just told you, Dad, she doesn't want to see me."

"So you're just giving up?"

"What else can I do?"

Her dad sighed. "You know, Jade, I've always been immensely proud of you in many ways - you're smart, you're clever, and I can't really tell you what it meant to me when you decided to stay instead of leaving with your mother. But sometimes, you're an idiot."

"Gee, thanks, dad. I don't know why I don't come over more often."

"Her girlfriend doesn't want her to see you. And she thinks that's for the best. Is that right?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Does that _sound_ like her?" her dad said. "Does that _sound_ like the girl who spent all that time and effort to put on the play for you?"

"No, but-"

"Is she happy?"

"What?"

"Do you think she's happy?"

"…No."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Dad, I can't just-"

"I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to get your ass right back over there and find out what's going on."

"Please don't say 'ass', Dad, it makes my teeth itch."

"Sorry. Get your derriere back over there and find out what's going on."

"And what if she just tells me to take a hike?"

"Then you're no worse off than you are now."

Jade slumped back in her chair. "I guess."

"Look, Jade," her dad said. "I know you find it hard to make friends, okay? And it's not because you're shy. Maybe losing Beck knocked your confidence, but your problem is you're _way_ too defensive. You don't reach out to people, because you don't want to look stupid if they reject you, so you'd rather just hide away, pretend you don't care, and wait for them to come to you. Except they don't, do they? Not any more. Because you've done such a good job of putting up your defenses that when you finally peek over the top to see who's there, it's too late, everyone's given up and gone home. So you spend another night drinking on your own, getting more and more convinced that it's not worth it, and so it goes on."

"Dad!"

"What?"

"That's... kind of cruel."

"But it's true though, isn't it? And you know how _I_ know?"

"How?"

"Because _I_ was just the same. I understand you, Jade, whether you like it or not, only I've had plenty of time to think about the consequences. Now, you clearly care about Tori a _lot_ , and I don't know if it's just as a friend, or something else. Maybe even _you_ don't know. But I know this. She once reached out to you, and you rejected her. But she kept trying. So now it's your turn."

"But Carla-"

"Screw Carla."

"Dad!"

"Go get the girl, Jade. Go rescue your damsel in distress. And the answer is yes, I'll see you right for money. If you need to go up there, I'll help you out."

"Dad, I... I don't know what to say."

"'Thanks' is good. _'I love you, Dad'_ is probably pushing it."

"Thanks. And I... the other thing."

"I'm deeply moved."

"When did you get so smart?"

"Well, by a strange coincidence, round about the time that you grew up enough to listen to me," her dad said. "Okay, you ready for dessert?"

.

.

.

Tori flapped furiously with her cloth at some crumbs on the counter top, herding them into a corner, determine to drive them, lemming-like, over the edge. It had been the longest week of her life. The tension in the apartment was unbearable, and she'd volunteered for extra shifts just to get out of there. It wasn't Carla - Carla's demeanor had been subdued, almost deferent, as though giving Tori space to deal with a personal tragedy that she sympathized with but had no part in. It was _Tori_ whose anger threatened to boil over, Tori who couldn't bring herself to speak, Tori who slammed the doors and clattered the dishes, never quite willing to go the whole way and break something.

It wasn't Carla she was angry with. Well, it _was_ , obviously, but mostly it was herself. Carla had been unfair to her, and instead of fighting back, she'd just passed that injustice straight on to Jade, sacrificed their friendship for her own happiness. Not even happiness, damn it. Comfort. Security. That's what was galling. If she'd chosen her girlfriend's feelings over Jade's that could almost, _almost_ , be understandable. But she hadn't give a rat's ass about Carla's 'feelings'. In fact, she was beginning to doubt if Carla _had_ any 'feelings' to speak of. She'd done it because it was the easy way out. She'd given in because she couldn't bear to be alone.

She could only imagine how Jade must have felt, so casually discarded like that. And the fact that the other girl hadn't tried to contact her since made it pretty clear that she'd taken it to heart. _All that time. All those years at school, practically begging her to be your friend, and at the first sign of trouble it's 'sayonara, scissor girl'_. Maybe Jade would think it was for the best in the end, she tried to persuade herself. Maybe in the cold light of day she'd decide that Tori just wasn't worth the effort, what with her living so far away, and her stupid girlfriend, and her stupid college, and her stupid _town_ and her stupid _diner_ and her stupid _stain on this stupid counter that just won't go away with this stupid cloth and the stupid customers who just want stupid coffee and stupid donuts in their stupid faces and the stupid fact that-_

"You're hurting your cloth," a voice said, from somewhere in front of her. She looked up to see a large hat, and realized she had a death grip on the cleaning cloth. "Sorry," she croaked. "What can I get you?"

"How about," Jade said quietly, placing her hat on the counter, "a nice big cup of 'Can't We At Least _Talk_ About It?'"

.

.

.

**The (mis)quote that Jade's dad is teasing her with is, of course, 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much.'**


	10. Say It Ain't So

**Hi. I know Tori's acting kind of stupid here, but I've known plenty of otherwise sensible, intelligent people do the same, sadly.**

.

.

.

"Jade..."

Jade didn't want to hear it. She'd been practicing this speech on the road for eight hours, and she was damned if it was going to go to waste. "Please, just give me two minutes, okay? That's all I ask. Please?"

Tori didn't say anything, so she plunged in. "Look," she said, "I know what you said, and I get it, I really do. I don't want to make you unhappy, Tori, that's the last thing I want. I know you've got your life with Carla and you don't want anything to upset that, and I know I've got no right to roll up here and make things difficult for you, not after the away I treated you. You don't owe me anything. But…" She sighed. "I don't want to pressure you, I know that's only going to make things worse. You're stuck in the middle, and that's not fair to you. But I have to _know._ I have to know if you meant it. Because I don't think you really _want_ that, Tori, not after everything we went through at school. Not after last week. If you _do_ , if you really think this is for the best, then I understand, and I'll walk away. But I have to hear it from you. Honestly. Face to face."

There was a long pause.

"Please, Tori," she said, quietly. "I've come a long way."

Tori's shoulders sagged as she looked away, lips set tight, and Jade felt her world slipping away. _You've lost_. _You're on your own_. After a moment, she reached for her hat. "I see," she said, clearing her throat and trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. "Then I guess I'll-"

She didn't get any further, because the other end of the hat was pinned down by Tori.

"No."

Jade looked up into sad brown eyes. " _No_ , what?" she said, cautiously. " _No_ , you don't want that, or _no_ , I can't have my hat?"

Tori let go of the hat. "No," she said, softly. "I don't want that."

Jade let go of the breath she felt like she'd been holding since she walked into the diner. "Then why?" she said. "Why would you say that? I mean, I know Carla doesn't like me, but she can't just tell you what to do."

"She didn't tell me to do it."

"What? Then-"

"She just said she'd leave me if I didn't."

.

.

.

They sat in silence on the bench behind the diner. Tori had negotiated a ten minute break with Helen, but it seemed as though they were going to spend most of it staring at the air-conditioning. Jade stole a glance at her companion. She'd always thought of Tori as childlike in many ways, an ungainly tangle of arms and hair, with a well-meaning smile and a cute nose. But seeing her like this - in profile, hair blown back by the breeze, her face lined with the cares of the world - she realized that she was looking at a grown woman, and felt a slight pang of guilt. She wondered if Tori knew how beautiful she was, or whether her years of belittlement at Jade's hand had left her diminished somehow, uncertain of her own worth.

"Tori..."

"This hasn't been easy for me, Jade," Tori said, quietly. "I know I made it sound like it was, but it wasn't." She paused, and looked up at the skyline. "This place," she said, "it's not like L.A. It's a small town. People look at you when you go out, there's graffiti in the washroom. There are bars you can't go to together, places where they'll... where you're not welcome."

Jade bit her lip. She was used to being unwelcome in bars, usually after drinking alone for a couple of hours, but she couldn't imagine what it would be like for someone like Tori, to find herself despised by strangers for nothing more than wanting to be happy.

"But Carla, she doesn't _care_ about any of that," Tori went on. "She can take it, laugh about it. She's tough enough to shrug it off. And the thing is, when I'm with her, I can be too. I'd never have been brave enough to do this without her. I _owe_ her, Jade. I owe her for that."

The _realpolitik_ of relationships, Jade thought, glumly. Obligation. "But do you love her?"

"It's not a question of love, Jade. All I know is, without her, I'd never have been able to be who I am."

"But-"

" I mean, it'd be all right for you," Tori said, turning to her. "You'd be like her, you wouldn't care what anyone thought. I mean, what would _your_ friends say? Hmm? If you got them all together and told them. What would they say?"

"Nothing," Jade said, truthfully, mindful of the fact that if she got all her friends together she'd be talking to an empty room.

"You see?"

"But you can't just put up with Carla forever because you feel you _owe_ her something, Tori," she said. "That's ridiculous."

"I don't 'put up' with her!" Tori said. "I know you don't like her, Jade, and I know you think I'm an idiot. But you don't see the other side of her."

"I know which side I'd _like_ to see of her."

"I'm serious."

"So am _I_ , Tori. Carla's not the only girl in the world. You'd find someone else. Someone you love."

"That's easy for _you_ to say," Tori said. " _You_ could go out, pick up a guy tomorrow and bang his brains out, no questions asked."

"Don't be gross."

"Well you could. _And_ you live back home, near your dad, and your friends. When you go away from here, what have _I_ got?" Tori said. "I don't _want_ to be on my own, Jade, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I know that sounds stupid, and pathetic, but you don't know what it was like, how lonely it felt when I left school and realized that my life wasn't going to be like everyone else's. That I was never going to be able to just go out to college parties and meet someone, that I was going to have to sneak around like some sort of... criminal."

"Jesus, Tori, this isn't the nineteen-fifties."

"It feels like it here."

"Then go somewhere else!"

" _Where_ , Jade? My dad's paying a lot of money for me to be here, I can hardly tell him I want to give it all up so I can move somewhere... gayer."

Jade's unexpected snort of laughter broke the tension, and Tori blushed. She slapped Jade's leg. "Don't."

"I'm sorry," Jade said. "It's just...I take it you haven't told him, yet?"

"What?" Tori shuddered. "No! God, no."

"You'll have to tell him sooner or later."

"Later. Definitely later."

"Chicken."

"What?" said Tori. "Would _you_ want to tell your dad?"

Jade thought back to their last conversation. "Actually, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't need to."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. But even if you want to stay with Carla," she said, "I still don't see why you're not allowed to have friends."

Tori screwed her face up. "It's not really _friends_ , as such..." she said.

"Then what?"

"It's more just... you."

Jade stared at her. "Me?" she said, crestfallen. "What's wrong with me? I mean, I know I don't always come across as the nicest person in the world-"

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

"Um…"

" _Tell_ me, Vega. Or I'll kill you with this hat."

"How can you-"

"Don't ask. Just tell."

"Well," Tori said, reluctantly, "when I met Carla, I didn't want her to think I was… inexperienced, you know? I didn't want her to think I was just playing around, experimenting. So I told her I'd already had a girlfriend. At school. Nothing serious, just kissing and stuff. But still, you know, a girlfriend."

"Okay," Jade said, warily. "But I still don't... see..." Tori was desperately wringing her hands and her face was turning scarlet. The penny finally dropped.

"You told her it was _me_?" she said, incredulously.

"...Kind of."

"For crying out loud, Tori!" Jade shook her head in disbelief. "There's no wonder she doesn't want me to hang out with you if she thinks I'm your ex! Why would you _do_ that?"

"I don't know!" Tori groaned. "I didn't think I was ever going to see you again, and I couldn't just make someone up, and-"

"But why _me_ , Tori? Why me? Why not... Alyssa or Cat, or somebody?"

"Because I wanted her to think I'd had a _cool_ girlfriend, that's why!" Tori said, helplessly. "She was showing off, with her friends, and her bands, and her clubs, and her 'scene', and I didn't want her to think I was just the ditzy little airhead that was tagging along, all wide-eyed and easy to impress. So I left my photo album out one night." She paused, unable to suppress a slight smile. "You should have seen her face when she saw you."

"I..." Jade didn't quite know what to say. She felt oddly choked up at the thought that, despite everything, Tori would hold her up as an example of girlfriendly coolness, even if it was only in her imagination. Although something was nagging at her that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Anyway, I thought she'd forgotten all about it," Tori went on, "but then when she realized who you were…"

"So why can't you just tell her the truth?" Jade said.

"What?"

"Just tell her you made it up to make her jealous. Problem solved."

"Because she won't believe me _now_ , will she?" Tori said, exasperated. "She'll think I'm lying. And anyway," she added, "it's not going to matter much after the other night."

"Oh, yeah." Jade muttered, cringing at the memory. "Sorry about that."

"Look," Tori said, "it doesn't mean we can't still be friends, okay? We can still call, and text, and chat online when she's out, and maybe in a few months, who knows? She might come round and be okay with it."

Jade looked sour. "I don't really want to have to sit around waiting for Carla's _permission_ to see you, Tori," she said.

"I _know_ you don't," Tori said, pleadingly. "I know you must hate it. But I just... I don't know what else to do. I don't want to lose her, Jade. Not right now. But I don't want to lose you either."

Jade looked at her - the hoisted eyebrows, the puppy-dog eyes, the way she was biting her lip – and felt herself crumbling. But she was only going to crumble so far.

"Okay," she said. "If that's the way you want it, I respect your decision."

Tori looked surprised. "What, really?"

"No," Jade said, flatly. "I think it's all kinds of crazy. But like I said, apparently I have to put up with your weirdness for all eternity."

"Er... right."

"But maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe we don't have to wait."

"I don't get it."

"What if..."

"What?"

"What if," Jade said, carefully, "Carla didn't need to know?"

.

.

.

And so it began.


	11. Thirty-Eight Seconds

___Love is a febrile and capricious thing. It can spring from nothing, blossom in the most unlikely circumstances, only to disappear in an instant, at the curl of a lip or a thoughtless word. It's not yours to choose, or demand - it settles like a butterfly, poised for flight, and all you can do is try not to scare it away._ _ _

_But a relationship is different. A relationship has weight, and direction, and momentum._

_And the longer it keeps rolling down the tracks, the harder it is to stop._

.

.

.

By the time Tori arrived back at her apartment, her head was so full of plans and promises, maneuvers and melodrama, that she entirely forgot she was supposed to be mad at Carla. The idea of a secret pact with Jade was so exciting that the object of the exercise, the reason for the deception, completely slipped her mind.

"Hi," she said without thinking, as she dumped her bag by the door.

Carla didn't speak for a moment, clearly taken aback by the change in Tori's mood. "Hi."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"We're speaking now?"

Tori looked up and blinked, as the situation came back to her. Somehow the fact that she was now in a position to circumvent Carla's demands robbed them of their sting. "Er..."

But Carla was quick to seize an opportunity. "I'm sorry," she said, closing the gap between them. "About Jade. I know you think I'm being unfair to you, but..."

Tori closed her eyes, briefly. _Here we go_. Carla was one of those people for whom it wasn't enough that you gave in to them, they wanted you to really _believe_ they were right.

"You do understand, don't you?" Carla put a hand on Tori's shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. Tori looked away, fixing her eyes on the wall, trying not to let the voice get to her. Despite what she'd told Jade, there had been a time when she'd _felt_ like she was in love, when she'd felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have Carla. She nodded eventually, because it was pointless to do anything else.

"You can't blame me for being _jealous,_ Tori," Carla went on, in a tone that suggested she was the voice of reason itself. "Just the thought of you two together, I mean I know _you_ wouldn't, Tori, but _her_ -"

She could do it now. Call her bluff. Make her leave. But of course, Carla wouldn't be leaving, would she? Because this was _her_ apartment. So it would be Tori who had to leave, who had to go out and find somewhere else to live. It was easy to make the big gestures when you didn't have to worry about the small details.

"I know, Carla," Tori cut her off, irritably. She really didn't want to have this conversation, not now. "I get it, okay? Just forget it."

"Are you sure?" Carla's expression was sympathetic, but there was still a hint of steel in it.

"Sure, I'm sure."

Look, I know I've been neglecting you lately," she said, running a finger lightly across Tori's collar bone. "So how about this Friday we go out. You and me. Somewhere nice."

Tori looked at her, warily. "Don't you have to work?"

"I'll tell them I can't do it."

"And what about the money?"

"We can manage. You're more important than money."

Tori found this a little hard to swallow, considering she never actually _saw_ any of Carla's money. "I guess."

"Good girl. Now, speaking of being neglected..." She drew her hand further down, to the buttons on Tori's shirt, and Tori felt herself shudder in response. Despite everything, Carla could still make her feel this way, and she felt the familiar pang of guilt. She wondered if Carla would ever know - if either of them would ever know - why she found it so hard to resist. Jade had almost spilt her little secret right across the dining table, and she found it hard to believe that Carla couldn't see it for herself. Or maybe she could. Maybe she knew, somewhere deep down, what it was all about. She looked down at pale fingers tipped with black nail polish, tracing across her skin, and closed her eyes.

.

.

.

Jade sat down at her desk, fired with a new passion. One that involved what she now realized were her two favorite things - seeing Tori, and putting one over on Carla. She pushed aside her college timetable, and started work on a new timetable of her own. _Tori's shifts at the café. Tori's college lectures. The nights when Carla was working. The nights when Carla_ might _be working_ \- probably best to shade those a different color, she decided. Next she brought up cinema listings for the area, looking for films that Tori could conceivably need to see as part of her course, and started to cross-reference them with the 'maybe' nights in case of emergency. She knew, at the back of her mind, that this was needless overkill, that she was making way too big a deal of it, but she never felt so alive than when she was outsmarting someone. Besides, what else did she have to do? Well, she had a fuckload of college work to do, but that could wait. She could do that in the hotel.

 _The hotel._ She leaned back, and rattled the pen on her teeth, thoughtfully. She'd have to plan ahead for that, her dad was never going to bankroll her staying somewhere expensive, not that often, not when there was the cost of gas to consider as well. She wrote 'gas' on the timetable as a reminder.

She sighed. She didn't _need_ to see her. She really didn't. Tori had been right, they could call, text, still be friends. It happened all the time. Friendship didn't need proximity, it only needed perseverance. No, she didn't need to see Tori.

It was just... she wasn't sure she could _not_ see her. Not sure she could share a joke without seeing Tori's face break into a goofy smile when she finally got it, not sure she could compliment her without seeing her blush, hooking her hair behind her ear in coy embarrassment, not sure she could mock her without seeing her stick her tongue out in return.

She wasn't sure she could do _any_ of these things. Not now.

.

.

.

"So," her dad said, as he leaned against the counter top. They were waiting for dinner to cook, a bottle of wine already open. "How did it go?"

"Fine," Jade mumbled into her drink. She didn't really want to go into detail. Which was unfortunate, because detail was very much her dad's thing.

"You sorted it out with Tori?"

"Um."

"Is that 'Um' as in, _'Yes, dad, we sat down and talked about it like_ _adults'_ , or 'Um' as in, _'I've done something stupid'_?"

"Hey! I didn't come her to be insulted, you know."

"I know. It's just something I throw in for free. So come on, enquiring minds want to know."

"Okay," Jade sighed. "Well, I spoke to Tori, and we decided that she didn't want to leave Carla."

" _We_ decided?"

"All right, she decided."

"So Carla's changed her mind?"

"Not exactly."

"I see. Which part of 'sorted it out' am I missing?"

"We're still going to be friends, we're just… not going to mention it to Carla."

"So you're going behind her back."

"Kind of."

"Hmm."

"What?" Jade protested. "'Screw Carla', you said. So that's what we're doing."

"I _meant_ , never mind what she thinks. I didn't mean start an affair."

"It's not an affair!"

"You're sneaking around, meeting up without her knowing," her dad said. "That's ninety percent of what having an affair's all about."

"No it isn't!" Jade said. "And anyway, I'm pretty sure it's the other ten percent that counts."

"Uh huh. And speaking of the other 'ten percent'..."

"Still not gay, Dad."

"I'm saying nothing."

"Very loudly."

"She seemed like a nice girl."

"You know, you're rapidly talking yourself out of grandkids here, Dad."

"Never liked grandkids. Untidy, smelly little things. Anyway, I hear they can do wonders with technology, these days."

"You want _robot_ grandkids?"

Her dad rolled his eyes. "No. I just mean if you wanted kids, there are things you can do."

"Don't be gross."

"Just saying."

"Well _stop_ saying."

"I just want you to be happy, that's all."

"I'd be a lot happier if you didn't keep impugning my heterosexual credentials."

"I'm sorry. Consider them unimpugned."

"Thank you."

"Although they're a little academic these days, it seems."

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Will you stay out of my sex life! You know, I'm beginning to think I preferred you back when you were cold and judgemental."

"When was I cold and judgemental?"

"When mom was still here."

"I preferred to think of it as dignified and restrained. More wine?"

"Thanks."

"All I'm saying is, you're going to a whole lot of effort to see a girl that you could just as easily chat to over the videophone."

"The 'videophone'?"

"Or whatever you call it. It just seems like you're planning to spend a lot of time and money - my money - chasing her around, and you're wasting it if you don't know what it is you want."

"So, what, you want me to come up with some kind of _business_ case for this?"

"Think of it as maximizing your investment."

"You old romantic, you."

"So there is romance?"

"Is dinner ready, yet?"

"I dunno. Should this light be on?"

"That's the washing machine, Dad. The oven's over there."

.

.

.

The Phoney Affair. That was how Jade would come to describe it in later years. She would drive herself to whatever motel was the cheapest and hole up there, waiting for the call, making needlessly complicated plans and diversions for the sake of the few hours she got to spend with Tori. She could never go to the apartment - the risk was too great, and anyway the apartment itself reminded her of Carla, and the fact that Tori had another life. Better like this, better to fool herself that nothing existed outside the time they spent together. Better to make plans and try to ignore the niggling thought at the back of her mind that there was a word for this, a word for this kind of dedication, obsession, devotion to wanting to be with someone else. A word that she'd given up on a long time ago.

_"She says she wants to drive me there, what am I going to do?"_

_"Give me a minute... Right, there's an art house five blocks down on Springdale showing 'Empire'. Let her take you, go in and buy a ticket. Sit somewhere near the back. I'll meet you in there."_

_"Okay. Are we... going to watch the movie?"_

_"Not unless you want to die of boredom. We'll give it ten minutes and go out the side door."_

_"What if she wants to pick me up?"_

_"We'll get back in the same way. Now scoot, before she hears you."_

_"Got it."_

And so it went on. Jade was guiltily aware that all the risk was on Tori's side, and in reflective moments she wondered if what she was doing wasn't storing up disaster for the poor girl if Carla found out. But she just couldn't help it. In fact she entertained a brief fantasy that Carla _would_ find out, and that she'd be called upon to dash heroically across town to rescue Tori from her evil clutches, sweeping the Latina off her feet and whisking her away to... Well, she hadn't quite figured that part out. She was dimly aware that whatever happened, Tori would still end up with someone else, and somehow it seemed an even worse prospect if that person was a nice, pleasant individual that Tori actually loved, because then she wouldn't need Jade at all. _You know what you're doing, don't you?_ a little voice said with depressing regularity, usually after she'd dropped Tori off at the end of the street and retiring to her room to drink herself stupid in frustration. _You're encouraging her to stay with someone awful so that she'll look forward to seeing you, so that you'll look better by comparison. You want her to be miserable so that you'll be the best thing in her life._

Shut up.

_You are a terrible, terrible person._

I said, shut up.

_Because you can't believe she'd love you for who you are._

Shut. Up.

.

.

.

"Do you like me, Tori?" They sat outside a small café, sufficiently off the beaten track to make it unlikely they'd be seen by any of Carla's associates.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you _like_ me?" Jade said. "Am I a nice person?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"What I mean is, would you choose to hang out with me if you didn't have to?"

"Of course I would. And anyway, I don't have to. I _want_ to."

"Right." Jade nodded. "Good. Thanks."

"Are you going to tell me what's this is all about?"

"Nothing. It's just... Oh crap, look at the time. We gotta go."

"Jade..."

"We've really gotta go."

"We've got half an hour yet."

"Yeah, and you'll need to take a wazz before we set off, and that takes at least twenty minutes."

"It does not!"

"I've never known anyone take as long as you in there. It's quicker to drain a swamp."

"Shut up. Anyway, I don't spend the whole time peeing. I need to fix my hair and things."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with your hair. Your hair always looks perfect. That's one of the things I find most annoying about you."

"You should see me when I get out of bed."

Jade raised a provocative eyebrow. "That's a little forward, Vega. This is only our second date."

"Very funny. You do realize it's illegal for straight people to flirt with their gay friends, right?"

"In what state?"

"Denial."

"Touché."

"Yeah, feel the burn. Anyway, you're avoiding the question."

"What question?"

"About why you want to know whether I like you."

"It's really nothing."

"I'm going to keep asking. And before you say anything, yes, I do know that's the other thing you find annoying about me."

"I didn't say there were only two."

"Don't push it, West. Spill."

"Well... Hey, look, shoes!"

"Nice try. I'm not Trina. So what is it?"

Jade sighed. "All right. I just wondered if things had been different between you and Carla, and we weren't doing all this cloak-and-dagger stuff, and I wasn't such a dangerous obsessive…"

"Yes?"

"Would you have actually _wanted_ to see me?"

"Of course I would."

"Really?"

"Really. I know I didn't get in touch, but things were difficult with Carla. It just... I suppose I always knew at the back of my mind that she wouldn't like it, that she'd kick up a fuss. It just seemed easier this way. And I know what we said at school, but I honestly wasn't sure that you actually meant it."

"You're calling me a liar? I'm pretty offended."

" _'Coffee and donuts'_ , offended?" Tori said. "Or _'pistols at dawn'_ , offended?"

"Somewhere in between."

"Pfft. Anyway, you used to lie to me all the time. Like when you pretended to be from the record company, or when you told me you needed the game show money for your mom, or when you said we weren't-"

"All right, I get it. I'll downgrade my offendedness to 'mildly peeved'."

"Speaking of pee..."

"I knew it. Go on. You've got five minutes, and then we've really got to go, or you'll turn into a pumpkin and I don't need the mess in my car."

"all right, bossy."

"I am not... Urrgh."

.

.

.

Jade pulled up as arranged at the corner of the street. "Will she be in?"

"I don't know. She's not supposed to be going out, but you know what her work's like."

"Yeah," Jade said, sourly. "I never realized 'Assistant To Some Guy' was such a demanding job."

"She works hard, Jade," Tori said, but there wasn't much conviction behind it. "She's really keen."

"She must be," Jade said. "For someone who's so all-fired jealous about us being alone together, she couldn't get out of the apartment fast enough the other night."

"Yeah." Tori was puzzled. "I never thought of that."

"Anyway, you'd better go. I've got to find a gas station before I head out."

"You're going home tonight?"

"Yeah. Got a class in the morning that I need to catch."

"Here," Tori said, reaching into her purse. "Let me give you some gas money."

"Whoa, whoa. You don't need to do that. I'm good."

"Oh, come on, Jade. I mean, I know it's not much, but I feel guilty enough as it is that you have to come all the way here."

"I don't have to, I want to," Jade said, echoing Tori's sentiment. "And besides, my dad's helping me out."

"Your dad?" Tori said. "I thought you didn't get on with him?"

"We're pretty cool now. After my mom left he loosened up a little."

There was a short, accusatory silence. "What?"

"You didn't tell me your mom left."

"Should I have?"

"Yes, Jade," Tori said, patiently. "Because that's the kind of thing friends _tell_ friends."

"Really? Seems a little... personal."

"Friends _are_ personal. That's kind of the point." Tori sighed. "You know, you are really going to have to work on the whole 'sharing' thing. So what did your dad say? Did you tell him why you wanted the money?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"I just told him I needed to see you, and he was fine about it."

"You _needed_ to see me? That's so sweet."

"Yeah." Jade looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Does he remember me?"

"Uh huh."

"That sounds bad."

"No, he thinks you're great," Jade said. "It's just me he's not sure about."

"You?"

"Doesn't matter. Come on, shift your butt, or the scary ogre lady's going to be mad with you."

Tori laughed. "I'm gone," she said. She leaned across and drew Jade into a hug - lingering, in Jade's opinion, _way_ too long, the scent of the perfume on her skin etching itself indelibly into her brain - and got out of the car. "I'll call you later," she said, and started to cross the street. "And just for the record," she shouted back, "I don't think you're an ogre."

"I wasn't talking about-"

"Call you!" And with that she was gone. Jade sat simmering for a moment. Tori was getting way too good at that. She watched her go around the corner with a wave, and started slowly counting to herself, waiting for what she just knew would happen.

Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty...

There. There it was. Thirty-eight seconds. That's how long it took.

That's how long it took before she was missing her.

_Damn it, Jade._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**For the record, 'Empire' is an Andy Warhol film. It's eight hours long and nothing happens.**


	12. Of All the Bars in All the World

_Once every two weeks. Once a week. Twice a week._

_._

_._

_._

"Why do you come here?"

They were sitting at a table outside a café on the far side of town. It was one of Carla's work nights, and they had plans later. Jade looked up in surprise. "What?" she said.

"I don't mean I don't _want_ you here," Tori said, quickly. "It's just... when we agreed to this, I thought it would be once a month, maybe. But now you're here every week. Twice a week, sometimes."

"You're sick of me already?"

"No! No. I'm just worried about you, that's all. Don't you have other stuff to do? What about college, and your other friends? I don't want you to neglect them."

"I do my college work in the hotel."

"And your friends?"

Jade stayed silent, and stared into her coffee.

"Jade?"

"Hmm?"

"I said, what about your other friends?"

"What about them?"

Tori sighed. "I thought we talked about the whole 'sharing' thing," she said. If you want to be my friend, you have to let me be yours, too. You have to open up to me once in a while."

"I know."

"So..?"

Jade hesitated. "I don't have any other friends."

"What?"

"People don't like me."

"Oh, come on, Jade," Tori scoffed. "That's not true."

"It is," Jade insisted. "Guys find me intimidating because I can't do the whole girlie thing, you know, flutter my eyelashes and drool over them, make them feel all big and manly like... like _some_ girls can."

"Some girls? You mean me?"

"No," Jade said. "Of course not."

"Good."

"Well, maybe a little."

"I don't _drool_ over people!"

"You drooled over Ryder."

"Yeah, and look how well that went," Tori said. "He was just using me to get what he wanted."

"Yeah, well, it's what he _wanted_ that makes him just a fucking idiot," Jade said. "You were all over him. He had the chance to go all the way with the prettiest girl in the school, and he threw it all away for the sake of some dumb assignment. He deserved to have his car torched just for being so... _wasteful_."

"Well, I guess he... wait, what do you mean, _all the way_? I wasn't going to go all the way!"

"And the girls just flat out don't trust me," Jade said, ignoring her. "They all think I'm up to something."

"Well, to be fair," Tori said, "you usually are."

"I am not!" Jade said. "Not always. But even when I _try_ to be friendly they run a mile."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Watch this." A woman drifted past their table. Jade leaned across, and smiled. "Hi," she said. "How's it going?"

The woman's eyes narrowed, then widened in alarm as she began to back careful away, only breaking into a run when she'd cleared the edge of the tables and had an open route towards the main road. "See?" Jade said.

"You cheated."

"How?"

"That's the smile you used when you were going to bury me in the desert."

"That's my _actual_ smile!" Jade said in frustration. "And I was _not_ going to bury you, whatever you think. I was trying to be helpful."

"Oh," Tori said. "In that case, you might want to work on it. Make it a little less... sinister."

Well, thanks, Tori. I'm so glad we got into all this sharing, I feel a whole lot better about myself now."

"Sorry. Well, what about the guys from school? They can't all have moved away. I know Cat went upstate somewhere, but you must keep in touch."

Jade's face darkened. "No."

"Why not?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Wrong answer."

"What? Aren't I allowed to have _any_ privacy in this relationship?"

"No."

"Remind me again why I want to be friends with you?"

"Because I'm the prettiest girl in school."

"Who said so?"

"You just did."

"Fine. But that's not a reason to be friends with someone unless you're trying to get them into bed. Which I'm not," she added. "Before you get any ideas."

"Okay, how about… because I care about you."

Jade hadn't been expecting that, and she blushed slightly. "Okay, fine," she said briskly to cover her embarrassment. "If you're going to get all soppy about it, I'll tell you." She took a deep breath. "After school," she said, "after I broke up with Beck..." She stared back at the coffee cup. "Nobody wanted to see me."

It took Tori a few seconds to react. "They didn't want to see you?" she said, incredulously. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not joking, Tori. They just cut me out. Beck was the one they really wanted to see, not me. They were probably relieved when we split up."

"That can't be true," Tori said. "What about Cat? She was your friend from way back."

Jade shrugged. "Maybe," she said. "But that's the way it went."

"How do you know? Did they say something?"

"They didn't have to."

"What do you mean?"

"Later that year," Jade said, quietly, "my mom left."

The wind picked up a little, rippling the awning and sending stray strands of hair across her face. "It was my birthday. And my dad said he'd spring for a party - nothing extravagant, such a few drinks with friends, but he thought it might cheer me up, you know? Take my mind off things. So I wrote out a bunch of invitations to the guys, and posted them off, and..."

"And?"

Jade didn't answer right away, but turned her head into the breeze, and Tori could see the sheen on her eyes. "Nobody came."

Tori felt a prickle at the back of her neck. "No one?"

"No," Jade said. "It was just me, and my dad, and a couple of aunts. I mean, I didn't really expect Beck to show up, but I thought he might at least let me know. But I didn't get anything. From anyone. Not even a text."

"But..." Tori was dumbstruck. "Why would they _do_ that?"

"I don't know."

"But didn't you _call_ them?" Tori said. "Maybe there was a mistake, or the date was wrong, or-"

"I'm hardly likely to get the date of my own birthday wrong, am I?" Jade said, irritably. "No, I didn't call them. They didn't want to come, so screw 'em. I'm not crawling round after them to find out why. I do have some pride, Tori."

There was a pause. Tori looked down, and stirred her spoon around an empty cup. "I'd have come," she said.

Jade looked up. "Then why didn't you?"

"I… What?"

"I sent you an invite."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did," Jade said. "I sent it to your mom's house."

"I never got it."

"Then Trina probably ate it." She shrugged. "It's okay," she said. "I didn't really expect _you_ to come."

"Why not?"

"I bumped into your mom in the store, and she said you hardly ever came back home because you were _so_ busy at college. Of course now I realize what a filthy liar you are, because really you were too busy getting stoned and tipping the velvet to be bothered."

"I was not!"

"Whatever. Anyway, I figured you wouldn't be able to make it, so I didn't stress about it."

"But why didn't you say something when you came to the diner? You must have thought I was a total bitch."

"Yeah."

"You're supposed to deny that."

"I'm kidding. I don't know why, really," Jade said. "I guess _I_ wasn't quite sure how we'd left it after school, either. And you were so pleased to see me I didn't want to bring it up and spoil things."

It occurred to Tori that it must have taken quite a lot of nerve to drive all the way up here that first time, to brazen it out without knowing what sort of reception she was going to get.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I wish I'd known."

"Can't be helped now. It's not your fault."

"No, but I still feel..." Tori pulled out her own phone. "Right," she said.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling Andre."

"Why?"

"To find out why he didn't come."

"What? Whoa! The hell you are."

"Why not?"

"I've just told you, I don't want to know."

"Why not?"

"Because what are you going to do if he says he just didn't _want_ to?" Jade said. "Lie to me? Make something up? Or are you going to sit there and tell me to my face that everyone hates me?"

"But I could at least-"

"If you dial that number, Tori Vega, I swear to God I'm going to wait until he answers, and then I'm going to shout as loud as I can into it that you're working as a drug runner for your butch lesbian girlfriend, and that he should call your dad and send him up here to bust the pair of you."

"You wouldn't... hey, Carla's not butch."

"Butch is in the eye of the beholder."

"No it isn't. Okay, fine, I won't call him." Tori put the phone away, quietly resolving to call Andre when she got the chance. Jade didn't need to know.

"Thank you."

"But I still think you should sort it out. It doesn't sound like them."

"I don't need them, Tori."

"But if you're coming all the way up here just because you're lonely..."

"I don't come here because I'm _lonely_ , Tori," Jade said, sharply. "I come here because I want to see you. Because, you know..." She blushed a little. "I care about you too, I guess."

"Awww."

"Anyway," she said, signaling for the check, "if I was just lonely, it'd be cheaper to hire a hooker every weekend. At least then I wouldn't have to do all this 'sharing' business. Are you ready to go?"

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.

.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing. It's just..."

"What?"

"If I'd known you were willing to _pay,_ maybe I wouldn't have to work so many shifts at the diner."

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.

"You grab the drinks, I'll go find us a table." Jade made her way through the bar, looking for an empty spot leaving Tori to wrestle with the challenge of not pouring her drink into her own handbag while she struggled to carry everything. It was pretty busy, and she was just about to give up when she spotted a familiar face in the corner.

Or half a familiar face, the other half being somewhat buried in the face of the girl next to her. _Shit_. She should turn around, hustle Tori out of here, because this was only going to go badly. Someone was going to get hurt.

Well, two people, at least.

_Do the sensible thing, Jade, just-_

"Well, well," she said. "Busy night at the office, is it?"

Carla's eye swiveled sideways like a chameleon's, until it met Jade's, at which point it sprang open and she tore her lips away from her companion's.

"You!"

"Yeah, _me_ ," Jade said. "So, are you going to introduce me to your little friend?"

Carla's 'little friend' clearly had no idea what was going on. "Who are you?"

"Who am I?" Jade said. "Well, that's an interesting question. Why don't you tell her, Carla?"

"Shut the fuck up," Carla hissed. "This is none of your business."

"I kind of think it _is_ my business," Jade said, coldly, "because-"

"Is everything all right?" Tori's voice came from behind her. "I heard..." She froze, as she saw where Jade's attention lay.

"No, Tori," Jade said, quietly. "Everything is very much _not_ all right."

"Carla?" Tori whispered in horror. "What are you doing here?"

Carla clearly saw attack as the best form of defense. "Me?" she said. "What the hell is _she_ doing here?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Jade snapped. "Don't you get on your fucking high horse with me, you cheating little bitch. I'm not the one with my tongue down someone else's throat."

"Not for lack of fucking trying, I'll bet."

" _Why you little-"_ Jade lunged for Carla, just as Carla struggled to her feet, and the table between them crashed to the floor, glasses flying everywhere. The girl beside Carla flinched away from the violence, covering her face.

"Jade!" Tori's voice cut through the ruckus, and Jade paused, fist raised, hair strewn across her face, as though genuinely baffled at the interruption.

"What?"

Tori's face was white with fury. "Could you take me home, please."

"Yeah, right." Jade returned her attention to Carla. "Just as soon as I've-"

" _Now_ , please."

The set of Tori's jaw indicated that this wasn't really a request. Jade reluctantly tore herself away, shoving Carla back down into her seat. She treated her to one last hostile glare, then brushed herself down, and turned to Tori. "Listen," she said. "We should-"

But Tori only shook her head in disgust, and headed for the door.


	13. Careful What You Wish For

**Ok, we're about halfway through now. **Many thanks to those of you who've left a review or kudos, I appreciate it.****

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They walked towards the car, Tori ahead, Jade sneaking backward glances toward the bar door. She half-expected Carla to come out after them, and relished the idea of finishing what they'd started, with or without Tori's approval. But the door stayed closed, so she double-stepped to catch up with the other girl. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Tori," she started, "I should have-"

"How _could_ she?" Tori turned, wild-eyed with anger. "How could she _do_ that to me?"

"Well, I guess she-"

"Am I a bad girlfriend?" Tori demanded, bitterly. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"What? No! God, no. I mean, I'm not one to judge, obviously, but-"

"So why? Why would she do that? And with that little... tramp in there. Why, for God's sake?"

"I don't know!" Jade said, determined to get a complete sentence out. "Look, Tori, I think we ought to-"

"Get away from me!"

"I... _what_?"

"This is your fault!" Tori said. "If you hadn't come here, none of this would have happened! If I hadn't spent all my time with you, sneaking off, pretending to see crappy movies, if I'd been there more often, maybe she wouldn't have needed to go off with someone else!"

Jade was speechless. She wasn't sure whether Tori genuinely believed this, but she sure as hell wasn't going to let _that_ go. "Get in the car," she growled.

"What?"

"Get in the car."

"Why?"

"Get in the goddamn car!"

"I'm not-" Tori didn't have time to say anything else, before Jade grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the passenger door, bundling her through it. "Hey! You can't just-"

She slammed the door and went back to the driver's side, yanking the door open and climbing in.

"This is abduction!" Tori said, hotly.

"Think of it more as an intervention."

"What for?"

"For being a moron! Now listen up, Tori Vega," she hissed, "I am not going to let you blame me for this, okay? I fought for this friendship, and I tried not to be pretty hurt by the fact that you didn't."

"That's not fair!"

"Shut up. What happened in there isn't your fault. You're _a great_ girlfriend. If you were my girlfriend, I'd never stop pinching myself to make sure it was true. But it isn't _my_ fault, either. This isn't the first time, Tori. This was going on long before I came on the scene."

"That's not true!"

"Where is she, Tori? Where's Carla? Why isn't she out here right now, making a scene? Or on her knees begging for forgiveness? Or doing anything at all?"

"I-"

"I'll tell you why. Because she's in there, crawling to that other girl. Trying to explain herself, trying to make things right with _her_. That isn't just some broad she's picked up tonight because she's pissed at you. That's her girlfriend, Tori. Her _other_ girlfriend."

"No!"

"Where do you think she went, hmm? The night I came over. Where did she rush off to at a moment's notice? Work? What the fuck is so important about watching a band that you need to be on call twenty-four seven?"

"I don't know."

"I'll bet I can guess."

"But-"

"How much money does she bring home? Really? Do you ever see it? Count it?"

"No, she said... I..."

"There _is_ no job, Tori! She doesn't work in A &R, I bet she can't even spell it. She spends every night with _her_ , while you're sat at home doing the dishes. That's why she never takes you with her, that's why no one ever comes to the apartment. _You're_ the dirty secret, not her. She's taking you for a fool."

"Please..."

"As far as she's concerned you're just a gullible, fuckable little idiot that she can do what she likes with, because you're too spineless to stand up to her."

This was a touch too far, and Jade realized it immediately. Tori's expression set like stone, her nostril flaring, and Jade rapidly added 'furious' Tori to the list of things she didn't like to see. "Shit," she said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

But Tori was already out of the car, and heading down the street. Jade cursed herself, tumbling out of the car in pursuit. "Come on, Tori," she called, "I didn't mean that."

Tori spun back to face her. "Is that what you think of me?" she said.

"I was just-"

"It is, isn't it?" Tori fumed. "You and Carla, you're both the same, you both treat me like I'm some kind of idiot."

"No we don't!" Jade realized she was including Carla in her defense. "Well, _I_ don't."

"I'm not a child, Jade! I know this wasn't the best relationship in the world, but I _tried_. I tried really hard to make it work. I don't deserve this."

"I'm not saying you do!"

"Why can't I be happy?" Tori went on, angrily. "Why can't I have the things that other people have? Why does everyone think I'm just there to be kicked around while they do whatever they want?"

"Tori..."

"Why does no one ever care about _me?"_

The question hung in the air, and Jade faltered. She wasn't used to this. Other people's distress usually made her smug or irritable, depending on whether she was the cause of it or not. But she was aware that normal people _did_ and _said_ things at a time like this that didn't involve shouting, laughing, or taking pictures, things that were designed to comfort the afflicted, make them feel better. She wished she had time to fire up the internet and find out what they were, but Tori's question couldn't be left unanswered for much longer.

"I do?" she said, hopefully.

It was enough. Tori's shoulders sagged as the anger ebbed away, replaced by tears. She slumped down onto the edge of the sidewalk, head in her hands, long brown hair cascading down around her face. Jade sat down beside her, venturing a sympathetic pat on the back, gently, as though Tori might explode if she pressed too hard. "Look," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

There was a damp sniff from somewhere under the hair. "I know."

"Come on." Jade extended her arm into a hug. "Come to mama." She pulled Tori towards her as the tears started in earnest, nuzzling her hair and made hushing noises, rocking her gently backwards and forwards until the sobs eventually subsided into a wet sniffle. Tori finally looked up, nose running, make-up smeared with tears. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's fine," Jade said. "It'll probably wash off."

"What?" Tori blinked, and looked down at Jade's dress. "Oh, God." She made a half-hearted attempt to wipe the mascara and snot off it with her sleeve. "No, I mean I'm sorry about what I _said_. It's not your fault. You're the last person I should be taking it out on."

"Yeah, well," Jade said, not quite sure whether it was bad form to agree. "I-"

"It's just... what am I going to _do_? Where am I going to go? I can't go back there and face her, not like this."

Jade was on firmer ground with practicalities. She disentangled herself and stood up.

"Look," she said, "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You going to come back with me and stay at the hotel tonight. Tomorrow we'll figure something out."

Tori nodded helplessly, and allowed herself to be dragged to her feet and shepherded back to the car, as Jade mouthed silent promises to herself to rip Carla's throat out the next time she saw her.

They drove in silence to the hotel, Tori staring sightlessly out of the window, Jade stealing occasional glances at her passenger. _This is your fault_ , the wheedling little voice inside said. _You wanted this. And now look at her._

I didn't want this.

_Yeah, you did. You wanted to rescue her from Carla, and now here you are on your white steed, spiriting her away to your castle to take advantage of the situation._

"What? Jade bridled at her own accusation. I am not!

_Really?_

Really!

_Then why don't you take her to her own apartment?_

Because Carla might be there.

_And they might have a chance to talk. Patch things up. Sort things out._

Carla doesn't deserve a chance to sort things out.

_Says who? You're hardly in a position to deny her the right to forgive someone._

That's not the same.

_Some people never recover from being bullied at school._

I didn't bully her! We were friends. She said so.

_Two words. Stockholm Syndrome._

Now you're just being melodramatic. And anyway, even if I did, that's all over. We're friends now.

_So you want what's best for her?_

Yes.

_Even if it means helping her get back with Carla?_

No!

_So you'd hurt her to keep her to yourself?_

I'm not hurting her! I'd _never_ hurt her. I lo...

_Hmm?_

Like her. I _like_ her.

_Right._

"Oh, shut up."

"What?"

Jade blushed guiltily, wondering how much of her internal dialog had come out loud. "Nothing," she said, quickly. "I was just... nothing."

Tori shrugged and turned her attention back to the window, as Jade clamped her mouth shut and tightened her grip on the wheel.

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.

They entered Jade's room to the crackle of electricity as the bulb flickered reluctantly into life, and Jade regretted not having spent more on her accommodation. A little luxury might have gone some way to lighten Tori's mood, but this place was more likely to send her running home in horror, offering forgiveness in return for a hot shower. "I'm sorry," she said, "it's not much."

Tori looked around, as though she'd never seen the inside of a room before, picked the nearest thing, and sat on it.

"It's fine," she said, wearily.

"Okay," Jade said. "Listen. Why don't I fix us a couple of drinks, and we can sit down, talk about it, have a good old moan about how awful guys - I mean _girls_ are, and maybe you'll feel a little better and we can... Tori? Hey, Vega."

Tori had slowly toppled sideways onto the bed and was laying there curled up in a ball. "Or," Jade corrected herself, "we can just forget all about that and get some sleep." There was no answer but a low moan. "Okay, well, that sounds like a plan. Why don't you take the bed," she offered generously, when it became clear Tori had no intention of shifting any time soon, "and I'll take the..." She eyed a suspicious lump of furniture that resembled a pile of packing crates under a chintz tarpaulin. "Whatever this is." She went over to investigate.

"Jade?" Tori murmured.

"Uh huh?" She kicked the pile experimentally and it collapsed with a thud. "Damn it."

"Will you sit with me?"

She gave up and went over to the bed, sitting down awkwardly behind Tori. After a few seconds a hand emerged from the huddled shape, wiggling its fingers in silent supplication. Jade slid her own hand into it, and it closed tightly.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"What I said before. About it being your fault."

"Forget it. You were upset. It's fine."

"It's _not_ fine, Jade," Tori insisted, quietly. "It's not fine at all. You were right. You've never been anything other than a friend to me, and I let you down."

"Well..." Jade said, uncomfortably, "I guess that depends on what kind of timeframe we're looking at. I mean if it's just the last few _months_ ," she said, "then I guess you could say that's kind of true, but if we're looking at the whole you-and-me thing, you know, the _big_ picture - say the last three years, or so - then I think, on balance, that I've probably been-"

"Jade?"

"-a bit of a... What?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

"What I'm saying is, I don't want to lose you. Not now."

"You won't."

"I mean it. I don't want you to think I'm not worth the effort," Tori said. "I know it costs you a lot to be here, and I appreciate it, I _really_ do. I screwed up letting Carla try to keep us apart, and I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I don't want to drive you away, Jade. Not after everything."

"Tori-"

"Please?"

That was too much for Jade. "Listen," she said. "I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever. You wanted a friend, and now you're stuck with one. And no amount of acting like a soppy dork is going to get you out of it."

She felt Tori's shoulder shake slightly in what she hoped was a laugh, and the hand tightened on hers. "So don't say you haven't been warned," she went on. "Now, how about you get some sleep, before I have to do the whole 'shushing' thing again."

Tori nodded, head still buried in the pillow. After a while her breathing began to settle, and soon a long, sonorous snore indicated that she was asleep. Jade reached out, and gently stroked her hair, feeling her own eyes prickle with tears at the injustice of it. Tori shouldn't have to beg for friendship. If anyone should be doing the begging, it should be _her_ \- she'd rejected it so many times, it seemed ridiculous that anyone was still willing to offer it. But then Tori had always been different. Jade's walls were a hundred yards high and forty feet thick, Tori's were more like her school science projects - a hopeless jumble of matchsticks and cereal boxes, held together by sticky-tape and hope. All it ever took was a kind word or a lost cause to watch them crumble and let the sunlight break through.

She shook her head, and rose to resume her battle with the sofa, but found it impossible - Tori seemed disinclined, even in sleep, to let go of her hand. She sighed, and resigned herself to staying put. She curled up on the bed next to Tori, compelled by their position to follow her contours, and tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about the heat of the body beside her, or the thinness of her dress. Tried not to think about the fact that she was, to all intents and purposes, spooning Tori Vega. Damn it.

_You could have moved._

She was holding my hand.

_And she has a grip of iron, does she?_

She's stronger than she looks.

_Yeah, right. Go on, admit it. You like it._

I do not.

_Yeah you do, spoony girl._

"Not now, brain," she muttered into the pillow, and finally fell asleep, her breathing staccato at first, restless and uneven, then slowing, deepening, searching for and finally finding the rhythm of the girl in her arms.

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And later, somewhere in the darkness, someone whispered, "I love you."

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But it went unheard.


	14. Better

**Hey, here we are again with two girls making a complete mess of what should be the simplest thing in the world.  
**

**But then if you fell in love with your best friend, what would _you_ do?**

**Many thanks for your comments, I really appreciate them.**

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_Where am I?_

Two o'clock. Tori opened her eyes to unfamiliar walls striped by shafts of moonlight, and for a moment had no idea where she was. Not her apartment. Not _anyone's_ apartment by the look of it. A faint sigh from behind her made her catch her breath, and she became aware of the hand curled around her waist. She looked down.

Ivory skin. Black nail polish.

But not Carla. Carla never held her at night.

_Jade._

And then it came back to her.

_Where are you? You're exactly where you've always wanted to be._

And she felt her lashes grow damp and heavy with the irony of it.

_You've lived so long with a pale imitation, fighting to convince yourself that it was good enough, that Carla was at least a picture of Jade that you could touch, make your own, that all the pain was worth it. And now the real thing's here, right beside you, and you're no better off than before. Because this isn't real, either. No matter how tightly she holds you, no matter how close you feel, there's still a thousand miles between you. It's still just the sympathy of a friend._

_What would it take? How much effort to turn now, press your lips to hers, tell her the truth? And watch everything crumble to dust. The look of shock and betrayal in her eyes as she backed away. Would she be angry? Embarrassed? Disgusted? Would she throw you out? Or worse, would she be nice about it? Let you down gently, tell you in hushed tones that the one thing you'd give your life to have is never going to be yours. But it's okay, you can still be friends._

_For a little while, anyway. Then the visits would stop, and the phone calls would tail off, and you'd lose even the little part of her that you had._

_No, this way is better. Better to offer her the friendship she wants, rather than a love she doesn't. Better to be her confidante, her companion, than to risk driving her away. It would be worth it, just to know that you mean something to her._

_And who knows, maybe there'll be other times like this. Times when you can pretend, for a few brief moments, that she's yours._

She waited for a few seconds until she was sure that Jade was asleep, then touched her finger to her lips, and pressed it gently against the hand at her waist, the closest to a kiss she could manage.

"I love you," she whispered.

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Jade awoke with her face buried in a tangle of auburn hair smelling of shampoo and perfume, her nose nuzzling the curve of Tori's neck. She realized that during the night she'd snuggled up further, and was pressed so tightly into the other girl's back that, if she'd been a guy, Tori would be waking up to an unwelcome surprise.

She lay silent for a while, pondering her predicament. Her hand was around Tori's waist, Tori's hand was on hers. It was desperately important that she extricate herself from this position without waking her, in case Tori thought... what? What would Tori think? Maybe Tori would be cool with it. Maybe she should just roll her over, wake her with a kiss, slip the straps from her shoulders, run a hand over her-

"Fuck." Jade wrenched herself away from Tori's back, rolling across the bed to safety. There turned out to be a lot less bed than she was expecting, and she landed with a thump on the floor. She lay there, panting, congratulating herself on a masterful escape and wondered if her nose was broken. "Ow."

Tori awoke. "Jade?"

"Down here," Jade's muffled voice rose from the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just... looking for something."

"What?"

"...An earring."

"You want me to help?"

"No, I'm good."

"Oh. Okay." Tori lay back on the bed. "I'm sorry about last night. Did you get much sleep?"

"Me? Yeah. Once you dropped off I went and slept on the... thing over there."

"Really?"

"Yep. All night." She heard the little pause that told her Tori knew that wasn't true. Damn. "Well, some of the night."

"Jade..."

"Okay, I was in the bed. But only right on the edge."

"You don't have to-"

"Breakfast!" said Jade suddenly, reappearing over the side of the bed. "Why don't we go and grab breakfast."

Tori lay back and sighed. "I don't know if I can eat anything. I'm too depressed."

"Yeah, right."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You eat like a horse. And you never put any weight on. That's one of the things that annoys me about you."

"Another one?"

"It's not a big thing."

"Good."

"I mean, it's not in the top ten, or anything."

"You have a top ten?"

"Well…"

"You know, one day I'd like to see this list."

"It's not like it's a _real_ list, Tori." Jade rolled her eyes. "Jeez. It's not like I keep a notebook or anything."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Not anymore, anyway. I threw it out after school."

"Wait, what? You kept an actual _list?"_

"Didn't you?"

"No, of course I didn't."

"That makes sense, because I'm not annoying."

"I didn't say you weren't _annoying_ , Jade," Tori said, "I just didn't bother keeping a list. If I'd had to make a note of every time you annoyed me, I'd never have got any schoolwork done."

"Hey!"

"What? You started it."

"I guess. So, you ready?"

Tori looked down at her crumpled dress. "I haven't got anything else to wear."

"We'll go formal. Give them a thrill."

"You can get changed if you want to, I don't mind."

"Not if you're going like that. I don't want to look like the frumpy friend."

"You're not..."

It dawned on Tori that Jade was just trying to make her feel better. "In that case, I'm ready."

"After you, Miss Vega."

"No, after you, Miss West."

.

.

.

"So, what do you want? My treat."

"I don't know if I'm really that hungry."

"Come on, you need to keep your strength up."

"Okay, I'll just have some pancakes."

"Right."

"With syrup. And maybe a couple of waffles."

"I'll call the-"

"And a hot chocolate. With some of that sprinkly stuff on. And maybe a muffin or two."

"Just-"

"And bacon."

"Stop now."

"Sorry."

"So," Jade said, when the first course of Tori's breakfast arrived. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?" Tori said. "Better."

"Better?"

"I did a lot of thinking last night, and I've decided it's over. Me and Carla."

Jade squirmed, caught uncomfortably between what she wanted to say, which was _'Good'_ , and what her conscience demanded.

"Look," she said. "That stuff I said last night about her cheating on you, I don't know for a _fact_ that that's true. I was only guessing."

"Doesn't matter," Tori said. "I don't care whether it was just a one-off or whether she's been working her way through the cheerleader squad by bra size, I'm sick of it. Sick of the way she treats me. I don't want that anymore."

The ' _Good'_ was still hovering. Jade batted it away. "Well, if you're sure," she said, neutrally.

"I am," Tori said, firmly. "No more. I don't need her. From now on," she said, "it's just you and me. I don't mean _'you and me',_ you and me," she added hastily, when Jade's eyes widened. "I just mean... I'm not on my own anymore. I've got a friend who knows what's going on. And it doesn't matter if you're a thousand miles away, you'll still be there for me."

"Well, sure, but-"

"You _will_ be there, won't you?"

Jade felt her face grow warm. "Of course I will."

"Good," Tori said, satisfied. "So that's that."

"Right. So..."

"So?" Tori dug into a pancake.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Do?"

"Yes, _do_ ," Jade said. "Are you going to throw her out of the apartment? Or just find a new place?"

It turned out that, while Tori had done a lot of thinking, she hadn't actual thought that far. Her face fell, and with it the pancake. "I don't know," she said.

"Well, look," said Jade. "It's nearly the end of term. You'll be off for a few weeks, and you can't have much work to do, so why don't you just finish early and go home? Surprise your folks. It'll give you some time to sort things out, ring around and find a new apartment. I'll help you if you like."

"Hmm." Tori didn't sound convinced.

"Your mom'll be pleased to see you."

Tori's _'Hmm'_ sounded even less enthusiastic.

"What?" said Jade. "What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know," Tori said. "It's just... what am I going to tell them?"

"You tell them the truth."

"The truth?"

"That you're a soppy little doofus who misses her mom and dad. And delightful sister," Jade added with a smirk.

"I don't know," Tori said, doubtfully. "That sounds more like a lie."

"You don't want to see them?"

"Yes, but... I just know that they're going to start asking me questions, and going on about what I'm doing, and wanting to know why I'm moving. Especially if Trina's there. And I'll end up telling them everything, and I don't really want to do that."

"They've got to know sometime."

"I _know_ ," Tori said, exasperated. "But it's one thing having to come out and tell your parents you're gay. It's another thing having to come out and tell them you're gay when you're _single_. It's just embarrassing. It's like... telling them I've decided to become a juggler when I haven't got any balls."

"That is both the stupidest, and the most hilarious, thing you've ever said."

"It's all right for you, you don't have to do it." Tori stared at a small muffin, morosely. Jade hesitated.

"Do you want me to help?" she said.

"Help?"

"Go with you. Pretend. You can say I'm your girlfriend, we win them over with my devastating wit and charm, then after you go back to college you tell them we split."

"And why would we split?"

"I don't know. The usual. I was too good for you."

"Great. Thanks."

"Okay, fine, you were too good for _me_. Whatever."

Tori sighed. "No," she said. "I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because it would feel... _wrong_. And afterwards they'd hate you, and I don't want that."

"They hate me anyway, don't they?"

"What makes you think that?"

"I dunno. Just a lucky guess."

"Well they don't."

"Oh."

"It's no good," Tori said, gloomily. "I guess I'll just have to face the music." She pushed her plate away and buried her head in her arms.

"Yeah, I guess." Jade toyed with the handle of her coffee cup for a moment. "Or..."

"Or?" Tori perked up. "There's an 'or'?"

"Well, I was just wondering," Jade said, carefully, "whether you might want to stay with-"

"Yes!" Tori shot upright.

"...me. What?"

"Yes! I mean, yes." She brushed her hair from where it had fallen over her face. "I mean, that would be lovely. Ahem. Thank you."

Jade hadn't been prepared for quite such an enthusiastic response. "Oh. Right. Well, that's great. I have to warn you, though, it's not much of a..."

"I'm sure it's fine."

"It's quite cramped."

"Not a problem."

"And there's only one bed. I mean, I've got a sleeping bag and some cushions, so I can always bunk down on the-"

"I don't care if you sleep in a coffin and I have to squeeze in there with you, " Tori said. "It's got to be better than the Spanish Inquisition." She frowned. "You don't _actually_ …"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Tori."

"Sorry."

"So, you're sure?"

"I am." Tori beamed. "It's going to be great!" she said. "You and me, hanging out, being roomies. Getting into scrapes. We'll be like ' _The_ _Odd_ _Couple'_."

"Yeah," Jade said. At the back of her mind, she was beginning to realize quite what she was letting herself in for. It wasn't that she didn't _want_ to spend twenty-four hours a day in a very small apartment with a Tori who had morphed from tragic heroine to bouncy puppy in the space of an hour. She could cope with that. It was how she was going to feel afterward, when she'd gone. She already bore a deep and abiding grudge against the gas station on the corner, simply because the sight of it meant she was on her way home. What would the apartment feel like? But her companion was already lost in the fantasy of The Tori and Jade Show.

"And we could have friends over, and I'll cook us something up..."

There were at least two things wrong with that scenario, but Jade let it go. "So, when do you want to head back?"

"... need twelve pounds of tomatoes, no, maybe fifteen, and... What?"

"When do you want to go?" Jade repeated. "I've got to check out today, but if you've got stuff you need to do I can try and get another night."

"No, today's good."

"So you want to go get your things?"

Tori's face froze. Getting her things meant going to the apartment, which meant seeing Carla. "Um..."

"Don't worry, I'll come with you."

Tori hesitated. "No," she said, firmly.

"No?"

"No," she said. "I can do it. I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Jade, I'm not a little girl. I can face up to Carla, show her I'm not afraid of her. I'm just going to go right on in there, take what's mine and to hell with-"

"I just meant to give you a hand carrying your stuff."

"Oh, right," Tori said, deflating slightly. "Actually that would be good. There's not a lot, but it'll take a couple of trips."

"Okay," Jade said, patting her hand. "And if Carla's there, I can always punch her in the face," she added.

"Would you?"

"If it makes you happy."

"Thanks."

.

.

.

They collected Jade's bags and settled up at the motel, before driving over to Tori's place. "Jade?"

"Yep?"

"What I said before, about punching Carla. Don't do that, okay?"

"You sure? It's really not a problem."

"I'm sure. I just want to be... dignified. I don't want her to think I'm upset."

"Dignified. Right."

"Well, maybe a little upset. Like I'm hurt but I'm being really brave."

"Dignified and brave. Got it."

"And also maybe like I feel a little bit sorry for her, you know? Like she's the _real_ loser, because she threw away the best thing she ever-"

"Could we just get out of the car now, please?"

.

.

.

Carla wasn't home when they went into the apartment, much to Tori's relief and Jade's chagrin. They made two trips to the car, Tori's belongings consisting of clothes and a laptop, a few ornaments and a lamp, a box of photographs and some college books. They gathered up the final few things, and Jade tried not to pay attention to the expression on Tori's face as she looked around the room for the last time, tried not to think about the fact that no matter how Tori might feel about Carla _now_ , there would still be memories here, not all of them bad.

"Are you ready?"

"I guess so." Tori gave a sad little shrug. "I suppose we should-"

"Tori."

They both turned to see Carla stood in the doorway, her expression wavering, hovering somewhere between anger and guilt. No matter how mad she was, Tori had every right to be madder.

Jade made to move between them, but there was no need. "Carla," Tori said, coldly.

Carla stepped into the room uncertainly, one eye on Jade. "What are you doing?"

Tori frowned. She looked at the box in her arms, then at the open bedroom door, and back to Carla. "I'm leaving," she said. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Please, Tori, don't do this."

"What happened, Carla? Your other girlfriend throw you out?"

"It's not like that!"

"Isn't it? Looked that way to me."

"Come on, Tori, we need to talk."

"Talk?" Tori bridled. " _Talk_? It's too late for talking."

"But-"

"You didn't even _call,_ Carla," she fumed. "That's what gets me. You couldn't even be bothered to pick up the phone. If I hadn't come here now, what were you going to do?"

"I don't know!" Carla said. "I was just confused! When I saw you with her..."

"Don't you _dare_!" Tori snapped, furiously, making Jade jump. "Don't you dare try and blame this on her!"

"But you and her-"

"There is no me and her!"

"But you said-"

"I lied!"

"What? Why?"

"Because you were always so up your own ass that I wanted you to think I'd had _better!"_ Tori thundered. "She's my _friend_ , Carla. Just a friend! Don't you understand that? A friend! But even if there _was_ something between us, even if I was head over heels in love with her, even if I'd spent every waking moment since high school thinking about her, wanting her, wishing we could be together, it wouldn't have made any difference! You know why?"

"I-"

"Because I would _never_ _have_ _cheated_ _on_ _you_!" Tori yelled. "Never! So don't give me any ' _we need to talk_ ' bullshit, because it's too late! Now get out of my way, Carla, because I'm leaving. Come on Jade." And without another word she marched triumphantly out of the door.

For a moment Jade and Carla stood dumbstruck in her wake. Finally Jade hitched the box in her hands a little higher. "Well," she said, brightly. "You heard the lady. Gotta go." She strode towards the door. "Been real nice knowing you, Carla." She winked, and with that she was gone, leaving only a trail of laughter echoing down the corridor.

Tori was stood by the trunk when she reached the car, shoving boxes into it with a wild abandon, still twitching with the adrenaline rush. "Did you see her face?" she demanded.

"I did."

"That told her," Tori said, with a grim satisfaction, punching a small box into submission with her new-found assertiveness. "That _really_ told her."

"Yes it did," Jade said. "It totally did."

"She just..." Tori's eyes were shining, and Jade realized they were wet. "She just..."

"Come here."

She drew Tori into a hug, and was surprised by how tightly it was returned. Finally Tori drew back, with a lot of throat-clearing and wiping her palms on her dress. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

They stood for a moment, looking at each other. "So," Jade said. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

"Then your chariot awaits." She slammed the trunk. "Let's hit the road."

.

.

.

"So, was I dignified?"

"Very dignified."

"And brave?"

"Super brave."

"And what about the thing where I-"

"That too."

"Because I really think-"

"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with 'S'."

.

.

.

.

"That's not fair! 'Shut up' isn't a thing."

"It is when _I'm_ driving."

 

        


	15. Into The Closet

**Hi. So, Carla's been kicked into touch by a furious Tori, and the girls are heading back to Jade's place. Now let's catch episode one of _The Tori and Jade Show_...**

**And remember kids, just say no.**

.

.

.

"So, here it is," Jade said, kicking open the door. "Welcome to The Closet."

"The what?"

"That's what I call it. The Closet."

"You call your apartment 'The Closet'?"

"Yeah," Jade said, slightly disconcerted. "Why?"

"No reason."

"It's because it's small, you see?" she explained. "And kind of cramped."

"Right."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you smirking?"

"I'm not," Tori said. "It's just... Boy, this box is heavy." She shouldered her way past Jade and into the apartment.

It was, as Jade had meant to imply, not big, but that wasn't what struck Tori. She'd assumed that Jade would be either recklessly untidy, or obsessively neat, but this place was neither. It was rather like standing on the deck of the Mary Celeste - Jade hadn't been expecting her to come here, and everything was just as it had been when she'd picked up her bag and headed out of the door. The unwashed coffee cup on the table, lipstick still on the rim, an open notebook, the calendar recording the minutiae of her life. A single sock that had begun its journey to cleanliness with its partner, but had somehow fallen by the wayside like a wounded soldier. It had a kind of ordinariness to it, a melancholy, the ticking of the clock in the silence, the grocery list made out for one, that startled her. All their friendship had been by necessity on Tori's terms - when she could get away, where they could go - and it had never occurred to her to think about Jade's solitary existence. Jade had said she had no friends, but she'd never really appreciated what that might mean.

Jade mistook her silence for disappointment. "I'm sorry," she said, kicking the errant sock under the table. "I'll clean up a little."

"No." Tori turned to her. "It's lovely."

Jade looked around the tiny apartment, skeptically. "Is it?"

"Yes." Tori took her hands. "Thank you for this," she said. "It means a lot."

"Yeah, well," Jade shrugged uncomfortably. "It's the least I could do. Well," she frowned. "Not the least, obviously, but-"

"It's fine."

"Right."

They stood, awkwardly holding hands for a moment. "Anyway," Jade said briskly, breaking away. "Bring your clothes through. I'll find you some space."

Tori followed Jade into the bedroom, and again felt a small thrill of intrusiveness at seeing the clothes strewn on the bed, evidence of Jade's packing, deciding what to wear to come and visit her. Jade crossed to the wardrobe in the corner, opened it up, and after a moment's deliberation, grabbed half the clothes and flung them into a corner. "There you go," she said. "Space."

"Thanks." Tori looked around. "What's this?" she said. She was stood by a desk, on which lay Jade's 'Tori Timetable'.

"It's nothing," Jade said, making a grab for it, but Tori was too quick for her, and she stood, squirming, while Tori held it up to the light. "It's just a... thing."

Tori stared in wonder at her life laid out as a diagram, the color-coded days, the average gas calculations, the credit card balances underlined in red. Sticky labels representing Carla's movements, movie theaters marked with a cross. It slowly dawned on her how much effort Jade had put into her visits, and she had a sudden vision of her, sat alone at this desk, a scowl of concentration on her face as she carefully plotted her next move. "Wow."

"It's not what you think."

"Hmm?" Tori noticed something in the corner, a little pencil scribble, a face. "No, I like it."

"I mean, I know it looks kind of weird..."

"No it's good." Tori ran her finger over the tiny likeness, and it smudged. "Damn it."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"A girl just has to be prepared, that's all. I'm not some kind of-"

"I get it, Jade." She put the paper down and turned. "I really do."

"Good," Jade said, relieved.

"And if you ever _do_ decide to become a stalker, you've had practice."

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding."

"You'd better be. So," Jade said. "What do you want to do tonight? You want to go and see your folks?"

"What?" Tori looked alarmed. Jade sighed.

"You can't put it off forever."

"I know. It's just I... need to unpack first."

"Okay."

"For a couple of days."

"Tori..."

"Okay, I'll _go._ Just not tonight."

"You know, if they find out you're in town and you don't go to see them, they're going to get pretty pissed. You know what parents are like with the guilt trip thing."

"And I will. Tomorrow. I promise."

"You'd better. You want a drink?"

"Yeah, I'd... oooooh."

"What is it?" Tori was staring into a cardboard box, eyes wide. "Did you break something?"

"I accidentally brought something of Carla's."

"Oh, man," Jade groaned. "Do we have to take it back?"

Tori held it up. "No," she said, with a grin. "We don't."

.

.

.

"And that," Jade said, blowing a smoke ring towards the ceiling, "is why I don't like ducks."

"Wow," Tori said, hazily. They lay side by side on the bed in jeans and T-shirts, the remains of Carla's stash, rolled and lit, passing between them. An empty wine bottle adorned the bedside cabinet. "That's just... wow."

"Yep."

"And they really _do_ that?"

"Damn right they do. Quacky little bastards."

"Why doesn't everyone know about this?"

"I dunno," Jade said. "I think the government covers it up. Bad for morale. But I know. Jade _West_ knows."

"Wow," Tori said again. She took the joint from Jade's fingers and drew on it. "You are one smart..." She exhaled. "...banana."

"Damn right I am. Say, did I ever tell you about this time I was at a party, and... Wait, where's the ashtray?"

"Here you go."

"Thanks. Well, I was at this party..." She craned her neck to look down at the object resting on her stomach, and frowned. "This isn't an ashtray," she said. "This is a shoe."

"Uh-uh," Tori corrected her. "It's a... shoe-tray."

"A what?"

"A shoe-tray," she slurred, proudly. "I invented it."

"When?"

"Just now. While you were talking."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I was..." She squinted closer. "You know," she said, "this looks awfully like one of _my_ shoes."

"Um..."

 _"Is_ it one of my shoes?"

"No."

"Is it?"

"No."

"Is it?"

"No."

"Is it?"

"Yes," Tori conceded. "But it's okay," she said, "because I'll give you half the money."

"That's only going to buy me a quarter of a pair of shoes."

"I mean half the money when I get rich."

"Rich?"

"From my invention."

"Oh." Jade rested her head back down on the pillow. "Okay. That's pretty nice of you. Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. What are friends for?"

"I dunno. What _are_ friends for?"

"Don't be such a gank. Anyway, you're more than a friend. You're like the sister I never had."

"You've got a sister."

"Like the other sister I never had. You know. The good one."

"Ah."

"So what are you going to buy with your half?"

Jade screwed her face up in concentration. "A catamaran."

"Oooh, I'll get one of those, too. I love dogs."

"It's a boat."

"I love boats."

"Cool."

"And dogs. Can I get a dog _and_ a boat?"

"It's your money."

"Yay!" Tori twirled her finger happily, then frowned. "I thought you hated the ocean."

"I hate being _in_ it," Jade said. "I don't mind being _on_ it." Jade inspected the state of the joint. "There's not much left," she said, propping herself up on one elbow. "You want to shotgun it?"

"What?"

"You put one end in your mouth, I put the other in mine, and you suck while I blow."

"Sounds great," Tori said. "One end of what?"

"Of _this,_ you numbskull. Do you want to?"

"Um... Okay."

"Lie back."

Tori did, hands behind her head, eyes wide with an anticipation that did weird things to Jade's stomach. Jade shuffled closer. "Are you ready?"

Tori nodded, and Jade placed the joint between her lips. "Hold still." She took Tori's face in her hands and leaned forward, carefully taking the lit end into her mouth, and closed her lips around it. The shortness of the stub meant that they were pressed against Tori's, a kiss by any other name, and she wondered if the other girl would flinch away. But she didn't, and so she began to blow gently, watching Tori's face for a reaction, trying to judge when she'd had enough. She saw her eyes widen suddenly and pulled back, to give her chance to breath, but to her surprise, Tori pulled her back, taking the joint from her mouth, pressing her face close, her lips parting, Jade's parting in response, and then...

She began to breath out, slowly, focusing the smoke in a stream back into Jade's mouth. Jade quickly understood and closed the gap, inhaling as she exhaled, drawing the warm breath mingled with the sweet tang of the smoke deep inside her. She'd never done this before, and she wondered if this was what Tori did with Carla, if this had been their thing, and felt a pang of jealousy, tinged with triumph, at the thought that this might now be _their_ thing.

Eventually, when there was no more smoke to give, Tori released her, and she sat up, her head spinning more with the intimacy of the moment than the effects of the weed. There was a curious look on Tori's face as she lay there breathless, her eyes dark, something she couldn't identify, almost as if...

There was a sharp knocking sound, and the moment was lost. She groaned and rolled off Tori, plucking the joint back from her fingers.

"Don't answer it."

"Okay."

"It's probably... Where are you going?"

"To answer it."

"I just said-"

"It's the _door,_ Jade. I get the door. It's what I _do."_

"But-"

Tori was gone, out of the bedroom heading for the door. "At least check who it is, first," Jade called after her. "It might be the cops."

"How do I do that?" Tori's voice came back.

Jade tried to move, but her head was still spinning. "Use the peephole."

"Right."

It went very quiet. "Who is it?"

"I dunno," Tori said, doubtfully. "It looks like a very tiny man. At the end of a long tunnel."

"I don't know any very tiny men," Jade said. She shrugged. "Although I've been disappointed a few times."

"What should I tell him?"

"Tell him to go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. We're busy."

"Jade!"

"What?"

"I can't do that," Tori giggled. "He's too small. He'll fall through the hole. Anyway," she said. "He looks a bit like your dad."

"He looks like... Oh, crap!" Jade sat bolt upright, crushing out the joint into the shoe. "Shitshitshitshitshit." She flung the shoe into the waste basket and wafted hopelessly at the smoke, before crashing through into the room to join Tori. "It's my dad."

"Can't be," Tori scoffed. "Your dad was at least this big." She held up an unsteady hand to head height, but Jade was in no mood for frivolity. "Shut up!" she said. "Oh, God, what am I going to do?"

"Why don't you... not let him in?"

"I have to let him in!"

"Why?"

"Because if I _don't_ answer it, he'll know I'm here!"

"Wait, what?"

"If I don't answer the door, he'll know I'm in, because I never answer it. That's what I do. So he'll just keep knocking, and knocking, and-"

"That makes no sense. What happens when you're _not_ in?"

"I don't know!" Jade said, exasperated. "I'm not here to find out, am I? Right, pull yourself together, try to look... casual."

"I'm on it," Tori said. "Casual."

"Good. Right." She brushed herself down and pulled her hair out of her eyes, and took a swig of the coffee dregs that she realized, belatedly, had been sat there for three days. _"Ack._ Okay," she said, "here we go." She flung open the door.

"Dad. Hey," she said. "Hi. How are you?" The phrase conspicuous by its absence, was _'Come in'_.

Her dad paused, just long enough to let her know he knew she was up to something. "Jade," he said. "I'm glad I-"

"Hi!" Tori said brightly, appearing at the door, spreading herself out against the frame in a manner that she clearly thought of as 'casual', but which to Jade's mind made her look like a drunken hooker. She groaned inwardly. Tori didn't know her dad, but Jade could see the microscopic hitch of the eyebrow as he took in their crumpled clothing and disheveled hair, could see the tiniest flare of his nostril as he inhaled fractionally more air than necessary to identify the smell.

"Dad," she said, quickly. "You remember Tori? Helped me out with the play and... things."

Her dad's eyebrow raised an eighth of an inch further, as he tried to mentally equate Jade's rather romantic description of Tori as a tragic victim of circumstance with the picture of glassy-eyed cheeriness in front of him. But Mr. West wasn't one to let the impression that his daughter had just leapt straight out of bed after a stoned sex session with her best friend faze him.

"Tori," he said, smoothly. "Of course. Nice to see you again." He offered his hand, which Tori took enthusiastically and shook for quite some time.

"Nice to see you _too,_ Mr. West," she cooed, with a flirtatious sincerity that made Jade cringe.

"Tori's staying with me for a couple of days," she said.

"Well, that's nice," her dad said. He turned to Tori. "So, Jade tells me you two are-"

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Did you want something? It's just we only got back a half hour ago, and Tori needs to unpack, and..."

It sounded abrupt, but just as Jade had had a lifetime to learn how to read her dad, so Mr. West had had just as much practice at seeing through his daughter, and behind the sharpness of her question he could sense the pleading in her voice.

"I was just passing," he said, unruffled. "And I wondered if you might want to come to lunch tomorrow. Both of you, of course," he nodded to Tori.

Tori gasped as though she'd been personally invited to a ball at the palace. "We'd love to," she gushed. "Wouldn't we?"

"Not tomorrow," Jade said.

"Why?"

"Because you have something to do tomorrow, don't you?"

"Do I?"

"Your mom, remember?"

Tori's face fell with a distinct _humph._

"How about Thursday?" her dad suggested.

"We can do Thursday!" Tori said. "Can't we?"

Jade hesitated. It wasn't that she had any objection to lunch _per se_ , but her dad knew way more about her than she was prepared to share with Tori, and a few glasses of wine were likely to put serious cracks in the dam of politeness that held back the river of embarrassment. "Well..."

"Thursday it is," her dad said, before she could object. "Is there anything you particularly like?"

"Food," Jade muttered, annoyed at being railroaded. "She likes food. And lots of it."

"Jade!" Tori scolded. "Pay no attention to her, Mr. West," she said, coyly. "I eat like a bird."

"Yeah. A pelican."

"Hey!"

"Don't you have some unpacking to do?"

"Oh, hush." Tori turned back to Jade's dad. "It's been a pleasure to meet you," she beamed. "We'll see you on Thursday." And she disappeared with a wink.

Now they were alone, Jade's dad felt free to hoist his eyebrow as high as he damn well liked. Jade sighed.

"Look, Dad," she said. "It's not what you think."

"Really? Which part?" her dad said. "The part where you're having a pot party, or the part where you're-"

"Don't even finish that," Jade warned. "We were not... whatever it is you think. We were just hanging out."

"You know, if this is how Carla came home to find you, I can kind of see her point."

"Don't," Jade said. "Anyway, we weren't smoking, there was a fire in the-"

"I did _go_ to college you know, Jade."

"Yeah but..." Jade stopped. "Wait, you..?"

Mr. West waved her away dismissively. "Ask me no questions," he said, "and I'll tell you no lies."

"But-"

"Thursday, Jade."

And with that he was gone. Jade closed the door, thoughtfully, trying not to picture her dad having more fun at college than she'd ever had. After a moment she headed back towards the bedroom. "Tori?" she called. "Hey, Vega. If I ever catch you flirting with my dad again, I'm going to..."

But Tori was gone. True, her corporeal body remained, face down and snoring softly on the bed, but her mind was elsewhere, dreaming. Jade sighed, and leaned back against the wall. She glanced down at where her timetable lay, and noticed that her little sketch of Tori was smudged. Had she smudged it before she'd seen it? Or smudged it _because_ she'd seen it? It didn't really matter. Maybe she never noticed it at all. What concerned her more was the look on Tori's face just before the knock on the door. It had held something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Defiance? Expectation? Desire? Invitation? There had been a fraction of a second when it had seemed as though _anything_ was possible, that it would have been the most natural thing in the world to simply lean down, capture her lips in a kiss, that she would have _welcomed_ it. She shook her head. Probably just her imagination. She shrugged, and eased herself into the space left by Tori on the bed. She wouldn't mind, she told herself. Not just for tonight.

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**Well, they've had their first kiss. Kind of.**

**So, who's going to make the first move, do you think?**


	16. A Curate's Egg

**Hi, many thanks for your reviews, all comments are welcome. So, who's going to make the next move?**

****.** **

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Jade awoke, with the memory of a bad dream, a headache, and a lack of Tori beside her. All of these things were wrong, she decided, and so she set off in search of a remedy.

As she reached the bedroom door, she could hear voices from the kitchen. Well, one voice.

_"...okay, you guys just stay there, that's it, just sit there while I... Hey! Where are you going? Get back here! Right, who's first? You. Okay, here we go, nice and easy, seen this before, just give it a tap and... No! Nononononono! You're not supposed to go there! You're supposed to go in the... Oh, man. Okay, don't panic, we just get the spatula, scoop it up, back in the pan, no one's gonna know, we'll clean up later, that's it... Right, who's next? Whoa! Come back! Don't you..."_

There was a damp splat, followed by a low groan. Jade eased herself through the door and watched.

Tori was cooking eggs. Eggs she must have been out to the store and bought, because Jade didn't have any in the house. Tori had made the schoolgirl error of taking them all out of the box and placing them in a little gaggle on the counter top, whereupon as soon as her back was turned they raced lemming-like for the edge, willing to end it all rather than get involved in whatever catastrophe was going on in the pan. She corralled her tiny army once more, and addressed them furiously.

" _Right, that's it! I have had it with you! No more screwing around. You guys are gonna get your little yellow butts into this pan, or so help me I'm gonna take this spatula and I'm gonna-_ "

"Everything okay?"

Tori whirled, guiltily. "What? Yes!" she said. "Everything's fine." She casually edged a foot sideways to cover up the broken egg on the floor. "I'm making breakfast."

"You don't have to do that," Jade said, hopefully.

"I want to do it," Tori said. "It's my way of saying thanks. Now sit down. It'll be a couple of minutes."

Resigned to her fate, Jade sat. The sudden jolt made her head hurt, and she winced.

"You okay?" Tori asked, concerned. "Are you sick or something?"

"I don't get sick."

"Why not?"

"It makes me feel gross and icky, so I don't do it. I've just got a headache."

"In that case you need..." There was a lot of clattering, and some light cursing. "…Breakfast!" Tori announced finally, putting the plate in front of Jade with a flourish. "They were going to be... I was going to... Well, anyhow, now they're scrambled."

"Thanks," Jade said. She picked up a fork, and cautiously prodded the wobbling pile on her plate. "They look... great." She bit her lip. She hadn't knowingly eaten an egg since she'd found out where they came from at the age of five, but Tori's air of expectation was too much to bear. She speared a lump and put it in her mouth.

"What do you think?" said Tori, when Jade seemed to be having trouble swallowing. Her face fell. "It's awful, isn't it?"

"No," Jade said, her eyes watering. "Not at all."

"Really?"

"Really. Some of it's very good. In fact, I can safely say," she croaked, truthfully, "that these are the best eggs I've had in a long time. Since I was little, probably."

"Wow," Tori said, pleased. "I've never actually cooked them before."

"You don't say."

"It's true."

"Well, well, well. Amazing."

"I can do them every morning, if you want."

"I think," Jade stared at the plate, contemplatively, "you should save them for a special occasion."

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely." She noticed Tori wasn't sitting down. "Aren't you having any?"

"Uh… yeah." Tori seemed a little cagey about her own breakfast, and for a moment Jade suspected she was having something else, something less scrambled. It was only when she sat down that Jade saw the reason for her reluctance, and felt like a heel. Far from having something better, Tori had clearly separated off what she rather poignantly thought of as the 'better' half of the eggs onto Jade's plate, leaving the dross for herself. "Tori…"

"It's fine," Tori said, brightly. "I'll just… have some ketchup on it." She prodding doubtfully at the black and yellow lump in front of her. "Or instead of it."

"Here." Jade pushed Tori's plate away, and moved her own between them. "Share these."

Tori hesitated. "Won't you be hungry?"

"It's fine. In fact…" Jade got up and went to the refrigerator, bringing back a bag with two donuts in it. She took one out and tapped it on the edge of the plate, and when it didn't shatter, deemed it fresh enough. "Have a donut."

"You can't have scrambled eggs with…" Tori peered into the bag. "Can I have the chocolate one?"

"Knock yourself out."

She grinned and moved her chair a little closer, and they finished their breakfast in happy silence.

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Are you all right?" Tori said. They were driving across to Tori's parents' house at Jade's insistence, but Jade seemed to be less and less comfortable the closer they got.

Jade grimaced. "Well, if you must know," she said, "I had this awful dream last night. I came over to your house, and you and your mom were there, dressed as..."

"Oh crap."

"What?"

"Someone's home."

"I thought we wanted them to be home?"

"Well, yes, but... why don't we drive around for a couple of hours first, while you tell me the rest of your boring dream?"

"Hey, it was not boring. I don't _do_ boring. Anyway, if you don't want to see them, why did we come here?"

"Because you forced me to."

" _Forced_ is a strong word, Tori."

"So what would you call it?"

"Emotional blackmail."

"There was nothing 'emotional' about it. You threatened to set fire to my Cuddle-Me-Cathy doll."

"Relax. She's fine."

"She'd better be."

"I don't know what you're worried about," Jade said. "You said you weren't going to tell them anything."

"I know," Tori said. "But they just have this way of getting things out of you."

"You'll be fine. I'm here. If I think you're going to crack under pressure I'll just... kick you in the throat, or something."

"A nudge would do."

"Your call. Anyway, I just remembered the end of the dream, and it all came out okay. Turned out that I was actually-"

"Right, let's go."

"You don't want to hear it?"

"If you're not going to drive me around killing time until my parents have gone out so we can pretend we missed them, then no. I'm not sure I want to know what kind of dreams you have about my mom."

They got out of the car and made their way up the drive until they reached the doorstep. "Okay," said Jade. "What are we not going to do?"

"Say anything about Carla."

"And when are we not going to say it?"

"All of the time."

"That's right," Jade said. "Just stay calm. Game face on. Don't offer information, don't try to start conversation. Silence is a trap, try not to fall into it. Concentrate. This is a battle of wills, Tori, you need to be ready."

"You know, sometimes you worry me."

"Good. Ready?"

"Ready."

They both flipped their hair back off their shoulders in unison. "Do it."

Tori rang the bell.

_Ding..._

"Looks like they're not in after all, maybe we should-"

"At least wait for the doorbell to finish."

_...Dong._

The door opened to a distracted Holly Vega, who took a moment to register what she was seeing. "Tori!"

Tori gave an awkward half-wave and a smile. "Hey, Mom."

"Come on in! We weren't expecting you."

"If this is a bad time we can always come back later, it's no-"

Jade rolled her eyes and gave her a shove through the door into the arms of her mom. "Hey, Mrs V."

"Hi, Jade. David?" she called. "David!"

"What?"

"Tori's here."

David Vega emerged from the garage. "Hey, stranger!" he said, cheerfully. "So, to what do we owe this honor?"

_"Dad."_

"Sorry, we just miss you, you know."

"I know. I miss you too. Well..." She took a deep breath. "It was nearly the end of the semester, and I didn't have much work to do, and I missed you guys so much I thought I'd come home early and surprise you." Jade nodded in approval.

"Aww, that's great, honey," her dad said.

"Plus, I had to move out of my apartment so I've got nowhere to live."

She heard a faint groan. "That's… not so great," her dad said.

"What happened?"

"Well, I... the roof fell in."

"The what?" Holly said, in horror. "Are you all right? Was anyone hurt?"

Tori realized her mistake too late. "No! No, no, no. It was just… I couldn't stay there anymore."

"We should sue someone. David, can we sue someone?"

"It's fine, honestly. It wasn't serious. Just a leak in the apartment upstairs."

"I'll make up your room," Holly said. "And then tomorrow your dad can drive you up there and-"

Much to the delight of nobody, Trina arrived, letting herself in with the a grumpy familiarity that suggested she hadn't entirely grasped the concept of 'moving out'. She brightened when she saw Tori, drawing her into a hug which gave her the opportunity to glare over her sister's shoulder at Jade, whose status as an informant was now clearly under review.

"Nobody told me you were coming home," she said, accusingly.

"I didn't really know," Tori said. "It was just a spur of the moment thing."

"Tori's apartment collapsed," her dad said, conversationally. "She was lucky to make it out alive."

Tori rolled her eyes. "No it didn't."

"Wow," Trina said. "Are you going to sue?"

"No they're not."

"Could be," Holly put in. "Your dad's going to drive up there tomorrow."

"No he isn't!" Tori said, exasperated. "Look, no one's going to drive anywhere or sue anyone! It was just a water leak, and everything's fine!"

"There's no need to get overexcited, honey," her dad said, soothingly.

"I'm sorry, it's just-"

"She's probably in shock," Trina said. "You get that in disaster survivors. Or maybe brain damage. Did you bang your head?"

"Shut up."

"I'm only trying to help," Trina said. "I _am_ a professional."

"You work in a beauty salon, Trina. You're hardly qualified to diagnose head trauma. Anyway, it's all okay, because I'm staying with Jade."

"Jade?"

Tori pointed to Jade as Exhibit A. "She's going to help me find a place."

"Is she?" Holly's eyes narrowed, while Jade reflected on the many and varied ways in which no one ever seemed to trust her. "Why?"

"Because she's my friend."

"But we're your parents."

"I know that, Mom," Tori said. "But I'm a big girl now. I can handle it."

"Well, if that's what you want," her mom sniffed, disapprovingly. "Although I don't see why-"

"You girls staying for lunch?" Her dad interrupted, to ward off an argument.

Tori, now wary of saying anything at all in case 'wanting lunch' involved suing anyone, looked at Jade, who just shrugged. "Okay. Thanks, Dad."

"No problem. You just sit yourselves down there. Trina, kitchen."

"How come they get to sit down?" Trina protested.

"They're guests."

"So what am I?"

"Don't make me answer that, sweetheart. Kitchen, now."

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"What did I say," Jade said once they were sitting down, "about not volunteering information?"

"I couldn't help it," Tori said. "He asked me. I told you what he's like."

"Oh, yeah. He really piled it on. I'm surprised he hasn't made promotion. Suspects must just crumble under that kind of interrogation."

"He's my dad," Tori protested. "I'm not used to lying to him."

"That's what dads are for! Jesus, Tori, if I hadn't lied to my dad I'd have been grounded till I was thirty."

"Well you're not me, are you?"

"This doesn't bode well for the rest of the day, does it? We've only just got here and already they're threatening to go up there and start legal proceedings. God knows what'll happen if you tell them about Carla. They'll have her in court before you can say ' _irreconcilable differences'_. Just be cool."

"I will. I'm on it."

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Things went a little smoother after that, lunch giving them something other than 'not saying anything' to focus on. Satisfied that Tori was on top of things, Jade made her excuses and headed for the bathroom.

On her return, the atmosphere seemed a little different. More subdued. Cooler, even. She sat back down, and became aware that in contrast to her previous invisibility, she was now very much the center of attention. Well, the attention of everyone but Tori, who seemed to be utterly entranced by a small spot on the tablecloth. She flashed a quick smile around the table which wasn't reciprocated, and picked up her fork.

And then she saw it, out of the corner of her eye. The hand. Tori's hand began to move of its own accord, creeping sideways across the table like a stealthy spider trying to evade the attention of a fastidious house-keeper. It lifted from the table, hesitated for a moment in mid-air and settled itself, gingerly, on top of Jade's own. _Uh-oh._

Jade turned slowly, her eyes widening, to see the other girl's eyebrows hoisted so high in desperation that Jade could have sworn they were holding a little sign between them that said _'Help'_.

She turned back to their audience. Holly wore an expression of arch disapproval, David a look of mild disinterest until he saw Holly watching him, at which point he rearranged it into one of stern patriarchy, and Trina was absolutely furious, which Jade suspected had less to do with the corruption of her innocent baby sister, and more to do with the fact that she hadn't found out about it before anyone else. She put on a smile so warm that it could have hatched a dinosaur egg and tried to think of something to say.

"Ah," she managed. She felt Tori's hand tighten encouragingly, and instinctively put her other hand on top in reassurance. "I see," she said, "that Tori's told you."

Holly nodded, but didn't seem inclined to give away exactly _what_ Tori had told them, leaving Jade no choice but to carry on. What did people do in this situation? _Apologize_. Everyone loves an apology.

"I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry," she said. "I know we should have said something sooner, and it's totally my fault, but we... er..."

"We wanted to be sure," Tori rallied unexpectedly. "We wanted to be sure, didn't we?"

"That's right," Jade said, gratefully. "We wanted to be sure."

"We didn't want you to think that it was a..." Tori faltered. "What's the word?"

"A phase."

"We didn't want you to think it was a phase."

"Not a phase. No sirree."

"We wanted to be absolutely certain..."

"...completely certain..."

"...that we knew..."

"...totally knew..."

"...that we loved each other."

"...that we... that." Jade finished, lamely, feeling the color rise in her cheeks. She glanced at Tori, and got back a look of such affection that she almost believed it herself. They turned to Holly, and to Jade's relief some of the iciness appeared to have melted. "I see," she said, and sighed. "Well, if you girls are happy, then I guess it's not really for me to interfere. I can't say I'm not a _little_ disappointed. I had always hoped to have a couple of grandkids one day, but..."

"Well, it's not impossible," Jade said, glad to have the conversation turn to practicalities. "My dad says that there are things you can do, and if we wanted to we could always..." She realized that both Holly and Tori were staring at her. "What?"

"I take it your father knows, then?" Holly said, some of the chill returning.

"Yes… well, not really," Jade hedged. "Kind of. A little. But not so much. Hardly at all, really. No."

"Oh." Holly's confusion didn't really register with Jade, who was too busy trying not to catch Tori's eye. "Maybe we should have your parents over for dinner one night, so we can get acquainted."

"Yeah, that would be... What?"

"Your parents. For dinner."

The thought of dragging her dad into this subterfuge was too much. "No," she said, quickly. "I mean, they can't. Well, there's only my dad, really. And he's away a lot with work."

"Although he's free on Thursday-" Tori started before Jade's boot collided with her foot.

"What?" Holly said.

"It's Freon Thursday," Jade said, glancing at her sharply. "Down at the mall."

"'Freon Thursday'?"

"They're having a big push on.. halocarbons."

"Right." Holly looked even less convinced. "David?" she turned to her husband. " _David_."

"Hmm?" David Vega looked up guiltily from his phone, where he was quietly checking the sports results. "What?"

"Don't you have something to say?"

"Do I?" He frowned, as though trying to remember something. "Oh, yes. Right. Ahem." He turned to Jade. _"Listen to me, you little crapsack, this is my only daughter and if you lay a finger on her then so help me I'll nail your dick to this table and use your ass as a dartboard_."

Jade almost swallowed her fork.

"David!"

"Dad!"

"What?" Tori's dad said, unconcerned. "It's what I say to all your boyfriends."

"What? Mom!"

"Language, David."

"Wait, what do you mean, 'only daughter'?"

"There's no wonder no one ever wanted to date me."

"I was here first. _And_ I'm the oldest."

"Anyway she's a girl, that doesn't even make..."

"...and the prettiest."

"Shut up, Trina."

"Don't tell me to shut up. If no one wanted to date you, it's because you never put out."

"Why you little-"

"Will you girls please stop... Tori! Put the waffle down and step away!"

"But Mom-"

"Now!"

David Vega leaned back contentedly, letting the argument wash over him, and Jade realized that he'd done it deliberately to draw their fire. She finally risked catching his eye, and to her relief he winked. She smiled back, awkwardly. Eventually Holly managed to separate her warring daughters and save Trina from a waffle-related injury, sending Jade and Tori away while they cleared the table. Tori headed for the patio, so as to reap the whirlwind in private.

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Jade..."

"Two minutes. Two minutes I was gone."

"I _know_ ," Tori said in frustration. "But they just kept asking about what I was going to do, and Trina was all smug about me never finding a boyfriend, and I just lost it. I don't _want_ to feel inferior, Jade. I don't want to feel like I'm only worth something if I can get a _guy_."

"Trina did that?"

"Yes."

Jade sighed. "Do you love your sister, Tori?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean would you miss her if she was gone?"

"I don't know. I guess so."

"Well would you or wouldn't you? Seriously, I need to know, because I've still got the shovel in the trunk."

"Oh, come on. Anyway, they just assumed it was you, and I thought about what you said last night about pretending, and I just... went with it. I'm sorry." Tori bit her lip. "Are you mad?"

"No."

"Really?"

"A little bit of notice wouldn't have gone amiss, but I'm not mad. You're right, it was kind of my idea."

Tori gave a little smile. "Thanks," she said. "And you were very good."

"What?"

"In there. I think they really liked you."

"Liked me?" Jade echoed. "I've ruined your mom's dreams and your dad threatened to nail me to the furniture. What part of that made you think they liked me?"

"That's just them. Moms aren't moms unless they find a way to make you think you've let them down. And my dad was only kidding."

Jade was saved the trouble of answering by the appearance of Trina. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Go away," Tori said, irritably.

'Going away' was not on Trina's agenda. "So," she said, looking at Jade, "how long's this been going on?"

"What's it to you?"

"I didn't send you all the way up there to spy on her just so you could get into her pants!"

"You didn't _send_ me at all!"

"Wait, what's going on?" Tori said, confused.

"Trina wanted me to report back when I'd been to visit, tell her what you were up to."

"I was just concerned, that's all," Trina said, defiantly. "And now I know why she wouldn't tell me anything, the devious little gank."

"Trina!"

"Anyway, it's not going to last," she said. "If it's true at all."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You two. You don't even look like a couple."

"We so do!"

"You so don't," Trina mocked. "I've seen more passion between Sinjin and Burf. I think this is just a ploy to get mom and dad off your back."

"Really?" Jade snapped, losing patience. "You want passion?"

Tori was still glaring at Trina, her profile sculpted in the sunlight, and Jade felt her heartbeat quicken, not just with anger but with anticipation.

.

_Forgive me, Tori, for what I'm about to do._

_._

_._

_._

**Jade's dream is a reference to a different story which I won't be posting on here, but it's not important to the plot (what plot?)**

**So, what's Jade going to do? Write a sonnet?**


	17. How Was It For You?

**Hi, just a quick update.**

**Many thanks for your comments, welcome as always.**

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It was as quick as it was ungentle. Tori barely had time to register the movement out of the corner of her eye before Jade's arm snaked out, hooking a hand around the back of her neck and pulling her forward, roughly, pressing their lips together with an urgency that took her breath away. And she had no choice but to go with it, just a brief squeak of surprise before she melted, helpless to do anything else. There was no hesitation, no awkwardness, no sign that it was anything other than what it seemed - any hint of reticence would have given the game away. And not a _stage_ kiss either, but a lover's kiss, deep, and slow, the soft sigh and the brush of tongues telling of intimacy surrendered as well as taken. Jade, it seemed, was determined to make her point, and Tori was only human, she told herself - is it a sin to take something freely given? She sank deeper and deeper into the kiss, letting Jade set the pace, lifting a hand to touch the other girl's cheek, every inch the picture of oblivious passion. After a minute they heard a sullen _humph_ from Trina, the tick-tack of her heels disappearing back through the patio doors, and they parted, panting, lips still joined by a single silvery thread of saliva. And then... Jade giggled. Tori had never heard Jade giggle before - she laughed, she scoffed, she grinned, but she never _giggled_ \- and that single act of girlish glee was so unexpected that she couldn't help but join in, and they stood, arms around each other, foreheads touching, sharing the conspiracy, until Tori's mom called out something about dessert and the spell was broken.

"Coming, Mom."

Jade let go of her, carefully, as though she'd suddenly found herself holding a bomb, and they stood back, looking at each other. Jade was an interesting shade of pink, adorably flushed, and Tori briefly considered throwing caution to the wind and moving in again, but this was not the time to chance her arm - the thought of humiliating herself within a hundred miles of Trina made her toes curl. And so instead there was a brief flurry of self-conscious throat-clearing and hair-straightening and general ' _after you, no after you'_ -ing, and they came back into the house, neither of them entirely sure what had just happened.

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Tori stared resolutely straight ahead, trying to think of something to say. Neither of them had spoken since they'd pulled out of her parents driveway, and now she was worried that Jade was mad. She _was_ mad. She was _definitely_ mad. She hadn't said anything, which meant she was mad. She was absolutely, completely, every-bone-in-the-body-breakingly mad, and it would probably be best if Tori just-

"I'm sorry."

-threw herself out of the car now to save time. "What?" She turned in surprise.

"I'm sorry." Jade said again. "About the whole kissing thing. I don't know what I was thinking, it was just that Trina was winding me up, and I didn't want to ruin your story, and I just thought it might-"

"It's fine."

"Is it?"

"Of _course_ it is." Tori said, relieved that they were back to normality. "You were doing me a favor."

"Really?"

"Really."

"You're not freaked out?"

"Why would I be freaked out? I've been kissed lots of times."

"Because... I dunno. Because it's me."

"Why? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me."

"Well, there you go, then."

Pause.

" _Is_ there something wrong with me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how was it? You didn't really say. Was I awful?"

"You want me to rate you? Seriously?"

"A girl likes to know where she stands."

"Uh huh. And which bit of me will she be standing _on_ if I don't say she was great?"

"I just want a fair hearing."

"Okay, you were good."

"So... what? Top five? Top ten? Top one hundred?"

" _Jade_."

"What?"

"I haven't even kissed a hundred people."

"You said you had."

"No, I said I've been kissed lots of times."

"Same difference."

"No it isn't. I haven't kissed many people, but I've kissed each one a bunch of times."

"Gross."

"You started it!"

"No I didn't."

"Yes you..." She sneaked a sideways glance at Jade, to see that she was grinning, and she understood. This was just her way of covering her embarrassment, making a joke about it. Well, if that's the way she wanted it.

"Well, if you must know, you were… okay."

Jade's eyebrows shot up. "Just 'okay'?"

"Yeah," Tori said, inspecting her fingernails. "For a straight girl."

"What?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you mean, 'for a straight girl'? I'll have you know..."

Tori smiled as she looked out of the window and let Jade's tirade wash over her. She knew very well where the other girl stood in the rankings, but she wasn't going to let her in on the secret.

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Back to back, on the bed, separated by an immeasurable gulf that was, in reality, around a quarter of an inch. The sleeping arrangements hadn't come up - they'd shared the night before, and now neither of them wanted to raise the subject for fear that the other would think that they were uncomfortable, that something had changed. Better to just go with the status quo. Once the ice was broken in the car they'd talked of other things - or rather Jade had talked of other things while Tori just laughed along, occasionally objecting half-heartedly to the mockery of her loved ones but secretly pleased to be included on Jade's side of the divide between friends and family. The good mood has continued, escalated into the evening through a mountain of Chinese food and red wine and terrible TV, and now Tori found herself awake, adrenaline still in her system, slightly dazed that a day she'd been dreading, a day that had almost brought calamity, had turned out to be one of the best she remembered. Mainly because...

_She kissed me._

It was over in a moment. It lasted for a thousand years. She felt the heat rise again in her body at the memory. Even the way Jade had giggled afterwards - no moan of climax had ever sounded so erotic as that secret sound of pure, illicit pleasure, almost as if she'd enjoyed the act itself, rather than the subterfuge. Just for those few seconds it had felt real, felt right. If she'd ever had any doubts about the feelings she'd harbored all these years they'd disappeared in the wink of a heavily mascara'd eye.

Of course she knew it was just an act, put on to get Tori out of the dumb situation she'd put herself in. Jade was probably grossed out by the whole thing. But she hadn't made a big deal out of it, hadn't made Tori feel as though she was doing her a favor - after the joking around in the car she hadn't mentioned it again. They'd come home as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and opened a bottle of wine, and talked about this and that, and gone to bed. And even _that_ had made it seem more real, as if it was just a part of their relationship, something they could do any time they wanted.

What she wouldn't give to be able to do that any time she wanted.

But once was enough. If it never happened again it was still the most perfect memory she'd ever have. Frozen in time, preserved in aspic, pinned under glass, a keepsake cast in the bronze of her imagination that she could cherish, take down and cradle as she sat in her rocking chair, growing old. _I once kissed the most beautiful girl in the world..._

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Jade lay awake, convinced that Tori must be asleep.

_I kissed her. Holy crap, I kissed her._

_And not gently, either, I yanked her towards me because I thought she'd pull back, put up some resistance. But she didn't. She must have seen it coming. I forget she's done just as much improv as I have, so she just went straight with me and we crashed lips pretty hard. I hope I didn't hurt her. I thought about apologizing afterwards, but I just couldn't bring myself to say anything, I was too embarrassed, and I just started giggling instead. Way to go, West. She didn't seem too mad about it, and I didn't bust her lip or anything, so I guess we're still cool. She didn't say anything tonight, either, so I guess she just wants to forget it. But Jesus Christ..._

_I can't even explain how it felt. It felt... sinful. This is Tori. Tori Vega. Happy little Tori, bouncy hair and pretty smile, you know the one. A girl I've known for years, a girl that I've fought with, that I've hung out with, a girl that I've become friends with. A girl, period. And I kissed her. Not a peck on the cheek, not an accident. A full-on tongue tussle. I can't believe I did that. Crossing that boundary, touching her like that, seeing her in a way that I could never have imagined back then, that was something else. And she let me. That's the thing. She let me. I held her in my arms and she just opened up to me, trusted me, and now I can't understand how anyone could not want that, how anyone could reject her, or hurt her. And it stings to know that someone will, that this is the only time I'll ever have this privilege, but there'll be a string of others only too happy to abuse it, to take her trust and throw it away, that she'll be just one step on the road of their life._

_How can I protect her from that? How can I stand on the side-lines and watch her fall, time and time again? Picking herself up, brushing herself down, plastering on the smile and struggling bravely on, telling herself that next time it's going to work?_

_Yeah, I know what my dad says. But it doesn't feel like that. I don't see things any differently, I don't look at other girls, it's just her. It's just the way her face lights up when she gets a joke, and the way she eats a banana, and the way she frowns when she's concentrating, and the sound of her voice, and the curve of her neck, and the..._

_Okay, fine. I get it. But I can beat this, it's just a crush. Tori's a friend, and I spend way too much time on my own._

_But still. I just kissed the most beautiful girl in the world. That's gotta count for something._

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Jade got out of bed, woken by an internal warning system that said, _if you don't get up, Tori's going to make breakfast_. She padded through to the kitchen and surveyed the wreckage of the night before. A bottle stood on the side containing precisely the amount of wine that's not worth keeping and yet seems wasteful to throw away. She prevaricated, then noticed it had a noodle in it and tipped it away. She opened the refrigerator to a waft of oriental promise from the leftover cartons rammed haphazardly in there, and pulled them out just as Tori emerged, bleary-eyed and tousled.

"Sleep well?"

"Um... yeah, I guess. What are you doing?"

"Breakfast," Jade said, pushing a carton towards her. "Want some?"

"You're having cold chow mein for breakfast?"

"And coffee."

"That's disgusting."

"Don't knock it till you've tried it."

Tori sighed, grabbed a fork and sat down. "So what are we doing today?"

"Whatever you like. But we've got to go to my dad's place for lunch."

Tori brightened. "That'll be nice."

"No it won't."

"Why? I like your dad."

"Yeah, and don't we know it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The last time you met him you were stoned off your box and flirting with him."

"I was not!"

" _'Why, it'll be a pleasure, Mr West. I can't wait to see you again_.'"

"I don't talk like that!"

"Whatever. Anyway, I'm sure it going to be a long, torturous experience for everyone concerned, mainly me, so we'll just go and get it over with."

"Why are you so down on him? I thought you two got along now. He gave you the money to come and see me, remember?"

"Tori, I love my dad," Jade said. "Obviously I'd never tell him that..." Tori rolled her eyes. "But it's true nonetheless. It's just that he has a way of embarrassing me. I'm pretty sure he does it on purpose."

"I'm sure he doesn't. And anyway, how can he embarrass you in front of me? I..." Tori tailed off.

"You what?"

"Well," Tori said, a little awkwardly, "I was going to say that I know you better than anyone, but I don't really know if that's true."

"You think I lie to you?"

"No, but I mean, it's not for me to say, is it? You might have had better friends than me." She reddened slightly.

"Tori," Jade said, reaching out a hand which hovered briefly over Tori's, then thought better of it and instead offered solace to a small prawn cracker. "I can safely say I've never had a better friend than you."

"Aww." Tori smiled, then paused. "You have _had_ other friends, though, right?"

"Do you actually _want_ me to push this cracker up your nose?"

"Um, not especially, no."

"Then shut up. Of course I've had other friends. Just because you're the only friend I have right _now_ , doesn't mean you're not the best friend I've _ever_ had."

The look on Tori's face was so soppy that Jade blushed. "Anyway," she said, quickly, "it not a question of knowing me. Even if we were twins he'd still find a way of embarrassing one of us in front of the other."

"How?"

Jade sighed. "He's my _dad_ ," she said. "That's his job."

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**So we've had, technically, our second kiss. How was it for you?**


	18. Let's Do Lunch

**Well, howdy. Let's go and visit Jade's dad. I know we seem to be stringing this out a bit, but please don't wish it over just yet - this is a romance, so once they get together, we're done.**

**If you want to know who gives Tori the tip about opening jars, it's Jade, but in a different story.**

**Many thanks for your comments. I love comments :)**

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"Jade. What a lovely surprise."

"You invited us, Dad."

"And Tori, too. How nice to see you."

Tori leaned out from behind Jade and gave a little wave of acknowledgement. "Hi."

"Why don't you both come in?"

Jade was about to list all the reasons she could think of, but Tori wasn't going to wait. "Thanks!" she said, flashing Jade's dad a dazzling smile and striding past him into the house. Jade followed with an air of resignation. Her dad ushered them through to the living room, and for a moment the three of them stood there awkwardly.

"Well," Tori said, waving a hand around, and cranking up the smile another thousand watts. "This is nice."

"It is, isn't it?" Jade's dad said, looking around the room as though seeing it for the first time. "Not my doing, of course. Jade's mother was the one with the eye for detail. I have no aesthetic abilities, I'm afraid."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true," Tori said. "You look very fit."

Jade snorted, but her dad ignored it. "Well, that's very kind of you to say so, young lady."

"Not at all."

In Jade's opinion the house was a garish mess, but Tori was determined to be charming, and her dad was determined to be charmed. Much more of this mutual appreciation and she might be waking up one day to Tori as her new stepmom.

"You said something about lunch?" she said.

"Yes I did."

"Only, I don't see lunch."

"That's because we're standing in the middle of the living room."

"So where... Oh God, please don't say we're eating in the Great Hall."

"You have a Great Hall?" Tori said, impressed.

"She means the dining room," Jade's dad said. "Jade has something of an issue with the chandelier."

"I don't have an _issue_ with it, Dad," she said. "I just don't see why we need it."

"Your mother paid a lot of money for that, Jade."

"Yeah, a lot of _your_ money."

"That's not the point."

"Of course it's the point! You paid for it, so you can do what you want with it, now she's gone. It's totally up to you."

"And what if I want to leave it where it is?"

"Then you're wrong."

"I'm sure it's lovely," Tori interrupted. They both turned to her. "I mean, each to his own, and everything," she added. "Some people like chandeliers, some people like... um... catamarans."

"Quite right, Tori," Mr West said. "Well put, if slightly confusing. Shall we go through?"

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"Wow, that _is_ a big chandelier."

"Isn't it."

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The table was laden with a generous variety of food. Jade eyed it suspiciously. Her dad wasn't a bad cook, but subscribed to the _'stick with what you know'_ school of cuisine. Whenever he strayed from the path, he tended to forget little things, like switching the oven on, or buying any of the ingredients. "Did you cook this, Dad?"

"All of it?"

"Any of it."

"When you say 'cook'..."

"Did you have any hand, whatsoever, in the preparation of this food?"

"No," her dad said. "I had the restaurant send it over."

"Right. And how come we never have restaurant food when I come over?"

"Because you're family. Tori's a guest. Tori, why don't you sit down?"

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"So Tori. Tell me a little about yourself. What do you like to do?"

"Well, I'm doing film studies, but I guess what I really like is music."

"Ah," Jade's dad said. "Jade likes music, don't you?"

Jade sighed. "She knows that, Dad."

"And acting..."

"She loves acting."

"She knows that too, Dad."

"And in my spare time I like to go for long walks down by the river."

"Jade's always going for long walks, aren't you?"

"No I'm not, Dad."

"And I'd love to learn to ride."

"Well, Jade's not really an animal person, but I'm sure she could-"

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Could you help me in the kitchen for a minute?"

"Why, what's in the kitchen?"

"I need you to help me... open a jar, or something."

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"What are you doing?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"What's with all the _'Jade loves this, and Jade likes that, and I'm sure Jade would stick a broom up her ass and sweep the floor if that's what you want, Tori'_?"

"I'm just pointing out the things you have in common."

"We already _know_ what we have in common, Dad," Jade said, patiently. "We're friends."

"I know. I'm just trying to help."

"Help what?"

Her dad said nothing. Jade narrowed her eyes.

"Are you trying to _matchmake_ me?"

"Who, me?" her dad said, innocently.

"You are! You're trying to set me up."

"I'm just helping you make a good impression."

"This isn't a date, Dad! If I were on a date, I'd hardly take her to Chez West. Come for the food, stay for the humiliation."

"Well if you'd learn a few table manners..."

"Not me!" she said, exasperated. "You."

"Ah, Jade." Her dad put his arm around her, in a kindly fashion. "When you get older, one day you'll understand. When you have kids..."

"Don't start that again."

"...things change."

"Oh, God. Please don't get philosophical."

"One day, you're a happy, young, carefree individual, the future crammed with opportunity..."

"Did you start drinking _before_ we got here?"

"...the next you're a bitter, middle-aged divorcee with a mortgage the size of Texas and nothing to show for it but the ingratitude of your family."

"Well, thanks for that, Dad. I love these little father-daughter moments."

"But it has its compensations," he said. "And one of those compensations, one of the few things you have to look forward to, one of the few crumbs of solace available in your dotage..."

Jade rolled her eyes.

"...is the chance to embarrass your offspring in front of their new girlfriend."

"She is _not_ my girlfriend!"

"Well, give it time," her dad said. "Maybe she'll warm to you."

"She already... she doesn't..." Jade spluttered. "Look, Dad, she is _not_ my girlfriend, this is _not_ a date, and you're-"

"Your dad. Who's looking out for you."

"Well, yes, but..."

"And who's also bankrolling the whole 'not-your-girlfriend' thing."

"I... urgh."

"Good girl." He reached out and tousled her hair. "Now, get back in there, and finish your lunch."

Jade stood, simmering gently, hair strewn across her face. She blew a strand out of the way. "Never," she said, " _ever_ , tousle me again."

"You loved it when you were five."

"I loved a lot of things when I was five, Dad."

"That reminds me, I should get the baby pictures out. I'm sure Tori would love them."

"You know, I'm looking into nursing homes for you. Bad ones. The kind you see on _60 Minutes_."

"As long as you both come visit."

"Don't hold your breath."

"And bring the grandkids."

"Dad!"

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"Everything all right?" Tori said, as they returned.

"Yeah." Jade took her plate and moved it around the table until she was opposite Tori.

"Was it a pickle jar? I've got a tip for opening pickle jars, if you take a damp cloth and-"

"It wasn't a pickle jar," Jade said, "and everything's fine."

"Oh. Okay." Tori waited until they were sat down. "Mr. West," she said. "Could I say something?"

Jade tensed. 'Saying something' hadn't been part of the plan. Nodding and smiling had been part of the plan. _All_ of the plan, really, followed by getting the heck out of there. Her dad nodded. "Of course."

"Well," Tori said, "Jade told me that you'd helped her out with coming to see me, and I just wanted to say thank you. It's meant a lot to me to have her there. I really appreciate it."

She smiled and Jade blushed, much to her own annoyance.

"That's very nice of you to say so, Tori," Mr. West said, modestly. "But after all, who am I to stand in the way of-"

Jade froze. _Please don't say true love please don't say true love please don't-_

"-friendship," he finished. "And she _is_ my daughter, after all. Her happiness is the most important thing in the world to me."

"Aww."

"Apart from fishing. I quite like fishing."

"That's... nice, too."

"But mainly the happiness thing."

"Well, I know she loves you for it."

"Tori!"

"What? You said you loved your dad."

"Yeah, well, I'm having a rethink."

"Don't mind her," her dad said. "She's always been a little touchy about feelings."

"I have not."

"I blame her real parents."

" _Dad_!"

"You're adopted?"

"No!"

"Well, it wasn't really official," her dad went on. "We just found her under a bush in the woods one day. She'd been abandoned and raised by wolves."

Tori turned and stared at Jade, wide-eyed. "Really?"

"No, of _course_ not 'really', Tori."

"That's what the vet said when we took her for her shots, anyway. You can still see a little pointiness around the ears."

"Dad!"

Her dad grinned. She turned to seeTori tilting her head to take a better look. "Stop that!"

"Sorry."

Jade pulled her hair rather self-consciously around her face. "I am not adopted," she muttered. "And there is nothing wrong with my ears."

"Quite right," said Tori. "I think they're cute."

"Thank you."

"Like a little wolf cub."

"You know, for someone who has nowhere to live, you're sailing pretty close to the wind."

Tori went quiet. A few moments later Jade was shocked to feel something brushing against her leg, and it took her a second to realize that it was Tori's foot. She looked up in surprise to see an expression of contrition on the other girls face, a little pout that said _'forgive me'_ , and it was so unbearably adorable that she didn't quite know what to say. She covered her confusion by fumbling with her napkin.

"So, Tori," her dad said. "How long are you staying?"

"Hmm?" Tori shifted her attention back to Mr. West. "Oh, I don't know. I need to find a new place before next semester. Jade's going to help me look, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah."

"You lost your apartment?"

"Not exactly, but..."

"The roof fell in," Jade cut her off.

"Really?" her dad said. "That sounds serious. I hope no one was hurt."

"No, it's fine."

"What did your parents say?"

"They want to sue everyone."

"I see. And the other girl?"

"What other girl?"

"Carla, wasn't it? I thought Jade said you had a... roommate."

Tori looked at Jade. Jade looked at her napkin, face reddening. "Yes, she's fine."

"Good. Well, these things happen, I'm sure you and Jade can work it out. If I can help in any way, just let me know."

"Thanks."

"Maybe I should invite your parents over for dinner one night, if you two are going to be-"

"What?" Jade looked up sharply. "No!"

"-friends then... Sorry? Why?"

"It's just... they can't," Jade said. "They're really busy, and they hate going out, and they don't speak any English-"

"Jade..."

"-and their car's in the shop, and they're allergic to doorknobs, and they have a Trina, and-"

" _Jade_."

"What?"

"Why can't I invite them to dinner?"

"I just told you."

"They're 'allergic to doorknobs'?"

Jade folded her arms, sulkily. "My real dad would have believed me."

"It's my fault, Mr. West," Tori said. "It's just, we were round there yesterday, and I might have told them... well, I _definitely_ told them, I guess, I mean they were right there at the table when I said it, although I don't think my dad was really listening, he likes to check the football results, it drives my mom mad, and Trina didn't really believe me, but I think she's just secretly jealous because she gets a lot of guys, you know, but they never stick around, I think she comes on too strong, you have to play a little hard to get, not that I'd really know anything about that, obviously, but I read a lot of magazines, and that's what they say. Anyway," she took a deep breath, "I'm pretty sure that I actually told them..."

"Yes?"

"...that Jade was my girlfriend."

Mr. West blinked twice. "You..."

"Told them she was my girlfriend. Not that she _is_ , obviously," she added, hastily, "I don't want you to think that we're... I mean, not that there's anything... Well, anyway, it was kind of a difficult situation, and she helped me out by pretending it was true."

" _Did_ she indeed?" Mr. West turned to look at Jade, his eyes wide with amusement. "Well, well, well," he said. "That was very kind of her, wasn't it?"

Jade was slowly turning a shade of angry pink.

"Oh, yes," said Tori, cheerfully. "And she was very good at it, too." She blushed slightly. "Very good."

"Well, I can't imagine she found it _too_ difficult," he said. From somewhere behind Jade's tightly pursed lips there came a noise somewhere between a squeak of panic and a growl of warning.

"What do you mean?" Tori said.

"You're both actresses." He smiled as he heard Jade exhale in relief. "I'm sure you managed to pull it off with... what's the word? Aplomb."

"Oh, yes," said Tori, confidently, not entire clear what a 'plomb' was, and how you went about pulling anything off with it. "We were great."

"I'm sure you were," he said. "So, who's for dessert?"

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The afternoon wore on in a haze of good food and conversation, Jade's dad keeping up a stream of good-natured ribbing, Tori giggling along, occasionally rising to Jade's defence when she sensed she was suffering too much. By the time they left Tori was in high spirits.

"Thank you _so_ much for having us, Mr. West," she said, leaning over and giving him an unexpected hug. "It's been lovely."

"Yeah. Just peachy," Jade muttered.

"My pleasure," her dad said. "Come back any time."

"We will."

"No we won't."

"Oh, hush. Well, we'll see you soon. And thanks again. Come on, you." Tori began to make her way down the driveway, weaving a little after the wine. Jade went to follow, but her dad called her back.

"Jade?"

She huffed, and turned. "What?"

"Are you mad with me?"

Jade hesitated, her jaw working wordlessly for a moment as she thought. "No," she said, finally.

"Really?"

"Really," she sighed. "Tori had a good time, and that's what's important."

"Yes it is," he said. "You know why?"

"Why?"

He beckoned her closer, and whispered something in her ear.

Jade stared at him for a moment. "You are one crazy old man, Dad."

"Hey! Less of the 'old'. Now off you go," he said. "And remember what I said."

Jade walked away, still shaking her head in disbelief. She caught up to Tori, who flung an arm around her enthusiastically if unsteadily, and the two of them disappeared down the driveway and around the corner.

Jade's dad sipped his drink thoughtfully as he watched them go, and sighed. _There are none so blind as will not see..._ His daughter's pig-headedness came from his own, he knew. He hadn't wanted to needle her so hard, but if he knew anything about Jade, she'd go to her grave bluffing it out as the tough girl, never wanting to give anything away, and that was going to get her nowhere. So he'd given Tori the chance to see a little vulnerability, to let _her_ feel a little protective for a change. Maybe that was enough. Tori was a smart girl, she'd figure it out. Eventually.

He closed the door and went back inside.

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**So what did he tell her, I wonder...**


	19. Ears Looking At You, Kid

**Hi, back again. A little something for the weekend.**

**Many thanks for your comments, I appreciate you taking the time.**

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"Well, that was fun," Tori said brightly, as they made their way home.

"For you, maybe."

"Don't be such a grouch. I like your dad. He makes me laugh."

"Yeah. At my expense. I told you he'd embarrass me."

"Oh, come on. You know what dads are like."

"Well I do _now_ ," Jade muttered. "Mine's a sarcastic, middle aged sadist, and yours is a sports-obsessed maniac who wants to use my ass as a dartboard."

"He was only kidding."

"Thank God for that."

"I mean, he doesn't even _play_ darts," Tori said. "He's more into baseball. He wouldn't need your ass for that." She scrunched her face up, thoughtfully. "Although I guess he could use it as a giant pitcher's mitt, maybe, or-"

"Hey! What do you mean, _'giant'_?"

"-or a bat rest, or something-"

"Look," Jade said, "much as though I love discussing the use of my body parts as sporting equipment, I think you should shut up now." Tori fell silent. "And stop looking at my ears."

"I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were. I could hear you."

"Wow. Is that how you track your prey in the wild?"

"I was _not_ raised by wolves."

"Okay, okay. Down, girl. Heel."

"Stop that. You know, it's kind of difficult maintaining an effortlessly cool persona when you and my dad keep talking about ears. Ears aren't cool."

"Wolf ears are."

"Shut up."

"Anyway, why do you need to maintain your effortlessly cool persona? There's no one here."

"There's you."

Tori stopped walking. "Me?" she said in surprise. "Why would you need to keep up a persona around me?"

Jade stopped too, and realized with a start that she couldn't actually think of a reason. "I don't know," she said, lamely. "Practice?"

Tori sighed, and carried on walking. "You know," she said, "sometimes I despair."

"You spend too much time on the internet."

"I mean of you," she said. "You are _allowed_ to have emotions, you know."

Jade bridled. "I have emotions."

"Really? Name two."

"Okay, um, angry and... horny."

"'Horny' isn't an emotion."

"It is so," said Jade. "It's like angry, only with more sex."

"Great. So angry and horny are your top two emotions."

"What do you mean, 'top' two?"

"All right, your _only_ two." Tori said. "Well, I guess that explains why you're angry all the time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When did you last get laid?"

_"Vega."_

"What?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"The kind that girls ask each other."

"Well it's not the kind you ask me. I'm not really comfortable talking about that kind of thing."

"Oh, come on. What about sharing?"

"You want a threesome? Now you're just getting weird."

"I mean _emotional_ sharing."

"What about it?"

"What did we decide?"

"That it's a terrible idea, that only leads to embarrassment and awkwardness all round, and we should avoid it at all costs?"

"No," Tori said, patiently, "we decided that it's a _good_ thing, that leads to bonding and mutual self-respect."

"I don't remember deciding that."

"I think you were asleep."

"Well that's hardly fair."

"Well tough tooties. It's a done deal."

"Tough..? You know, I've got something in my pocket I could share with you."

"Let me guess. Is it your fist?"

Jade grumbled, annoyed at having her threat spiked. "Yeah."

Tori laughed. "I can read you like a book, Jade West," she said, happily. "Now, let's get home, and get out of these clothes."

"Wait, what?"

"My feet are killing me."

"Oh, right."

"Come on." Tori slipped her arm through Jade's, and together they tottered away down the street, heels clicking in unison.

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Jade toyed with the zip on her jacket as she waited for Tori to come out of the bedroom.

_She loves you._

That's what her dad had said.

Well, maybe she did, but not like that. And anyway, what would her dad know about it? He barely knew Tori, it was a heck of a leap to come to that conclusion from one conversation over lunch. But what if he was right? Or rather, what if he _might_ be right?

That was the crux of it. What if something you wanted was just there, waiting for you to reach for it, but you knew you had a fifty-fifty chance of catching it or losing it forever? Because that's what it would come down to. What if she said something, made a move, and Tori rejected it?

 _What have you got to lose_? a little voice said.

Absolutely everything, you dunce. Absolutely _everything_. Because if Tori rejected her, she'd lose her altogether. It wouldn't be Tori's fault - she'd no doubt that Tori could shrug it off and carry on as though nothing had happened. She could picture it now, Tori's sympathetic expression, _Aww, Jade, that's really sweet, but..._ and then a whole string of perfectly reasonable lies that amounted to _I don't really want you_. No, it'd be her. _She'd_ be the one who couldn't face it. Because Tori's sympathy would just make it worse, just make her feel like an idiot, and she'd sit in this apartment, obsessing over it, getting angrier and angrier, and then Tori would call, and she'd snap at her, and Tori would be really hurt. And it would happen again and again, and then eventually Tori would stop calling, and Jade would be angrier _still_ , and stomp around, and break things, because she'd know that she'd lost her best friend because she couldn't keep her goddamn mouth shut.

No. Best to treat it like Schrödinger's Cat - If she didn't say anything, if she didn't open the box, then the possibility still existed, somewhere, that it might have worked. That in another universe she and Tori could have made it. But if she lifted the lid, collapsed the waveform, and she was _wrong_ , then it was over. The cat was dead, and nothing would bring it back to life again.

She was dimly aware, at the back of her mind, that she might - just _might_ \- be overthinking things. For all she knew, her dad had really said _she loves food_ , in tribute to Tori's epic appetite, and the whole thing was a flight of her imagination.

Tori appeared. "Hey."

"Hey. You look nice."

"Thanks."

"Now go change."

"I... what?"

"We're going to a student bar, Tori, not a tea party."

"What do you mean?"

"You look a little... flouncy."

"Flouncy?"

"Yeah. You know." She flicked one of the black and purple flaps of material adorning Tori's top. "Flouncy."

"Oh."

Tori pouted and headed back towards the bedroom, muttering something under her breath, the only word of which Jade caught was 'Carla'. She froze. "What?"

"I said," Tori repeated, "you're as bad as Carla. She was always _'don't wear that, wear this, you look like a dork, don't embarrass me_ '. I was kind of glad when she stopped taking me anywhere." She frowned. "Although now I know _why_ she stopped taking me anywhere," she said, "it kind of takes the shine off it."

 _I'm as bad as Carla_. "Okay, stop," she said. "Scratch that. You look absolutely fine."

Tori stopped. "Do I?"

"Yes. I was just being stupid. Don't listen to me. You look great. Cool as anything."

"Really?"

"Really."

Tori's eyes narrowed in suspicion as Jade's widened in feigned sincerity.

" _Really_ really?"

" _Really_ really."

"You're not just saying that?"

"I'm not just saying that. You look lovely. Beautiful, even."

Tori's expression softened. "You think so?"

"Absolutely."

"You like the shirt?"

"Definitely," Jade lied. "It matches your..." She was going to say 'eyes', before she remembered that black and purple were not generally considered good colors for eyes to be. "Earrings," she finished. She looked closer. "They're nice earrings," she said.

Tori smiled. "You should know," she said. "You bought them."

"Me?"

"Yes. You don't remember?"

"Er..."

"Two years ago? My birthday?"

Jade's heart sank. Of course she had. She'd spent the week in a foul mood. Technically, Tori had invited everyone to her party - she'd just sat down at the table and announced it. But she hadn't invited Jade _specifically_ , and that had left her unsure as to whether Tori wanted her there or not. Ordinarily, that wouldn't have bothered her, and she'd have gone anyway just to annoy her, but lately she'd gotten a little sick of life's 'doorstep' moments, when people opened the door with _'Hey, Beck!'_ only to follow it up with a disappointed _'Oh'_ when they saw she was there, too. So she'd made an excuse, and stayed away. But still, she'd felt she ought to do _something_ , so she'd solved the problem in what, she now realized, was the stupidest way imaginable.

"You knew they were from me?"

"Of course I knew," Tori said. "Who else would take a perfectly nice pair of earrings, wrap them in a sheet of newspaper, scribble _'Vega'_ on the front, and then stuff them in my locker where I wouldn't find them for a week?"

"Ah."

"Yes, _'Ah'_."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't think you wanted me to _know_ ," Tori said, "and I thought you might be embarrassed if I brought it up. Or you'd deny it. And anyway, you spent the whole of the next week mad at me over some stupid play, and I didn't dare say anything after that, in case you changed your mind and took them back. Why didn't you say they were from you?"

"I... don't know, really."

"I'll tell you why. Because you couldn't bring yourself to admit we were friends."

Jade shrugged, uncomfortably. "Maybe."

"No 'maybe' about it."

"Well, okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Why not?"

"Because these were the best present _ever_."

"Really?" Jade said. "I mean, they're nice, and everything, but if I'm honest they were-"

"Not because of the earrings, you dolt. Because they were from you."

"Me?"

"Do you have any idea," Tori said, "how exciting it was to find these? To realize that you'd actually gone out of your way to buy me something? You didn't have to. Everybody else came to the party, and I guess it's pretty much compulsory to turn up with a present. But you didn't come. You didn't have to get me anything. I'll bet you didn't even _want_ to get me anything. I bet you griped the whole time about what a waste of money it was, how I wouldn't appreciate it, how I was a talentless waste of space that didn't even deserve to _have_ ears..."

"You know, you're making me sound kind of awful."

"... you couldn't even bring yourself to wrap them properly, or even admit you bought them at _all_ ," Tori went on. "But you still did it. Because you knew, deep down in your twisted, evil little soul..."

"Still sounding awful."

"... that we were friends," Tori finished. "And that meant a lot to me. A _heck_ of a lot. In fact I think that's when I..." She tailed off.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Right." Jade frowned. "So are we cool vis-a-vis the whole 'earring' thing?"

"We're cool."

"And are we ready to go out?"

"Just give me a minute."

"What? I thought you were-"

But Tori had already disappeared back into the bedroom. Jade sighed. She didn't really _want_ to go out, but Tori had insisted on seeing what 'real' student life was like, and Jade had reluctantly agreed. She hoped to God they didn't meet anyone from college. It wasn't that she'd be embarrassed _by_ Tori, it was more that she'd be embarrassed in _front_ of her. She checked her watch. There was a lot of noise in there. She sat down and waited.

.

.

.

Five minutes later, the door opened.

"Hey there."

By rights, there should have sultry saxophone music playing, as Tori emerged and stretched her back up against the door frame, one leg hooked behind her. "What do you think?" she purred.

The flounces had gone. So had the sleeves. So had quite a lot of the actual shirt, so that now it ended in a ragged, scissored edge, eight inches of smooth tan skin leading to the waist of the skin-tight jeans, which in turn led down to a pair of Jade's black high-heeled boots. Her hair was back-combed into a frenzy, her eyes were dark with borrowed mascara, shadowed and mysterious. Jade felt an odd stirring in the pit of her stomach.

At least, she _told_ herself it was her stomach. "Very nice," she croaked.

"Will this do?"

"That... that will do."

"Then okay," Tori grinned. "Let's go."

.

.

.

**Tori nearly blew it there, and the whole story could have been a lot shorter.**


	20. Panic At The Disco

**If anyone doesn't know the significance of the lampshade, then shame on you, you need to spend less time studying, and more time reading TV Tropes.**

.

.

.

Tori watched as Jade led the way through the club, hips swaying, a nudge here, a shove there, clearing space without slowing, moving through the crowd like an explorer through the jungle, the expert swing of the machete making progress seem effortless.

Of course, had Jade had an _actual_ machete, things might have been even quicker.

It occurred to her that she'd never seen Jade look more at home than she did right now. Generally Jade always seemed slightly out of place, ill at ease, as though she were struggling to maintain her dignity in a world of baffling disappointment, like a Shakespearean actor forced to do dog food commercials.

They reached the bar, and ordered a couple of drinks. There wasn't much in the way of discussion over this.

"I'll have a dry white-"

"Here." Jade thrust a bottle of beer into Tori's hand.

"… beer. Thanks." Tori took it. She didn't normally drink beer, but when in Rome. She took a sip.

"So," Jade said, turning and resting her elbows behind her on the bar, an act that stretched her T-shirt across her chest in a way that made Tori's drink go down the wrong way. "What do you think?"

"Wow," Tori croaked. It dawned on her that Jade was inviting comment on the club, rather than her tits. "I mean, pretty cool."

"You think so? I don't really come here much, but the music's okay." She took a lazy swig from her bottle. "Do you want to dance? Or sit down?"

"Um… sit."

They made their way over to a table, garnering a few admiring glances. Some of those glances were directed at Tori's butt, much to Jade's annoyance.

"People are looking at you."

"Am I embarrassing you?"

"No, I mean people are looking at you like _that_."

"What do you mean, 'like that'?"

"Like they want to... you know."

"Like I'm hot?"

"Yeah."

"What's wrong with that? I want people to think I'm hot."

"No you don't."

"I'm pretty sure I do."

"Well _I_ don't."

"What?"

"I don't want people looking at you."

"Why not?"

It occurred to Jade too late that there was no reason she could give that wouldn't sound ridiculous. "Er..."

"Are you jealous?"

"No! I just think it's... demeaning to you as a woman."

"Right. And that's why you're dressed like that, is it? You go, sister. Fight the power."

"You know, I think I preferred it when you were terrified of me. All this uppityness is getting on my nerves."

"Pfft. You love it, really."

"Well, maybe. But the point is, I didn't bring you here so could flaunt yourself at every passing-"

"Hi!"

"Beat it, asswipe."

"Jade!"

"You see?" Jade said, as the interloper scuttled away. "Look, if you think I'm sleeping on my own sofa tonight so you can shack up in my room with some... _person_ that you've pulled in a nightclub, then you've got another thing coming."

"You think I'd do that?"

"You did with Carla."

"No I didn't!"

"You did. You said you just went up to her and grabbed her ass."

"No, that just happened in your weird, twisted imagination. I _said_ , I put my hands over her eyes."

"And then her ass."

"Asses weren't involved."

"So you just thought you'd sneak up behind her and start fondling her eyeballs?"

"You can't fondle an eyeball," Tori said. "That's gross. And I thought she was you, remember?"

"So you've got a thing for my eyes?"

"No!" Tori said. She tilted her head. "Although they are pretty."

"I... Oh." Jade blushed. "Thanks."

"Anyway, I'm not the only one people are looking at."

"What?"

Tori nodded over Jade's shoulder. She turned to see she was being watched by a group of three girls and two guys, one of whom looked slightly embarrassed, much to the hilarity of the rest. "Oh, God."

"Friends of yours?"

"They're in one of my classes."

"Should we invite them over?"

"No."

"Why not? They look pretty friendly."

"They're not."

"One of them's waving." Tori gave a little wave back.

"Stop that!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to talk to them."

There was something about the shifty expression on Jade's face that said there was more to it, and Tori finally worked out what it was. "Oh," she said. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Which one? The tall guy?" Tori said. "The one who looks like he's chewing a wasp right now?"

Jade nodded. There was silence for a moment.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay." Tori sat, quietly, waiting, until Jade couldn't stand it anymore.

"Right, fine," she said. "If you really want to know."

"You don't have to-"

" _One_ date," she said. "We went on _one_ date. Right at the start of college. Me and Beck were over, and I thought, why not? He seemed pretty cool. Not a tough guy, not a creep, just somewhere in the middle."

"And it didn't go well?"

"Oh, it went great," Jade said, sadly. "It went really well. We went out to dinner, had a couple of drinks. All good."

"So what happened? Did he try something on?"

"No, we just talked," she said. "I really opened up to him, you know? Told him stuff about myself that I'd never even told Beck, personal stuff. He was just such a good listener. I felt like I could tell him anything."

"So what's the problem?"

"The _problem_ , Tori," Jade said, and Tori could a see a small muscle twitching angrily in her jaw. "Is that two days later I found a whole bunch of that stuff written across the girl's bathroom."

"What?"

"Turns out he'd only dated me as a bet. And then he'd come back and told all his little pals about it, and they'd told everyone else. "

"No!"

"Yep. How's that for 'sharing'? Thank Christ I didn't sleep with the guy, there'd probably be diagrams on the class whiteboard."

"That's horrible!"

"Yes, it is."

"But... How come he's not dead?"

"Because this is the real world, Tori," Jade said. "You can't go round stabbing people with scissors or setting fire to thing, it's not on. You get arrested."

"You set fire to Ryder's car."

"That was different. That was for you."

"Aww."

"Plus I had an alibi."

"You did?"

"I was at your place, doing homework."

Tori frowned. "I don't remember that."

"No, of course you don't," Jade rolled her eyes, "that's why it's an _alibi_. But the point is, I've no one I could trust here. He's got all the friends, and I've got no one. Plus it's hard to intimidate people when they know you cried over a dead goldfish when you were five. So I've just got to suck it up and say nothing, keep my head down because if I don't, it'll just start again."

"A dead goldfish?"

Jade shrugged, uncomfortably. "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "It was a difficult time. He had so much to live for."

"Right, that's it." Tori started to get up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go and say something."

"What? Whoa! Sit down!"

"Why? He can't treat you that way. It's not fair."

"It's too late for that, Tori. This is damage limitation. I'm trying to look cool, like I don't care. And nothing says I _do_ care like having my girlfriend go over there and start a fight."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Well, that's what it's going to look like, isn't it? Now sit down." Tori sat reluctantly, contenting herself with a laser-like glare at the gaggle in the corner. "If you really want to help, you can go to the bar and get a couple of drinks."

"Fine," Tori huffed.

"And get me a couple, too. It's going to be a long night."

.

.

.

"Shall I tell you a secret?" Tori said drunkenly, propping her head on her hands, the bottle swinging from her fingers.

"Does it involve ducks?"

Tori frowned. "Why should it involve ducks?"

"I dunno," Jade said. "All the best secrets involve ducks."

"Oh. No, no ducks."

"Good. I hate ducks. Did I tell you I hate ducks?"

"Yes."

"Just checking. Fire away."

"Okay, well, when I was at school," Tori said, "I had this tiny, tiny, little... I mean really tiny, very, very tiny, just about..." She held her thumb and forefinger about half an inch apart. "This big. No wait..." She moved her fingers closer together and held them up unsteadily to her eye. "This big," she said. "Only tiny. Very, very tiny."

"That's pretty tiny."

"Yes it is," Tori nodded, emphatically. "Yes it is. Very tiny." She slumped back in her seat. There was a long pause.

"Tiny what?" Jade said.

"Hmm?" Tori was lost in tiny thoughts.

"You had a tiny what?" Jade said. "Tiny mind? Tiny mole on your butt? Tiny pixie you kept in a matchbox? What?"

"Oh, that." Tori reanimated herself and sat up. "I had a tiny, tiny, tiny little-"

"Yeah, we've done that bit."

"-crush on you."

"I... What?"

"Yep," Tori said. "Bet you didn't know that, did you?"

"Well, no," Jade confessed, feeling the warmth rising up around her neck. "No I didn't."

"Well, it's true," Tori said. "I had a girl-crush on you. I mean, it was only very tiny..."

"I got that."

"But it was there all the same."

Jade sat, floundering in awkwardness. She struggled for something to say. "I thought you were still into guys at school," she managed. Genius. Make her sound like she can't make her mind up in Starbucks.

Tori didn't seem to mind. "A crush isn't about sex, Jade," she said. "It's about wanting to be with someone. Be around them. Robbie had a crush on Beck for years, but it didn't mean he was gay."

"Robbie had a crush on _Beck_?"

"Well, duh. Of course he did."

"I never knew."

Tori laughed at the confusion on her face. "All that time you spent being jealous of other girls, and the enemy was way closer to home."

"You don't think Beck would have-"

"Of course he wouldn't. He didn't even know. That's the whole point. A crush is only a crush if it's one-sided. You can't have a mutual crush. That's not how it works."

"Why not?"

"Because it wouldn't last. When you've got a crush on someone, you spend your whole time _looking_ for signs that they like you back. Two people would have to be pretty dense to have a crush on each other without noticing. That only happens in stories." She leaned back, and bumped her head on a lampshade.

"Oh." Jade toyed with the label on her bottle. "So why didn't you say anything?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, anything."

"Go on, then," Tori said. "Tell me. Tell me what a sixteen-year-old me could have said to a sixteen-year-old you that wouldn't have involved me getting hurt, laughed out of school, or ending up in a dumpster with a monster bag full of cold coffee."

"I wasn't that bad." Tori raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe I was, but-"

"And what would have been the point? what would _you_ have said? What would Beck have said to Robbie? _Thanks but no thanks_. So I did the only thing I could."

"What?"

"I tried to be your friend."

"But-"

"Anyway, it's all ancient history," Tori said, firmly. "I got over it. We're friends now, we hang out, and nobody has to worry about a stupid crush anymore. So come on."

 _Yeah, nobody has to worry about that._ "What?"

"Let's dance. You owe me dancing, remember?"

"You're too drunk to dance."

"No, I'm the perfect drunkfulness to dance."

"See?"

"And so are you. So let's go."

It wasn't that Jade didn't like to dance, she just didn't like to do it in public. She was happy to gyrate around her own apartment, but the dancefloor was different. The phrase 'dance like nobody's watching' didn't work for her, she danced like _everyone_ was watching, as though her performance was being beamed live by satellite around that world, and one wrong move would see universal condemnation. Tori's dancing, on the other hand, was everything Jade remembered from school, wildly enthusiastic and slightly ungainly, all hips and hair. But it was also contagious, and Jade soon found herself trying to match Tori's energy, song after song, until they were exhausted. A slower track came on, and Jade gratefully turned to move back to the bar, but Tori caught her arm, and she returned reluctantly, finding the slower rhythm more difficult to lose herself in, feeling more exposed. This feeling wasn't helped at all by Tori, who put out her arms to rest on Jade's shoulders, shimmying closer as though they weren't simply dancing together, they were dancing _together_. Jade could do nothing but rest her hands gingerly on the other girl's hips, making sure they stayed firmly on her belt and didn't stray to the skin above, and match her movements, praying that the song would end before anyone noticed.

Naturally, that prayer went unanswered. One of the girls from the group that had been watching her passed them on the dancefloor. She paused for a moment, held up two fingers and stuck her tongue between them. Jade scowled, but said nothing, hoping Tori hadn't seen anything. The next think she knew, there was an almighty scream.

Tori, it seemed, had accidentally stepped back just as the girl had walked behind her, bringing her heel down hard onto her toe.

Jade only had time to catch a brief glimpse of the grin behind the hair that told her that 'accidentally' might not be the full picture, before they began to attract attention. The girl was clutching her foot, and hopping around, as her friends began to move through the crowd towards them.

"She broke my toe!" the girl screeched accusingly.

"It was an accident."

"Like hell it was!"

Tori was happy to carry on dancing as though nothing had happened, but 'nothing' wasn't going to happen, not by a long way, and Jade was faced with the dilemma of having to placate the people she had to share a classroom with for the next year, or defend her friend.

One of the other girls made a lunge for Tori, and that was enough. Jade pushed her back, hard enough to send her sprawling on the floor, and they faced off. They were outnumbered, but that didn't concern her too much - security would break it up pretty quickly, she could already see them on their way. She just had to protect Tori long enough for them to get here. Just stay calm and...

"Man, your girlfriend's gonna get it now."

She turned to see her fake 'date' watching smugly, obviously entertained by the prospect of them getting their asses kicked, and before she knew it a year's worth of sucking it up and saying nothing exploded in the shape of a fist, catching him smack across the jaw. It didn't do much damage, but it sent him reeling, and when he turned back Jade genuinely though he was going to retaliate. _Oh crap_.

"You leave her alone!" This was Tori, who'd decided that she'd had enough dancing and was in the mood to join in the hostilities. Jade's tormentor looked a little less confident now, as he realized that far from of getting to heckle from the sidelines at a catfight, he was now the center of attention as everyone else stood back to watch him deal with both girls, a fight that, win or lose, he couldn't possibly come out of with any glory whatsoever.

"Break it up!" Security arrived and, with their unerring knack of blaming the party that's easiest to deal with, dragged Tori and Jade away, and they found themselves bundled out of the door and into the parking lot.

"Bastards!" Jade shouted, when she judged they were at a safe distance. "I didn't even want to come to your stinking club, anyway!"

"Yeah," Tori yelled. "Worst club ever! Your beer tastes like pee and your DJ sucks ass!"

"You tell 'em, Tori."

"And there's no soap in the ladies' room!"

"Steady, tiger."

"Well, there isn't," Tori insisted.

"Come on, let's go."

Tori followed Jade through a jumble of rubble and litter that wasn't going to win any awards for parking lot of the year. She watched as Jade paused beside one of the cars, giving it a look of disgust.

"What is it?"

"That's his car," she said. "I can't believe I sat in there like a fucking idiot, making nice with him, telling him my life story. He must have been laughing like a... Tori?"

There was a clank from behind her. She turned to see Tori struggling with a three foot length of rebar with a chunk of concrete still attached. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going," Tori grunted, hefting the steel like a club, "to teach him a lesson."

"You..." Jade's eyes widened as she realized what Tori was going to do. "Like hell you are!" she said. "Put that down!"

But it was too late. Tori had already begun her swing. Jade watched in horror as the weight went scything through the air, straight through the windshield, the leverage almost lifting Tori off her feet. A piercing siren split the air, suggesting that the car wasn't happy about this.

"Fuck!" Jade yelled. "Run!"

She took off across the parking lot, Tori behind her, heading for the corner of the building. In the doorway of the club there were voices, as the doormen came out to investigate. They rounded the corner, heading up the street, until Jade's small reserve of stamina gave out. "Stop," she gasped. She grabbed at Tori's jacket and pulling her into an alleyway, and they both collapsed back against the wall, panting and giggling. "Jesus, Tori," she wheezed. "What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be the sensible one. It's your job to stop me doing this kind of crap."

She bowed her head, trying to ignore the pounding in her chest. "Tori?" she said, when there was no response. "Are you listening to me? I said, I'm supposed to be the crazy one."

The air hung heavy with anticipation before she heard the voice, low and husky, almost unrecognizable.

"I can be crazy, too."

She looked up to find the other girl suddenly incredibly close, jacket slipped off one shoulder, her eyes half hidden behind the wild tangle of hair, only the glitter of the moon's reflection showing through.

"Tori?"

Before she knew it she found herself pinned against the wall, the rough surface scraping her shoulder blades though her thin jacket, the shock taking away what little breath she had left, as the other girl's lips pressed against hers, a slim hand slipping into her hair, tilting her head to join the kiss. Her own hands scrabbled helplessly at the wall behind her before moving to rest on Tori's bare waist, as Tori's tongue slipped between her lips, parting them, gentle but insistent, teasing, inviting Jade to let her in. And Jade did, mesmerized by the taste of this unfamiliar Tori, this strange and assertive Tori, this Tori that had her thigh pushed hard between her legs, making her brain melt. Her hands gripped tighter at the smooth flesh, and she found herself wondering what it would be like to slide them upwards, under Tori's flimsy top, push it up and over her head, see her half-naked, press her teeth to the skin, feel her shudder in delight. Oh, God. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's not helping. Between that thought and the way Tori was grinding against her... She tried to rationalize. Maybe this was Tori's revenge for her little stunt at the Vegas'. She'd probably pull away and laugh and say, _now we're even_. But she wasn't pulling away. She was pressing further. Much more of this and-

Somewhere in the heavens, the gods of coitus interruptus looked down on her and said... _enough_.

"What the fuck?" The voice of their earthly representative split the air. "I mean, what the fucking _fuck_? Look at my fucking car!"

Tori pulled back with a gasp, and Jade felt the cool air sweep in to replace the warmth of the body against her. For a moment they stood, eyes locked, Tori's dark and unreadable, Jade's wide and questioning. Tori bit her lip.

"I think they found the car," she murmured.

"I think they did."

There was the sound of angry footsteps across the parking lot.

"Should we run away again?"

"I think we should."

There was a pause, and then Tori laughed and tugged at Jade's lapels. "Come on, then, Miss West," she said with a grin. "Race you home!"

"What?" But it was too late, Tori had started off down the street at a sprint, leaving a bewildered Jade in her wake. ""Race you..? It's five miles, Vega!" she shouted after her. "I can't run five miles in these shoes! We've got to catch a... Oh, for Christ's sake."

She pushed herself away from the wall and set off in hot pursuit, uncertain of what - or who - she'd find when she caught up.

.

.

.

.

.

**Well, well, well, Tori, you little minx...**

**I wasn't really expecting her to do that, but sometimes these things happen.**


	21. What Fresh Hell Is This?

**You're going to hate me for this.**

.

.

.

Jade awoke to find that the inside of her head had been hollowed out, and filled with molten lead. She shook her head to clear it, which turned out to be a very, very bad idea.

"Ouch."

This felt distinctly like a hangover, which meant she'd been drinking the night before. But where?

A club. There had been a club. And there had been music, and drinking, and talking, and drinking, and dancing, and drinking, and fighting, and...

Whoa. Wait. Back up. Fighting. Oh, God.

That asshole from college had been there. And Tori had started a fight with... everyone. Fuck. That wasn't good. That didn't bode well for next semester. What else?

They'd been thrown out. Well, they'd been asked to leave. _Then_ they'd been thrown out. They'd walked across the parking lot and Asshole's car had been there.

She groaned. And Tori had smashed it up. _Jesus_. It's always the quiet ones. Always the quiet ones who get a few drinks inside them and go rampaging through town, starting fights, trashing cars, kissing people...

She sat up, suddenly. This turned out to be an even worse idea, as her head collided with what turned out to be the underside of the table. She lay down again, to let the throbbing subside.

 _Tori had kissed her._ Tori had pushed her up against a wall and kissed her. Just like that. No prevarication, no shyness, no nothing. Just wham, bam, thank you ma'am. And then she'd run off.

She lay there, puzzled. In her admittedly limited experience of kissing people outside nightclubs, one thing tended to lead to another, but it was difficult to imagine the chain of circumstances that would lead from there to her current situation underneath this table. Unless Tori had some weird furniture fetish.

So then what? They'd come back to the apartment. Yes. She remembered crashing through the door, laughing and shoving each other. Tori had snatched up a bottle of wine, and backed away into the bedroom, grinning, beckoning her with a finger and a bite of the lip, and Jade had followed.

No wait, Jade _hadn't_ followed, Jade had fallen over something. Tori's monster purse, a purse so big that by rights it should have had its _own_ apartment, or at least be contributing to the rent. By the time she'd untangled herself, grunting and cursing, Tori had disappeared into the bedroom. She'd dragged herself in there on her hands and knees, the purse still clinging to one leg like an tenacious giant clam, to find...

To find Tori asleep, flat out across the bed, bottle of wine seeping gently into the bedsheets. She'd tried to rouse her, but Tori had just mumbled something like _uuvoojade_ and buried herself deeper into the damp covers.

Damn it. She'd reversed back out of the bedroom, still on all fours, and made it as far as the table, at which point her body had said, _right, that's it, nap time_ , and she'd passed out.

Well, that's okay, then. All present and correct. Everything accounted for. All you've got to do now is wait for Tori to wake up, remember all that, and then you can both spend the rest of the break in crippling embarrassment until Tori goes back to college, and then you can never speak to each other again. Marvelous. Job done.

No wait, you dunce. Think about it. Tori _likes_ you. She likes you enough to kiss you, anyway. Although she was drunk. She's probably kissed lots of people while drunk. But at least it was voluntary this time. Maybe this is it.

Or is it? Maybe she only kissed you because you remind her of Carla. Maybe she was just feeling sentimental, horny for her ex. Maybe you're just a stand-in, and she'll want to forget it.

She said she had a crush on you. But she also said it was over. Damn it.

Maybe the safest thing to do is... _Mexico_. That's it. Just pack a bag, and head for Mexico. That way there a chance, just a chance, that you'll never have to...

A sound echoed through the apartment, a long, keening wail, like an animal in pain. Either they'd picked up a wounded elephant on the way home and left it dying in agony on the bedroom floor, or Tori was awake.

"Jade," A voice cried, plaintively. "Help me."

She struggled to her feet in alarm, catching her head another brain-rattling blow on the table, and stumbled towards the bedroom. "Are you all right?" she said breathlessly, as she opened the door.

"I think I've gone blind."

Jade relaxed. Tori had, during the night, managed to turn herself upside and now had her head wedged into the sheets tucked into the foot of the bed. Jade took hold of them, and pulled them back to reveal a sprawl of brown hair.

"Better?"

"Aargh! Turn it off!"

"What?"

"The light!"

"It's the sun, Tori," Jade said. "I can't turn it off. People will complain."

"Then turn it _down_."

She sighed, and crossed the room, pulling a curtain across the window. "There."

"'nk you." Tori mumbled into the mattress.

Jade sat down on the bed, not entirely sure how to bring up the previous night. She reached out and began to absent-mindedly stroke the other girl's hair, eliciting a sound that was half groan, half purr. "Tori..."

She stopped stroking, aware that this might seem over-familiar, but a slight twitch of the head and a series of insistent little grunts indicated that she should carry on. She did so, and the purring resumed.

"What did we _do_ last night?"

Jade's life suddenly seemed a lot more complicated. "You don't remember?" she said, guardedly.

"Not all of it."

"How much of it?"

"None of it."

 _Great_. "Well," Jade began, carefully, "we went to a club..."

"Did we?"

"Oh, come on, Tori. You must remember _something_. You cut your shirt up."

"In a nightclub?"

"Before the nightclub. You wanted to look... hotter."

"And did I?"

"...Yes."

"And then what?"

"We went to the club, had a few drinks, danced a little, and the we came home."

"And that's it? I didn't do anything stupid?"

Jade pulled a face. "Um..."

"Oh, God."

"It was nothing, really."

"Really?"

"Well, not _nothing,_ nothing. But it wasn't all bad."

" _All_? What do you mean, _'all'_?"

"Er…"

"No, wait, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"Oh. Okay."

There was a pause. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Tell me!"

"You want to know?"

"Yes! No. Hold on, just tell me a little bit. Just give me the gist of it. Just a hint."

"Right, well, there were some people there that I knew..."

"I said something embarrassing, didn't I?"

"Not as such, no."

"Thank God for that."

"You just started a little bit of a fight, that's all."

"A _fight_?"

"Not really a fight, more an... altercation."

"What sort of altercation?"

"The sort where there's a fight."

"Crap." Tori pressed her face deeper into the mattress. "So what happened?"

"Nothing major. Security broke it up. And then they threw us out."

"We got thrown out?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, man," Tori moaned. "I've never been thrown out of anywhere."

"Really?" Jade said. "You couldn't tell. You must be a natural. You took to it like an evil, flappy, quacky thing to water."

"Fuck."

"Close."

"So we just came home?"

"…Kind of."

"Will you stop _doing_ that."

"I'm just trying to break it to you gently."

"Well don't. Just give it to me straight."

"Okay, you smashed up some guy's car in the parking lot."

Tori's head shot up in horror. "I did what?"

"Hey, I was as surprised as you are."

"But… but… why would I _do_ that?"

"It's a long story," Jade said. "You were defending my honor."

"I was... What honor?"

"Hey!" Jade stopped stroking and poked her in the ear. "You know, it's a good job I'm not sat _right here_ , Tori, otherwise I might take offence."

"I'm sorry. Don't do that. It cost me five bucks in donuts last time."

"No, it cost _me_ five bucks in donuts. Which I still haven't had back."

Tori's head fell back to the bed, and she dragged the covers over her head. "Please tell me that's the end of it," she mumbled from beneath them.

Jade took a deep breath. "Actually, there was something-"

They were interrupted by a muffled beeping noise. The phone. They looked at each other. Nothing good ever came from a text first thing in the morning after you've been out drinking the night before.

"Who is it?" Tori whispered.

"I don't know."

"Maybe it's the police," she said. "Oh, God. What if it's the police?"

Jade rolled her eyes. "The police rarely arrest people by text, Tori," she said. "It's not really practical."

"But..."

" _'OMG, Ur busted. LOL. Smiley face, handcuffs._ '"

"Then who?"

"Why don't you have a look and find out? Read the phone, Tori, read the phone."

"I don't know where it is."

"Well it's got to be in there somewhere." She shoved a hand under the covers and rummaged around. "Maybe it's under this pillow."

"Jade?"

"What?"

"That's... not a pillow."

Jade whipped her hand out, and her face reddened. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Tori said. "Maybe it's down here." She reached behind her. "Got it." She pulled it out and held it an inch from her nose, squinting at the screen.

"Who is it?"

Tori didn't answer for a moment.

"If it's that guy that came over when we were at the bar," Jade said, "I told you not to-"

"It's Carla."

She said it flatly, with no emotion, but the look on her face was enough to twist a knife in Jade's gut. She watched as Tori scrolled through the message. All this time she'd been lost in a fantasy where the only people who existed were her and Tori, where happiness was only a question of making a move, but now she realized it would never be that simple. Tori was fresh out of a relationship, a serious relationship, her wounds still raw after an acrimonious split made on a surge of adrenaline. She and Beck had come back from worse - apologized, carried on, made it through another six months. She was faced with the awful possibility that all of this was only temporary, that she was the rebound, the rebellion, the giddy taste of freedom before Tori went back to Carla. That last night's kiss was only Tori's revenge, a dish to be served up coldly as Carla's punishment later, a bargaining chip in their relationship. She'd done the same herself, once, when Beck had strayed. And although two wrongs had utterly failed to make a right in the end, it had given her back a little self-respect to let him know that she had other options.

Was Tori that calculating? Probably not. But she'd feel a whole lot better, a whole lot more able to forgive Carla's indiscretion, knowing that she was one up on her. Nothing would stick in Carla's throat more than knowing that Tori had gone straight out and had almost-sex with the one person she hated most in the world. Or had at least been willing to, had been one rogue handbag strap away from actually doing it. Man, it would almost be worth going back to Carla just for that. _Hey, look what I can do! I am Tori, hear me roar!_ She had both the moral high ground and the ultimate threat should Carla step out of line again.

She resolved to keep her mouth shut about the previous night unless and until Tori brought it up. Any awkwardness between them would only make the idea of going back to what she knew more attractive to her. She gritted her teeth.

"What does she want?"

Tori blinked. "She says she's sorry. She wants to talk."

"Right." Jade picked at a corner of the sheet. "And is that what _you_ want?"

Tori hesitated. "I don't know," she said, eventually. She bit her lip and looked up. "Do you think I should?"

_No of course you shouldn't, Tori. You should drop the phone down the lavatory, change your number, and forget she ever existed._

"I don't know, Tori," she said, quickly. "It's up to you." She got up and walked out of the bedroom, leaving Tori still staring silently at the phone.

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**Damn it, just when you thought things were getting easier. So, will Tori reply?**

**'What fresh hell is this?' is how Dorothy Parker used to answer the phone. Try it, it's fun.**


	22. Beautiful Liar

**Sorry to have ruined your day with the last chapter, but the course of true love never did run smooth...**

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Jade stood at the kitchen sink. _Coffee._ She needed coffee. And soon. But she couldn't quite focus on that, so instead she rinsed a glass and poured herself some water.

They hadn't slept together. And when she dared to think too closely about it, all she could feel was a profound sense of relief. Not because in a strange way it would have seemed like cheating, almost - taking a shortcut to something she wanted without paying her dues, without having to work for it - and Tori deserved more than that. And not because Tori didn't remember anything - if they _had_ done it, she was pretty sure that waking up to find a naked Jade sprawled all over her would have given Tori at least an inkling of what had happened. No it was...

What if Tori had woken up and regretted it? What if it really had just been a fumble in the dark, a drunken one-night stand? Or worse, what if she'd been _disappointed_?

Jade had never slept with a woman before, and while she was vaguely aware that they all had the same bits and pieces as her, and they'd probably like more or less the same things she did, she had no idea how that worked in practice, what the practicalities were, the formalities, the etiquette. Sex with Beck had followed a well-rehearsed format, that began with a murmured _'Hey, Babe'_ , and ended with him snoring away while she sighed and tried to ignore the fact that yet again she was the one with her ass on the damp patch. She'd seen plenty of porn, but that bore as much relation to real sex as those flashy adverts for amazing labor-saving device bore to the sad little lump of plastic that actually arrived in the post and broke two weeks later. What if she'd screwed it up? What if she'd committed some heinous, unforgivable faux-pas that marked her out as an amateur? What if...

She was gripped by a new terror. _What if she hadn't been as good as Carla_? What if they'd done it, and afterwards Tori had laid there, sighing in frustration, reliving all the epic, mind-blowing, toe-curling, earth-shattering, fabulous sex that she'd had with Carla and wishing she was back there? Oh God. Oh no no no no no. That was bad. No, they could never sleep together. Never ever. Never ever ever. Unless…

Maybe there was some kind of course she could go on, or some kind of manual that she could go away and study really, really hard. That was it. And then, if and when the time came, she could burst into the bedroom, waving her diploma, and...

"Jade?"

"Jesus!" She jumped at the sound, and threw cold water all over herself. She turned, face dripping, to see Tori standing behind her.

"Are you okay?" the other girl said.

"I'm fine," Jade said quickly. "I was just... making coffee." She held out the glass, which failed to bear this out.

"Right," Tori said, doubtfully.

"Only I forget to... put any coffee in it. Or heat the water. Or use a cup. So maybe I'll just start again." She turned back to the counter.

"I won't call her."

"Who?" Jade clattered cups around noisily.

"Carla. I won't call her if you don't want me to."

Jade turned with a sigh. "It's nothing to do with me, Tori."

"Well, it kind of is."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend. And if it upsets you, I won't do it."

"It's not that it upsets me, it's just..."

_You're going to lie to her. You're going to look her right in the eye, and lie to her._

"I'm just worried about you, that's all. I'm just worried that if you start being nice to her, she's going to get her claws into you again."

"She won't."

"She will. If you start calling her, you're going to feel sorry for her, and before you know it, you'll end up getting talked into doing something you don't want to do. I know you. You're a sucker for a sob story, and you'll end up going back to her."

"I'm not an idiot, Jade."

"I know you're not," Jade said. "You're just too nice for your own good. Look at me."

"What about you?"

"I was pretty awful to you all through high school, and you forgave me without a thought. You always want to see the best in people, and there is no best in Carla."

"Yeah, but that's different. You set fire to a car."

"I know. And I meant it from the heart. But arson doesn't solve everything. You need to raise your expectations, Tori. What if Carla came over now, and set fire to something? Would you take her back?"

"No of course not."

"Not even if it was that big, shiny SUV that belonged to Mr. Dickers?"

"Well..."

"You see?" Jade said. "You're too soft. Too easily swayed. You need to toughen up a little."

"I guess," Tori conceded. "It's just I can't bear the thought of someone hating me," she said. "I don't like the thought that someone's going to go through the rest of their life thinking of me as their worst nightmare."

"Really?" Jade said in surprise. "It's what gets me up in the morning."

"But you're different. You can deal with people hating you. You've had practice."

Tori had meant it as a joke, but the expression on Jade's face was so crestfallen that she realized she'd hit a nerve. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean that."

"No, it's fine," Jade said, turning away.

"Jade..."

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Jade."

"I think there's some eggs left if you want to-"

"Jade!"

"What?"

"Come on."

Jade turned. "Look, I don't care that nobody likes me, okay?" she said. "I'm fine with that. I've gotten used to it. I can handle it. I'd just rather not have it rubbed in my face."

"I was only kidding."

"I know, and I know I started it, but it... You're my only friend, Tori. The only one left who'll even speak to me. And sometimes it feels like... like... oh, Christ."

"Jade, are you all right? Is there something wrong?"

Jade realized she was starting to shake as the last few days caught up with her. She put her hands up to her face to stifle a sob and felt tears falling on her fingers. "I'm sorry, I just... I can't..."

"Oh, God, Jade, come here." Tori closed the gap and gathered her into her arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She held her close, rubbing her back through her thin T-shirt. "Nobody hates you, Jade. Nobody. Maybe people don't understand you the way I do, but that's their loss. If they could see you the way I see you, then they'd realize they were missing out on the best friend ever."

"Really?" Jade said, from somewhere buried in her hair.

"Really," Tori said, firmly. "You're a great friend. You're smart, and funny, and kind, and considerate, and thoughtful, and sympathetic, and-

"Tori..."

"-understanding, and loyal, and you can punch people in the face, and you know how to change a wheel, and-"

"Enough now." There was a strange noise which turned out to be a damp laugh, and Jade finally pushed herself away, face still damp with tears. "You're a beautiful liar, Tori."

Tori blinked. "Um… thanks?"

Jade wiped at her eyes with the edge of her shirt. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. You see? This is what happens when I don't get coffee."

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Days passed, and there were more texts. Jade could hear the muffled beeps, see Tori stiffen, her hand creep towards the phone as though she thought Jade might not notice. She'd slyly sweep the sceen, glance at it, then lock it again. Jade suspected that Tori had a password for it, but she could never bring herself to try and find out, and in any case Tori kept her phone close, much closer than she used to. There was never any indication that Tori replied to any of them, but then she was hardly likely to do it while Jade was there. She found herself mentally assessing whether Tori used the bathroom more often than usual, or whether her visits coincided with the texts. Maybe she should keep a log, or make up a spreadsheet, or-

_You are way beyond creepy, Jade West._

I am not! I'm just concerned.

_There's a word for you. Begins with 'S'._

Shut up.

_Rhymes with 'walker'._

I am not a stalker! How can I be stalking her? I live with her.

_But for how long?_

The only reason I don't punch your lights out, brain, is because I'd have to go through my own face to do it.

_Touchy, touchy._

You know, sometimes I wish I was a guy. Then I could do all my thinking with my dick and I wouldn't need you at all.

_But then she wouldn't be interested in you._

She's not-

_She clearly is, otherwise she wouldn't have slammed you up against a wall and stuck her tongue down your throat._

Well, yes, but...

_And then come home and invite you to sleep with her._

That was...

_An opportunity which you, and only you, could have fucked up so badly._

...

You know, sometimes, I don't like you very much.

_I know. That's your problem. You don't like yourself, so you can't see why anyone else would, either._

Why do you have to be such a smartass all the time?

_Hey, if you can't take it, don't dish it out. So you've got two choices. You can front up, tell her exactly what happened the other night, tell her you feel the same, and challenge her to do something about it, or you can hang around being creepy and trying to break into her phone to see if she's calling Carla. Which is it going to be?_

Is there a third option?

_I dunno. Yerba?_

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It was the following day that she got her opportunity. She heard the beep that announced a message, she saw Tori unlock the phone, frown, and then, with a stroke of luck that happens only once in a lifetime, drop it on the floor. She bent to pick it up and spilled hot coffee on herself.

"Ow!" Tori leapt to her feet, flapping at the front of her shirt. "Ow, ow, ow."

Jade tried not to think about the way the wet material clung to her body, and concentrated on the matter in hand. "That's going to stain," she said. "You need to soak it."

"Damn."

"Quickly."

Tori made a dash for the bathroom, as Jade reached under the sofa to retrieve the phone before it timed out and locked itself again.

Messages. She scrolled down to the last one and found herself strangely disappointed that it was from Tori's mom. There were some from Carla, though. She opened them up to see if Tori had responded, but as far as she could see the conversation was entirely one-sided, consisting of alternating pleas and threats, interspersed with the odd unintelligible drunken text.

She felt a warm glow for a moment, until she realized that Tori could simply have deleted her side of the conversation. But then why wouldn't she delete them all? Unless that was part of the ruse to make her think-

"Jade?"

She went cold as she looked up to see Tori in the doorway. Rather than scrub at her shirt she'd obviously just taken it off and dumped it in the sink. The sight of her in just a bra, and the fact she'd been caught red-handed, robbed Jade of the ability to speak, and so she stood, phone clutched guiltily in her hand, mouth opening and closing wordlessly.

Tori stayed where she was for a moment, her expression unreadable, before she crossed the room and took the phone from Jade's unresisting fingers. "I didn't call her," she said quietly.

The power of speech returned in a rush. "I'm sorry," Jade said. "I didn't mean to..." She trailed off. There was nothing accidental about it, and they both knew it.

"It's okay."

Jade's face was burning. "It really isn't," she mumbled.

Tori slipped the phone back into her pocket. "Look, I know you're worried about me, okay?" she said. "And I understand that. I'd probably do the same if it was you."

"Yeah, and if it was me, I would be being so damned nice about it," Jade said, grudgingly. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be."

"Hey, I can be sorry if I want to."

"No you can't."

"Don't tell me what to do."

There was a long pause, before Tori laughed and the tension was broken. "Okay," she conceded. "You can be sorry."

"Thank you."

"And I'm sorry, too."

"What for?"

"Because I made you think I was going behind your back. We need to be honest with each other, and the last thing I want is for you to think that I'm keeping secrets from you when you've shared everything with me."

"That wasn't my idea. You _made_ me share everything."

"Yes, I did. And don't you feel better for it?"

"No."

"Anyway, no more secrets. Look." Tori pulled out her phone and fiddled with it. "There. No password. You can read it any time you want."

"I don't want to read it."

"Okay, you can _not_ read it any time you want. It's up to you."

"Tori..."

"Right. I'd better go put some clothes on. I don't want you to think I'm trying to seduce you with my third-best underwear."

Jade's face, which had only just recovered its normal color, reddened again. "I don't think-"

"Kidding, Jade. Kidding."

"Oh."

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Over the next few days, Tori's phone became something of a bone of contention. She took to ostentatiously laying it out in plain sight, on the table, on the sofa, in the bedroom, and then wandering off, in an attempt to entice Jade to read it. Jade meanwhile was equally determined _not_ to read it, and she found herself edging around it, stepping over it, avoiding it as though it was an unexploded bomb. After a while it seemed to follow her everywhere - she'd sit at the table, pick up the newspaper, and there it would be underneath, or reach for her toothbrush and find herself holding it instead. Finally she picked it up and waved it under Tori's nose. "Will you put this damned thing away," she demanded.

"Oh," Tori said, casually. "Is that where it was?"

"Yes, _Tori_ ," Jade said. "That's where it was. And that's where it keeps being, every time I turn around. For the last time, I don't want to read it."

Tori sighed. "I'm just trying to show you that I trust you."

"And I'm trying to show you that I trust _you_ ," Jade said. "Now put it away."

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Three days later. Tori was fidgety. Jade could sense it as soon as she came in. "What's up?"

"I've been thinking."

"Oh."

"Don't say it like that."

"I'm sorry, I can make a bigger deal of it if you want. Maybe call the newspapers, take out some ads."

"I mean, don't say it like it's a bad thing."

"It _is_ a bad thing," Jade said. "It's like when your boyfriend says, ' _we need to talk'_. Nothing good ever follows it."

"Jade."

"Sorry. Go on."

"It's just I've been _thinking_ ," Tori said, "we've both been under a lot of stress recently, and the last few weeks we've been burning the candle at both ends. I mean, I'm not complaining, it's been great, but maybe we both need a break."

"A break?"

"I know it can't be easy having me here. Maybe I should go to my mom's for a while."

"What? No! I mean, no, you don't have to do that."

"But look at us, Jade. We're living like frat boys. The place is a mess, and there's no food, and..."

"I'll sort it out," Jade said. "I promise. I just need to-"

"I'm not asking you to sort it out, Jade," Tori said. "It's my fault, I'm the one who's freeloading."

"It's okay, really."

"It's not. I'm taking advantage of you. And we're both going to end up in rehab if this goes on much longer."

"That's ridiculous."

"I got so drunk the other night I started a fight in a nightclub and smashed up a car," Tori said. "That's not good."

"We don't have to smash up cars  _every_ night," Jade said. "It can just be an occasional thing."

"I'm not saying it's your fault. I just think we need a rest."

Jade looked sullen. "Is this about the phone thing?"

"No."

"Is this because of what I said about Carla?" she said. "Because I said you shouldn't see her?"

"What? No, of course it isn't! You're right, I should just ignore her."

"Then is it me?"

"No! Jesus, Jade, you're making it sound like we're getting divorced. I just think we need a few days down-time. We'll have a clean up in here, make it all nice for you, and then I'll go to my mom's and let her look after me for a while. Give you some space."

"I don't need space," Jade said, desperately, "I need..." she stopped herself. "I mean I'm fine," she said. "I like having you here."

"And I like _being_ here," Tori said. "Come on, Jade, It's not as though I'm leaving town. We can still hang out. And at least you'll have the bed to yourself for a change. It must be awful sharing with me."

Jade couldn't say anything. She never wanted to spend the night alone again, now she'd shared a bed with Tori, but she could hardly put it like that. "I kind of like it," she said, sulkily.

"No you don't," Tori said. "Otherwise you wouldn't have slept on the sofa last night."

 _Thereby hangs a tale_. But not one she could go into. She was rapidly running out of objections, and the only one she had left was the closest to the truth. "But I'd... miss you."

"No you won't, because I'll call you every day, and we'll meet up. This isn't a falling out, Jade, it's not a big deal. I'm just crashing someplace else for a few days to give us chance to get ourselves straight."

"But..."

"And if I'm honest," Tori said, with a sigh, "I really owe it to my mom."

"Owe it to her?"

"We kind of dropped a bombshell on her the other day, and I haven't spoken to her since then. She keeps texting, but it's just trivia, and I don't know whether she's cool with it or whether she's taking all my photos down and writing me out of the will. I don't think I could stand it if Trina got promoted to favorite daughter, she'd have a field day. I ought to spend some time with her and find out, do the whole 'bonding' thing."

"Ugh."

"Yeah. And count yourself lucky I'm not making you come with me to spend some time with the in-laws."

Jade had forgotten that as far as Tori's family was concerned, she was her girlfriend. She shuddered. "No thanks."

"So are we cool?" Tori said, cautiously. "I don't want you to think that I'm ungrateful, I'm really not. It's only going to be a couple of days, and then I'm back." She hesitated. "If you want me back."

 _Of course I'll want you back._ "Well, I don't know, once I get used to the peace and quiet..."

Tori laughed. "Yeah, right."

"And the space, and less laundry to do..."

"You don't do any laundry."

"And making my own breakfast..."

Tori's face fell and she pouted. "You don't like my cooking?"

"I'm just kidding. I think that's the thing I'll miss most of all."

"Hmmm."

"That and watching you bite your toenails."

"I don't... you know, maybe I won't come back."

"You'd better."

"Or else what?"

"Do you really, _really_ , want to find out?"

"You don't frighten me, Jade West."

"No?"

"... Okay, well maybe a bit," Tori conceded. "But you're not allowed to hurt me, now. That's one of the rules of being a friend. No bodily harm."

"I don't remember reading that."

"Well, it's true."

"Anyway, I didn't say anything about hurting you."

"Or my stuff."

"Look for the last time, she was fine, okay? And it was for a good cause."

"I still think there's something disturbing about kidnapping someone's treasured childhood possessions to force them to come out to their parents."

"I didn't _force_ you to come out to them," Jade said. "I only said you should go round and say hello. The whole 'coming out' fiasco was your idea."

"Well maybe I'd have been able to concentrate more if I hadn't been so worried about where Cathy was."

"She was fine," Jade said. "She was just having a well-deserved rest in my sock drawer."

"Eww."

"The clean sock drawer."

"Well that's something. Look, are you sure you're all right with this? I don't want you to feel abandoned."

"Hey, I managed perfectly well when you were miles away. I can cope for a couple of days while you're at your mom's."

"Good. Okay, let's get tidied up."

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They cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, music blaring, dancing as they went, lost in the pleasure of doing something together. By the time they were finished Jade barely recognized the place. "Are you sure I live here?" she asked doubtfully, looking around.

"Yes. And it had better look like this when I get back, otherwise there'll be trouble."

"Yes, mom."

"Good girl," Tori said, approvingly. "Right. Are you sure you're okay to give me a ride over?"

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. It's just you seemed a little..."

"Jeez, Tori." She rolled her eyes. "Why, it's not like we're breaking up or anything."

"Very funny," Tori said. "And I don't talk like that. Now come on, let's get going."

They drove across town, Tori clutching the bag with her overnight things in. She'd deliberately taken as little as possible, so as to demonstrate her intention of coming back, but there was still a uneasy feeling of separation about it, as though one of them had failed in some way. But they covered it with small talk, and jokes, and by the time they reached Tori's house, it felt more like what it was, two friends parting for a while, promises to keep in touch made and meant, no more significant than saying goodbye at school on a Friday knowing you'd see them again on Monday. No problem.

And so, with a promise from Tori to call in the morning still ringing in her ears, Jade drove home, confidently, with the top down and the radio on, singing all the way.

And when she finally reached her newly-refurbished, spring-cleaned, spotlessly tidy apartment, she took a deep breath and leapt from the car, bounded up the stairs with a spring in her step, threw herself on the bed, and cried all night.

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**One step forward and …**

**But things will come to a head soon. We just need to keep them apart so they know they need to be together.**

**Damn, should I have put a spoiler alert in there?**


	23. Flowers

**Hi, welcome back. And today, as a special treat, we're going to have some actual plot.**

**Many thanks for the reviews. And please don't lose patience with the girls, they're doing their best.**

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Tori lay on her bed, writhing with guilt. She'd lied to Jade. Her mom hadn't pressured her into coming home - her mom had been surprised to see her, and asked all kinds of awkward questions about why she wasn't staying with her brand new girlfriend when she'd made such a fuss about it. In the end she'd told her it was Jade's idea for her to spend some time with her family, and now she felt guilty about that, too. But the truth was, she needed a break from Jade. Not because she didn't like being with her, but because she liked it too much, and she was getting dangerously close to making a fool of herself. The T-shirt incident was a case in point - she'd could easily have covered up after she'd put it in the sink to soak, but she hadn't, because lately she'd found a disturbing thrill in lurking around the apartment half-dressed, making flirtatious comments, revelling in Jade's embarrassment. Wandering out of the bathroom, pulling the towel around her just a fraction of a second later each time, daring herself to be caught. It was ridiculous, and she knew it. All she was doing was making the other girl uncomfortable, and there was a whole new level of guilt to be found in the fact that she'd made her feel bad in the hotel room that afternoon over exactly this, and now she was doing it on purpose. Nice going, Tori. She'd never thought of herself as an exhibitionist - she'd always been a little shy, even with Carla, but Jade just seemed to bring it out in her, the more Jade averted her eyes the more Tori wanted her to look.

It wasn't rocket science, of course. She wanted Jade to look because she'd _always_ wanted her to look, her whole attitude to Jade at school had been one big _See me! Here I am!_ And more than once she'd lain in this very bed, entertaining erotic fantasies of being caught naked by Jade in the locker room, or in the shower, or in the janitor's closet, or... well, anywhere, really. In fact, if Tori's dreams were to be believed, she spent practically her entire school day in the buff being chased around by a horny Jade, and the remainder of the night a hot, sweaty mess while the Goth had her wicked way with her.

Unbidden, she felt her hand sliding slowly downwards. She pulled it back. _Stop that, Vega you little perv._ Good grief, it doesn't take much to get you going, does it? This has got to stop. If you can't get yourself under control, you can't go back there at _all_.

She was interrupted yet again by her phone. She didn't look. It would be Carla, as it had been the last twenty-three times it had gone off since she'd been here. Carla's texts had taken on a new tone, recently. There was no more begging and bullying, instead her messages were longer, more intricate, thoughtful, showing a side and a depth to Carla that she'd never seen before, that she'd never even suspected she had. She began to wonder if Carla was getting someone else to write them for her, as a kind of _Cyrano De Bergerac_ attempt to win her back. She'd made the mistake of replying, once, to say leave me alone, and all it had done was invited a torrent of new messages, each more heartfelt than the last, as though mere confirmation of still being alive and contactable had spurred Carla to new heights.

She groaned, and rolled over. She drifted away again, lost in a reverie where all it would take was to step from the shower, towel clutched loosely around her, see Jade's eyes grow wide with lust as she let it fall, swaying seductively across the room, naked as the day she was born, slipping her hands around the other girl's neck, feeling the scratch of the leather jacket against her bare skin, pressing her up against the wall...

Up...

Against...

The wall...

_Oh God._

And it all came back to her - the club, the fight, the parking lot. Running away, laughing, panting, Jade's gasp of surprise as she pressed her to the wall, the feel of her lips, resisting at first, then parting as Tori went further...

She felt her stomach clench in embarrassment, and she buried her face in the pillow. _Oh no. Oh no, no, no_. Oh Tori, you idiot. How could you _do_ that? She thought harder, trying to remember exactly what Jade's reaction had been. Had she been mad? No, she'd been taken aback, but she hadn't pushed her away, hadn't slapped her face. So what did that mean? And why hadn't she said anything in the morning?

 _Because of what happened afterwards_ , a little voice said. She probed her memory further. They'd come back to the apartment, tumbling over each other, giggling, no trace of awkwardness, and then what?

 _And then you invited her to sleep with you_. Tori's guts, already prickling with ice, froze solid. She could see herself now, bottle in hand, backing into the bedroom, beckoning with a playful finger, ready to ride the crest of the wave all the way to the shore.

And Jade hadn't come. That much was obvious. She'd woken alone, and still half dressed. So where was Jade? Had she decided that kissing was one thing, a drunken flirt after one too many drinks, but sex was a step too far? Or hadn't she wanted to do _any_ of it, really? And why hadn't she said anything? Had she forgotten, too?

No. She'd remembered everything else, it would take a very selective kind of memory loss just to skip that part. So she doesn't want to talk about it. It was probably a huge relief to her to find out you didn't remember anything, that she wasn't going to have let you down gently. She wants to spare your feelings.

Her stomach writhed in torment at the thought of the last few days, cavorting around in her underwear, totally unaware that Jade knew how she felt, that the poor girl was probably dreading the moment she remembered and the whole sorry mess came crashing down, ruining their friendship forever.

But it didn't feel quite like that. Jade had acted as if nothing was amiss, had seemed genuinely sorry to see her go. But the fact remained that the damage was done. She'd made her move, and Jade had rejected her. Because when it all came down to it, no amount of towel-slippage and titillation was going to magically make Jade change her sexuality. She had no idea how stunning, how staggeringly beautiful, how mind-boggling _amazing_ you'd have to look to turn someone gay just at the sight of you, but she seriously doubted she had what it took.

_Jade doesn't want you._

She stared back at the phone. If this latest message was to be believed, _Carla_ thought she had what it took. In fact, if she was anything like as fabulous as Carla was making out, Jade should be hammering her door down. It was a miracle the entire neighborhood wasn't alight, if she was as hot as this. She knew it was all hyperbole and flattery, and she should just ignore it, but it was still hard not to read it twice. She wondered how many people, over the course of humanity's lovelorn existence, had been in exactly this position - pining for the one who doesn't want you, breaking the heart of the one who does.

She began to feel her resolve crumbling. She had to do something. She rolled off the bed, and headed downstairs.

"Dad?"

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_"Hi."_

_"Hi."_

_"It's me."_

_"I know it is."_

_"Um, yeah. Anyway, the thing is, I know we said we'd meet up today, but I've got to go out of town."_

_"You're going away?"_

_"It's only for a couple of days."_

_"Oh. Okay, no problem. Anywhere interesting?"_

_"I'm going back up to college to look for a new apartment."_

_"… I thought we were going to do that?"_

_"I know, but it's my dad. My mom says he wants to do all the father-daughter bonding thing, but really I think he just wants to make sure I don't end up living in a derelict warehouse or a dumpster or something. You know what dads are like. They think they know everything about everything, even though I'm pretty sure he can't tell drywall from donut frosting."_

_"I guess."_

_"Are you all right with that?"_

_"…"_

_"_ _Jade?"_

_"Hmmm?"_

_"I said, are you all right with that?"_

_"Er... yeah, I'm fine."_

_"It's only a day or two. I'll be back before you know it."_

_"Right."_

_"Are you sure you're okay?"_

_"Of course I'm okay, Vega. My life isn't going to fall apart just because I haven't got you around to bug me. I've got stuff to do, anyway."_

_"Well, if you're sure..?"_

_"I'm sure. Go on. Have a good time."_

_"I'm spending the evening with my dad in a small hotel room that probably has no wifi. 'Good' doesn't really come in to it."_

_"It's only what you deserve for abandoning me. Now scoot. I'm going to do some college work."_

_"Okay. See you Monday."_

_"See you."_

Jade put down the phone, and glared at it. One day, _one_ day, she'd get a call that wasn't bad news. One day, the gods would take pity on her, and someone would call that she both wanted to talk to, _and_ wasn't about to let her down.

She sighed. A girl can dream. She threw herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She should take the opportunity to actually do something - work on her script, write a song, paint a picture, or even, God forbid, open a textbook. But somehow all these things seemed like an enormous effort compared to just laying here and pulling the covers over her head.

 _My life isn't going to fall apart just because I haven't got you around_. No, it isn't. It's just not going to be worth getting out of bed for.

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"Hey."

Her dad turned, and raised an eyebrow. "What's she done now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Tori's not with you and you've got a face like a beaten mule."

"Thanks, dad. I feel like a princess."

"So what's happened?"

"Nothing's happened. She's just gone away for a couple of days."

"Ah."

There was a long pause.

"What do you mean, _'Ah'_?"

"Nothing."

"Dad."

"What?"

"You know, I watched this documentary the other night about euthanasia for the elderly."

"Okay. Look. When I was younger, I had a friend called Billy."

Jade groaned. "Please don't."

"Me and Billy, we went everywhere together. We were inseparable. Hanging out, fishing, racing our bikes across Mrs Gorski's lawn..."

"Is this going to take long? Only I can feel wrinkles forming."

"And then, one day, he had to go away for a week, to see family upstate. And do you know how I felt?"

"Do tell."

"Absolutely fine."

"… What?"

"I was a little bored for a couple of days, sure, but I found other things to do, and when he came back we just carried on as we always had."

Jade blinked. "Well that's a beautiful story, dad. I'm surprised they haven't made it into a mini-series on Hallmark."

"The point is," Mr West said, "that I didn't mope around like a love-sick teenager just because a friend of mine was away for a few days."

"I'm not moping around like a... I'm not moping around."

"You could have fooled me."

"You know, next time I get the urge to drop in and see my dear old dad, I think I'll just go stick my head in the oven instead. It'll be quicker and less painful."

Her dad shook his head. "Face it, Jade. How long's she been gone? Two days?"

Jade mumbled something.

"What?"

"I _said_ , she left last night."

"So she's been gone less than twenty-four hours?"

Jade folded her arms, sulkily. "What's your point?"

"My _point_? For Christ's sake, Jade, just tell the girl."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I see." Her dad looked at her for a moment. "Do I strike you as a simple man, Jade?"

"What? No."

"Feeble? Slow-witted?"

"Dad…"

"Do you perhaps feel that my mental faculties have degraded to the point where I'm no longer capable of tying my own shoelaces, or doing anything other than watching Fox News while dribbling into my cocoa?"

Jade sighed. "Of course not."

"Good," her dad said, satisfied. "So, let's go back to the bit just before you said _'I don't know what you mean_ ', and take it from there."

"Okay, fine," Jade said, exasperated. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I do feel that way."

"Finally."

"But it's not as simple as that, is it?"

"Isn't it?"

"No, of course not! She's my best friend, I can't just..." she felt a lump in her throat. "I don't know what to do, dad," she said, helplessly. Her dad took a step towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, and held them there until she finally looked up to meet his eye.

"Tell her."

"But..."

"Just _tell_ her."

"But what if she doesn't feel the same?"

"What if the world ends tomorrow? If she wants you, and I think she does, then you owe it to both of you to say something. And if she doesn't," he said, "then, if she's any kind of a friend, she won't hold it against you. She'll probably be flattered. And at least you'll know you tried, that you were brave enough to reach for what you want."

Jade sniffed but said nothing.

"It's not her you're worried about, is it?" her dad said. "It's you. You're worried that _you'll_ be the one to break off with her if she says no."

Jade nodded, miserably. Her dad slid her arms around her in an unprecedented show of affection, and she buried her face in his chest. "I don't want to lose her, dad."

"Then it's up to you. Life's not meant to be easy, Jade. I've tried to guide you, give you advice, teach you things even when you didn't want to be taught. But I can't protect you from your own heart. This is where you grow up."

"I don't know if I _want_ to."

"You don't really have much choice, I'm afraid. If you don't grow up, you don't get to have the things grown-ups have. You don't get to have Tori, for one thing. All you'll do is watch her leave one day with someone who did."

"I guess." She stayed where she was in his arms for a while, his chin resting on her head. "You do realize," she said eventually, "that the next day and a half are going to be even worse now you've made me see sense?"

"You don't have to spend it pacing around the apartment in a funk. Just call her."

"I can't call her tonight, she'll be with her dad. And anyway, it's not the kind of thing you can talk about over the phone."

"I don't mean _tell_ her tonight, I just mean _call_ her. Say hi. Chat. You'll feel better."

"And what about her dad?"

"Trust me. It'll be a relief."

"I'm sure she'll be fine. He's not that bad."

"I'm not worried about _her_. Can you imagine having to spend all evening talking to your teenage daughter?"

"I'm right here, dad."

"Present company excepted, of course."

"Hmmm."

"And then tomorrow, or whenever she gets back, you can just sit her down and..."

"Ruin my life."

"...start your life."

Jade sighed, and pushed herself away from her dad, brushing at the tearstains on his shirt. "Okay."

"Good girl," he said. They stood awkwardly for a moment, having never really been in this position before, trying to think of something to do with their arms in a post-hug world. Eventually Mr West thrust his hands into his pockets. "So," he said. "You want coffee?"

Jade wiped her eyes. "Are you sure you can bear to spend that much time with your teenage daughter?"

"I said you could stay for coffee, I didn't say you could move in."

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_I'm going to do it. I'm so going to do it. I am so going to absolutely, totally, completely... crap, I need to take a wazz._

_Right, I'm back. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I'm going to do it. As soon as she walks in that door, before she has time to dump her stuff, or sit down, I'm just going to go for it. I'm just going to tell her._

She felt slightly light-headed, giddy with excitement. Even her boundless pessimism had cracked under her dad's relentless logic. _She likes you. She loves you._ And when she thought about it, why not? Tori had crushed on her at school, she'd chosen a girlfriend that looked like her - even _acted_ like her, she thought, guiltily - she'd kissed her, she'd even wanted her to... you know. It wasn't beyond the realms of possibility that Tori might actually want her. And, as her dad had been at pains to stress, it really _was_ Jade's responsibility to make the first move - Tori was out and proud, but she had no reason to think that Jade was. If Tori really did have some kind of unrequited love for her, she'd keep it to herself. Well it _would_ be requited. Jade West was going to requite the hell out of it. Just as soon as Tori came home.

The thought was so nerve-wracking she needed the bathroom again. She should drink some water - at the rate she was losing fluid there'd be nothing left of her but a dried-up husk by the time Tori opened the door.

 _Risk and reward._ What was the risk? Total humiliation. But Tori wouldn't make it feel like that, it would her own mind that did it, and if she could overcome that, then it might not be the end. And the reward? She looked around the apartment. What would it be like to have Tori here for real? Not as a guest, not as a friend, not as a lost soul seeking sanctuary, but as a girlfriend, a partner. Someone to share her life with. What would it be like to be able to kiss her any time she wanted, to not have to pretend, to wake up next to her in the morning, stroke her hair, whisper sweet nothings in her ear, to go to bed at the other end of the day, slip in beside her, reach for her...

She cut that short as she felt her heart skip a beat. It was the only fly in the ointment, the last, lingering doubt. What if…

She'd cross that bridge when she came to it, she decided. There was no point in overthinking things. Instead concentrate on... flowers. She should get some flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. That was good. That would be romantic. So, what did Tori like? Bush daisies, that rang a bell. No, wait, bush daisies were the things she _didn't_ like, the things that made her go weird and rashy. What else?

Jade's reserve of horticultural knowledge ran dry. Roses? Roses were a thing. Beck had bought her some, once. She'd cut the heads off them, but it was definitely romantic. That was it. A hundred roses. No a thousand. How much did roses cost? It couldn't be much, flowers were basically free, they just grew out of the ground. She reached for her phone, and fired up the internet.

.

She put the phone down again, gingerly. Maybe not a thousand, then. Even a dozen might be stretching it.

In fact, roses were probably wrong, anyway, she decided. They were presumptive, a done deal, a confirmation of affection already pledged. Without the love they signified, they were just a lumpish blob, graceless and uninspiring. And if Tori turned her down, the thought of having them in the apartment, watching them wither and die, their purpose unfulfilled, would be depressing to say the least. No, she needed something bright and cheerful, something that wouldn't mock her if she failed, something that would sit there and say, _well, you fucked it all up, but hey, life goes on_.

Speaking of which, she should call Tori. Her dad was right, she couldn't just sit around all night, and the other girl would probably be glad of a distraction. Maybe she could steer the conversation round to flowers, find out what she liked. _Hey, Tori, remember that time I nearly hospitalized you with the bush daisies? Man, I bet you hate bush daisies. In fact, I bet that if you were to tell me, right now, over the phone, your top ten favorite flowers, bush daisies wouldn't even get a mention. Yeah? Wait, let me get a pen._

Yeah, that would work. That sounded natural, and not at all stupid. Humming to herself, she picked up the phone again.

"Hey, it's me. How's the old man?"

There was a short pause at the other end. "The old man's fine, thanks," said a male voice. "How's the young woman?"

 _Crap_. "Mr. Vega," Jade said. "Um. Hi."

"Hi, Jade."

There was a short silence, during which Old Man Vega failed to call for his daughter. "So... is Tori there?"

"I'm afraid not. She left her phone behind. She went out."

"She went out?"

"Yeah. Said she was going to catch up with an old friend."

A slow chill began to spread through Jade's body. "Which friend?"

"It was... damn it, she did tell me, but I can't remember."

Jade felt the chill rise, as David Vega wrestled with his memory. "Pretty sure it began with a 'C'," he went on, as the cold reached higher, paralyzing her face. "Carol? No, wait, that's not it. Ah, I've got it."

_No…_

"It was her. You know the one. The girl she shared an apartment with."

_Please don't say it…_

"Carla," he said, with satisfaction. "She went to see Carla."

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**Oh, Tori. You'll break a girl's heart…**


	24. The Prodigal Returns

**Well, it's all looking pretty bleak for the girls. Is Tori up to no good with Carla? Will Jade ever find the courage to make her move? Let's find out...**

**Thanks again for the reviews.**

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A broken cup. She hadn't even meant to break it, it had fallen from her hands, numbed as they were, and it robbed her any satisfaction she might have taken from its destruction.

You're too late.

She couldn't find the anger. _This is your fault._ You dithered, and dreamed, and all the time she was slipping through your fingers, just like the damned cup. Only there was someone there to catch her. Carla.

Tori had promised her she wouldn't respond, wouldn't get in touch. But what did Tori really owe her? Not her life, not her happiness. Jade had no right, as a friend, to demand anything of her. True, Tori had lied to her, but what of it? She could be mad as hell at her, but it wouldn't make any difference, and all it would do was make her leave all the sooner, and then it would be Jade consigned to the trash can of Tori's memory, it would be Jade who was the unspoken episode in Tori and Carla's life. The dangerous friend neutered, beaten. True love wins out.

She had no idea what she was going to do now. She was dreading the moment when Tori walked through that door, seeing the look on her face. She'd surely know that Jade had called, and just as surely she'd know that her dad had spilled her secret. Would she apologize? Explain? She heard those words again, whispered down the phone. _I'm sorry, Jade, but it's for the best._

She curled up on the bed, as tightly as she could, trying to shut it all out. She could call her dad, but she felt like she'd betrayed him. Not done the thing he told her to do, left it all too late, and all there'd be was sympathy tempered by an unspoken _I told you so_. You put all your eggs in one basket, and then you dropped the damned thing. Nice going, Jade. She contemplated, briefly, just going away for a few days, letting Tori collect her stuff and go without all the awkward silence and recriminations. And then she realized she was too weak even for that - the thought of never seeing Tori again was too much to bear.

She awoke mid-morning, sweating and lonely, from a bizarre dream where she'd been in a store which, unaccountably, sold nothing but eggs. She hated eggs, but she'd been starving, so she'd collected a basketful, and taken them to the till. She'd mentioned, in passing, that the store seemed oddly egg-specific, but the cashier had shaken his head.

 _Oh, no_ , he said, _we sell donuts, too._ He'd reached under the counter and pulled out a donut. _Not many people buy them_ , he'd said, sadly. _Most of them just go moldy and have to be thrown away_.

Jade had taken a bite of the donut. _Not bad. Why don't you put them out on display? Maybe more people would buy them_.

The cashier frowned, puzzled _. Do you know_ , he said, _I never thought of that_.

She crawled out of bed, and found, unsurprisingly, that last night's misery had passed, undiminished, into today. The habits formed by a year of solitary living kicked in, and made her go through the motions of brushing her teeth and making coffee. She picked up the broken pieces of the cup, and that brought it all back again, the last, joking, instructions Tori had left - the apartment had better be tidy when she came home. Well, it didn't really matter now, other than to stop her cutting her feet. She paused, as the last shard lay on the floor, and experimentally pressed the sole of her foot down on it, feeling the sharp edge cut into the skin, a welcome jolt of pain flowing through her, wishing this was all it took to show Tori how she felt, to prove her love without having to go through the far worse torment of actually telling her. She felt instantly ashamed, and quickly prised her foot away, hobbling to the sink and throwing the broken pieces in there, running the water until the blood swirled down the plug hole. She swabbed at her foot with a paper towel, and then limped back to the chair.

 _Wretched_. If, as a writer, she'd been called upon to sum up her predicament in a single word, it would be that, she decided. Wretched.

Not heartbroken - heartbroken suggested a certain nobility, a pure love thwarted. But wretched, wretched spoke of abject failure, of being beneath contempt. Of a hopelessness so complete, so self-pitying, that others would shun you in case it turned out to be contagious. Yes, _wretched_ would do nicely.

She stared at the table. She felt hollow, uninspired. There was something missing, something that usually filled this void with rage, something that...

_You're pathetic._

Ah, there it was. That little voice. Other people had a conscience. Jade had this. It was an amalgam of the cold logic she'd inherited from her father, and her own intractable self-loathing, and if it had a face, then... well, it would probably look like her mom.

She closed her eyes and let it wash over her. Hello darkness, my old friend.

 _So that's it, is it_? it said, coldly. _That's your best shot? Mildly injuring yourself in private and then washing up afterward?_

What else can I do?

 _Do?_ the voice sneered. _You haven't done anything, yet._

She's made her choice.

_No, she hasn't. You know why?_

No.

_Because she doesn't even know there's a choice to make, dumbass. Eggs and donuts, remember? I don't send you these dreams because I've got a hankering for a chocolate-frosted_ _omelet_ _._

But-

_Just stick the damned donut on the counter, Jade. Or it's going to go moldy._

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And so there were flowers. Not hundreds and hundreds of them, intended to overwhelm Tori with sheer extravagance, but enough. The apartment was once again spotless, the blood wiped away, the broken crockery swept up. Jade looked in the mirror for the umpteenth time, and frowned. She was dressed in a smart black dress, her make-up applied with painstaking delicacy, her nails painted and polished. She looked as good, she decided, as it was humanly possible for her to look without divine intervention. Looks weren't everything, of course, but it couldn't hurt to make an impression. But then she was struck by a sudden worry that perhaps it was Carla's total slovenliness that Tori liked about her - what if what Tori really wanted was a bad girl? The badder the better? Maybe she should ditch the dress, grab a few beers and a bag of weed, and slob out in front of the TV. Was there time for another tattoo? If she hurried, she could just catch Kim at the-

_Don't be such an ass. Just stand here and look hot._

She might not be back for hours. And these shoes are killing me.

_Then that's just your cross to bear. Trust me, it could be worse._

Worse?

_Don't ask._

Annoyed at her subconscious' cryptic teasing, nevertheless she stood patiently, ears straining for the sound of Tori's key in the lock. Her mind ran through the usual calculations in these circumstances – _if they had breakfast at eight, then, say, half an hour to pack, then an eight hour drive… no wait, what if they need gas? Call that another twenty minutes. Traffic on a Sunday, good or bad? What if they go to see another apartment today? Add another hour. That means she should definitely be back by-_

There was a knock at the door. Jade cursed. The last thing she wanted was to be in the middle of an argument with some idiot neighbor when Tori turned up. She broke her stance, went to the door and yanked it open. "What do you-"

Tori stood in the doorway, her face in shadow.

"Tori?"

 The other girl shuffled her feet, but made no move to enter. "Can I come in?"

Jade was baffled for a moment. "Of course you can come in," she said. "You live here, don't you?"

Tori said nothing, but stepped into the apartment, still clutching her handbag. It was then that Jade noticed that she didn't have her overnight case with her. She felt sick to the stomach. It couldn't happen this fast, could it? "Tori..."

"I know you know," Tori said, quietly. "About Carla. I know you know I went to see her. My dad told me you'd called."

"Oh." There was a long silence, heavy with Tori's guilt, worsened by Jade's.

"Look, Jade..."

"No."

"I can explain-"

 _"No,_ Tori," Jade said. "I don't want you to explain. You shouldn't have to explain. Not to me."

"But-"

"Could you sit down? Please?"

Tori looked surprised, but sat, cautiously, at the table. Jade made no move to sit with her, but stayed upright, hands clasped in front of her.

"Look," she said, "I have something to say. Something that might seem a little..." She took a deep breath. "Something that you might not want to hear." Tori eyes widened. "It's nothing bad," Jade added, hastily. "It's just this is kind of... difficult." She found that her fingers were fidgeting, and put her hands behind her back.

Tori said nothing, but stared at her quizzically.

"The thing is," Jade said, "I _understand_ , okay? I understand that it's been difficult for you, being stuck here with me, having no stability, no home. I get that you're probably lonely, that you want more from life than just crashing on a friend's sofa, that you have, you know," she squirmed, uncomfortably, "needs."

"Jade..."

"And it's not up to me, what you do, where you go, who you see. I've got no right to interfere. But I just want to say that... Carla's not the _only_ girl in the world," Jade said. "You don't need to go back to her just because you think she's your only option, that no one else will ever love you. You don't have to settle for her just because it's all you know. There are plenty of other people out there who'd appreciate you more than her, that would walk over broken glass to have you as a girlfriend. You're hot, you're smart, you're funny, you can sing, you can dance, you can... you can scramble an egg, I mean, that's a thing, right? A lot of people want that. So what I'm trying to say is that there are other girls out there for you, plenty of other girls that would treat you better than Carla. Plenty of girls who would think you were the best damned girlfriend in the world. I mean, for instance," she said, her throat tightening up, "what about... just as an example, you know, just throwing it out there, as a suggestion... maybe you might consider..."

_Two letters. One syllable. Just say it._

"... me," she finished, hoarsely.

Tori blinked. "You?" she said.

Things might have gone better if she hadn't said it in exactly the incredulous tone of voice that Jade had used the day Tori had first asked her to stay in touch. Jade's face fell.

"Yes," she said, desperately. "Come on, Tori, it's not so unthinkable, is it? We get on together, we have a great time, we've already kissed, kind of. And it's not as if I'm not your type, I mean, look at Carla, and you said yourself you had a crush on me at school. I know I'm not perfect, I know I can be a bit of a gank at times, and I'm sarcastic, and I'm bossy, and sometimes I use your underwear to kill spiders. But I'd never _cheat_ on you, I'd never treat you like some stupid little kid, I'd never leave you to pick up my mess while I went out drinking. I'm mean, I know I'm not exactly great relationship material, and I probably seemed like a nightmare with Beck and everything, but it'd be _different_ with you. I'd _try_ , Tori, I'd try harder than Carla ever would. I'd try to make you happy. And who knows," she said, "in time, you might even come to love me. Weird though that sounds."

By the look of astonishment on Tori's face, 'weird' didn't even begin to describe it. She groaned, inwardly. "All I'm saying is _think_ about it," she went on, gamely. "Please. It could work. Me and you together. And if it doesn't," she said, "then I swear that I won't let it change anything, that we'll still be friends." She bit her lip. "What do you say?" There was silence, and she felt her face grow hot. "The spider thing only happened once," she said. "If that makes a difference."

The silence grew longer, and she began to feel a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Say something, Tori," she said, quietly. "I'm kinda dying here."

Tori's reaction wasn't quite what she'd hoped for. She blinked twice, and then slowly lowered her head to her hands, her long brown hair spilling through her fingers. "Jade," she said, wearily. "You don't have to do this."

"Do what?"

"This."

"I don't-"

"I appreciate what you're trying to do," Tori said, looking up with a sad little smile. "I really do. Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve a friend like you. But I didn't go to see Carla to get back with her, or make up with her. I didn't even go up there to tell her we'd be friends. I went to tell her I never wanted to _see_ her again. I know I lied to you, and I'm sorry, but it was just getting worse. She was doing exactly what you said she would, and I knew she wouldn't stop until I told her face to face, until she could see it in my eyes that I didn't want her anymore. I had to do it, Jade, because I can't have both of you in my life, and I'd choose you. Every time. So you don't need to do this." She stared back down at the table. "You don't have to pretend you want me just to stop me making a fool of myself, just to save me from my own stupidity. You don't have to say you love me just to stop me being lonely."

"Tori..."

"Please, don't," Tori said. "I know you're trying to help me, because you're my crazy friend, and that's the kind of thing crazy friends do. But this is a step too far, even for us. It's one thing pretending we're a couple to my mom and dad, it's another thing pretending to ourselves."

It would have been the perfect moment for Jade to cut short the embarrassment and just go with Tori's theory, but she couldn't. "You don't like me?" she said, crestfallen. "But I thought... I mean, there the crush, and everything, and you tried to..."

Tori looked at her for a moment in amazement. "I don't _like_ you?" she echoed. "You think I don't _like_ you?"

"Well that's kind of the way it-"

"Do you have any _idea_ ," Tori said, cutting her off, "what it's been like for me living here with you? Do you have any idea what it's been like spending all this time together, sharing a bed, being so close to you? I've had to watch myself all the time, stop myself from saying anything, remind myself constantly that you're not mine, that we're just friends. I lied about the crush, Jade. I lied big time. It was never over. It never passed. It stayed with me all through the end of school, all through college. All I could think about was you. Even when I was with Carla, it was only because she was just enough like you to make it feel real. I have _always_ wanted this. I didn't go to my mom's to give you some space, I went to my mom's because I just needed a break, otherwise I was going to explode. So _yes,"_ she said. "I like you, Jade, I like you a whole damned lot. And nothing would make me happier than for this to be real."

"It is real!"

"It isn't!"

"It is!"

"It can't be!"

"Why not?"

Tori sighed. "Because you're not _gay_ , Jade," she said, quietly. "And you can't just pretend you are for my sake."

"I'm not!" Jade protested. "It's not _about_ being gay or straight, Tori, it's just about me and you. I don't look at other girls, but then I don't look at other guys, either. It's just you. I just like _you._ I kissed you, didn't I? I know it was just to show Trina, but I felt something, and I though you did too."

"I _did_ ," Tori said. "I really did. But there's more to a relationship than just having a good time and kissing. There's, you know..." She blushed a little. "Other stuff."

"I know," Jade said. "And I can cope with that. I promise."

"I don't want you to _cope_ with it, Jade," Tori said. "I don't want it to be an ordeal that you have to go through for my benefit. I want you to _want_ it." She hesitated. "I want you to want _me."_

"I do!"

And finally the question that had been bubbling up through Tori for the past three days, the one that colored everything, the one that was stifling her hopes and ruining her dreams came bursting to the surface.

" _Then why didn't you want to sleep with me?"_

The question hung heavy in the air. Jade blinked.

"What?"

"That night, after the club," Tori said. "I remembered. The fight, the parking lot, everything. I kissed you, and you kissed back, and we came home, and I went into the bedroom, and you... didn't."

"Tori..."

"And then in the morning you didn't say anything," she said, tears creeping into her voice. "Like you were embarrassed about it all, like it was a big mistake, and-"

"I did."

"... what?"

"I did come into the bedroom."

"No, you didn't."

"I did," Jade insisted. "It was just..." She reddened. "I fell over your bag on the way. By the time I managed to untangle myself and get in there, you were asleep."

"I was..."

"Asleep."

"Asleep?"

"Asleep."

"I..." Tori was lost for words. "Oh."

"Yep."

"And you really-"

"I really did. I swear." Jade went to her, dropping down onto one knee to bring herself level with the other girl, and slipped an arm around her. "You're not the only one who's found it difficult these last few weeks," she said, softly, brushing a strand of Tori's hair away from her face. "I've been having kind of a tough time, too."

Tori stared blankly into space, as everything she thought she knew turned out to be wrong. "But..." she looked up in confusion. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I was _going_ to," Jade said. "But then Carla called, and it didn't seem like the right time. And after that... I don't know." She sighed. "I can't lie to you Tori, I've been pretty confused lately. I tried not to think about how I felt, I tried to tell myself it was nothing, that it was just a crush. I was scared that if I said anything, and you didn't want me, I'd end up losing you."

"I wouldn't have-"

"It would have been _me_ ," Jade said. "I'm the one who would have ended up pushing you away, because I wouldn't be able to cope with it. I've been pretty weak, Tori, and I'm sorry. I've put us both through hell because I couldn't admit that I loved you. I might _never_ have admitted it if it wasn't for Carla."

"Carla?"

"If she hadn't tried to get you back, I'd never have found the courage to tell you. In fact, if she'd been a nicer person, I might have let you go, told myself you'd be happier with her. I'm kind of lucky she's such a bitch, really." She considered this. "Maybe I should get her some flowers to thank her. I hear bush daisies are nice."

Tori was still struggling with the concept that the one thing she'd always dreamed of might just have landed, entirely unforeseen, in her lap. "So you actually _want_ this?" she said, her voice edged with uncertainty.

"Yes."

"And you're not just doing it to make me feel better?" she said, hopefully.

"Hell, no." Jade rolled her eyes. "This is all for my benefit. Why the heck should I care how _you_ feel?"

Tori's eyes were glittering now. "Because you love me?"

"Who said that?"

"You did!"

"Did I?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"About thirty seconds ago."

"Rats."

Tori clasped Jade's face in her hands. "Say it again!"

"Do I have to?"

"Please?"

"Okay... I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

"Again!"

"I love you!"

"Yes!" Tori fist-pumped the air in triumph. She grabbed Jade and pulled her to her feet, hugging her so hard the other girl couldn't breathe.

"You know," Jade mumbled through a a faceful of hair, "you could say that you-"

"I _do_ love you!" Tori said. "Oh. My. God. Ohmygodohmygodohmy... I've gotta pee! No wait, I've got to call someone!"

"Wait, what? Why?"

"To tell them!" Tori said, excitedly. "Who should I call? My mom? No, wait, she already thinks we're together. Trina? Ugh. Cat? Your dad! That's it, maybe we should call your dad, tell him that-"

"Tori."

"-or maybe take out an ad in the… What?"

"We're getting off the point a little."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Jade said, patiently, "that I haven't actually had an answer yet."

"An answer to what?"

"To my question."

"What question?"

"The one that I asked about ten minutes ago."

"Er..."

Jade sighed. "Do you want me, Tori? Yes or no?" she said. "A girl needs to know."

Tori bit her lip. "You want an answer?"

"Kind of, yeah."

"You really want an answer to that question?"

"Please."

"You want to know the answer to the question of whether I, Tori Vega, want you, Jade West? Is that what you're saying?"

"That's the gist of it, yes."

Tori smiled. Her answer, when it came, was unequivocal, forthright, and took a long, long time. And by the time they parted, breathing heavily, foreheads touching, lips wet, Jade had no doubt whatsoever what it was.

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She grinned and leaned in again. It didn't hurt to make sure.

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_"Wait, you used my underwear to kill a spider?"_

_"Not now, Tori."_

_"But-"_

_"It was an emergency. I'll buy you a new pair. Anyway, you won't need underwear where you're going right now."_

_"What? Why, where am I... ooooooohhhhh..."_

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**Well, it's about damned time. Thank you for your patience. So, what do you say? Should we leave it there? Or have another chapter or two? I know I said it would be over once they got together, but there are still a few loose ends to tie up.**


	25. What's the Story, Morning Glory

**Hi. Well, we're back. Many thanks to those of you who very kindly reviewed and said you wanted to see some more of this - we'll go a little further, and have a look at our girls as they emerge into the brave new world of Jori. Has becoming a couple changed them? Not a bit of it.**

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Jade lay awake in the early morning light, staring at the ceiling. Beside her a faint snore told her Tori was still sleeping. _Last night..._

Whoa, wait. Reality check. Had last night really happened? She'd been caught out like this before, in the hotel room that time. She stole a glance at the girl beside her. Tori was laying, hair splayed out across the pillow, her shoulders bare, and Jade knew that if she slid her hand sideways she'd touch skin. Tori was naked. And if Jade closed her eyes, she could feel her own body humming in pleasure, singing a song she hadn't heard in years. Yes, last night had definitely happened.

Jade had always been insecure in many ways. It was part of the reasons that Tori had always gotten under her skin, because she had a knack of finding the cracks, tugging at the loose thread, threatening to expose her. But one of her many coping mechanisms for what she regarded as this devastating character flaw was to simply assume it wasn't there - if she pretended she was on top of things, there was always the chance that it might turn out to be true. And so when one thing began to lead to lead to another, she'd just gone with it. She couldn't do anything else - she'd turned both their worlds upside down by telling Tori she loved her, she couldn't very well ask her for a trial run before she made her final decision. She'd never really thought of either of them as being the sort of girls who'd go all the way on the first date, but their relationship was hardly starting from scratch - in effect they'd been dating each other for months, each trapped in a bubble of denial, and it had seemed entirely natural to take things as far and as fast as they could to make up for lost time. So she'd thrown herself into it with gusto, made all the running, almost pushing Tori towards the bedroom, and hoped to God that it would turn out okay.

And it had. Any last, lingering doubts about whether she really wanted Tori _that_ way had disappeared as she watched Tori undress, had vanished as she'd seen her unclip her bra and hold it briefly in place, biting her lip coyly, before letting it fall, had evaporated completely as she'd slid her jeans off and stood there, wearing nothing but an expression of such wanton challenge that Jade had been surprised her own clothes hadn't spontaneously caught fire.

Jade had always assumed that Tori in bed would be much the same as Tori in any other circumstances - awkward, shy, enthusiastic but inept - but that hadn't turned out to be the case. That hadn't been the case at all. Tori in the sack was feline, sinuous, feral, going at it with a gleeful abandon that had left Jade, inexperienced as she was, struggling to keep up. Not that she hadn't tried. She knew that Beck had sometimes found her a little cold and unresponsive during sex, but then Beck was a guy, there was only so much reciprocation he needed - she sometimes wondered if he might have _preferred_ it if she'd been asleep, at least that way he wouldn't have to talk to her afterwards. But Tori was different. Tori had a head start on her, previous experience, a benchmark to rate her against, and that just raised the next question…

"Hi."

She jumped. She'd been waiting so long for Tori to wake up that she'd failed to notice she had. She turned to her, and decided that the sight before her was probably the most beautiful thing she'd seen - morning Tori, still disheveled from sleep, eyes half-closed, a faint, drowsy smile on her lips.

She smiled in return. "Hey."

Tori reached out a hand towards her, and Jade watched as it slowly walked its fingers up her bare arm, across her chest, and, after a brief pause, finally poked her gently on the nose. She blinked in surprise, as Tori quickly withdrew her hand, pulled up the covers around her face until only her eyes were visible, and giggled. Jade laughed despite herself. This was probably something she was going to have to get used to. Waking up next to Beck had been a matter of a mumbled grunt and pushing him out of bed to make coffee, there was no playfulness, no laughter. He wasn't cute, and she'd never felt the need to be. She leaned across, over Tori, whose eyes grew wide behind her makeshift mask. She hooked a finger in the sheet, and pulled it down until Tori's lips were free, and kissed her.

"Are you okay?"

Tori shuffled closer to her side, and planted a kiss on her shoulder. "Yeah." She nudged against Jade's arm until she lifted it, and curled up with her head on the other girl's chest. Jade lay back down, feeling the warm breath on her skin, the fingers tracing lazy circles across her stomach. This was something else she was going to have to get used to. She'd given Tori an 'Access All Areas' pass to both her life and her body, given her permission to enter her personal space and violate her touch-taboo, and she suddenly felt incredible naked, laying here like this. But it wasn't a bad feeling. It felt wild, daring. She wondered if this was how Tori felt all the time, just throwing herself out there at the mercy of fate and taking what came, experiencing the good and the bad, never trying to control or filter what happened to her.

She was still pondering this when she realized Tori's hand was tracing lower. She felt herself tense, but Tori didn't stop. She nuzzled into Jade's neck, lips brushing just below her ear. "Tori..."

"Hush."

"But-"

"Just relax and enjoy it."

Well, that was easier said than done. Just relaxing and enjoying things wasn't really how Jade rolled, but she guessed she could-

_Sweet Mother of God._

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"I'm making breakfast!" Tori announced with a flourish, simultaneously knocking over a cup and sending a cloud of flour across the kitchen as Jade limped in to join her.

"Oh, good."

"And I thought, with this being a special occasion, and everything..."

Jade resisted the temptation to groan. A little voice scolded her - _this is your new girlfriend, making breakfast for you on your first morning together. Be nice_. On the other hand, another, more West-like voice said, _this is the first day of the rest of your life. And every day of that life is going to involve eggy horror if you don't say something now_. She looked at Tori's hopeful, flour-covered face, and decided.

"Great," she said. "What is it?"

"Pancakes."

"Well that sounds... wait, you actually know how to make pancakes?"

"Sit."

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The pancakes were surprisingly edible, and Jade sat, chewing thoughtfully, drinking coffee, and gazing at the most beautiful girl in the world stuffing food into her mouth with adorable gusto. Life, she mused, didn't get much better than this. As if on cue, her brain kicked in and started to make a nuisance of itself.

_Ask her._

No.

_Ask her._

No.

_Ask her._

No.

_Fine. If you're happy not to know._

Damn it. "Tori?"

"Yeah?"

Jade fiddled with her fork. "Listen, about last night..."

Tori's face fell. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

"What? No! No. Not at all. It's just..." She licked dry lips. "Was it all right?"

"All right?" Tori blinked in surprise. "Of course it was all right. It was amazing."

"Really?"

"You didn't like it?"

"No, I mean, yes, it was great. Fantastic."

"So..?"

"What I mean is... was _I_ all right?"

"You?"

"Yeah. You know." She squirmed, awkwardly. "Was I... okay?"

Tori laughed. "Yes, Jade, you were 'okay'. You were very much 'okay'."

There was a pause. "Just okay?"

"What?"

I mean I've never really done that before, and-"

"It was great. Honestly."

"Right."

There was another pause. "I guess what I'm really saying is," Jade persisted, "was I as good as-"

"Stop," Tori said. "Stop right there." She sighed. "I thought it was only guys who did this."

"Did what?"

"All this. You know…" She put on a gruff voice. " _'Was he better than me?_ ' All that stuff."

"I'm not... well, okay, I guess I am," Jade conceded. "I just don't want you to be disappointed that's all. I don't want you to think you've taken a step backwards."

"A step backwards?" Tori looked at her, astonished. "Why would I think that?"

Jade shrugged, uncomfortably.

"All right, look," Tori said, firmly. "If you really want to bring this up now, then I kind of understand. But I'm only going to say it once. When I met Carla I was totally inexperienced. I didn't know anything, so I let her call the shots, and I just went with it because I didn't know any better. But with you, for the first time ever, I feel like I'm... free. Like I can be myself. Last night opened my eyes, because it was all about us. Not just you, not just me. _Us_. It was special. So please, for God's sake, don't waste your time worrying that you've got to prove something. I haven't taken a step backwards, I've taken a leap forwards, because now I know what it's like to be with someone who loves me, who cares about me."

"Really?"

"Trust me. I might not be an expert on anyone else, but I am on us. I've dreamed about this moment for years, and I've got to tell you, it was way hotter than I'd ever imagined, and I've imagined some pretty hot things. So shut your fat yap and accept it. You were great."

Jade didn't know what to say. Part of her was overwhelmed with relief, part of her felt unbearably smug. A little bit of her contemplated the possibility that Tori was lying to spare her feelings, but smugness and relief dragged it away into the back of her mind and stuffed it in a dumpster. Instead she held up her fork menacingly. "'Shut my fat yap'?" she echoed.

"Uh huh."

"You're telling me to shut my fat yap?"

"That's what I'm saying. Shut your fat yap and eat your pancakes."

"I see." She carefully put down her fork. "And what will you do if I don't?"

Uncertainty crossed Tori's face. "I'll... er..." She backed away towards the counter as Jade advanced on her with an evil glint in her eye. "Don't you touch me!" she warned. "I've got a..." she reached behind for something to defend herself with, "...an egg whisk! And I'm not afraid to use it."

"Oooh, kinky."

"What?"

"Come here!"

Tori shrieked, and made a run for it. Jade snatched up the egg whisk and gave chase, grinning. She didn't need a diploma - she had the Tori seal of approval, and nothing, _nothing_ , had ever made her feel as good as that did.

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They lay side by side, panting. "Wow," Tori said.

"Wow," Jade agreed. They lay for a moment longer, bodies pressed together, basking in the afterglow. Finally, Jade raised her head to survey her surroundings. "You know," she said, inspecting a damp strand of hair, "I never in my wildest dreams thought that one day I'd find myself having sex on my kitchen floor in a pool of pancake batter."

Tori gave a noncommittal grunt. Jade turned and raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"What?" Tori said, blushing. "I told you, I've got a _very_ vivid imagination."

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Tori sat in the car, grinning her head off. Jade looked at her sideways. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Tori said. "I'm just happy, that's all."

"Why?"

"Because I'm out and about with my brand new _girlfriend_ ," Tori said, as though it was obvious, and it occurred to Jade that it probably was. She'd never made anyone happy before just by being there, and it was a little disconcerting. "I mean, it's weird, isn't it?" Tori went on.

"What?"

"Us. Being in the car like this."

"I have to say, Tori, you have a very low threshold for what constitutes 'weird'."

"No, I mean, it's weird to think that the last time we were in this car, we weren't going out."

"True."

"The last time I did this," she wound down the window, "we were just friends. The last time I did this..." She fiddled with the air conditioning. "I never imagined we'd have just slept together. And the last time I did this..." She changed the radio station. "I had no idea you loved me."

"Uh, huh," Jade said, changing it back. "And the _next_ time you do it, I'm going to chop your fingers off."

"Hey!"

"What? My car, my radio. Don't look at me like that," she said, as Tori turned to stare at her. "Just because I love you, doesn't mean I have to start being nice to you."

"Um, I'm pretty sure it does."

"What, really?"

"Yep."

"Is that a rule? Or more of a guideline?"

"Guess."

"Damn it." Jade frowned. "Whatever happened to _'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen'_?"

"It got revoked," Tori said. "Now it's, 'treat 'em mean, sleep on the sofa for a week'."

"You can't do that. We've only been dating for half a day, and anyway, it's my apartment."

"Lady's prerogative," Tori said, smugly.

"Oh, is it? Well I... Hey! I'm a lady."

"Then start acting like one."

"Why, you little... You know, you're lucky I love you, otherwise you'd be taking this trip in the trunk."

"But you do, so I'm not," Tori said, happily. "And I get to change the radio station whenever I like."

Jade smiled to herself at Tori's delight. This was always the Tori she'd liked the most, the little feisty one that gave as good as she got. And that loved her for doing the same.

 _Love_. In most relationships, it took time to get to the 'L' word, as though confessing it was a commitment in itself, a step either was reluctant to take in case it wasn't returned. But it hadn't seemed strange to her or Tori - there had been no hesitation, no awkwardness about it, because it felt like it was already long overdue, as though the word had been waiting patiently for them all this time.

"So, does that make it onto the list?"

"What list?"

"Emotions. You know. You've got angry and horny. Does love make it in there?"

Jade thought. "Isn't it the same as horny?"

"I thought you said horny was just 'angry' with more sex?"

"So?"

"So what you're saying is that all your emotions are just different varieties of angry."

"What can I say? I've got a lot of angry to go around. It's kind of my specialty."

She could feel the side of her face burning under Tori's glare, and she relented. "Ok, fine," she said. "It's on the list."

"Top of the list?"

"Top three."

"Don't toy with me, West."

"Okay, it's at the top. Right up there. Number one with a bullet."

"That's better."

"But that's only because horny's having a rest after last night."

" _'Horny'_ is going to find itself in permanent retirement in a minute."

"Okay, fine. There is no list anymore. There's just love. I'm just one big ball of love."

Tori laughed. "Just one great big, bouncing ball of love."

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"… Are you saying I'm fat?"

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**And so the bickering continues. Another chapter shortly, I hope...**


	26. A Room With A View

**Many thanks for your reviews so far, I really appreciate it.**

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They drove towards the West residence in a ponderous silence. Tori's enthusiasm for breaking the news to Mr. West had been founded on the fact that he seemed to like her, it was only now she was beginning to realize that his apparent pleasure in the fact that Jade had found herself a friend was not necessarily going to translate into a fountain of joy at the discovery that his only daughter was gay. Well, gayish. If Jade were to be believed, the only person in the universe she was attracted to was Tori, and she wasn't quite sure how you labeled that. Nevertheless, she was still in uncharted territory. For all she knew, Mr. West had 'views', and they were both about to be tarred and feathered.

Jade, on the other hand, had no such concerns. She knew her dad would be perfectly all right with it. Her disquiet was due to the thought of the colossal smug-fest ahead of them. If there was one thing her dad loved, apart from fishing and - she admitted, grudgingly - _her_ , it was being proved right. She was convinced that if her dad every predicted the apocalypse and it actually happened, the trauma of everything he knew and loved being destroyed in a fiery cataclysm would be nothing compared to the sheer self-satisfaction he'd feel at having been right. This is how the world ends - not with a bang, or a whimper, but a single raised eyebrow. _See?_

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Mr. West opened the door to find Tori and Jade stood side by side. "Jade," he said. "Tori. How nice to see you."

They both smiled in unison, which gave them a slightly creepy effect. "So, is this a social call?" he said. "Or have you brought the orderlies with you?"

Tori frowned. "Sorry?"

"Just my little joke," Mr. West said. "Jade's planning on having me euthanized so she can get her hands on my money."

"Dad!"

"Jade!"

"I am not!" Jade insisted, as Tori stared at her. She glared at her dad. "Not yet, anyway."

"Then do come in, while we still have a few precious moments."

They followed him into the house. "So, Tori," he said. "Did you enjoy your trip?"

Tori floundered for a moment. "Trip?"

"You went away with your father?"

"Oh." Tori colored at the memory, and avoided Jade's eye. "Um. Yes."

"Always nice to spend a little quality time with your parents," Mr West beamed. "Not many young people are so considerate."

Jade rolled her eyes. "I spend plenty of time here, dad. Anyway, that's not what you said the other night."

"So, girls," he cut her off. "Can I get you anything? Drink?"

"Um... it's a little early for me," Tori said.

"One of the few perks of being a lonely old man in the twilight of his years," Mr. West said, as Jade groaned, "is it gives you the freedom to subvert the rules of society, to break free from the straightjacket of conformity and push the boundaries of normative behavior, to flaunt custom and challenge tradition."

"I'm not sure you can use existential rebellion as an excuse to get tanked at ten in the morning, dad," Jade said. "Anyway, this actually _isn't_ just a social call."

"Oh, I see. Is the wagon on its way? Do I have still have time to feed the cat and write you out of my will?"

"You don't have a cat. Anyway, it's just... me and Tori have something to tell you."

"Tori and I."

"What?"

"It's 'Tori and I'."

"Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be."

"Sorry," her dad stood back. "Go ahead. I'm all ears."

"And don't start with the 'ears' thing again."

"So..?"

"Okay." Jade took a deep breath. "Well, the thing is, me and Tori, I mean, Tori and I, we've decided... that is, we've talked about things, and... no we've... Well, it turns out that we're together, now." She slipped her hand rather self-consciously into Tori's. "As a couple."

She could read her dad's face like a book, the slight trace of amusement, the sparkle in the eye, the lift of the eyebrows, and she felt her face grow hot with the universal embarrassment felt by children all over the world when it turned out that their parents were right and they were wrong. _'About damned time'_ was the best she could hope for, _'I told you so'_ was less good - either was preferable to _'so all the creepy stalking paid off, huh?'_ It was then she felt Tori's hand tighten on hers, and she realized with a sinking feeling that Tori was going to Say Something.

Tori was always Saying Something. That was the kind of person she was. She was bold, and honest, and she believed in getting things out in the open. Sharing. And now she was going to Say Something.

"Could I just say something?"

_Damn._

"Look, Mr. West, I know that this has probably come as a bit of a shock to you," Tori said, "a bit of a surprise - a pleasant surprise, I hope, maybe, or maybe not, I don't know, but anyway, I know this isn't exactly what you expected for Jade, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate her, and I'll do my very best to make her happy - more than my best, in fact, double my best, maybe three, three and a half times, although I don't know if that's really possible, I mean, wouldn't that just be your new best? But anyway, the point is, I love her. I've always loved her. Not that I've been _planning_ this," she said, hastily, as Jade stared at the ceiling and wished it would end, "I mean, I don't want you to think that I'm some kind of crazy supervillain, or anything, I haven't been spending all my time planning to lure her away into my lair and chop her up with a laser beam or anything, because that would be mean. And kind of gross. All I'm saying is that I'm really serious about her, and I'd never hurt her, and if you could see you way to being pleased about it, or even just okay with it, I'm sure that would mean a lot to her. To me. To us. It would be... you know. Cool." She smiled, hopefully.

"Cool?"

"Uh huh. Really cool."

"I see." Mr. West looked at the two of them. "And whose idea was this, exactly?"

They shuffled uncomfortably, like two schoolgirls up in front of the principal. "Jade's," Tori said, blushing and staring at her feet while Jade glanced at her sharply, as though she'd grassed her up over some terrible school prank.

"Really? Well, well, well," Mr West said. "What can I say? I'm utterly surprised. Staggered, even. Shaken to the sole of my boots."

Jade rolled her eyes.

"Gobsmacked," he went on. "Completely flabbergasted." Beside her, Tori's expression was slowly turning to one of panic. "In fact this is the biggest-"

"Just put her out of her misery, dad," Jade said, irritably. Tori looked at her in confusion. "He's pleased," Jade said.

"He is?" Tori turned back to Mr. West. "You're pleased?"

"Of course I'm pleased. You've a very nice young lady, Tori, and I'm sure you'll make Jade very happy."

"Aww. Thank you."

"Although whether the opposite is true, I can't say."

" _Dad_."

"What?"

"Don't put her off," Jade said, irritably. "It's taken me all this time to..." She trailed off as she realized they were looking at her. "I mean, er... Hey, wow, is that the time? Is lunch ready yet?"

"Who said anything about lunch?"

"Oh."

"Oh, man, I've gotta go pee," Tori announced, as her relief finally reached her bladder. She blushed. "I mean, excuse me, Mr. West, may I use your bathroom? I need to wash my hands."

"Be my guest."

Tori skipped away, as Mr. West turned back to his daughter. "So," he said. "What will you do now?"

Jade huffed. "Well, I guess we'll just have to buy our _own_ lunch."

"I mean you and Tori. Your future."

"What do you mean?"

"She has to go back to college soon, doesn't she?"

"Oh." This hadn't occurred to Jade. "I guess. I don't know. We'll work something out."

"I'm sure you will. "He put his hand on her shoulder. "I really am proud of you, Jade."

"What for?"

"For taking the chance. For being brave enough to tell her."

"Thanks."

"Even if it did take months of moping, and dithering, and generally making my declining years a misery with your incessant complaining."

"You're all heart, dad."

"Yes, I am."

They stood for a moment. Jade stared down at her hands, hesitantly.

"Dad?"

"What?" he said. "If it's about money, don't worry. I'll still see you're okay."

"No it's not that. Well, not yet, anyway. It's just..."

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to say I love you."

"Oh." He blinked in surprise.

"And I know I don't tell you very often..."

"Or at all."

"... or at all," she conceded, "but I do, and I really don't know what I'd do without you."

Her dad smiled. "Well, that's really sweet, honey. I don't know what I'd do without you, either." He frowned. "Except maybe retire to Florida."

"Dad."

"I'm only joking." He gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I love you too, Jade."

There was an awkward silence.

"So, what say we just pretend that never happened and move on?" her dad said, finally. "I'm not sure I can cope with all this bonding stuff. It's kind of exhausting."

"I hear you, dad."

"Good girl," he said. "Now, why don't you go find Tori before she changes her mind and escapes through the bathroom window. Tell her I'll spring for lunch."

.

.

.

Tori was buzzing in the car on the way back, as though she'd personally pushed a bill through Congress approving their new status. Jade on the other hand was quiet, still preoccupied with their future.

"So... how long?" Tori said, suddenly.

"What?"

"How long?" she repeated. "You said to your dad, _'all this time'_. How long have you wanted to be with me?"

"I don't know. A week."

"A week doesn't count as 'all this time'."

"A few weeks."

Try again."

"Okay, a month, maybe."

"I can go back and ask him."

"All right, fine. Maybe since you were still at college."

"Really?" Tori said. "Wow. Is that why you went to all that trouble with the maps and everything?"

"Well, not just that, I mean I-"

"That is _so_ cool."

"What is?"

"I've never had my own stalker before."

"I am _not_ a stalker," Jade said, testily. "Anyway, that's rich coming from someone who only dates people because they look like me."

"One person. That was one person."

"So you say. For all I know, you've had a string of lookalikes in and out of your apartment."

"No I haven't."

" _Welcome to Manderley, Mrs. de West. Please take a number_."

"I don't even get that," Tori said. "Come on, tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Exactly when."

"Do we have to do this?"

"I told you I had a crush on you at school."

"All right." Jade paused. "Do you remember when we were in the restaurant that time, and I told you there was food on your face?"

"Yes?"

"Well there wasn't. I was just staring. And when you went home to Carla I felt kind of... jealous, but I didn't know why. I didn't really understand it at all until later, until..."

"Until when?"

Jade went red. "Until my dad told me."

"What?"

"Your dad had to tell you that you were in love with me?" Tori said, incredulously.

"Don't look at me like that. I was pretty confused. You don't know what it's like to suddenly find you're attracted to a girl."

"Um, I kind of do."

"Well, yeah. But anyway, he just did his whole 'logical dad' thing, and made me see sense."

"So that's why he wasn't surprised."

"Yeah."

"So you made me go through all that, knowing he'd be fine with it?"

"Go through all what? You _wanted_ to tell him in person," Jade said. "I was just going to text. Anyway, it serves you right for dropping me in it at your place."

"Wow. This is going to make a heck of a story to tell the grandkids. _'Well, silly old Grandma Jade was such a doofus that she didn't know she was in love with Grandma Tori, until Great-Grandpa West took her to one side and drew her a little diagram."_

"Don't you dare. And there aren't going to be any grandkids if you don't shut up."

"You want grandkids?"

"I didn't say that," Jade said. "Although grandkids might be okay. I'm not sure about kids, though."

"You can't have grandkids without having kids."

"My dad seems to think you can."

"What? How?"

"I dunno, maybe he thinks you grow them in a tank like sea-monkeys. I wasn't really listening. All I heard was, ' _babies, babies, science, science, Tori's boring, kill me'_."

"But we... wait a minute, I wasn't even there."

"Still what I heard."

Tori folded her arms, sulkily. "Well, I'm not growing our kids in a tank," she said.

"Right."

"They need proper care, and attention."

"Absolutely."

"Fresh meat."

"I... what?"

"The freedom of the wild. The safety of the pack."

"Oh, I see. Very funny."

"You'll have to teach them how to hunt. Go Johnny, go! Catch the deer! Make Momma Jade proud!"

"I am not a-"

"Raaar!"

"Don't push it, Vega. You know, female wolves devour their mates."

"No they don't. You're thinking of spiders."

"What about wolf-spiders?"

"You can't be a wolf _and_ a spider, that doesn't make sense."

"Shut up."

"Although it explains why my razor's always blunt after you've shaved your legs."

"I'm going to kill you, right now."

"Oooh. Are you going to devour me?"

"Do you _want_ me to devour you?"

"If I'm honest, yes."

Jade blushed, hard. "You're incorrigible."

"I'm made of cardboard?"

"That's 'corrugated'."

"Oh." Tori leaned across. "Speaking of having kids..."

"What?"

Tori ran her hand up Jade's leg. "What do you say we go home and... practice?"

"Practice what?"

"Having kids."

Jade frowned. "What? We're going to roll around on our backs with our legs in the air, screaming 'Push!' at each other?"

"What? Damn it, I meant _making_ kids."

"That's not really how it's going to work for us, is it?"

"I know." Tori sighed. "I was trying to be seductive."

"Oh, right."

"But I guess it's not working."

"You think it's not working?"

"Well, you don't seem... whoa, wait, why are we going so fast?"

.

.

.

A few days later, Jade was idly flipping through a magazine. "I've been thinking."

"Mmm?" Tori was carefully carrying a cup of coffee to the table. This was no ordinary cup of coffee. This was the perfect cup of coffee. She'd watched Jade prepare her own, and taken note of the precision involved, the timing, the level of the liquid, the slight tap on the second spoon of sugar to bring it in a shade under three-quarters full. Jade was very particular about her coffee, and Tori was determined to get it right. Not because Jade would complain, or even notice, but because love makes you do strange things. She placed it reverently on the table. By rights, there should have been a fanfare, and maybe a voice-over. _Behold!_

Jade picked it up and slurped at it noisily. "Thanks." There was a short pause and the minutest of eyebrow twitch that indicated pleasant surprise. "That's good."

"Is it?" Tori said, casually, as though making excellent coffee was merely a by-product of her general, all-round amazingness. She'd always admired Jade's taste and opinions, and now Jade had a taste for Tori and her opinion was that she was hot as hell, well, it was hard to argue with that. Either Jade was wrong, which was unthinkable, or Tori was fabulous, which was much more thinkable, and a pleasant feeling to boot - to be admired by someone _you_ admire is probably the most complete compliment you can get. She sat down.

"So?" she said.

"Hmm?"

"Thinking. You've been doing it."

"Oh, yeah." Jade took another sip of the world's finest beverage. "You know when you went away with your dad? To see Carla?"

Tori's heart sank. She'd hoped this had been forgotten. "Look, I said I'm sorry, okay? You know I only went there to sort things out."

"What? No, no, no. I don't care about that," Jade said. "I just wish I'd been there to see it. What I mean is, did you actually look for an apartment?"

"Oh," Tori said, relieved. "We saw a couple. I had to give my dad something to do."

"Did you find one?"

"To be honest, I wasn't really concentrating. We didn't sign up to anything."

"Do you want to go up there and take a look now?"

"What, _right_ now?"

"Well, tomorrow. We could stay over at the hotel for a couple of nights, make a trip of it."

"Uh... okay," Tori said. She frowned. "Wait, which hotel? The 'languishing' one or the 'festering' one?"

"The languishing one."

"Can we afford it?"

There was a brief pause. "'We'?"

Tori shrugged, awkwardly. "Okay, you."

"No, no, I like the sound of 'we'."

"Come on. You know I don't have any money."

"I'm not talking about the money," Jade said, and gave a shy smile. "I just like the sound of 'we'."

"We..?"

"As in, _'we do this'_ , and _'we did that'_ ," Jade explained. "I like it."

Tori's face rearranged itself into a soppy grin. "Aww, Jade."

"Yeah. Anyway," Jade picked up the coffee cup and took a swig to hide her sudden embarrassment, " _I'm_ not going to pay for it either. I'll tap my dad for some money. I haven't screwed up lately, so hopefully he's still feeling generous towards Love's Young Dream."

"Who?"

"Us, you dunce. Old people love romance. It reminds them of when they weren't so wrinkly and gross."

"Jade!"

"What?"

"Your dad's not wrinkly and gross."

"All dads are wrinkly and gross."

"I think he looks good for his age."

"Your crush on my dad is starting to worry me, Vega."

"I am not crushing on him." Tori picked up her plate and moved towards the sink. "Although he is kind of hot, in a George Clooney sort of way," she added slyly.

"No, he isn't."

"And I've always had a thing for older men."

"No you haven't."

"I have. I'm a sucker for a silver fox."

"Never, ever, use those words in that order again."

"You're just jealous."

"No, Tori, I just find it difficult to talk with my mouth full of vomit."

"Don't worry, we'd still invite you over for dinner."

"What?"

"Me and your dad. We'd still have you over once I'd moved in."

"I'd rather die."

"And if we had kids..."

"In fact, I crave the sweet embrace of death right now."

"…we'd make sure you weren't left out."

"Well, that's really sweet of you, Tori," Jade said, turning the page of her magazine. "Except you won't be having kids."

"Why not?"

"Because in a minute I'm going to stick my hand up your baby chute and rip your innards out."

"Ewww!"

"Then stop with the gerontophilia. There isn't enough brain-bleach in the world to shift the image of you and my dad making little Vegas. I don't think I'll ever want to have sex again."

"Really?" Tori moved up behind her.

"Really."

"Not even if I do this?" She planted a kiss on the other girl's shoulder.

"Stop that."

"Or this?" Another.

"Vega..."

"Or this, or this, or this, or-"

"Right, that's it." Jade twisted. "Come here." She pulled a giggling Tori down on to her knee. "I'll show you which West is best."

.

.

.

Tori stood in yet another apartment, and caught sight of herself in the large picture window that looked out over the river. She straightened slightly, pulling her shoulders back, flicking her hair from her face. What she'd thought in the apartment was true. Being with Jade made her see herself differently. More confident. More mature.

On the occasions that her fantasies has progressed beyond the janitor's closet and she'd found herself picturing what it would be like to actually date Jade, she'd always idly imagined that it would be much like it was with Carla - that she'd be the 'junior' partner, that Jade would be the same way she had been at school, demanding this, criticising that, making it feel like she was doing her a favor. That there'd be a price to pay for having her. But it didn't feel like that at all. Jade wanted her. Jade loved her. She hadn't had to beg, or wheedle, or persuade her to take a chance. Jade saw her as someone in her own right, someone worth having, worth risking humiliation for. She wasn't just the 'fuckable little idiot', as Jade had so charmingly summed up her status in Carla's eyes, she was a girlfriend, _Jade's_ girlfriend, and she was carrying half the weight of their new relationship. She'd never felt more grown-up than she did right now, never felt so happy as when she was sparring with Jade over little things, the kind of things Carla would have simply have slapped her down over; and Jade seemed equally happy to let her fight back, to let their natural rivalry, the frisson that had attracted them in the first place, become part of their bond. Even when Jade tried to hide it, she could always spot that tiny, rueful smile on her lips when she knew that Tori had won.

She wasn't naive enough to think that it would always be this way. There would be times when the fights would be real, when the banter became arguing, when the things they disagreed over couldn't be dismissed with a laugh and a kiss. She'd seen Jade and Beck tear each other apart, and she wasn't conceited enough to think she could change Jade completely. But her experience with Carla had shown her that simply rolling over and taking it wasn't an option, either, it had only made things worse, and Jade knew that. She sometimes wondered whether all their bickering was simply Jade's way of _coaching_ her, training her like a Kung Fu master - teaching her to defend herself, to stand up and give as good as she got. So that if the time ever came, she'd be prepared, and Jade wouldn't have the chance to treat her like Carla did. _Well done, young Grasshopper, you have learned well._

She was interrupted from this reverie by Jade passing by with a tape measure. She sighed. She wasn't sure why Jade was taking so much trouble with all this. Tori didn't really care where she lived, as long as it was away from Carla and rats, and had a decent-sized bedroom. But Jade had swept through each and every prospective apartment, measuring, assessing, declaring it too small, too draughty, too old, too cockroachy. She wouldn't mind, but all the apartments Jade liked were out of her budget, she'd only be able to afford them if she shared, and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that. She'd rather take the hit of being lonely when Jade wasn't here in return for the privacy when she was. She could always tap her dad for more money, but then that would involving having a conversation that could only end with a look of incredulity as she explained why she was letting Jade choose the damned thing in the first place. For all this new-found equality and mutually respect, she had to admit Jade was still bossy as hell.

"This one!" Jade announced. "This is the one."

She groaned. "Jade…"

"It's perfect," Jade went on. "The view's amazing. You could put a desk right here, there's plenty of space, a spare room, you could…"

_"Jade."_

"… TV screen right there… What?"

"It's nice and everything," Tori said. "But I can't afford this. Not on my own."

"But you won't be on your own."

"You want me to share?"

"Yes."

"But…" Tori pulled a face. "I'm not sure I want to. I mean, I don't think I could live with a guy 'cause they're kind of gross, and I didn't think you'd want me sharing with a girl, because…"

"Because what?"

"Well, not to put too fine a point on it," Tori said, "you can be a little… jealous at times."

"Jealous? Me?"

"Um, yeah."

"I don't get jealous. What makes you say that?"

"The way you used to threaten anyone that looked at Beck with a horrible, scissory death. Including me, if I remember."

"Oh, yeah. Well not this time. Not with this girl."

"What, wait… you actually know someone?"

"Yep."

"And you've spoken to them?"

"I have."

"And you didn't think to _tell_ me, or discuss it with me at all?"

"I didn't think you'd mind."

"Well, I kind of do!"

"I bet you don't."

"Why? Who is it?"

Jade spread her arms out wide with a huge beam on her face, as though she was about to proclaim the Second Coming.

"Me!"

_._

_._

_._

_._

**Hmm, not _entirely_ sure Jade's thought this through...**


	27. Goodbye to All That

**Hey, this seems to have taken a while. I hated to leave it in the middle of a conversation, so let's just dive straight back into it and find out what Jade's got planned and whether Tori can talk her out of it.**

.

.

.

"What?"

"Me!" Jade repeated, spreading her arms even wider to increase the chance of Tori falling into them in gratitude. But Tori was still too befuddled to move.

"What do you mean, 'you'?"

"I mean me. I'm going to live here. With you."

"But... How is that going to work?" Tori said. "You can't drive to college every day from here, it's not physically possible."

"I won't need to."

"Then what, you're going to stay down there?" Tori said, confused. "But how is that going to be any different from-"

"I'm leaving college."

"What do you mean, leaving college?"

"I'm going to leave. Give it up."

"What?"

"Well, it's not going great," Jade said, with a shrug, "and if I'm honest I kind of hate it. So I'll just give it up, get a job, and support us both."

"Whoa, there," Tori said, horrified. "Forget it. You are not leaving college for me."

"Why not? All I really want is to be a writer, and you don't need college for that. Just experience. Think about it, you can do your music thing, I'll work and write in the evenings, it'll be great."

"No!" Tori said. "No, no, no. No," she added for clarity. "No way. No."

"You don't want to live with me?"

"Of course I want to live with you, Jade."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem," Tori said, "is that I'm not going to let you do something stupid."

"It's not stupid."

"Yes it is." Tori said. "You're not doing it."

"It's my decision."

"No it isn't! Jesus, Jade, this is not the way I want our relationship to start."

"What way?"

"With you just deciding stuff without talking to me!"

"I'm talking to you now."

"No, you're _telling_ me now! Please, Jade, don't do this. I had enough of this with Carla."

"Oh, I get it."

"What?"

"Every time I say something you don't agree with, you're going to say I'm just like Carla. Well, thanks, Tori."

"I'm not saying that!"

"She robbed you blind and she cheated on you, but me, I'm some kind of monster because I want to spend more time with you."

"No!"

"Or maybe you don't want to spend more time with me, is that it? Is that why you don't want me here? So you can go back to her and get a little action?"

"Don't you dare!" Tori was almost incandescent. "Just... just ... don't you dare!"

"Sounds like it to me."

"Oh, does it?" Tori hissed. "Well maybe I should just do that, if the only alternative is spending the rest of my life with a deadbeat!"

There was a long, cold silence.

"A deadbeat?" Jade said, icily.

"Well, that's what you'll be, isn't it?" Tori said, hotly. "Another wannabe writer working double shifts in a diner, with sore feet and a half-finished novel under the bed."

Jade's eyes grew wide in anger. "Oh, I see," she said. "So I wouldn't be _good_ enough, is that what you're saying? I wouldn't have glittering career in A &R to support us both, like Carla. Well let me tell you this, Tori Vega-"

There was a small cough, as the agent drifted nervously into view. "Is everything all right? I mean, are you still interested, or…"

Jade glared at Tori, glared even harder at the agent, and stomped out of the apartment. Tori rolled her eyes.

"We'll get back to you," she said, and followed Jade down the stairs.

.

.

.

They sat in the car, staring out through the windshield in silence, and all Tori could think was - _we just had our first argument_. She hadn't been expecting it this soon, she'd thought that the bubble might last a little longer. But no, they'd blown up right there and then. Not over nothing, but either of them could have diffused it quickly, and she wondered if she'd kept going just to prove that she wasn't a pushover. She'd been right, surely Jade could see that. But somehow being right didn't feel quite as satisfying as it she'd imagined it would, and there was a bad taste in her mouth, a moment of sweetness turned sour. Jade hadn't being trying to overrule her for her own benefit, she'd been doing it because she wanted to be with her. She should apologize.

And a little voice said _, if you apologize now, when you know you're right, you're going to set the tone for your entire relationship. You'll always be the one who says sorry_.

But she couldn't help it, the silence was too much. "Jade..."

There was a low groan from the seat next to her, and Jade slumped forward until her head came to rest against the steering wheel. The sudden blare of the horn made Tori jump.

"Jade?"

There was no response for a few seconds, and Tori started to worry. People were looking at them from across the street. She was about to nudge the other girl tentatively to see if she'd fainted when Jade sudden sat bolt upright against and turned to her, hair dangling across her face and the word 'AIRBAG' embossed backwards across her forehead.

"I am _so_ sorry," she said. "I can't believe I did that."

"It's okay," Tori said, relieved at not having to perform CPR. "Really."

"No it's _not_ okay, Tori," Jade said, exasperated. "I was completely out of order. Jesus, this is exactly how..."

She trailed off, as they both mentally inserted the words _I_ _lost Beck_. "I mean, I didn't want it to be like this," Jade said instead. "I _promised_ myself it wouldn't be like this."

Tori wondered, not for the first time, what it must be like inside Jade's mind. Tori had never promised herself _anything_ about their relationship, other than having a vague intention to spend as much of it naked as possible. "It's fine, honestly."

"No, it isn't."

They sat in silence for a moment. "Tori?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you come here?"

"What do you mean?"

"There are plenty of places you could have picked that were nearer home. Some people would give their right arm to study in L.A. You could even have lived at your folks' house and saved the rent money. Why did you choose to come here?"

"It's a good school."

"Better than you could have found anywhere else? Your parents might buy that, but I don't."

"All right," Tori sighed. "I wanted to get away."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just felt like I had to. I wanted to get out, stand up for myself, learn to cope on my own. It's different for you, you've always been independent, but I've spent too long being treated like a little girl. I wanted to grow up."

"So you came all the way out here?"

"It was far enough so that I could go back if I wanted to, but my mom couldn't just drop round to do my laundry."

"Or catch you being all gay."

"I didn't…" Tori began hotly, until she realized Jade was grinning. She jabbed her in the leg. "I did not move here just for that."

"Uh huh."

"Trust me, if I'd wanted to move away from home so that I could come out of the closet, I definitely wouldn't have picked this place."

"Yeah, you kind of screwed up there." Jade shook her head. "It's a pity you didn't know I was staying in L.A. when you applied. You could have stayed with me, your mom would _never_ have come over."

Tori muttered something that Jade didn't quite catch. "What?"

"I said, I did know."

"Then why…" There was something about her tone of voice, the way she couldn't catch Jade's eye. The penny finally dropped. "Oh, God. Please don't tell me I had something to do with it."

"I'm sorry."

"Tori!"

"We weren't friends then!" Tori protested. "And I was still hot on you. The thought of spending the next three years running into you with Beck, or even worse, someone else, just seemed like too much. I wanted to get you off my mind, make a fresh start, somewhere where nobody knew me." She grimaced. "And then I met Carla, and it brought it all back again."

Jade threw her hands up in despair. "Great," she said, bitterly. "That's just great. You actually moved to a different state to avoid me."

"I didn't know any of this was going to happen!" Tori said. "If I'd known you liked me I'd have stayed."

"Really?"

"Of course I would. I'd have given anything to know that before I applied. But it was a done deal."

Jade sighed. "I guess," she said. "It just seems kind of ironic that the fact I was too dumb to realize I loved you means we have to spend the next couple of years apart."

"Look, I understand you want us to live together, I want that too, more than anything. But we've just got to accept it. I can't let you sacrifice everything just to be with me, it's crazy. This isn't going to be forever, and I don't want you to give up your career just for the sake of a couple of years. I mean it would be different if you were moving colleges, or something but-"

Tori found her face suddenly clamped between two pale hands.

"Tori, you're a genius!"

"I am? She managed. "I mean, of course I am. Um, why, exactly?"

"I'll just change colleges!"

"Wait, what?"

"I'll just change colleges," Jade said, happily. "It's as simple as that. I'll talk to my dad when we get back, he can sort it out."

"But-"

"But me no buts, Vega. It's a done deal. Unless being a student's not good enough for you either."

"Of course it is, Jade, I didn't-"

"Then it's settled. If you won't let me be a deadbeat, then I'll be the next best thing."

.

.

.

"Arizona?" her dad stared at her. "You want to move to Arizona?"

"No, dad," Jade said, patiently, "I want to live with Tori. Whether it's in Arizona or not is neither here nor there."

"I kind of think it is, Jade," her dad said. "Specifically, it's _there_ and not _here_."

"It's not the other side of the world, dad."

"It might as well be. Have you thought this through? What kind of school is it?"

"Er..."

"What are the fees? Can you transfer your credits?"

"Well..."

"Do they even do the course you want?"

"I don't know... probably?"

"For God's sake, Jade."

"I can deal with all that later," Jade said, exasperated. "The important thing is that I'm with Tori."

"No, Jade, that is not the important thing. That is very much _not_ the important thing. The important thing is that you build a future for yourself. And you're not going to do that by scooting off to some college you've never heard of, to do a course you don't like, just so that you get to spend more time with your girlfriend."

"I would like it,"Jade insisted. "They do film and... and... music."

"You want to be a writer."

"So I'll write musicals."

"Don't be facetious, Jade."

"Oh, come on, dad. It must be an okay place, otherwise Tori's parents would never have let her go."

"But it's not the school you chose, Jade," her dad said. "You have a talent for writing, that's where your strength is. And I know you like music, and film, and all that, but then you also like painting things black and cutting the heads off flowers. Look me in the eye right now and tell me that if they ran a course on either of those things you wouldn't do it just because Tori was there."

"Now you're just being stupid, dad."

"That's right. I'm a crazy old man who foolishly wants his daughter to do well for herself."

"But it's not as if I can't still write," Jade said. "And anyway, I'm kind of failing at school where I am, so it's probably a good time to-"

"Whoa," her dad said. "What do you mean you're failing?"

"I've got a little behind on my work, that's all."

"Why?"

"Well, I've been busy with Tori, and it's a heck of a drive, and-"

"Just hold on. Just hold on right there, young lady."

"What?"

"I only agreed to help you out with the money on the condition that you didn't let it interfere with your school work."

Jade looked shifty. "I don't remember you saying that."

"I shouldn't have to say it!" her dad exploded. "It should have been blindingly obvious, because the alternative is that I'd pay you to actively ruin your future, which is too stupid for words. Honestly, Jade, sometimes I despair."

"Oh, come on, dad."

"No."

"Anyway, it's not up to you."

"Isn't it?"

"I'm a grown woman, dad, I can do what I like."

"So you're paying for it, are you?"

Jade went white. "You wouldn't," she said, horrified.

"I'm trying to do what's best for you, Jade."

"But-"

"Look, Jade, I know at your age two years seems like a long time. But you're not in jail, you can still see each other. And at the end you'll both have the career you want and your future will be the better for it," her dad said. "I'm sure Tori understands."

"The whole thing was her idea," Jade muttered under her breath. She realized her mistake too late.

"Oh, was it, now?" Mr. West said, disapprovingly. "Well, I really thought she'd know better."

.

.

.

"Well?" Tori said.

Jade slumped dejectedly in the chair. "He said no."

Tori bit her lip. She wasn't sure whether to be sympathetic to Jade or sorry for herself. "What did he say?"

"He said I was an idiot."

"I'm sure he didn't."

"Well, that was the gist of it," Jade grumbled. "He said he wouldn't pay for me to change schools just so I could be with you. Just because I hadn't done any 'research'."

"What sort of research?"

"You know. Fees. Credits. Courses. That kind of thing."

"Well, why don't you do that?"

"It's too late. He's made his mind up."

"Maybe if I talked to him-"

"No!" Jade sat up, suddenly. "No, no, no. No."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Jade screwed her face up, guiltily. "I already kind of told him it was your idea."

"What?" Tori was horrified. "Why would you tell him it was my idea?"

"It _was_ your idea."

"No it wasn't!" Tori said. "I only said it was better than giving up college altogether."

"Yes, but-"

"Right, that's it. I'm going to talk to him."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No, you're not."

.

.

.

Mr. West awoke the following morning to find an entirely unexpected Tori on his doorstep, hands behind her back, an expression of resolute determination on her face.

"Mr. West."

"Tori," he said. "Come in."

She did so with a certain formality, and they stood, facing each other. "So," Mr. West said. "Drink?"

"No, thank you."

Mr. West paused, as though weighing his words carefully. "I imagine you're here about Jade."

"Yes."

He sighed. "Tori, if you're here to ask me to reconsider my decision…"

"No."

"No?"

"No," Tori said. "I'm just here to tell you that it wasn't my idea."

"Oh."

"I love Jade, and I'd never try to pressure her into something like this."

"Right," he said. "Well, that's good. I'm glad one of you has a little common sense."

"But I do think she should do it."

"What? Why?"

"Because the alternative is much, much worse."

"What do you mean?"

"I only even _mentioned_ changing schools," Tori said, "because otherwise she was going to give it up altogether."

" _What_?"

"Yes. She wanted to give up college, get a job and come and support me."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Mr. West said. "And lately, it's had a lot of competition. I hope you said no."

"Of course I said no!" Tori said, exasperated. "But the point is I can't actually stop her. I can't stop her doing _anything_. And neither can you."

"I think I can."

"Not if she gives up college. You'd have no control over her at all."

Mr. West stood, stunned. "But why would she _do_ that?" he said.

"Because she _loves_ me," Tori said. "And maybe you don't believe that, God knows I can't quite believe it myself, and I probably don't deserve it, but there it is. Now me and you – you and _I_ ," she corrected herself at the flicker of an eyebrow, "we both know that Jade can be a little… determined, sometimes."

Mr West snorted. "A little."

"A lot. And if this was some terrible movie, or romance novel, maybe I'd offer to go away for good, or turn her away, or sacrifice myself for her career. But I'm not going to do that, because I'm just your everyday, average girl, and I quite like being loved. Especially by Jade. So all I can tell you is this – if Jade stays here and she's not happy, she won't do well. No matter what you or I tell her, she'll turn up on my doorstep anyway, and I won't be able to say no, because, you know, I love her and stuff. But if she's with me," she said, "then at least I can keep an eye on her, make her concentrate. Make her study. I want the best for her as much as you do," she said. "I want her to do as well as she can, and I won't let her fail. Not on my watch."

Mr. West said nothing. Tori's shoulders sagged. "Okay," she said. "I can't tell you what to do, it's between you and Jade. But I can at least give you this." From behind her back she pulled out a manila envelope.

"What's this?" He took it, and pulled out the contents.

"Research. Details. Course dates, fees, that kind of thing," Tori said. "Jade was too stubborn to do this after you said no, but I thought it was worth a shot."

Mr. West flicked through the sheets. He stopped at one where Tori had highlighted something. "Screenwriting?"

"Do you know what Jade wants to do?" Tori said.

"She wants to be a writer," Mr. West murmured, still looking at the paper.

"Yes, but do you know what she actually writes?"

"Er…"

"She writes plays," Tori said. "That's what she likes to do. She likes action, and direction, and dialog. That's her thing. She's good at it, too. And screenwriting, that's pretty close. And she's way more likely to have a future in the industry."

Mr. West looked up at her for a moment, and time stood still. Finally he sighed. "Okay," he said. "I'll think about it."

Tori breathed out in relief. "Thank you," she said.

"But I'm not making any promises."

"I understand." Tori said. "Well, I'd better get back." She hesitated. "Mr. West?"

"Yes?"

"I love Jade," she said, "and I really like you, too. I only want what's best for everyone."

"I know you do, Tori."

She nodded, and turned to leave, but he called her back. "Oh, and Tori?"

"Yes?"

"Don't let _anyone_ tell you you're an everyday, average girl," he said. "You're nothing of the kind."

Tori flashed him a smile of gratitude, and headed for the door.

.

.

.

Jade put the phone down, stunned. "He's going to do it."

"Hmm?" Tori said, nonchalantly, fiddling with her laptop.

"My dad," Jade said. "He's okay with me moving."

"That's good."

Tori's lack of surprise sparked her suspicious nature. Her eyes narrowed. "Do you know something about this?"

"Me? No."

"Do you?"

"No."

"Do you?"

"No."

"Do you?"

"No."

"You know, the Tickle Twins haven't seen much action lately."

Tori relented. "Okay, fine," she said. "Yes I do. I went to see him."

"Tori!"

"What?"

"I told you not to do that," Jade said. "I expressly told you not to do that."

"Right. And just as soon as the tests prove you're my _real_ mom, that's going to work."

"You…. you…" Jade found it difficult to really build up a head of steam in the face of being granted her wish without having to lift a finger. "So what did you say?"

"I just told him the truth," Tori said, smugly. "That you were hopelessly in love with me and couldn't function as a normal human being without me around."

Jade considered this. "Well, that is kind of true, I guess."

"Plus I researched and printed off all the stuff that you should have done if you hadn't been so busy grouching around the place feeling sorry for yourself."

"I was not 'grouching'."

"Yes you were." She put on a deep, booming voice. "You were all _'grouchy, grouchy, grouch, I'm Jade West. Grouchy, grouchy, grouch'_."

"I don't grouch like that."

"Oh, really?"

"No," Jade said. "I'm more…" She slipped into a breathy, seductive whisper. " _Grouchy, grouchy, grouch, baby_."

"Ha!" Tori swung her legs over the arm of the chair. "So come on," she said, holding out her arms. "Love me, now? Hmmm? Hmm? Yeah, you do."

"Yeah, I do."

"So how about a little 'Tori' time?"

Jade grinned, and pulled her into a kiss. "I love you, Tori Vega, more than you'll ever know," she said. "But not right now, I'm afraid."

"Oh," Tori pouted in disappointment. "Why?"

"Because I," Jade rose to her feet, brandishing a pencil, "have an application to write."

.

.

.

"What's this?"

"My personal statement."

"Wow, you've got a lot of hobbies down there."

"Schools love that kind of thing. It makes you look like a rounded individual."

"And you've really done all these?"

"Not always. Not often. Not recently."

"The debating society?"

"I debate people. I debate people all the time."

"Shouting doesn't count. Netball?"

"I went once but it got rained off."

"Kayaking?"

"That's the thing with the boats, right?"

"Okay. Have you ever, ever, in your life taken part in any of the activities on this list?"

"Well, no."

"Jade!"

"What? How hard can they be?"

"You're supposed to be honest."

"How am I supposed to do that? The only thing I'm interested in is you, and I can't just put 'Tori' on the list. Anyway, I am being honest. I honestly want them to think I do all this boring stuff so they'll let me in."

"Jade!"

"All right, all right. Fine. I'll cut it down. Lose the Civil War re-enactment thing and the two years in Tibet."

.

.

.

They both stared at the envelope. "Open it," Tori said.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because what if they turned me down?"

"Well you won't know until you open it."

There was an inescapable logic to that, but still Jade hesitated. "You open it."

"It's addressed to you."

"I don't care. Pretend I'm not in."

"That makes no sense."

"Just do it."

"Okay." Tori took the envelope. "Here we go…"

"No, wait. I'll do it."

"Right, fine." She handed over the envelope, and waited.

And waited.

"Come on."

"I'm _doing_ it."

"No you're not."

"I am. I'm just… feeling how heavy it is."

"Why?"

"Because a 'yes' is bound to be heavier than a 'no'."

"It's only one more letter, Jade, I don't think the ink's going to make much difference."

"No, you dunce. If they've accepted me there'll be more info in there. Otherwise it'll just be a single sheet."

"Right. So?"

Jade concentrated. "I can't tell."

"For the love of God."

"Maybe if we bought some weighing scales-"

"Jade…"

"Do they have an X-Ray machine at the hospital?"

"Just open the fucking envelope!"

"Tori Vega!"

"I'm sorry," Tori muttered, "I'm just a little on edge."

"Honestly, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it."

"Me?" Tori spluttered. "I'm not the one who-"

"Hush. Right, here I go." Jade slid her finger along the envelope to slit it open, and pulled out the sheet of paper. She unfolded it, squinting slightly to blur the impact of the words.

Slowly her eyes opened fully, and she stood, staring. And then, to Tori's horror, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Oh, God," Tori said, going to her. "I'm so sorry. Look, it's not the end of the world, we can still-"

"I did it."

"What?"

"I did it," Jade repeated. "I'm in." She turned to Tori, whose face was still blank with confusion. "I'm in!"

Tori rallied as her brain caught up with the news, and she flung herself at the other girl, wrapping her in a tight embrace. They stayed, clinging to each other in celebration for a moment, until Tori pulled away a little. She brushed a finger lightly across her cheek. "So why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she said. "It's just… this is the first time things have gone my way, you know?" She brushed at her cheek. "The first time I've ever though the future was something to look forward to, not something to dread."

"Oh, _Jade_. Why?"

"Because I always thought I was going to spend it on my own," Jade said. "I'm not a bad person, Tori, not really. I know I can be spikey, and a bit of a gank, but I always hoped I'd meet someone who could see through all that. And then you came along, and the time we've spent here has been the best I've ever had, and the thought that it was going to end, that we'd go back to being apart…"

The expression on her face was so distraught that Tori couldn't help but draw her into her arms. "We won't be apart. Not ever," she said, firmly, stroking her back. "You can't get rid of me now."

Jade gave a muffled laugh, face buried in the comfort of Tori's hair, until something occurred to her. "Oh, crap!" she said, pulling back.

"What's wrong?"

"We still have to find somewhere to live."

"Ah, well," Tori said. "About that."

"What?"

"Um…"

"Is there a problem?" Jade looked panicked. "Don't tell me there's a problem."

"No, it's just… you remember the apartment that we looked at? You one you liked?"

"Yes?"

"I kind of signed up for it."

"You did what?"

Well, I had my dad do it," Tori said. "He grumbled a bit, but I think he was just pleased it wasn't a crack den."

"When?"

"After I spoke to your dad."

"But we didn't even know I was going to get in then!"

"I know, that's why I didn't mention it. I didn't want to jinx your application."

"Tori, you devious little…" Jade put her hands on her hips, fuming. "What have I always said about making reckless decisions without thinking it through?"

"That's it's rewarding and fun, and I should do it more often?"

"No, that's it's highly irresponsible."

"I'm pretty sure you've never said that in your life, Jade West."

"Well maybe not," Jade conceded. "But I should start. I'm going to let it go this time, though," she said. "Because frankly, you're the most amazing girl in the world."

.

.

.

The last box was loaded into the car, and Jade stood with the keys in her hand in the open doorway of the apartment. Tori hitched her bag onto her shoulder. "Well, this is it."

"Yeah." Jade took one last look around. "It's funny, you know, I always thought I hated this place, but now I'm going to kind of miss it."

"Me too."

"You?"

"I was a broken mess when I came here, Jade," Tori said. "You put me back together. My world changed in this apartment. And of course," she added, "I've had more amazing sex here than anywhere else on the planet. So there's that."

Jade smiled fondly. "Me too."

They both looked around the apartment in quiet contemplation, before Tori gave her a nudge. "So how about," she said, "we get a move on and go christen the new place?"

Jade laughed. "You're insatiable," she said.

"You can't blame a girl for trying."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing," Jade said. She paused for a moment. "Well, I guess it's goodbye to all that," she murmured. "I'm finally getting out of the Closet." She pulled the door shut with a final click, and turned to Tori. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

"Then let's go." She bowed. "After you, Miss Vega."

"No, after _you_ , Miss West."

And they made their way down the corridor, giggling, towards the future.

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**Well that concludes what you might call the L.A. side of the story. I'm not sure where we'll go from here, whether we'll take a look at what they get up to once they've moved in together and maybe catch up with our nemesis Carla, or find out what happened with the rest of the gang over Jade's birthday party. Thoughts, comment, etc always welcome. Bye for now.**


	28. Cracks

**Hi, here's the epilogue. It was getting kind of long, so I split it up.**

****As always, all comments welcome.** **

.

.

.

_Jade paused and looked at the coffee cup on the counter top. It had a floral pattern, delicate blue flowers traced around the rim. It was in some ways symbolic of their new, and disparate, approaches to shared living. Tori had insisted on buying a whole new set of cups because nothing said 'grown up' like matching crockery, and then, having done so, was happy to leave them laying around the apartment, unwashed, half-full, covered in lipstick. Jade on the other hand couldn't care less about whether the cups matched, but her new drive for tidiness required that they spent their lives lined up against the wall in military formation, handles pointing to the right for maximum efficiency. She sighed, and minutely adjusted it to match the others._

_It hadn't been easy. When they'd lived together in L.A. it had been in a flurry of emotion, her discovery of her attraction to Tori, the fallout from Carla, the rawness of their new-found relationship. They hadn't cared to think about anything much, because they'd lived in the present, every day a new chapter, a new revelation. The world had welcomed them and indulged them as lovers. But here it was different. When Tori had said that it was a conservative town, she hadn't fully appreciated what that meant._

_._

_._

_._

She'd been terrified, that first day. Not by the idea of starting a new course, but by the fact she was going to have to meet people, by the prospect that she might find herself in the same position she had at her old school, disliked and shunned, only this time there'd be no escape from it. She couldn't run away to see Tori because Tori was just down the hall, and this place was now her life. She'd dressed conservatively but professionally, sporting a pair of plain glasses and a ponytail, to try to avoid the aura of confrontation that she's assumed had got her off on the wrong foot once before, but she couldn't entirely escape the nagging suspicion that it wasn't the way she acted or dressed that people took exception to, it was just _her,_ that for whatever reason, people just didn't like her. She'd reached down to take Tori's hand, looking for reassurance, but Tori had moved it away, instead opting for a friendly hug, and sent Jade on her way feeling distinctly uneasy.

In the end her morning hadn't been too bad. She'd done all the right things, shaken hands, flipped her hair flirtatiously, pretended to be interested in other people's opinions, dismissed her own achievements with a demure shrug and a self-deprecating smile. She'd even laughed at their terrible jokes. In short, done her best to be a people person. And it had worked to a degree - she'd been invited to a couple of parties, had an interesting if baffling discussion on the Belgian electro-grunge scene, and narrowly swerved a box social with the young Christian association.

But it was exhausting. She wondered how Tori managed to keep this up the whole time. By the time they'd met for lunch she'd been ready to lose the glasses, rip out the ponytail, and shred a couple of passing freshmen just for old-time's sake.

So..?"

"Awful."

Tori looked crestfallen. "You don't like the course?"

"The course is fine. It's the people."

"What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing. They're very nice."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem, Tori, is that I have to be nice back."

"Ah."

"I mean, I could stand a morning of it, but I don't think I can take the strain for a whole year."

Tori laughed. "Poor you," she said. "I'll tell you what, when we get home you can be as nasty as you like to me, just to make up for it."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll even make you some cold coffee to dump on my head."

"Aww," Jade smiled indulgently. That's so sweet of you."

"I'm all heart."

Jade reached out to give Tori's hand a squeeze, and felt the other girl stiffen at the touch, her eyes flickering warily around the room. She withdrew her hand. "Oh."

"I'm sorry," Tori said. "I'm just not used to... you know, here."

"Great," Jade said, glumly. "Well, this is going to be a blast then, isn't it?"

"Oh, come on," Tori said. "It's not a big deal. We just have to be cool in school. Hey! 'Cool in school'. That rhymes."

"Eat your heart out, Walt Whitman."

"Don't be such a grouch. Look, I promise, as soon as we get out of here, you can grope me as much as you want."

"I don't want to grope you, Tori, I just want to be able to hold your hand."

"You don't want to grope me?"

"Well..."

"Then race you to the car. We'll be back in time for class."

So Jade had reluctantly accepted that things were going to be that way, that to the rest of the school they were just friends. And that had its compensations - partly because it allowed her to pull pranks on Tori that should have earned her a stern look from a real-life girlfriend, and partly because it was nice to re-live their schooldays as they might have been, as two friends hanging out without the animosity that had plagued them at Hollywood Arts. And in some ways the subterfuge appealed to Jade, and made their return to privacy in the evenings more of an event - so eventful, sometimes, that they never made it out of bed to eat dinner. But it had its downside too, in her having to stand there grinding her teeth as Tori politely turned down unwanted advances from guys trying to hit on her, whilst at the same time counting on the thumbs of one hand the number of guys who tried to hit on _her,_ and wondering whether the idea of _geek chic_ was somewhat overrated - one day, she promised herself, she'd lose the glasses and come into college in all her gothic glory, and then we'd see who got hit on and who didn't. Not that she was interested, but a girl likes to know she still has it.

As it was, she had to save her 'glory' for the evenings. It was a conservative town, but that only lead its more liberal members to find other ways to party – this wasn't, after all, the nineteen-fifties, and there were places you could go, a small but thriving LGBT subculture bubbling just beneath the surface, mixing happily with a thriving underground music scene, and if you knew where to look you could find places that gave the L.A. clubs a run for their money. No problem.

Except there was a problem.

The problem was that the places they could go, like the Green Door club, which demurely closed its doors to the public at ten o'clock only to reopen them at midnight for a 'private function', were also the places _Carla_ was likely to be, and so, like it or not, Carla was now a weekly fixture in their lives. This wouldn't matter so much if they ignored each other, but from the moment Tori entered there would be a constant game of cat and mouse between her and Carla, as Carla sought to catch her eye with a smirk, and Tori ostentatiously ignored her, while still casting backward glances when she thought Carla wasn't looking. Jade had tired of this pretty quickly, and announced her intention to go over and reduce Carla to a hank of hair and a pile of teeth, but much to her annoyance Tori wouldn't let her, and so the game continued, Carla watching like a hawk, waiting for Tori to look her way, Tori equally determined to catch her unawares.

And after a while Jade began to wonder if Tori wasn't enjoying it in some way, that she wanted the attention, wanted Carla to look, wanted to make her jealous. She told herself it was stupid, that Tori wouldn't do that, but her brain hadn't lost any of its malice towards her, and kept clearing its throat, and nudging her, and saying things like _that's a nice dress, I wonder who she's wearing it for?_ and generally making a nuisance of itself. The lowest point was when she'd come home one day and seen Carla on the street, walking away from the apartment. There was no reason, no reason at all, to suspect she'd actually been in it, but just the sight of her had fired up all kinds of rage that she'd had to take out on the steering wheel, followed by a trip to the repair shop to have the airbag replaced.

It had to stop. _This is exactly the kind of shit you used to pull on Beck_ , she told herself. The kind that actually _drove_ him to do it, for fuck's sake. Tori wouldn't do that. And so she'd reigned in her jealousy, given herself a stern talking to, and for a while all was well.

_._

_._

_._

There was one cup missing. She knew which one it was, of course. It was her cup. She rooted around in a cupboard, and found it hidden behind a cereal box. She retrieved it and set it on the counter. It wasn't a pretty cup. It didn't match the others. It was a cup of quite remarkable ugliness, a cup that looked as though it had been crafted by a potter who hated the world. It was, in every sense of the word, hideous, and she didn't blame Tori for hating it. But it was hers. She'd found it in a junk shop, sitting alone on a shelf as though shunned by the items around it, and it had felt like the perfect parallel to how she'd felt at the time. So she'd bought it and brought it home to the Closet, and used it every day of her life from then on. In Tori's eyes, it was an abomination, and she done everything she could to subtly remove it from their lives, and so Jade was constantly finding it in a drawer, or a cupboard, or under the sink, or any one of a dozen places where Tori could claim she'd absent-mindedly put it but secretly hoped it would be lost. And Jade had repeatedly retrieved it without a word and put it back in its place.

Jade had lived alone for a long time, and was used to pleasing herself, to organizing her life the way she wanted it, to having the final say on a committee of one. Tori on the other hand had lived almost continually in someone else's shadow – her parents, Trina, Carla – and now she was flushed with the first taste of freedom, and Jade didn't really want to stomp all over it. She sometimes wondered whether she was going too far, whether her determination not to trample on Tori was making her come across as weak, or obsequious. Not to Tori, but to the beast that lay within - she had an awful feeling that old Jade was looking down on new Jade, and despising her.

Well, the old Jade could go fuck herself, she'd decided. Old Jade had nothing, old Jade had driven everyone away and sat sulking in her shell. New Jade – new Jade had everything. New Jade had love and respect, even a family of sorts – it turned out that, despite everything she believed about herself, Tori's parents quite liked her – but more than that, she had Tori. And old Jade could never have had that, would never have known what it was like to be the cause of her smile, to see her face light up at a compliment. Old Jade would never have felt the texture of her skin, or the touch of her hand. Old Jade would never have seen her step from the shower, naked as the day she was born, would never have heard the beautiful, perfect little whimper as she came, toes curling, on the sofa in the heat of a Sunday afternoon. No, old Jade would never have had any of that. So screw old Jade.

Because she loved Tori. And that made everything different, made the world a better place. And it didn't matter that her walls were crumbling, that her domain, once so secure, was now open to invasion. Because it was worth it.

But now Tori was up to something. Jade could tell. She was secretive and easily startled, whispered conversation, phone calls ended the moment Jade entered the room. The phone itself, once left unlocked in a spirit of openness and honestly had now become locked again, a constant companion as Tori moved from room to room. And It left Jade in turmoil. Have it out with her, her brain said. But have what out? She had no proof, and accusing her of anything would leave a unpleasant stain on their relationship. In some ways, the worse the crime that she suspected Tori of, the more she didn't want to know, the more she couldn't face the reality. She'd rather play the piano as the ship went down, pretending it wasn't happening, than make a dash for the lifeboats and watch. And what was it she suspected, anyway? What could Tori possibly be doing that she didn't want Jade to know about? It was probably just Tori's mom, asking if they wanted to come for dinner, and Tori was trying to put her off without making Jade feel guilty for not wanting to go. Or maybe Tori was trying to find a way to get round the 'no-pets' rule in the apartment, a rule declared on the lease and enforced by Jade. All of these things were ridiculous, of course, but concentrating on them kept her mind off the real nightmare that lurked somewhere in the restless 3 a.m. slot of her mind..

She looked at the cup. She knew Tori would never break it deliberately, and loved her for it, but the fact remained that this cup wouldn't be long for this world, a deep crack ran across the top of the handle, and it wouldn't be long before it fell off and dumped hot coffee in her lap. But for now it was still alive, so she placed it carefully next to its step-sisters on the counter, like the ugly duckling in a line-up of swans.

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It was her birthday. Jade wasn't normally one for celebrating, especially since the disaster of her first, and only, party, but she'd always thought of Tori as a fan of birthdays, and so she'd expected to be have to reluctantly accept a day of pampering and presents, and all-round jolliness. In fact, she'd secretly been looking forward to it, to eradicating the memories of previous birthdays by letting Tori force her to have a good time. But Tori seemed strangely distracted, uninvolved, and on the few occasions Jade had raised the subject, she'd handwaved it away with a promise of dinner or something, before wandering off, staring vaguely at her phone. Even when the day itself arrived, there was a card, and breakfast in bed – and then _other_ things in bed that left her week-kneed and panting as Tori emerged grinning from under the covers – but no talk of a present or dinner or plans, just a cheery goodbye at the college gate. It didn't matter, she told herself, they were adults, she didn't need ribbons and candy and a badge with her age on it or any of that stuff, but it left her feeling a little hollow. A couple of days earlier she'd received a gift from her dad, a handsomely bound copy of Plato's 'Republic', which made her wonder if he'd taken leave of his senses until she opened it up to find it actually contained a small bottle of Scotch and a check for five hundred dollars. But other than that, there was no one else to care.

She had two classes, then realized she'd left her assignment at home, so she decided to skip back and get it - Tori had said she had a tutorial over lunch, so she wouldn't be seeing her anyway, and she could come back in time for her afternoon workshop, sparing the time-dilating tedium of eating on her own. She drove back to the apartment.

She was just about to put her key in the door when she heard a sound, the scrape of a chair, maybe, or a cupboard closing, any one of a million sounds that go unnoticed every day, that signify nothing but the presence of a human being. There was someone in the apartment.

She stood, debating what to do. She wasn't sure if she was up to tackling intruders – there was a big difference between cat-fights and scaring freshmen, and taking on a six-foot burglar. Maybe she should call the police.

And then she heard the giggle. She froze, straining to hear. It was unmistakably Tori's, a low, seductive, secretive sound she'd hear a thousand times before. The question of what Tori was doing home in the middle of the afternoon sniggering to herself was one she didn't have time to contemplate before she heard another giggle. Female, but not Tori's this time.

There was someone else there.

She backed away, feeling the blood draining from her face. She'd never been so lost, so helplessly unsure of what to do. She should go in there and find out what was going on, but somehow she couldn't, couldn't open the box, collapse the wave, reduce the probability to a single truth. She backed away, further and further down the corridor, until she was running, faster, down the stairs, through the lobby, out of the building into the harsh sun. It wasn't until she was in the car, driving towards nowhere, that she caught a hold of herself.

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it wasn't Carla, just a friend. There were thousands of people in this town, and common sense said that half of them were women. It could be anyone. Maybe Tori had come home to collect her own assignment, and been waylaid by someone collecting for charity, or the building agent. A neighbor. Anyone. Maybe she'd arranged to have the apartment fumigated.

But the laughter struck the wrong note. It wasn't a polite laugh, the kind you might muster when an old lady tells a slightly off-color joke, or the barista gives you the same old patter he uses every day. It was a giggle, deep and dirty, the kind you only share with someone you know well. The kind that means you understand one another.

The kind you share when you have a secret to keep.

.

.

.

It preyed on her mind all afternoon as she tried to rationalize it away, but the one question that kept rolling around in her brain was, _what would she do?_ If Tori was cheating on her, what did that mean? Was Tori planning to leave her? Or was this just a fling on the side? A treacherous part of her said, _you don't want to know, if you ignore it, maybe it'll pass, and you can carry on as if nothing had happened_. And it was true that the thought of having it out with her, of the tears and recriminations, of either living with the thorn in her side for the rest of her life or packing her bags and leaving, was too much. But she knew she could never do that, never be the cuckold, turn a blind eye, know that they were laughing at her behind her back.

And then another, less vicious part of her brain said – _would Tori do that?_ Tori knew first-hand how it felt to be cheated on, and even if she hadn't, did she really have it in her? Tori had always been open and honest with her, it was the very basis of her personality. The only thing Tori had ever lied to Jade about was the fact that she'd been in love with her at school, for Christ's sake. Would she really turn around and do something so cruel, so out of character? And then the familiar backwash of self-loathing came crashing in – _how could you, Jade? How could you doubt her after everything that's happened? How low, how despicable a human being would you have to be to think she'd want to hurt you with the one person who'd caused you both so much pain? Do you think so little of her? Or do you just want it to be true because you can't bring yourself to believe someone so perfect could love you?_

Fuck. She needed to see Tori. She need that badly - just to see her face, look into her eyes, see the truth and know that everything was going to be okay. But where was she now? Whatever Tori was up to, she'd have to head back to college in time for Jade to pick her up, and she couldn't risk leaving her stranded.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed.

.

_Hi babe – don't wait for me, class was cancelled this afternoon (yay!), so taking the bus. See you at home xxxxxxxx_

_P.S. Happy Birthday!_

_._

She stared at it. Maybe that explained everything. If Tori had gone home early, and the message had sent late, then there could be a perfectly innocent reason for her to be back at the apartment, no subterfuge intended. But then who had she been talking to? She peered more intently at the characters on the screen, trying to glean any hidden meaning. Were there more kisses than usual? Or fewer? Was that better, or worse? Was she covering up by trying to be more effusive? Should there be more exclamation marks if she really meant it? Or – and this was just a possibility - was Jade just sitting at a desk like an idiot, ignoring a lecture she was paying good money for, trying to decipher a hidden meaning that wasn't there? She slammed the phone down on her book in frustration, causing a few sidelong glances, and drummed her fingers. Her new college-friendly persona wouldn't let her disrupt the lesson, but luckily old Jade was still there just below the surface, ready for action. She stood up. "Gotta go," she announced loudly. "Move it," she hissed to the student blocking her way. " _Now_."

By the time she reached the apartment, she'd taken out a lot of her frustration on other drivers, leaving a trail of abuse ringing in the ears of the cross-town traffic. She bounded up the stairs, trying not to give herself time to think. _Just go with it_. She put the key in the lock, and opened the door.

.

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**So, is Jade in for an unpleasant surprise?**


	29. The Sun and the Moon

**My apologies for posting on Christmas day, I'm sure you've all got better things to do than read this :)**

**.**

**Anyway, Merry Christmas, and thanks for your reviews.**

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She saw Beck first, and stumbled. What the hell was he doing here? And then her tunnel vision widened, to take in André, and Cat, and finally Tori, stood around the kitchen table. They looked up, surprised, and it slowly dawned on her. This was what all the secrecy and phone calls had been about. Tori wasn't having an affair at all. Despite everything she'd said, Tori had invited them over. And somehow it made her even more furious to think that she'd gone through all that anguish, all that pain, just for this, just for Tori to ride rough-shod over her objections so that she could make everyone 'friends' again. She felt her anger begin to rise.

Because that was Tori all over, wasn't it? This was the flip-side of Tori's devil-may-care, 'sharing' attitude to life – she carried it over into other people's, too. No privacy, no boundaries, no sense of keeping her nose out, because Tori always knew best. Tori was always convinced that if she just got everyone together to talk about things, everything would be just peachy, and it didn't matter if those people didn't want that, if it hurt them or made them angry, just so long as Tori got to feel smug about doing the right thing. That was just the way she'd been at school, she told herself. Little Miss Smug-Pants, always fixing things.

Somewhere, in the blackened shell of her soul, 'new' Jade was ringing alarm bells like crazy and yelling something about jumping to conclusions, but it didn't matter now, because _old_ Jade was back in the driving seat.

"I see you've got company," she said, coldly.

"Jade..."

"Don't mind me, I only live here."

"Jade..."

"Although I thought you might at least have _told_ me, then I could have made other plans. You know. On my birthday."

" _Jade_..."

"But never mind, you just go ahead and have your little-"

Tori strode across the room. "Excuse us." She dragged a protesting Jade out into the corridor and pulled the door closed behind them. As soon as they were alone, Jade turned on her.

"So this is what you were laughing about when I came home at lunchtime," she fumed. "I should have known."

"I… Wait, you came home?"

" _Yes_ , I came home. And you know what I heard? You, giggling away behind this door, while you were stabbing me in the back. "

"How could I stab you in the back from behind a door?"

"Metaphorically, Tori. You were _metaphorically_ stabbing me in the back," Jade said. "By laughing it up with some other giggly, backstabby little traitor."

"That was Cat."

"Well I know that _now,_ don't I?"

"So why didn't you come in?"

"Because at the time I thought you were…"

"What?"

"Never mind," she snapped. "The point is, you lied to me."

"Oh, come on, Jade. It's for your own good."

"How?" Jade said, affronted. "How is this for my own good?"

"Because you need to sort things out with them."

"I don't _want_ to sort things out with them!" Jade said. "Weren't you even listening to me? I said I never want to see them again! I was pretty specific about it, if I recall. The word 'screw' was involved, and the word 'them'. Screw. Them. What part of that says I want to sort things out? None of it, that's what."

"If you'd just calm down-"

"I am calm!" she thundered. "You know, this is just you all over, isn't it? Always seeing the best in people. Well there is no 'best' in some people, Tori, especially not in those three, and if you think it makes me feel any better to know that you can just snap your fingers and they all come running, when they wouldn't even give me the time of day when I-"

"They never got the invites."

"-wanted them to come to my…What?"

"The invites. They never got them."

Jade looked confused. "You sent invites?" she said. "Jeez, Tori, how long have you been planning this?"

"Not _my_ invites!" Tori rolled her eyes. " _Your_ invites. The invites to your party. They didn't get them."

"They..." There was a long silence while Jade processed this. "Bullshit," she said, finally. "I sent them out. I wrote them, I posted them myself."

"I know. But they didn't get them."

"How could they not get them?"

"How the heck should I know?" Tori said, exasperated. "Maybe the mail truck crashed, maybe there was a mix-up at the sorting office, maybe some lunatic set fire to the mail box." Jade pursed her lips. She had, on occasion, done that very thing, and the thought that she might have been potentially responsible for her own downfall she decided to keep to herself. "The point is," Tori went on, "they never got them, and neither did I."

"You?"

"I asked my mom. And if you think my mom doesn't know about everything that goes in and out of our house, then you don't know her."

"But-"

"No 'buts', Jade. They didn't get them. End of story."

Jade felt her face grow hot. "Well they could have at least _called_ ," she said, sulkily.

"How?" Tori challenged her. "How could they call? They didn't even know they were supposed to be there!"

"They knew it was my _birthday_ ," Jade countered, unwilling to let go of a resentment that had festered for so long. "Or at least Beck and Cat did."

"I see. And did you call them on _their_ birthdays?"

"Well, no."

"Why not?"

Jade folded her arms and pouted. "I was kind of busy."

Tori threw up her arms in an _I-rest-my-case_ way. "Then what the heck did you expect?" she said. "They didn't call you, you didn't call them. No one's to blame, Jade. People lose touch, sometimes, that's the way it is. The only difference is, unlike you, they haven't been harboring a life-long grudge in their bitter little hearts about it. They were really happy to come here, because they actually _wanted_ to see you. When I told them what happened with the party and everything, they were horrified. And in Cat's case, terrified," she added.

"Terrified?"

"That you'd be mad with her and lose your temper."

"I don't lose my temper!"

"Really? Then why are we stood yelling at each other in the corridor?"

"I dunno. You dragged me out here. I was in the middle of a party."

"You… you…" Tori clenched her hands into tiny fists. "Right," she said. "Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go in there, and you're going to make nice with them, because they've come a long way to see you, and then you're going to have fun whether you like it or not."

"Fine. But I still think-"

"Go." She shoved a resisting Jade back through the door into the apartment, where they realized that it was entirely possible the others had heard every word through the paper-thin woodwork. Beck seemed to sense this.

"Wow," he said. "That's a… sturdy door." There was silence. He nudged André.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," André finally caught up. "That _is_ a sturdy door. That is one quality piece of workmanship, right there. Solid as a rock. We thought you guys had gone for coffee or something, it was so quiet."

"But I heard-" Cat began, until André trod on her foot. "Ow!"

Jade cleared her throat. "It seems," she said, feeling the heat rising in her face, "that there's been some kind of… mix-up."

"Tori told us about your party," Beck interrupted. "I'm real sorry. I should have called anyway, invite or no invite. The truth is, I didn't know what kind of response I was going to get, and I kept putting it off, and then things were kind of... difficult at home."

Jade raised an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise?" she said, a touch acidly.

Beck rubbed the back of his neck, as he always did when he was on the spot. "Kind of, yeah."

Somewhere at the back of her mind, old Jade said, _good_ , but new Jade couldn't. "It's okay. I understand."

"And I _would_ have called," André said, "only you'd never actually tell me when your birthday was."

She turned to him. "It's fine, honestly."

"And I didn't call because you told me never, ever to wish you 'happy birthday'," Cat chipped in.

"It's all… what?"

"You said that every birthday is just another milestone along a long and lonely road to the grave," she said, "and that anyone who says 'happy birthday' to you is basically saying they wished you were dead."

"I said that?"

"Uh huh," Cat nodded. "I remember. You wrote it in big letters across the front of my school book."

"Oh."

"And a lot of my arm."

"Um…"

"And some of my face."

"Crap. Sorry."

"It's all right," Cat said, brightly. "My brother said I looked like the girl with the dragon tattoo."

"Look," André said, "we all should have tried harder, we shouldn't have things slide. But you know how it is, Jade, things change - you get to college, it's kind of hectic, new people, new places, it's easy to get lost in it all. When you're at school, you see each other every day, and you forget that it takes an effort to stay friends. I hadn't talked to Tori in months before she called. We're all sorry about your party, we really are. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But we didn't do it on purpose."

"Right." Jade shuffled her feet and avoided Tori's eye. She cleared her throat again and drew herself up to her full height. "In that case," she said, magnanimously, "I forgive you all."

There was a slight cough from Tori's direction. "And also," she added, reluctantly, "I'm sorry for being kind of a crappy friend."

No one moved. Jade sighed, and turned her head to one side, giving an almost imperceptible twitch of her arms that Tori recognized as an invitation to, or at least the acceptance of the _possibility_ of, a hug.

Cat saw it too, but hesitated. "Is it a trap?" she whispered to Tori.

Jade rolled her eyes. "No, it's not a trap," she said, grumpily. She huffed and retook her _receptive-to-hugs_ position, and this time there was no hesitation as a red-headed thunderbolt hit her smack between the ribs. "Oof."

The others moved in, and for the first time the atmosphere in the room began to thaw and grow warm with friendship, as Jade accepted their embraces with a feigned reluctance and a shine in her eyes. And only Tori saw the single tear that fell. A single tear, barely enough to bend a lash, or dampen her cheek, but enough to wash away a bitterness that had lingered all too long.

Finally they released her, and she brushed herself down, flustered but happy. "Well, I guess now you guys are here, you'd better hang around for a while," she said. "So who wants a drink?" There was a chorus of approval. She clapped her hands. "Tori, drinks!"

"Yay… wait, why me?"

"Because they're your guests."

"But they're here for-"

"Drinks, Tori, drinks!"

.

.

.

 _Friends_. Jade had spent too long without friends. She'd told herself she didn't need anyone, that she'd _never_ needed anyone, and that no one had needed her, either. But Tori had shown her that that wasn't true, that other people had cared about her, and now she realized that she'd cared about them, too, and that what she'd thought of as being her strength was really her weakness, that she was the one missing out. For all her feigned nonchalance, she couldn't help but feel a lump knotting at the back of her throat as she looked around.

How easy it was to lose touch, how easy it was to get a text and tell yourself you'll answer later, then tomorrow, then it's on your 'To-Do' list, then it isn't, then it's gone. And the weeks stretch into months, and the months stretch into years, and before you know it someone who was a huge part of your life is just someone you used to know.

She knew, at the back of her mind, that they weren't really here for her, they were here for Tori – she attracted people like planets around the sun. But she felt grateful nonetheless, to still be part of something she thought had gone forever, to still be worth the attention, to be the moon to Tori's sun, reflecting borrowed light. And she didn't mind that, being the moon to Tori's sun.

Because the sun doesn't hide, it has no choice but to shine. But the moon has a dark side, that no one can see.

She was interrupted in her reverie by Beck. "Hey."

"Hey," she said. She wondered if Tori had asked Beck how things stood between them before she'd invited him. "So, things didn't work out with, er…"

"Jennifer."

"Yeah. Her."

"No." He shrugged. "It turned out we just weren't …compatible."

"What, your plug didn't fit her socket?"

"Jade."

"Hey, it's my birthday, I'm allowed to be gross."

He looked uncomfortable, and Jade had to remind herself he hadn't had to come here. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want you to be unhappy. You had enough of that with me. You deserve something better."

He smiled, softly. "I think the only time I really _was_ happy was with you." He reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Tori, apparently sensing clear and present danger from across the room, appeared, and skillfully inserted herself between them. "Hey!" she said. "Hi." she dragged Jade to the middle of the room. "Guys, we have something to tell you."

Jade groaned. It dawned on her that Tori hadn't told André the whole truth. The others waited expectantly.

"Yes, well," Tori went on, "I just wanted to say… and you're going to think this is crazy, and sometimes I think it's kind of crazy myself, I mean, I never would have thought … well, anyway, what I'm trying to say is…"

"Come on, Tori," André said. "I've gotta catch a flight tomorrow."

"Okay. Well the thing is…"

"We've done that part."

"…the thing is, me and Jade, we're not really roommates."

"You're not?"

"No. Well, we are, obviously, Jade lives here with me, but the point is, she doesn't _just_ live with me. She… lives _with_ me, if you know what I mean."

No one did.

"I mean she _lives with me_ ," Tori persevered desperately, while Jade wished the ground would open up and swallow her, "as in, we live together." She felt Tori's hand slip into hers. "As in…" The grip tightened. "We're a couple."

She felt the grip tighten further, and glancing sideways saw that Tori actually had her eyes shut, bracing for impact.

There was a very long silence, finally broken by André.

"Well, shut the fridge!" he breathed. "Really?"

Jade swung their joined hands upwards, wiggling her fingers. "Really." She nudged Tori, who cautiously opened one eye.

"No kidding?"

"No kidding."

"Hot damn!"

"I don't get it," Cat said. André leaned down and whispered something in her ear. She frowned. "I still don't…" And then her eyes bulged and she clapped her hands to her mouth. "Oh my God!"

"Cat…" Jade warned, but it was too late, as Cat erupted into giggles.

"You two?" she shrieked. "You two are-"

"Yes." Jade started to blush furiously. She'd never in her life felt more exposed, more on-display than this, standing hand in hand with Tori in front of the others, knowing exactly what they were thinking. _All through school, you told us you hated each other. And now look at you. You pair of absolute liars._

"I knew it!" André exclaimed, gleefully, confirming her suspicions. "I just knew there was something going on between you two!"

"What?"

"At school! All that fighting and trash-talking, that was just a cover, you two totally had the hots for each other!"

"No, we didn't!" Jade glanced at Tori, who'd gone a little red, and remembered that for Tori at least, some of this was true.

"Yeah, you did," André laughed. "You've been busted, muchacha! _Hooeey._ There's no wonder you two spent so much time in the janitor's closet."

"André!" Jade hissed. She was looking at Beck, who wasn't laughing at all. "Beck…"

But it was too late. His face set hard, and before she could stop him he barged past her out of the apartment.

"Shit." Jade gave one last glare at André and set off in pursuit. "Beck! Hey, Beck!"

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**Oh, calamity. Have we snatched defeat from the jaws of victory? Or has Beck just remembered he left the gas on?**


	30. Sealed With A Glasgow Kiss

**Phew. So here we go, the final part of the epilogue. It's been a long haul, but I hope it's been worth it. I feel like I've been writing this forever, I'll be kind of sorry to see it go...**

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A small part of her said, _why are you bothering? What do you care if he feels bad? He hurt you._ And she didn't really know the answer. All she knew was that Tori, in her soppy, well-meaning way, had gone to a lot of trouble to organize this, and she was damned if she was going to let it end in disaster, particularly over something so stupid.

She caught up him by the main door. "Beck!"

He stopped, but didn't turn around. She slowed as she approached, cautious in case he bolted. "Beck?"

He said nothing, but she could hear his breathing slow as he calmed down. "Look," she said, quietly. "It isn't true. What André said in there. There was nothing between us at school. I swear. I would never have done that to you."

There was a tense pause, then she saw his shoulders sag, hear him exhale as his head dropped.

"I know." he said, wearily, turning to face her as he slumping back against the wall. "I'm sorry. It's just… I always knew Tori had a thing for you, not a big thing, but more than just wanting to be friends. I used to feel a little sorry for her sometimes, you know? Knowing that she was crazy enough to think it would go anywhere. And then when André said that, I just… kind of freaked. I thought maybe I'd been wrong all that time, that maybe _I'd_ been the one who was crazy, and that all the time you two had been-"

"We hadn't."

He slumped down against the wall. She slumped down next to him, and for a moment they sat in silence.

"I'm sorry," he said, eventually. "I didn't mean to act like a jerk. I haven't seen you in nearly two years." He smiled, ruefully. "I'd hoped to make a better impression than this."

"You don't need to make an impression on me, Beck, I know you."

"That doesn't sound good."

"I mean I _really_ know you. And you're a good guy. I know that you hurt me and I was really pissed at you, and the old me would have held a grudge a mile wide and you'd be picking your teeth out of the drain right now, but I've changed. I'm different. And if I'm honest, I don't really blame you for it, I was kind of a drag."

"You weren't. You were anything but a drag. It's a pity I only realized it when I hooked up with someone else."

There was silence for a moment. Jade looked down at her hands. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you come here?"

Beck didn't answer right away. "Tori called me, and told me about the birthday party. Said she wanted to sort things out, make things right."

"But why did you come?" Jade pressed. "Weren't you worried about showing up here knowing I might still be mad at you?"

He shrugged. "Maybe," he said. "But it seemed like the best chance to apologize I was going to get."

"What do you mean?"

"If you'd known I was coming, would you have wanted to see me?"

"You just wanted to apologize?"

"Well, yeah."

"Is that all?"

He paused. "Well, I guess I did hope that maybe…"

"We'd get back together?"

He sighed. "Yeah. Don't look at me like that," he said defensively, at Jade's raised eyebrow. "Tori didn't tell me you guys were dating. I wasn't trying to split you up. I just thought that if you were single, and so was I, then there might still be a chance, that's all. I wasn't expecting anything." He laughed. "I certainly wasn't expecting _this_."

"What?"

"You two."

"Is it really that strange? Honestly, Beck, I thought you were a pretty liberated guy, I don't know why you're so shocked by it. You had plenty of gay friends."

"It's not you being gay, Jade, I can handle that. It's the fact that it's _Tori_ , of all people. The one person you used to bitch about more than anything. I mean, how did that even happen?"

It was Jade's turn to laugh. "It's a very long story," she said, "that you probably wouldn't believe."

"Try me."

"We don't have time. We need to get back to the others."

"Why?"

"Because," she said, "my new _girlfriend_ is going to be wondering what the heck I'm doing spending so long down here with my ex- _boyfriend_."

"Ah."

She stood. "Come on."

"I still can't get my head round it, though. You and Tori."

"Well get used to it. Because this isn't a phase, this is for real. I love her, Beck."

"I know, but… Tori. That's just so weird." He frowned. "And also kind of hot."

"You do realize you said that out loud, right?"

"Sorry."

"Just keep your fantasies to yourself, okay?" Jade said. "The last thing I want when we're getting our freak on is to picture you standing over us with your dick in your hand."

"That's really not helping."

"Jesus. Come on, let's get back to the apartment while you can still stand up straight."

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.

They rejoined the others, Jade responding to Tori's anxious look with a smile and a nod. _Everything's okay._ And with that the tension was broken. Cat hugged everyone again, gifts were handed over, and eventually talk turned to other things – college, new friends, new partners, and inevitably to the long and convoluted tale of how Tori and Jade got together – told alternately by the two of them, tumbling over each other, bickering over the details:

"So when I got back to the apartment, Jade had tidied up a little-"

"A little? I'd spent hours doing that! And there were flowers! Did you even _see_ the flowers?"

"So I said, hi, and she said, come in, and then I said-"

"Can we just get to the point?"

"Okay, you tell it."

"Right. So then I told her-"

"That she used my best underwear to kill spiders."

"Once, Tori! That happened once."

"I have to check them every day now before I put them on."

"No you don't."

"I do so!"

"Anyway, then I said…"

And so the evening wore on in a pleasant, and increasingly alcoholic, haze. But Tori seemed a little agitated, Jade noticed, Jade realized that the whole thing must have been a terrible strain on her - weeks of anxiety, compounded by Jade's own stubbornness, and then Beck's reaction, and it dawned on her that she'd hadn't even thanked her, or more importantly, apologized for being such an ungrateful gank about it, and that right now she was probably the worst girlfriend in the world. She waited until Tori separated from the herd and cornered her in the kitchen, opening a bag of potato chips. "Tori?"

"Mmm? Oh hey, I was just…" The bag ripped, sending chips across the floor. "Rats." She bent to pick them up, but Jade stopped her.

"Look, Tori," she said. "I'm really sorry."

"What for?"

"For the way I acted before. I know you were only trying to help me, and you were right. I was an idiot."

Tori smiled, as though a weight had been lifted. "It's okay," she said. "To be honest, I didn't really think it through. Especially Beck, I never thought about how awkward that might have been for you. When he went off-"

"It was fine," Jade said. "I told him André was wrong, and now he's cool with it. He's happy for us." She pulled a face. "A little _too_ happy, if you know what I mean."

"Um, no."

"Doesn't matter. The point is, this is the nicest, most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me, and I appreciate it. Thank you. You have no idea how much I love you, Tori."

"And I love you, too."

"I mean it. I don't think I could love you any more than I do right now, even if you were carved out of hamburger and giving away free scissors."

"That's… a lovely thought."

"What can I say?" Jade said. "I've just an old romantic."

"Right," Tori said. "So you're not mad at me?"

"Of course not."

"Oh."

Jade frowned. "You _want_ me to be mad at you?" she said.

"Well…"

"I mean, I can try, but I'm coming up kind of empty."

"No, you don't have to be mad, it's just…"

"What?"

"I've got something for you."

"A present?"

"… Yes."

"So why do you want me to be mad?"

Tori hesitated. "Because I'm not sure if you're going to like it or not," she said, "and I need your totally honest opinion."

"Hey, I'm always honest. Honest opinions is what I do."

"Liar. You said you liked my cooking."

"I do," Jade said. "Some of it, anyway. The edible parts are great."

"What I mean is, I don't want you to say you like it just because you're in a good mood, or because you love me right now, or because you don't want to hurt my feelings. I want to know how you'd feel about it a year from now, say, when it's raining outside, or we've had a fight, or I'm eating a banana-"

"The banana thing is weird, Tori but I don't get mad at you for it."

"Really?"

"I see it as more of a mental illness."

"Gee, thanks. Anyway," Tori said, "the point I'm trying to make is, I need to know you mean it."

"I'm sure I'll… wait," Jade's eyes narrowed. "It's not a puppy, is it?" she said. "Please don't tell me you've bought a puppy. It's bad enough having Cat here, without two of them bouncing around. And you know what the lease says."

Tori rolled her eyes. "No, it's not a puppy," she said. "Although one day, Jade West, I am going to have one, whether you like it or not."

"Yeah. You can keep it in the stables with the pony you're never going to have, either."

"I thought you loved me?"

"I do."

"Then love me, love my puppy, that's the deal. But no, it's not a puppy, or a kitten, or any kind of wildlife."

"So what is it?"

Tori's eyes flickered from Jade to the door and back again. She took a deep breath. "Come here."

"Where?"

But Tori took her by the hand back out to where the others were standing. She carefully maneuvered the confused girl into the middle of the room, and then patted her down a few times as though she wanted her to be perfect. When she was satisfied, she stepped back to face her, and then slowly, incredibly, got down on one knee. She reached into her back pocket, and pulled out a small box, which she flipped open on the third attempt and held up, the light sparkling from its contents. "Jade West," she said. "Will you marry me?"

Jade's jaw dropped, as Tori went on. "I mean, I know I'm not always the greatest girlfriend, and sometimes I break things, and sometimes I don't pick up around the place or take the trash out, but I love you, and I've loved you for as long as I've known what love means. And maybe you haven't always thought about me that way, but you were willing to give up everything to be with me, so I'm guessing you must love me a little bit, even if I'm not made of ground beef and scissors," she said. "So what do you say? You and me together. Will you marry me?"

Jade found herself swaying alarmingly, unable to speak, her vision contracting until all she could see was Tori's face, beautiful, hopeful, looking up at her anxiously. Her jaw worked soundlessly a few times. Something drastic was called for. "Wait here," she said finally, and ran into the kitchen, leaving a baffled Tori still on her knees surrounded by the frozen faces of the others.

A few seconds later she returned bearing her ugly cup. "Here," she said, thrusting it into Tori's hands. "Break it."

"What?"

"Break it."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to."

"But it's your cup."

"I don't care. Break it. Drop it on the floor."

Tori hesitated, but in the face of Jade's determination she gave in, and dropped it the short distance to the floor, where the handle obligingly fell off.

"There," Jade said, with satisfaction. " _Now_ I'm mad at you." She grinned and dragged the other girl to her feet, cupping her face between her hands. "Yes, Tori, I will marry you. I will marry the hell out of you. Come hell or high water, broken cups and rainy days, anywhere and anytime - I _will_ marry you, Tori, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, even if it means a thousand puppies and a million banana, because I love you, Tori. You're the only thing that matters to me."

And with that she pulled Tori into a kiss, long and deep, and they stood locked together, lost in each other, oblivious to the world.

There was a faint cough. Jade opened one eye. "What, you guys are _still_ here?" she muttered out of the side of her mouth. Reluctantly they broke apart, lips still shining, Tori a delicate shade of pink and swaying deliriously from oxygen deprivation.

There was a moment of silence.

And then Beck laughed and started to clap. André quickly took it up, and then Cat, her hands pattering together like a hummingbird's wings as she bounced up and down on the spot, and Jade found she'd been holding her breath. She barely had time to recover it before the two of them were swamped by congratulations and hugs, and she found herself holding Tori tightly somewhere in the middle of the scrum, knowing that she never wanted to let go.

She exhaled. "This calls for a celebration!"

Andre frowned as his glass. "I thought we were already having a celebration?"

"Pfft, no," Jade said. "That was just me putting up with you guys. I mean a _real_ celebration! With champagne! And caviar! And... other celebratory things!"

"We've got box wine and potato chips, and the pizza place on speed dial."

"Then let's party!"

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And later, as they tumbled into bed, exhausted, after the wine was drunk, and the pizza eaten, and Cat had hugged everyone a thousand times, including the pizza delivery boy, Tori turned to her.

"Happy?" she said, softly.

"Jade allowed herself a smile. "Very," she said. "Best birthday ever. I never realized how much I missed all this."

"And no second thoughts?"

"Second thoughts?"

"About the other thing."

"What other thing?"

"My, that floor looks pretty uncomfortable."

"Ohhhh." Jade grinned. " _That_ other thing." She rolled over until she was on top of Tori, their faces inches apart. "No," she said. "No second thoughts. I want this more than anything. I want _you_ more than anything."

"Good," Tori said. "Because tomorrow you have to call my dad."

"What for?"

"To ask him for my hand in marriage."

"You have got to be kidding."

"Uh uh. He's very traditional."

Jade rolled off again and groaned. "Damn it." She frowned. "Wait a minute," she said, "you proposed to _me_. Shouldn't you be calling my dad?"

"Okay, I will."

"Like hell you will. He's not the boss of me. Okay, I'll call your dad."

"Thank you."

"Although it's going to be pretty awkward if he says no."

"Well then I guess we'll just have to call the whole thing off."

"What? Jeez, Tori, I don't-"

"Relax, I'm kidding. He's not the boss of me either. Anyway, he wouldn't say no. He likes you."

"Does he?"

"Of course he does. They all do. Well, not Trina, obviously, but my mom and dad. Trust me, he'll be over the moon. He'll probably cut you a check for the wedding right there and then."

"Why?"

"Because I'm his daughter and he wants me to be happy."

"Oh. Okay."

"Plus the sooner he knows I'm gone for good, the sooner he can get on with converting my old room into 'the Dave Cave'."

"The 'Dave Cave'?"

"Don't ask."

There was a long, content silence.

"Tori?" Jade murmured.

"Um hmm?"

"Do you have any regrets?"

"What kind of regrets?"

"That we didn't do this sooner. That we didn't get together at school."

"I think… no."

""Why?"

"Because what kind of story would that have been?" Tori said. " _Girl meets girl, the end_. Half a page, at most. You're a writer, would you have been happy with that? No, I'm glad we played it out this way, Jade. It made the prize worth the fight. And everyone gets hurt at least once, I'm glad we didn't do that to each other. This way, we get to be the heroes, the ones who mend each other's hearts, instead of the ones who break them."

.

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_Two weeks later..._

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Carla Brunswick was just leaving the ladies' room of the Green Door club, when all of a sudden, she wasn't.

"Yurp!"

Jade caught her by her jacket, and janked her back through through the door, pushing her into the washroom. For a moment the two of them stood, a few feet apart, Carla glaring at the indignity of being shoved, Jade's face set like stone.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Leave us alone."

Carla snorted. "Make me."

It was all Jade could do not to go for her there and then. "Listen to me, Carla," she said, coldly. "I don't want to hurt you." She paused. "Well, I do," she said, "I want that very much, but I'm not going to, because for some reason Tori doesn't want me to. So I'm talking to you like an adult. Stay away from us, keep your beady little eyes and your shit-eating grin to yourself. Tori's my girlfriend. You lost her. So just suck it up and accept it. We've all got to live in this town."

" _Tori doesn't want me to_ ," Carla mimicked. "Man, you really are pussy-whipped. Tori might have left me, but I rode her ass for a year. Sounds like you can't take a piss withou her permission."

That was it. If Jade had ever had a trigger, it was the suggestion that she was a push-over. Her whole relationship with Beck had been a battle for domination that ended in her pyrrhic victory when he left her. To have this arrogant little shit suggest that she was somewhere below both her and Tori in the pecking order was intolerable.

Carla hadn't expected such swift retaliation, but she wouldn't have stood a chance anyway. Jade had been reheasing this moment in her head since practically the day she'd set eyes on Carla, and the other woman barely had time to register fear before Jade closed the gap, one hand grabbing at the other girl's jacket to accelerate the contact, the hard bone of her forehead colliding with the bridge of Carla's nose with a sickening crunch. Carla reeled backwards, stunned, blood flying, but Jade was still moving forward, a booted heel sweeping her opponents legs away, and in less than a second Carla hit the tiled floor, hard. By the time she was in a position to do anything, Jade was already on top of her, knees pinning her shoulders to the ground, and any fight she might have put up faded away at the realization that there was the tip of an open pair of scissors an inch away from each eyeball.

"Pick an eye," Jade hissed. "Any eye. I'll leave you one so you can watch us walk away."

There was movement behind her, and a familiar voice said, "Jade?"

She groaned. Nothing was ever simple, these days. "Not now, Tori," she muttered through gritted teeth. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Why what are you... Jade!"

"Tori..."

"What the hell are you doing?"

She looked up. To her mind, it was perfectly obvious, she was about to give Carla the beating of her life. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Get off of her!"

"But-"

"Now!" Tori fumed. "Jesus, Jade, what are you thinking? whatever happened to, _I've changed, this is the real world, you can't stab people any more_? Hmm?"

"I wasn't actually going to-"

Carla, realizing the danger had passed, recovered some of her attitude. "Better do what your _girlfriend_ says," she sneered. "Otherwise she'll whup your ass."

That was a mistake, as the full fury of Jade's attention returned. "Why you little..." Her hands were around Carla's neck before Tori had time to draw breath.

"Stop that!"

Jade hesitated, then released Carla, who's head fell back to the tiles, coughing.

"Is that what this is about?" she demanded. "Is that why you're so mad? Because she said you were a push-over?"

Jade said nothing.

"Right, I see," Tori said. She turned her attention to the woman on the ground. "Well, let me tell you something, Carla. Yes, Jade does things for me, yes, she listens to me, and yes, sometimes she even lets me have the last word. Do you know why? It's not because she's under the thumb, or pussy-whipped, or whatever charming little phrase you used to rile her up. Ii's because she loves me, and she respects me, and she cares about me and what I think. Do you even understand that? She'd do anything for me, and I'd do anything for her, because that's what couples do in the real world. It's only in your fucked up imagination that one of them has to treat the other like a doormat, that everything's about who's on top.

"And while we're on the subject, I can tell you this - I'm having the best sex I've ever had, and do you know why? Because unlike you and your lazy-assed selfishness, she actually _cares_ whether I'm enjoying it or not. She actually takes notice of me. Hell, sometimes _I_ get to go on top for a change-" Jade felt her face grow hot, "-because for her it's all about love, and not some dumbass power trip to make yourself feel like the big 'I am'.

"Do you know why I dated you, Carla? I never told you this, because even after everything you did, I still didn't want to hurt you. I dated you because you reminded me of her, because I though maybe I could find what I'd always wanted by dating someone who looked like her. But you're not her, and you never will be. You don't even come close.

"Because she has a heart. It took me a long time to find it, to break through all the layers, and all the defenses, and burrow right down in there, but I found it, becasue I always knew it was there. But you, inside you there's nothing, no heart, no soul, just a screwed up ball of misery and hate. I don't need you anymore, Carla. I don't need a second-rate, cut-price, hollowed out version of what I wanted, because now I've got the real thing, Carla. I've got the girl you'll never be. I've got the hottest, coolest, best goddamn girlfriend there is. So you can just slink back under whatever rock you crawled out from, and stay there."

There was a long, stunned silence. Finally Jade cleared her throat. "Shucks, Tori, I don't know what to say."

Tori was still glaring at Carla, arms folded. "Well, it's true," she sniffed.

"Thanks." Jade shifted her weight causing a muffled moan from beneath her. "You're pretty cool yourself," she said.

"Thanks."

There was more silence. Tori tapped her foot a few times, impatiently. "So are you going to stab her or not?" she said, eventually. "Only it's getting late and I wanna go dancing."

Jade considered this. "I think," she said. "on reflection, maybe not."

"Are you sure?" Tori said. "Because I wouldn't want to tell you what to do."

"No, I'm good."

"I don't mind waiting."

"It's fine, honestly."

"Well, if you're sure..." Tori reached down and helped Jade to her feet. She brushed herself down.

"I think we're done here," she said.

"Great. I'll get my coat."

Tori gave Carla one last thermal glare and left the washroom. Jade moved to follow, but hung back. She turned to the prone figure on the floor, bloodied and dazed, and smiled. "You're right," she said. "I'm not the dangerous friend, anymore." She leaned close. "I'm the dangerous _girlfriend_. And that's much, much worse."

She reached the door, and paused. "Actually," she said, turning back, "I'm the dangerous fiancée. How about that? I'd invite you to the wedding and everything, but Tori said no riff-raff, so..." She shrugged. "See you round, Carla."

And with that she was gone, leaving a confused and defeated Carla laying on the floor, helpless to do anything but listen to the fading sound of their bickering disappearing down the corridor.

_"You've got blood on your... wait a minute, are those my earrings?"_

_"I just borrowed them."_

_"You borrowed my earrings to get in a fight?"_

_"I didn't plan to get in a fight."_

_"You could have taken them off."_

_"How? I could hardly ask Carla to wait, could I? The element of surprise, Tori, that's what counts. You're going to need to learn that."_

_"Me?"_

_"Yeah, if you want to go hunting with me and the kids. Catch the deer, Momma Tori! Raaar!"_

_"Funny. Did you_   _know wolves mate for life? You're kind of stuck with me now."_

_._

_"I wouldn't have it any other way, Tori. I wouldn't have it any other way."_

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_The End_

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**So there we go, that's your lot. Hope you liked it, or at least found it a distraction on a wet winter's night. All reviews welcome, and thanks to those who've taken the time to stick with it. I still don't know whether there'll be any more stories - it may be that Jori has run its course, at least for me. But if I'm going to bow out this seems as good a place as any to end it.**

**But never say never. In the meantime, take care of yourselves, and happy holidays!**


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